November 26, 2010

Print Friendly, PDF & Email

Friday, November 26, 2010        Edition: #4395
More From the Sheethouse!

Dolly Parton tells Larry King she thinks her ‘honorary  18-year-old goddaughter’ Miley Cyrus is being encouraged to ‘act trashy’ and is worried she’s ‘trying too hard to overcome her Disney image’ (hurray, somebody finally said it out loud!) . . . Famous person Paris Hilton has filed a countersuit against a hair extension company that claims she signed a multi-million-dollar contract to promote their hair-extension products and then blew them off (we’ve seen her hair – we’d countersue too!) . . . Reality TV star Kate Gosselin (“Kate Plus Eight”) is denying reports saying 2 of her kids have been expelled from school but admits they are currently home-schooled (as well as disarmed) . . . NYPD wants to interview actor Charlie Sheen in connection with the criminal complaint filed by his infamous Plaza Hotel ‘date’ Capri Anderson (Chuck needs a new PR person to do a better job of managing all this) . . . Ann Lopez, the 17-year wife of late night TV host George Lopez (TBS), has filed for divorce, seeking spousal support and primary custody of their daughter (as well as the return of the kidney she donated to save his life, the bastard!) . . . “Footwear News” reports “Gossip Girl” fashionista Blake Lively has snapped up a whack of shoes from upscale designer Christian Louboutin – 40 pairs, as a matter of fact (final tab estimated circa $9K) . . . And an insider tells “Us Weekly” that since 24-year-old actress Megan Fox has started going to Little League games to watch her 8-year-old stepson (via Brian Austin Green), more men have been attending – just to ‘watch her jumping up & down’ (we always knew she had talent).

• Back to Black Friday – Today’s indie record store promotion is from the people behind the annual ‘Record Store Day’. A number of artists are putting out limited-edition vinyl releases, including U2 (3-track EP “Wide Awake In Europe”), plus Bruce Springsteen, Jimi Hendrix, Metallica, MGMT, Soundgarden, and The Ting Tings.
• “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/A Channel) – Today Ne-Yo (“Libra Scale”).
• “George Stroumboulopoulos Tonight” (CBC) – Tonight Feist (documentary “Look at What the Light Did Now”); Hot Hot Heat (“Future Breeds”).
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – Tonight Atomic Tom (“The Moment”).
• “Keith Urban: Halftime in Real Time” (NFL Network) – Saturday night a documentary taking a behind-the-scenes look at his NFL halftime performance in Dallas on Thanksgiving Day.
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – Tonight She & Him (“Volume 2”).
• “Late Night With Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/A Channel) – Tonight Trace Adkins (“Cowboy’s Back in Town”).
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS/Omni) – Tonight Bon Jovi (“Greatest Hits – The Ultimate Collection”).
• “Live With Regis & Kelly” (syndicated/CTV) – Today Paul Shaffer (“Late Show”).
• “Saturday Night Live” (NBC/Global) – Host Bryan Cranston (“Breaking Bad”); musical guest Kanye West (“My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy”).
• “Soul Train Awards” (BET/Centric) – Sunday Alicia Keys & Usher lead nominations with 4 apiece. Other multiple nominees include Drake, Erykah Badu, Janelle Monae, Monica, Nicki Minaj, and Sade. Performances include: Bruno Mars, Cee Lo, Freddie Jackson, and R Kelly.
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/A Channel) – Tonight Aaron Neville (“Soulful Christmas”).
• “TV’s Funniest Holiday Moments: A Paley Center for Media Special” (FOX) – Tonight “Glee’s” Jane Lynch hosts.

• Beyoncé – Today she releases the DVD “I Am … Tour” exclusively at Walmart stores, featuring live & behind-the-scenes footage from her recent 186-date worldwide trek. The video goes into wide release on Tuesday.
• The Judds – Tonight their 18-date “Last Encore” tour commences in Green Bay WI. Their final reunion tour will wrap December 19th in Phoenix AZ.
• Justin Bieber – Today he releases his unplugged album ‘My Worlds Acoustic” exclusively through Walmart, which includes toned-down versions of previous album cuts plus a freshly recorded track that he did in Hawaii.
• Rascal Flatts – Their new album “Nothing Like This” has debuted at #1 on “Billboard” magazine’s ‘Country Albums Chart’.
• Susan Boyle – She’s managed to hold down the #1 spot on the all-genre album chart for the 2nd week in-a-row with “The Gift”, according to Nielsen SoundScan.

• After a great deal of effort, a 33-year-old Kansas man has managed to track down his birth mother, only to discover … she’s a bearded lady in a circus! The 62-year-old hermaphrodite has worked the sideshow since age 5. The son also happens to have a beard, but it’s not as long as his mom’s!
• A 69-year-old grandmother who got stuck in her Paris bathroom when the doorlock broke has managed to survive solely on tap water …. for 3 weeks! French firefighters finally broke into her home and freed her after a neighbor noticed she hadn’t picked up her mail for a while.
– Agence France-Presse
• A 54-year-old California man has spent 5 days stranded on a deserted island because … he was too embarrassed to use his cellphone to call for help. He survived by eating native plants for several days after his inflatable raft sprung a leak, then finally broke down and called a cousin who contacted the Coast Guard.
– “San Francisco Chronicle”
• A German couple has been hauled into court for violating noise laws because … their bed squeaked loudly during lovemaking. The guy defended himself by arguing, “It was totally normal sex, nothing exciting.” That prompted his partner to sneer, “Thanks, that was nice!” before storming out of the court.

Advocacy group ‘World Against Toys Causing Harm’ (WATCH) has just published its 38th annual list of toys that could be dangerous to kids. This year’s list includes …
• ‘Animal Alley Pony’ … Long fiber hair that can be easily removed & ingested. (Tastes like chicken.)
• ‘Big Bang Rocket’ … Warning on package: ‘May cause damage to hearing.’ (Ya think?)
• ‘Kung Fu Panda Sword of Heroes’ … Rigid, plastic sword & dagger blades. (Harakiri in a box.)
• ‘Spy Gear Split-Blaster’ … A dart gun with 2 ‘adjustable barrels’. (You’ll poke out an eye!)
• ‘Supasplat Splatblaster’ … Game that shoots high-velocity ‘splatballs’ at a ‘target’ (Mom.)
• ‘Walkaroo II Aluminum Stilts’ … Potential for head and other impact injuries. (Wear a helmet!)

Here are some of the most common lies from Dr Dory Hollander’s book “101 Lies Men Tell Women & Why Women Believe Them” …
• “What attracts me most is your mind.”
• “No, I don’t think you’re fat.”
• “Of course I’m listening to what you’re saying.”
• “We’ll split household chores 50/50.”
• “I could never lie to you.
Ask listeners for common lies women tell men. (“I’m just going to the mall for half-an-hour.”)

A new genetic study of Icelandic natives has found a genetic variation in 80 people similar to a variation found mostly in Native Americans. The genetic code has been traced back to 4 women who lived around 1700, but the history of Iceland leads experts to believe that the gene must’ve entered the population hundreds of years earlier. The simplest answer seems to be that some Viking brought back a Native American wife from North America, who then bore the first Viking-American child in Iceland. (And you thought Vikings and Redskins only met in the NFL.)
– “National Geographic”

There’s an overhead screen in Beijing, China that measures 30 meters (98 feet) by 250 meters (820 feet). It is Asia’s largest and the world’s 2nd-largest LED screen at present. This week one man rented the entire giant screen to play a Massively Multiplayer Online videogame (‘MMO’). He paid the equivalent of about $15,000 to do so … just for the unique experience.

The NFL’s Detroit Lions have hosted a Thanksgiving Day game every season since 1934. Dallas Cowboys began hosting an annual Thanksgiving game in 1966.


1976 [34] Joe Nichols, Rogers AR, country singer (“Gimme That Girl”, “Tequila Makes Her Clothes Fall Off”)

1981 [29] Natasha Bedingfield, London UK, pop singer (“Unwritten”, “These Words”)  UP NEXT: The new album “Strip Me”, out December 7th.

1984 [26] Ben Wysocki, Denver CO, rock drummer (The Fray-“You Found Me”, “How to Save a Life”)

TV personality Samantha Harris (“The Insider”) is 37.

Bandleader Paul Shaffer (“Late Show With David Letterman”) is 61; Movie actor Ed Harris (“A Beautiful Mind”) is 60; Rock drummer Matt Cameron (Pearl Jam) is 48; Comedian Jon Stewart (“Daily Show”) is 48; Pop musician (Black Eyed Peas) is 36; Rapper Chamillionaire (“Ridin’”) is 31; Rock musician Rostam Batmanglij (Vampire Weekend) is 27.

• “Black Friday”, the day after US Thanksgiving that’s touted as the biggest single shopping day of the year in America though that’s statistically untrue. The ‘black’ refers to retailers finally turning a profit after spending much of the year ‘in the red’.
• “Buy Nothing Day”, a 24 hour moratorium on holiday shopping (today in North America; tomorrow internationally), created as a protest against outlandish consumption and commercialism, particularly during the holiday season.
• “Canadian Aboriginal Festival”, the 17th annual through Sunday at Copps Coliseum in Hamilton ON, highlighted by tonight’s 12th annual “Canadian Aboriginal Music Awards” gala at the Hamilton Place Theatre.
• “Fish House Parade”, the 16th annual in Aitken MN that showcases fancy decorated fish huts used for ice fishing during the winter. Almost as smelly as the Yukon’s annual ‘Outhouse Parade’.
• “Flossing Day”, a day that truly has ‘strings attached’. (Hey, is that a chunk of spinach between your front teeth?)
• “National Day of Listening”, when we’re encouraged to record a conversation with someone important to us – a relative, friend, teacher, or neighbor. It’s part of “StoryCorps”, an oral history project that allows millions to listen to everyday people on public radio and online.
• “Sinkie Day”, the 20th celebration of the time-honored tradition of eating a snack (or an entire meal) over the kitchen sink. People prone to the practice are known as ‘sinkies’.
• “Tie One On Day”, celebrating the apron and the previous generations of women who have worn one. It was initiated by Ellyn Anne Geisel, author of “The Apron Book”. To participate, tie one on!

• “Freckle Pride Day”, a day to stand up for your spots. Join ‘em all together and you’d have a tan. Or maybe if you connect them they make a picture?
• “International Aura Awareness Day”, the 9th annual observed on the 4th Saturday of November, celebrating the human energy body, or aura, that purportedly surrounds each of us and which changes according to our health, mood, and character.
• “Pins & Needles Day”, a celebration of the fine art of sewing, needlework, cross-stitching, etc.
• “Vanier Cup”, Canada’s 46th university football championship (TSN), being played this year in Québec City (Calgary Dinosaurs vs the hometown Laval Rouge et Or).

• “Banquet for Monkeys”, the 20th annual feast on the last Sunday of November for over 500 simians in Lop Buri, Thailand. The 80-table banquet of fruit barbecues is prepared by 5-star hotel chefs as payback to the critters for bringing the town tourism. (Not to mention aroma.)
• “Decorate Your Dog Day” to help your pooch get into the holiday spirit. (Tomorrow is ‘Get Back at the Master By Leaving a Present in her Slipper Day’.)
• “French Toast Day”. Either bread dipped in egg and fried … or perhaps a big ol’ glass of Champagne?
• “Grey Cup”, the 98th Canadian football championship in Edmonton (TSN), featuring the Montréal Alouettes in their 8th championship game since 2000 vs the Saskatchewan Roughriders, a repeat of last year’s match-up (won by the Alouettes 28–27).

1956 [54] 1st edition of TV game show “The Price is Right” (hosts have included Bill Cullen, Bob Barker and, currently, Drew Carey)

1896 [114] 1st ‘Football Huddle’ (University of Chicago players gather to discuss the hot babe in the 6th row)

1952 [58] Canada’s 1st English-language hockey telecast as Foster Hewitt calls the play-by-play on CBLT-TV in Toronto (Maple Leafs beat Boston Bruins 2-1)

1989 [21] United Way workers in Prince George BC assemble ‘World’s Largest Jigsaw Puzzle’, 1,085 pieces covering 9,739 square feet

[Mon] Cyber Monday (the online version of Black Friday)
[Mon] “CMA Country Christmas” (ABC)
[Mon] Electronic Greetings Day
[Mon] International Day of Solidarity With the Palestinian People
[Tues] Computer Security Day
[Tues] Meth Awareness Day
[Tues] Stay Home Because You’re Well Day
This Week Is … Game & Puzzle Week
This Month Is … Epilepsy Awareness Month


BEFORE – You take my breath away.
AFTER  – I feel like I’m suffocating.
BEFORE – “Saturday Night Fever”
AFTER  – “Sunday Night Football”
BEFORE – Don’t stop.
AFTER  – Don’t start.
BEFORE – Is that all you’re having?
AFTER  – Maybe you should have just a salad.
BEFORE – $60/dozen.
AFTER  – $1.50/stem.
BEFORE – Victoria’s Secret
AFTER  – Fruit-of-the-Loom
BEFORE – I love a woman with curves.
AFTER  – I never said you were fat.
BEFORE – You look so seductive in black.
AFTER  – Your clothes are so depressing.
BEFORE – Oysters.
AFTER  – Fishsticks.
BEFORE – I can hardly believe we found each other.
AFTER  – I can’t believe I ended up with someone like you.
BEFORE – Passion.
AFTER  – Ration.
– Adapted from

Have you ever tried to sneak into a party? What happened?

Why do little boys whine? Because they’re practising to be men.

Today’s Question: According to a recent survey, parents find themselves most often saying THIS catchphrase to their kids.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Money doesn’t grow on trees!

Every silver lining has a hem.

Like this article?

Share on facebook
Share on Facebook
Share on twitter
Share on Twitter
Share on linkedin
Share on Linkdin
Share on pinterest
Share on Pinterest

Leave a comment