Friday, November 4, 2011        Edition: #4623
Wow, You Really Know Your Sheet!

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ: reports that jail-bound Lindsay Lohan posed for a re-shoot of her “Playboy” magazine photo-spread yesterday, and current plans are to have her on the January cover of the mag (word has it her first set of photos ‘weren’t up to standards’) . . . Actress Michelle Williams (“Blue Valentine”) says her pixie haircut is a memorial to ‘the one straight man who has ever liked short hair’, her late boyfriend Heath Ledger (it’s a hair monument!) . . . “Jersey Shore” star Snooki Polizzi tells “GQ” the show purposely focuses on her falling over drunk and smushing with guidos, but there are lots of nights when the cast chills without drinking which they don’t show (yeah, why not feature them sitting around watching TV?) . . . It’s been confirmed the 23rd ‘James Bond’ film will be titled “Skyfall” and will again star Daniel Craig in the lead role, alongside Judi Dench, Ralph Fiennes, and Albert Finney (opening Fall 2012) . . . Brit royal Kate Middleton tops UK “Bazaar” magazine’s new ‘Best Dressed of 2011’ list, beating out the likes of Florence Welch (Florence & The Machine), and actresses Emma Watson and Keira Knightley (the girl’s on a roll!) . . . Brief bride Kim Kardashian has cut short her trip to Australia in the wake of her divorce news (apparently she’s figured another angle on how to make money off it) . . . Constance Meester, mother of “Gossip Girl” star Leighton Meester, tells “In Touch” that she and her son may be homeless by the holidays now that Leighton has stopped aiding them financially (whiny quote: “My car was taken away. My house has gone into default, and we can’t afford food. I only have $26 left.”) . . . “Gossip Girl” actress Blake Lively says ‘it’s embarrassing’ how many pairs of Christian Louboutin shoes she owns, as she buys up to 40 pairs at a time (not so embarrassing that she didn’t blab to all about it) . . . And at this week’s London screening of the new documentary “Michael Jackson: The Life Of an Icon”, his brother Tito insisted that the film proves Michael was ‘a loving man who wanted to change the world’ (… one child at a time).

• “Chelsea Lately” (E!) – Tonight Martina McBride (“Eleven”).
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CHCH) – Tonight Primus (“Green Naugahyde”). Rerun.
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – Tonight Cold War Kids (“Mine is Yours”).
• “Late Late Show With Craig Ferguson” (CBS) – Tonight Imelda May (“Mayhem”).
• “Late Night With Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV2) – Tonight Childish Gambino (“Camp”).
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS/NTV/Omni1) – Tonight Jason Isbell & The 400 Unit (“Here We Rest”).
• “MTV European Music Awards” (MTV) – Sunday Selena Gomez hosts from Belfast, Northern Ireland. Lady Gaga leads nominations with 6. The lineup of performers also includes Bruno Mars, Coldplay, David Guetta, Justin Bieber, Red Hot Chili Peppers, and Snow Patrol. Queen is presented the “Global Icon” award.
• “Saturday Night Live” (NBC/Global) – Host Charlie Day (“It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia”); musical guest Maroon 5 (w/Travie McCoy of Gym Class Heroes).
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/CTV2) – Tonight Mutemath (“Reset”).
• “The View” (ABC/CTV) – Today Susan Boyle (“Someone to Watch Over Me”).


• Amy Winehouse – Producer Salaam Remi promises her posthumous album, “Lioness: Hidden Treasures” due in December, will not be the start of ‘a Tupac situation’, an avalanche of new material. Shakur has had 7 posthumous albums released since his 1996 death.
• The Beatles – On Saturday a molar yanked from the mouth of John Lennon in the late 1960s goes up for auction in Stockport, England. The tooth was given to a housekeeper to pass along to her daughter as a souvenir.
• Coldplay – “Mylo Xyloto” has become their 3rd consecutive album to debut atop both the “Billboard 200” and UK album chart. It’s also set a record for highest first-week album sales on the iTunes Music Store worldwide, breaking their own previous record for “Viva La Vida” (2008).
• Don Williams – Sunday the American Society of Composers, Authors & Publishers honors the country veteran with the “Golden Note Award” during its 49th “ASCAP Country Music Awards” in Nashville TN.
• Faith Hill & Tim McGraw – They have a fragrance ‘combo pack’ coming out in February called ‘Soul2Soul’. That was the name of their tour when they were on the road together. Her scent is said to be a ‘fruity floral’, while his is ‘woody aromatic’.
• Justin Bieber – Another detail of his alleged tryst has surfaced … it reportedly occurred in a backstage bathroom at LA’s Staples Center. That would be the same venue that he rented for a September date with Selena Gomez, where they ate dinner and watched “Titanic” all alone.
• Lady Gaga – She & her mother have initiated the Born This Way Foundation, which will focus on ‘youth empowerment and equality by addressing issues like self-confidence, well-being, anti-bullying, mentoring and career development’.
• Pearl Jam – Tonight they kick off a tour of South America and Latin America in Sao Paulo, Brazil. The 9-stop trek winds up in Mexico City, Mexico on November 24th.
• The Wallflowers – Jakob Dylan tells “Rolling Stone” he’s planning to reunite his band which has been on hiatus while he focused on his solo career. They’ll go back into the studio in January to work on their first album since 2005.


• “A Very Harold & Kumar 3-D Christmas” ( R-Rated Comedy ): The 3rd film in the series takes place 6 years after their Guantanamo Bay adventure as stoner buds ‘Harold Lee’ and ‘Kumar Patel’ inadvertently burn down a prize Christmas tree. Stars Kal Penn, John Cho, Neil Patrick Harris. Shot in Detroit, Michigan.
• “The Son Of No One” ( R-Rated Crime Thriller ): Channing Tatum plays a young cop assigned to a precinct in the working class neighborhood where he grew up and an old secret threatens to destroy his life and his family. Co-stars Al Pacino, Juliette Binoche, Katie Holmes, Tracy Morgan.
• “Tower Heist” ( PG-13 Action Comedy ): Eddie Murphy, Ben Stiller, and Casey Affleck star as a group of hard-working guys who find out they’ve fallen victim to a wealthy business man’s Ponzi scheme (a la Bernie Madoff). Rather than accepting their fate, they conspire to rob the crook’s high-rise residence. The tower in the title is NYC’s Trump Tower.

A compilation of predictions by designers and futurologists for bathroom manufacturer Ideal Standard International on how our loos are likely to become more interactive and connected to the latest info tech …
– Shower curtains may use flexible display technology to allow homeowners to read the news and even watch videos as they get ready in the morning.
– Interactive mirrors might provide tips on how to apply makeup and make video calls to friends or family members.
– Bathers stepping out of their bath could program their floor to replicate the feeling of soft sand, warm Mediterranean stone, or even snow if desired.
– Bathroom walls could be molded to produce washbasins, taps, and lavatories as they are needed.

• Appearance Counts – Keep your vehicle clean, uncluttered, and free of hostile bumper stickers. Forgo aftermarket add-ons like spoilers, tinted windows, and neon undercarriage lights.
• Wave at Cop Cruisers – They’ll either think that you know each other or that you’re acknowledging you were driving too fast, and are signaling that you’re slowing down.
• Never Admit It – Don’t acknowledge you were speeding. When told you were over the limit, give a brief, noncommittal response like, “I see” or “I was not aware of my speed”.
• Plead Not Guilty – Then defer your court date as often as you can. Getting a continuance increases the probability that the ticketing officer transfers, retires, or just doesn’t show up.
• Work the Rules – There are dozens of ways to get traffic violations reduced or dismissed, ie: both officers from a patrol car may need to be in court. The rules vary by region, so read up!
• POI Software – You can download ‘Points-of-Interest’ software onto most auto GPS systems. Among the ‘interesting’ data it reveals … stoplights that are hooked up to traffic cameras.
– “Forbidden Advice” /

A new British study reveals how criminals use technology like Facebook, Twitter, and Foursquare to help commit crimes. A survey of more than 50 former criminals found that 78% used at least one of those sites to aid them in robbing a house. 74% used Google Street View to scope out potential targets before striking. According to the ex-burglars, these are the biggest security mistakes homeowners make …
• Posting their whereabouts on social networks.
• Leaving windows open.
• Leaving valuables out in plain view.
• Hiding house keys near the front door.
• Allowing parcel deliveries to remain outside.

• Chickens absorb vitamin-D from sunshine through their combs.
• Since 1700 the amount of cultivated land on the planet has increased from 7% to 40%, according to researchers at the University of Wisconsin-Madison.


1960 [51] Kathy Griffin, Oak Park IL, stand-up comedian/TV personality (“Kathy Griffin: My Life On the D-List” since 2005)

1962 [49] Jeff Probst, Wichita KS, Emmy-winning TV reality show host (“Survivor” since 2000)

1969 [42] Matthew McConaughey, Uvalde TX, movie actor (“The Lincoln Lawyer”, “A Time to Kill”)

1969 [42] Diddy (Sean Combs), Harlem NY, hip-hop artist (“Shake Ya Tailfeather”)/recording mogul (Bad Boy Records)/fashion designer (Sean John)/TV producer (“Making the Band”)/sometime actor (“Raisin In the Sun”, Monster’s Ball”)

Oldies singer Art Garfunkel (Simon & Garfunkel) is 70; Oldies singer/photographer Bryan Adams (“Summer of ‘69) is 52; Movie actress Tilda Swinton (“Michael Clayton”) is 51; Alt-rock guitarist David Bryson (Counting Crows) is 50; Rock guitarist-keyboardist Jonny Greenwood (Radiohead) is 40; Alt-rock singer-songwriter Ryan Adams  (“So Alive”) is 37; Pop singer-guitarist Kevin Jonas (Jonas Bros) is 24.

TV-movie actress Sally Field (“Brothers & Sisters”) is 65; Classic rock singer Glenn Frey (The Eagles) is 63; Former journalist Maria Shriver (ex-Mrs Arnold Schwarzenegger) is 56; Movie actor Ethan Hawke (“Brooklyn’s Finest”) is 41; Movie actress Thandie Newton (“Crash”) is 39; Model-actress Rebecca Romijn (“X-Men”) is 39; Movie actress Emma Stone (“The Help”) is 23.


• “Children’s Goal-Setting Day”, to encourage parents to foster goal-setting habits in their children’s lives. Children need goals, because they spend altogether too much time goofin’ around – you know – acting like kids.
• “Use Your Common Sense Day”, promoting the idea of using the knowledge and experience which most people allegedly have.
• “World Championship Punkin Chunkin”, the 26th annual 3-day pumpkin-throwing contest held on the 1st weekend after Halloween in Sussex County, Delaware. Competing teams use a variety of pumpkin-launching devices, including catapults, centrifugal machines, and pneumatic cannons. The current overall distance record is 4,483.51 feet (1.36 km), set in 2008.

• “Guy Fawkes Day” in England, a traditional celebration since 1752. It commemorates the 1605 ‘Gunpowder Plot’ when Fawkes-led Catholics attempted to blow up the Parliament Buildings. One of the day’s traditions gives it its nickname … ‘Bonfire Night’.
• “International Men’s Day”, observed on the 1st Saturday of November since 1999. It was initially suggested by former Russian leader Mikhail Gorbachev as a day of global celebration of the social contributions of men, including those to community, family, marriage, and childcare.

• “Daylight Saving Time” in North America officially ends at 2 am. Remember: Spring forward, Fall back. Set your clock back an hour (it’s a long weekend!), then get ready for dim & dark Winter mornings.
• “Eid al-Adha” (aka “Festival of Sacrifice” or “Greater Eid”) begins at sundown, an important 3-day religious holiday celebrated by Muslims worldwide.
• “International Day for Preventing the Exploitation Of the Environment in War & Armed Conflict”, a UN observance since 2001. (Kill people, not flowers!)
• “New York City Marathon”, one of the most prestigious annual runs.
• “Saxophone Day”, commemorating the 1814 birth of Belgium’s Adolphe Sax, inventor of the musical instrument named for him. Sax became wealthy inventing numerous musical instruments, but died in poverty in Paris in 1894.
• “Zero Tasking Day”, always the same day that Daylight Saving Time ends, a day to do absolutely squat with the extra 60 minutes you put on the clock because the real gift for this day is not feeling like you have to do something worthwhile with that ‘extra hour’.

1961 [50] Bob Dylan earns $20 for his first concert at NYC’s Carnegie Hall (only 50 people show up at $2 apiece)

1996 [15] Michael Jackson confirms wife Debbie Rowe is pregnant with his first-born (Michael Joseph Jackson Jr, commonly known as Prince Michael), but denies tabloid reports saying she has been paid to be artificially impregnated and carry the child

2008 [03] Barack Obama is elected the 1st African-American President of the United States


2001 [10] Arizona Diamondbacks become Major League Baseball’s quickest expansion team to win the World Series by beating the NY Yankees in just their 4th season of existence (and costing the Yankees their 4th championship in-a-row)

[Mon] Bittersweet Chocolate with Almonds Day
[Tues] Abet & Aid Punsters Day
[Tues] Young Readers Day
[Tues] Cook Something Bold & Pungent Day
[Tues] Parents as Teachers Day
[Wed] “45th CMA Awards” (ABC)
This Week Is … Fig Week
This Month Is … Runaway Prevention Month


• Get a whole bunch of money, pay off debts.
• Start new retro ‘Toga Fashion’; sell off country’s entire inventory of bedsheets.
• Hit up gullible German cousins for another ‘short-term’ loan.
• Old currency: The Euro. New currency: Souvlaki.
• Clean up cash at the box office with the new movie sequel “My Big Fat Greek Tab”.
• Start collecting 6 centuries of royalties from other countries for inventing ‘democracy’.
• Have every Greek kid adopted by ‘Brangelina’.
• Pitch a new TV sitcom about Greece and the USA called “2 Broke Countries”.
• Debt-schmebt … it’s all Greek to us!

I tried to play my shoehorn, but all I got was footnotes.


Which famous couple would produce the ugliest baby?

Question: When it comes to date-night, both men & women spend about an hour doing THIS.
Answer: Using their phones.


Pretty much all the honest truth-telling there is in the world is done by children.

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