Monday, November 7, 2011        Edition: #4624
Our Sheet Don’t Stink!

• Legendary CBS-TV journalist Andy Rooney has died in NYC at the age of 92 after suffering complications following a minor operation last month. He passed away Friday, just a few weeks after his last broadcast on “60 Minutes”. (In somewhat related news, Zsa Zsa Gabor continues to refuse to go down on the eve of her 1,000th birthday, even though increasing numbers of pieces of her have been removed.)
• Tonight, as a run-up to the debut of “The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn – Part 1” (opening November 18th), “Bella’s Bridal Shower” events are being staged at numerous venues, including select movie theaters. It’s a chance for ‘Twihards’ to celebrate their favorite character’s last days as a singleton. (And an excuse to dress up AFTER Halloween).
• Director JJ Abrams has handpicked Benicio Del Toro to be the villain in his upcoming “Star Trek” movie sequel. The filmmaker has met with the actor about the as-yet-untitled-project, but is refusing to provide details about the role in an effort to keep the script a secret. Chris Pine, Zoe Saldana, Simon Pegg, and Zachary Quinto are all expected to reprise their roles when production on the sequel begins in early 2012. (Unconfirmed rumor we’re starting … it’ll be called “The Trouble With Tribbles”.)
• Pop singer Avril Lavigne’s boyfriend Brody Jenner (a Kardashian step-brother) was admitted to an LA hospital in the wee hours Sunday morning after the couple allegedly became embroiled in a scuffle at a bar. Word has it they were enjoying a night out at the Hollywood Roosevelt Hotel when Lavigne got involved in an argument with another woman. When Jenner attempted to intervene, he was apparently struck on the head with a bottle. Cops were called to the scene but no arrests were made. (How come we don’t get to see THIS stuff on reality TV?)
• Justin Timberlake has confirmed he’s renewed his relationship with actress Jessica Biel following months of speculation about a reunion. They split back in March, but rumors of a reconciliation have surfaced in recent weeks as they’ve been spotted spending a lot of time together. When bluntly asked whether it’s on or off he’s confirmed, “Yes, Jessica is still the most significant person in my life.” (Cuz the groupies are getting fewer and further between.)
– “Sunday Express”
• Justin Bieber & girlfriend Selena Gomez put on a united front Saturday night by attending the “MTV European Music Awards” dinner together, ignoring the claim by 20-year-old Mariah Yeater that he fathered her baby. The “Baby” (hit) maker was presented with the inaugural ‘MTV Voices Award’ in recognition of his charity work. Gomez then went on to host the “MTV Europe Music Awards” last night in Belfast, Northern Ireland. (They could kill this whole scandal in about 10 seconds if he’d take a paternity test.)

• “Conan” (TBS/CTV) – Joe Jonas (“Fastlife”).
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CHCH) – Junip (“In Every Direction”).
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – Lykke Li (“Wounded Rhymes”). Rerun.
• “Late Night With Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV2) – St Vincent (“Actor”).
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS/NTV/Omni1) – Music legends Joan Baez & Kris Kristofferson.
• “Live With Regis & Kelly” (syndicated/CTV) – Michael Bublé (“Christmas”).

• Alan Jackson / Kix Brooks – Yesterday they were enshrined among the newest members of the Music City Walk of Fame in downtown Nashville, Tennessee.
• Coldplay – They’ve invested in electronics firm RB Concepts, which has developed a flashing wristband for fans to wear during concerts and sporting events. They first saw the gizmo at their concert in Madrid, Spain last month and were impressed with how it increased audience participation.
• Keith Urban – He’s scheduled for surgery on his vocal cords later this month, which will require complete voice rest followed by an undetermined period of recuperation. He’s not canceling his performance on the “CMA Awards” this Wednesday, where he’s nominated for ‘Entertainer Of the Year’, however he’s scaling back appearances afterward.
• Lady Antebellum – Hillary Scott is on the cover of the December edition of “Redbook” magazine.
• Lady Gaga – She’s set to appear on the cover of the world’s biggest magazine. The special ‘Larger than Life’ issue of art magazine “Visionaire” will be an astounding 5 ft-by-7 ft, with Gaga on both its front and back covers. The deluxe huge edition will set you back $1,500.
• Madonna – reports she’s launching her own lifestyle brand under the name ‘Truth Or Dare by Madonna’ that will include clothing, fragrances, accessories, footwear, and handbags aimed at women aged 27-to-50.
• Michelle Branch – After a foray into country music, she’ll return to pop again with a new album in 2012 called “West Coast Time”. She tells “Rolling Stone” it has ‘a modern edge’ to it.
• Motley Crue – Frontman Vince Neil’s delayed trial on misdemeanor charges for battery and disorderly conduct is scheduled to get under way today in Las Vegas. He’s pleaded not guilty to the charges stemming from a March altercation with an ex-girlfriend.
• Rihanna – With her latest single “We Found Love” atop the “Billboard” magazine ‘Hot 100’, she has become just the 7th artist in the chart’s 53-year history to tally at least 11 #1 hits.

According to a Bruskin survey, these are the places most people meet their spouses (aside from online) …
• 15% at work.
• 17% at an organized activity.
• 18% at school.
• 32% through a relative or friend.
(Funny how ‘in a single’s bar’ doesn’t seem to come up.)


Start saving today so you don’t ring in the New Year with a VISA hangover. Money expert Beth Kobliner, author of “Get a Financial Life”, offers these tips to avoiding massive holiday debt …
• Budget & Don’t Budge – Figure out exactly how much you can afford to drop on presents without jeopardizing your regular bills. Then, siphon off a little money from each paycheck for the next 6 weeks so you aren’t dipping into your savings or relying on credit.
• Skip ‘Black Friday’ – Holiday spending sprees often lead to over-spending, particularly when ‘limited time’ and ‘while supplies last’ promotions trick you into buying things you don’t really need or want.
• Buy Online – According to a recent study, shoppers are willing to pay about 50% more for stuff they can actually touch, so the free samples and product demos that stores offer during the holiday season can cause a spike in your spending.
– Excerpted from “Redbook”

A BS breakdown of who we are and what we do …
• 84% of blondes consider themselves ‘flirts’.
• 80% of women wear the wrong bra size.
• 59% of us admit we are the ‘jealous type’.
• 64% of us keep our sexual fantasies a secret.
• 57% of us save pretty gift-wrap to reuse.
• 24% of college admissions officers check applicants’ Facebook pages and other online profiles; 20% say they Google applicants’ names.

Most of us will eat 140 lbs (63.5 kg) of sugar and other sweeteners this year, or the sugar equivalent of 6,047 Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups. Some of it is hidden in surprising food items you might not think of. Best-selling weight-loss book “Eat This, Not That!” advises you steer clear of these sugar-packed foods …
• Canned Fruit Products
• Sugary Fast-Food Breakfasts
• Sweetened Breakfast Baked Goods
• Sugar-Coated Breakfast Cereals
• Fruity Ice Creams
• Sugar-Packed Smoothies
• Milkshakes
– Condensed from


A new listing of the absolute worst music for romance, according to a dating website that matches up singles based on their musical tastes …
5. Coldplay
4. Ke$ha
3. Lady Gaga
2. Justin Bieber
1. Nickelback

The first attempt at creating a bathroom air-freshener involved the use of pomegranates studded with cloves.


1918 [93] (William Franklin) Billy Graham, Charlotte NC, evangelist who has preached to more people than anyone else in history (his lifetime audience, including radio and TV broadcasts, tops 2.2 billion)

1943 [68] Joni Mitchell (Roberta Anderson), Fort McLeod AB, pop-folk singer-songwriter (“Big Yellow Taxi”, “Both Sides Now”)/Canadian Music Hall of Fame (1981)/Rock & Roll Hall of Fame (1997)/Canadian Walk of Fame (2000)/Order of Canada (2002)/Grammy Lifetime Achievement Award (2002)

1967 [44] David Guetta, Paris, France, DJ (w/Usher-“Without You”, f/Akon-“Sexy Chick”)/recording producer (Black Eyed Peas-“I Gotta Feeling”, K’naan-“Wavin’ Flag”)

1983 [28] Zach Myers, Memphis TN, rock guitarist (Shinedown-“The Crow & The Butterfly”, “Second Chance”)

1988 [23] Tinie Tempah (Patrick Chukwuemeka Okogwu Jr), London UK, rapper (w/Eric Turner-“Written In the Stars”, “Pass Out”)

• “Bittersweet Chocolate With Almonds Day”. Hey, chocolate with whatever is a good excuse to celebrate, right?

• “International Tongue Twister Day” as in “Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers.” Did you know that Peter Piper is an historical figure? Pierre Poivre was a one-armed French pirate and horticulturist during the mid-1700s. He was notorious for stealing spice nuts (known as ‘peppers’) from Dutch trade ships, and using them to plant his garden. According to the “Guinness Book of World Records”, the most difficult tongue twister in the English language is: “The sixth sick sheikh’s sixth sheep’s sick.” (We say it’s: “I’m not the fig plucker nor the fig plucker’s son, but I’ll pluck the figs till the fig plucker comes.”)

• “Notary Public Day”, honoring the officers who administer oaths and statutory declarations, witness and authenticate documents, and perform certain other acts varying from jurisdiction to jurisdiction. (Almost as exciting as “Accountant’s Day”!)

• “PMS Stress Day”, originally founded in 1995. If you’ve got it, flaunt it. If not, get the hell out of the way!


1991 [20] LA Lakers superstar Magic Johnson, revered as one of the greatest basketball players of all time, announces he’s HIV positive and is immediately retiring from the NBA


2000 [11] Hillary Rodham Clinton is elected to the United States Senate, becoming the 1st former First Lady to win public office in the USA

1975 [36] John Anderson of Los Angeles plays guitar non-stop for record 114 hours, 17 minutes (until his neighbors finally beat him senseless)


[Tues] Abet & Aid Punsters Day
[Tues] Young Readers Day
[Tues] Cook Something Bold & Pungent Day
[Wed] “45th CMA Awards” (ABC)
[Thurs] Full ‘Beaver’ Moon
[Thurs] “12th Latin Grammy Awards” (Las Vegas NV)
[Thurs] “Sesame Street” Day


Animal Shelter Appreciation Week / Dear Santa Letter Week / Give Wildlife a Break Week / Health Information & Technology Week / International Fraud Awareness Week / Nurse Practitioners Week / Pursuit of Happiness Week / Rad Tech Week


A highlight bit culled from 18 years of “Bull Sheet” back issues …
• “But it SMELLS like food!”
• “The cat did it.”
• “Explain this ‘heat’ thing again.”
• “Could you quit putting the lid down on the big water bowl?”
• “Mind if I sit there?”
• “You gonna eat ALL of that?”
• “You’re going to cut off my WHAT??!!”
– First published in “BS” 2008.

With YouTube full of clips of puppies and babies, Animal Planet has a new site … pitting them against each other. “Puppies v Babies” features user-submitted entries which you vote on to determine which are cuter.

What TV show is your ‘guilty pleasure’?

When it comes to TV commercials, which advertising character do most of us remember best?
a. Jolly Green Giant [CORRECT]
b. Pillsbury Doughboy
c. Tony the Tiger

An elephant walks into a piano bar just as the pianist is playing a particularly sad song. He immediately sits down and begins to weep. The pianist says “I’m sorry, has this song upset you?” The elephants answers, “No, but I recognize that ivory, you prick”.

Question: About a third of our kids are forced to do THIS against their will … and their parents actually encourage it.
Answer: Learn to play a musical instrument.


Experience is something you don’t get until just after you need it.


Mike Norton @ The Grove [KELE] Mountain Grove, Missouri; Patrick Melson @ NBC1260 [KBSZ] Phoenix, Arizona; Jessica @ The Platypus [CCKC] Nova Scotia Community College, Dartmouth, Nova Scotia; Samantha Freese @ Rock FM 91.9 Johannesburg, South Africa.

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