Tuesday, October 12, 2010       Edition: #4362
Ahhh, Some BS to Look Forward to In the Morning!

36-year-old actress Penelope Cruz’s sister Monica is standing in as a body double in now-shooting scenes for “Pirates Of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides” in order to hide the star’s growing baby bump courtesy of her actor-hubby Javier Bardem (there’s going to be 3 different Cruzes in this pic!) . . . Javier Bardem’s name is being bandied about as the potential star of a proposed movie about the trapped Chilean miners, who are set to be freed as early as today after 67 days underground (shouldn’t we get them out first before writing a script?) . . . It’s now confirmed that actor Matt Damon will NOT be appearing in the 4th ‘Bourne’ movie and director Tony Gilroy is insisting it’s because “The Bourne Legacy” is a ‘stand-alone project’ that serves as a ‘whole new chapter’ (BS translation: Matt said no) . . . Ashton Kutcher & Demi Moore are putting on a further show of solidarity in an attempt to quash rumors of marital problems by flying off to Israel to enjoy a ‘spiritual getaway’ together (it’s an all-inclusive ‘Kabbalah-day’) . . . Universal Pictures has pulled the trailer for Vince Vaughn’s new flick after many people (including CNN’s Anderson Cooper) complained about it’s use of the word ‘gay’ (as in, “Ladies and gentlemen, electric cars are gay”) . . . And “Star Wars” actress Carrie Fisher has shocked fans by admitting to Australian Associated Press that she snorted cocaine on the set of 1980 sci-fi epic “The Empire Strikes Back” at the height of her drug addiction (maybe that explains the cinnamon buns hairdo?).

• “BET Hip-Hop Awards” (BET) — Mike Epps hosts the pre-taped honors from Atlanta GA. Multiple winners include Nicki Minaj (3); Jay-Z (3); and Rick Ross (2).
• “Dancing With the Stars” (ABC/CTV) – Another celebrity is eliminated.
• “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/A Channel) – Joshua Radin (“The Rock & The Tide”).
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – Serj Tankian (“Imperfect Harmonies”); Broken Bells (“Broken Bells”).
• “Late Late Show With Craig Ferguson” (CBS) – Trace Adkins (“Cowboy’s Back in Town”).
• “Late Night With Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/A Channel) – Everest (“On Approach”).
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS/Omni) – My Morning Jacket (“Evil Urges”), who’ll perform a “Live On Letterman” webcast concert following the show.
• “Lopez Tonight” (TBS) – Lil Jon f/LMFAO (“Crunk Rock”).
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/A Channel) – Legendary 75-year-old crooner Johnny Mathis.

• George Michael – Monday the aging Brit pop singer was released from Highpoint Prison in Suffolk, England after serving just 27 days of an 8-week sentence for possession of cannabis and driving under the influence of drugs.
• Justin Bieber – He’s reportedly set to cash in on his hordes of teen female fans by releasing his own line of nail polish, ‘One Less Lonely Girl’, according to fashion website styleite.com.
• Lady Antebellum – Today they release a 6-song Christmas EP called “A Merry Little Christmas” exclusively through Target stores. When you’re hot, you keep putting out the product!
• Loretta Lynn – Tonight the country legend is honored with the Recording Academy’s ‘Merit Award’ at Nashville’s Ryman Auditorium in recognition of her 50-year career. Reba McEntire hosts the event, which also includes performances by Gretchen Wilson, Jack White, Lee Ann Womack, and Martina McBride.
• Miranda Lambert – Today she releases the DVD, “Revolution: Live by Candlelight”, which features acoustic performances of songs from her latest album, “Revolution”.
• Trace Adkins – Today his former record label releases the 2-CD, 28-track compilation “The Definitive Greatest Hits: Til the Last Shot’s Fired”, which includes recordings from 1996-2009.

• “Jonah Hex” ( PG-13 Action Western ): This bigscreen adaptation of a DC Comics ‘Weird Western Tales’ story was originally inspired by Clint Eastwood’s spaghetti Westerns. Josh Brolin, Megan Fox, and John Malkovich star in the story of a scarred Old West bounty hunter who’s enlisted to prevent the arrival of ‘Hell on Earth’.
• “Ladies & Gentlemen … The Rolling Stones” ( Music Performance ): Filmed in Texas in 1972 over 4 nights of the “Exile On Main Street” tour. Bonus features include tour rehearsal footage from Montreux, Switzerland; plus 2 interviews with Mick Jagger, one from 1972, another from this year.
• Also released today: “CSI: Miami – The 8th Season” (TV); “Dollhouse: Season 2” (TV); “The Essential Bugs Bunny” (Animation); “The Gates” (Documentary); “Ghost Whisperer: The Complete Series” (TV); “It’s a Very Merry Muppet Christmas Movie” (Family); “Lie to Me: Season 2” (TV); “Saturday Night Live Presents A Very Gilly Christmas” (TV); and “The Tudors: The Final Season” (TV).

• Recent research suggests that up to 90% of women wear shoes that are too small and 75% of foot surgery performed on women is due to poor-fitting footwear. (Fashion tip … you just can’t beat the comfort of good ol’ gum boots!)
– “Health Magazine”
• 44% of men, but just 22% of women, claim they would tell a co-worker they have a body odor problem according to a recent magazine survey. (And men are so subtle … “By the way Jay, you freakin’ stink!”)
– “Men’s Health”
• A 20-year study in England suggests that youngsters whose school desks are in rows and face the blackboard work twice as hard as those who study in groups around a big table. (They would have finished the study a long time ago … but they were sitting in a group around a big table.)
– “Focus”

Richard Wallace, a former Connecticut cop and author of “An Educated Guide to Speeding Tickets and How to Beat and Avoid Them”, advises: “When you see an officer and you think you may have been caught, wave when you go by. The officer’s thinking, well, either this guy’s acknowledging that he’s speeding and is slowing down, or I know him.” (Or, even more likely,  “I’m gonna nail that cheeky bastard!”)
– “Globe & Mail”

• You feel trapped.
• You create a web of excuses and stories.
• You are suddenly forgiving of your cheating friends.
• You have sexual thoughts of being with others.
• You tell your partner it’s okay to cheat.
• You put yourself in prime situations for meeting others.
• You exchange phone numbers with potential mates.
• You keep your new ‘friend’ a secret.
– AskMen.com

British historian Dr Tracy Borman has researched some of the common characteristics of female beauty throughout history. Among them …
• Royalty – From the time of Cleopatra, being royal has endowed women with an almost mythical status.
• Wealth – This has been depicted in a variety of ways, from the plumpness of the women in Rubens’s paintings to the elaborateness of the costumes worn by royals and aristocracy.
• Charisma – This goes a long way toward explaining the appeal of such ‘plain-Jane’ women as Mary, Queen of Scots, whose attraction is hard to understand from her portraits.
– “History Magazine”

• Become a somewhat admired ‘cougar’, instead of an always disdained ‘dirty old man’.
• Wing it on the dance floor. Guys are too busy checking a girl’s booty to notice she’s not a great dancer.
• Wear high-heels. They add 4 inches to height and make legs look fab. What do guys have … sneakers?
• Flirt with a bouncer. Women can bat their eyes and get in the door … with no cover charge.
• Blame it on PMS. Just saying the words ‘cramp’, ‘tampon’, or ‘period’ encourages men to instantly let a women have her way.
• Cover up a zit. Both men & women get them but only women have a multitude of concealers and creams at their disposal to cover them up.
• Get a manicure. Hanging at the nail salon is just a normal day for a woman. But a guy getting a mani/pedi is bound to get weird looks.
• Get aroused without the entire room knowing it.
– Condensed from Cosmopolitan.com

• It sounds gross but experts say one the best ways to cure bad breath is to turn a spoon upside down and scrape the back of your tongue. (I keep my scrapings in a baggy … here, look!)
– “Glamour”
• Gisele Bundchen, Vin Diesel, Ashton Kutcher, Keifer Sutherland, and Scarlett Johansson all have twin brothers or sisters.
– AP


1947 [63] Chris Wallace, Chicago IL, TV news correspondent (“Fox News Sunday”)/son of legendary TV journalist Mike Wallace

1968 [42] Hugh Jackman, Sydney, Australia, movie actor (“Wolverine”, “The Prestige”)

1969 [41] Martie Maguire (Martha Erwin), York PA, country singer/fiddle player (Dixie Chicks-“Landslide”, Court Yard Hounds-“The Coast”)/sister of Dixie Chick Emily Robison

• “Dia de la Raza” (‘Day Of the Race’), observed in Mexico and throughout Latin America to celebrate Hispanics everywhere. (Also variously known as “Dia de las Americas” and “Dia de las Culturas”.)

• “Farmers Day”, to honor all farmers and recognize all that they do to improve our lives.

• “International Moment of Frustration Scream Day” when we’re encouraged to go outside at 12 noon and bellow for 30 seconds to vent our frustrations. That way when they’ve locked you up, you’ll feel completely cleansed.

1997 [13] 53-year-old singer John Denver is killed when his home-built plane crashes into California’s Monterey Bay

2002 [08] More than 25 years after his death, the Elvis Presley album “Elv1s 30 No 1 Hits” debuts at #1 on the ‘Billboard 200′ (first Elvis album to ever debut atop the chart)

1901 [109] US ‘Executive Mansion’ is renamed ‘The White House’

1934 [76] According to some accounts, the ‘cheeseburger’ is born at Kaelin’s Tavern in Louisville KY

1927 [83] Hermann Gorner of Germany raises 24 men weighing 4,123 lbs on a plank with the soles of his feet

1991 [19] Chefs in Sarcelles, France set a record by making a 600-kg (1,322-lb) cheese fondue

[Wed] English Language Day
[Wed] Emergency Nurses Day
[Wed] International Day for Natural Disaster Reduction
[Thurs] Be Bald & Be Free Day
[Fri] Bosses Day
[Fri] International Day of Rural Women
[Fri] “Jackass 3D”; “Red” open in movie theaters
This Week Is … World Rainforest Week
This Month Is … Class Reunion Month


• Negotiated acquisition and consumption of Cocoa Krispies surfeit.
• Broadened personal knowledge of Internet memes.
• Led efforts to reduce nails to the quick; achieved permanently disfigured fingers.
• Compiled a database of daytime TV hosts’ favorite filler words.
• Contributed 40% of friends’ inbox spam.
• Performed hourly appraisals of Craigslist postings and applied risk-benefit analysis.
• Spearheaded a campaign to generate new bathtub rings.
• Developed and implemented a strategy to hide employment status from potential dates.
• Executed seven feats of long-format voyeurism.
– Thanks to Erica Reder

This week is “Pet Peeves Week”, a good time to vent some of yours and let listeners air out theirs. Here are a few to get you going …
• People who blame anyone or anything except themselves for their own failures.
• Grocery carts with one wonky wheel. What causes this anyway?
• When people take 20 napkins, use one, then throw them all away.
• People who become engrossed in texting while you’re trying to have a conversation.
• Dog owners who think their beasts are so cute everyone should feel privileged to be sniffed, licked, and have their leg humped by them.
• When people say that men caring for their own kids are ‘babysitting’.
• Excessive and difficult-to-remove packaging.
• People who sit next to you on public transportation even when there are other seats available.
• People who take forever hunting through purse or pockets at a checkout as if they didn’t expect to have to pay.
• People who try to pay with the exact change, no matter how long it takes to find it.

• Who was the #1 Hollywood movie star from 1935-38?
a. Leading man Clark Gable.
b. Child actress Shirley Temple. [CORRECT]
c. Canine star Rin Tin Tin.

• According to FBI stats, when are bank robberies LEAST likely to occur?
a. Tuesday afternoon. [CORRECT]
b. Monday morning.
c. Friday afternoon.

• Which country has the most area devoted to national parks?
a. USA.
b. Australia.
c. Canada.
[Those countries are the top 3, in order.]

It’s a dirty job, but someone’s gotta pawn it off on someone else.

Today’s Question: 20% of women have used THIS as a Halloween costume.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: A bridesmaid dress.

Only those who attempt the absurd will achieve the impossible.

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