Wednesday, October 22, 2014        Edition: #5322

It’s Your Daily Constitutional Sheet!

★ Actress Melissa McCarthy has dismissed reports suggesting she’s signed on to star in the upcoming all-female reboot of “Ghostbusters”. The rumors may be due to the fact that the movie remake is being directed by Paul Feig, who helmed both her films “Bridesmaids” and “The Heat”. While McCarthy insists that’s she’s definitely not in, actresses Gillian Anderson (“The X-Files) and Lena Dunham (“Girls”) have expressed an interest in appearing in the film.
★ New stats from Britain show a trend that’s likely to be echoed elsewhere … vinyl album sales in 2014 are on track to achieve their highest level in 2 decades. UK sales are expected to pass the million mark by the end of the year as figures compiled by the Official Charts Company show that close to 800,000 vinyl albums sold in the first 9 months of 2014. The last time vinyl hit 7-figures in Britain was 1996, led by The Fugees’ album “The Score”. This year’s top movers on vinyl in the UK are Arctic Monkeys’ “AM” and Jack White’s “Lazaretto”.
– “Daily Telegraph”
★ NBC-TV’s “Saturday Night Live” has found a new cast member … already working on its writing staff. Leslie Jones, who has been a writer for the show since early this year, is joining the on-camera comics beginning with this week’s Jim Carrey-hosted episode. The comedian was a contender in the search for a new cast member last Fall. That spot went to Sasheer Zamata, but producers decided to bring Jones on as a writer.

• “Conan” (TBS/CTV) – Jack Black’s Tenacious D.
• “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/CTV2) – Lady Antebellum (“747”).
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – Milky Chance (“Sadnecessary”).
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – Cerebral Ballzy (“Jaded & Faded”). Rerun.
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS/Omni1) – Ryan Adams (“Ryan Adams”). Rerun.
• “Meredith Vieira Show” (syndicated) – Gavin DeGraw (“Finest Hour”).
• MOBO Awards (London UK) – Sam Smith looks set to win big at the 2014 Music of Black Origin Awards at Wembley Arena with a total of 4 nominations, including ‘Best Song’ and ‘Best Album’. Also up for awards: Ed Sheeran, FKA Twigs, Jessie J,  Krept & Konan, Rita Ora, Tinie Tempah. ‘Best International Act’ nominees include Beyonce, Chris Brown, Drake, Iggy Azalea, Nicki Minaj, and Pharrell Williams.
• “Tavis Smiley” (PBS) – Funk legend George Clinton.
• “Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV2) – Tim McGraw (“Sundown Heaven Town”). Rerun.
• “World Series” (FOX) – Kansas City Royals host San Francisco Giants in Game 2 of the 2014 final. “American Idol” Season 11 winner Phillip Phillips sings the pre-game anthem.

• Alan Jackson – He’s launching his “25th Anniversary Keepin’ It Country Tour” in Estero FL on January 8th. It culminates at the Red Rocks Amphitheater in Denver CO on May 17th.
• Ariana Grande – She’s responded to recent criticism of her self-entitled attitude by saying: “If you want to call me a diva, I’ll say: cool. But if you want to call me a bitch, that’s not accurate.”
• Ed Sheeran – Isle of Wight Festival organizer John Giddings describes him as ‘boring’ and says that if acts like Sheeran are the future ‘we’re all screwed’. The 23-year-old singer claims it’s just sour-grapes because he had to turn down a request to play the festival next Summer.
• James Blunt – He now admits his 2005 mega-hit “You’re Beautiful” is a truly annoying song that was ‘force-fed down people’s throats’. It sold 4 million copies and hit #1 in 10 countries. (We still wanna know why the false-start to the opening vocal was left in the final mix.)
• Jason Aldean – His “Burn It Down Tour” will continue into 2015. He’ll kick off the next leg’s 23-city run on February 12th in Greenville SC with special guests Cole Swindell and Tyler Farr.
• Pharrell Williams – He’s working to launch a music career for 22-year-old Brit fashion model Cara Delevingne, already having recorded her debut single and spending last week in Paris, France filming the video to go along with it. The end result could drop any day now.
• Snoop Dogg – He’s also working with his old pal Pharrell Williams on a new album, reports “Billboard”. Pharrell is producing the entire album, which will feature cameos from Stevie Wonder and Charlie Wilson. There is no release date as yet.

A statistical look at who we are and the things we do …
• 80% of us say that we are happiest when reminiscing.
• 70% of women admit they have an ex’s number stored on their phone.
• 30% of us say our most embarrassing-ever moment happened at a wedding.
• 25% of men say they never turn off their phone when told to on a plane.
• 20% of today’s adults have never married, double the percentage in 1960.
• 4% of men worldwide own a reptile.

Blame it on Kim Kardashian. Or Nicki Minaj and her “Anaconda” video. Or Iggy Azalea with her tight pants. No matter the source, the butt is having a moment. In fact, NYC’s David Barton Gym has introduced a new series of butt-specific workout classes aimed at creating the rear end of your dreams. Matthew Griffin, an instructor who teaches the ‘Ass Blast’ class says a lot of people have big upper bodies but their legs and butt are nonexistent, and that’s just not sexy. Much to the horror of many, the first step toward a bootylicious behind is the loathsome squat … 60 seconds of parallel squats, followed by 30 seconds of holding the squat, and then 30 seconds ‘pulsing’ in the squat position. (Followed by 3 minutes on the defibrillator.)
– “NY Daily News”

New terms leaking into our lingo …
• ‘Cratedigger’ – A person who spends a great deal of time in music stores combing through stacks of vinyl records. (“Dude, I was cratedigging down at the Vinyl Café and came up with an autographed picture disc of Bonnie Tyler. It’s gotta be worth like 6 bucks or more on eBay.”)
• ‘Digital Crowding’ – Excessive social contact and loss of personal space online. (It’s odd that we willingly discard all privacy online, often in ways we’d never consider in person. Ever thought of the possible implications of widely sharing vacation photos when you’re away from home?)
• ‘Prespond’ – To respond to something before it even happens. Preparation for natural disasters, for instance. (“I knew you were gonna say no when I asked for a date, so I’ve already presponded with a backup plan …”)

Revolutionary eye implants could replace reading glasses. A new inlay can be inserted into a pocket in the cornea to help people with presbyopia, or age-related blurry vision, see better. A new study has found the devices help 83% of patients. Once people hit 40, their corneas – the clear surface that covers the front of the eye – start becoming less flexible. That makes it harder to focus on objects that are up close and often prompts people to grab a pair of reading glasses. Tests have found the new thin, corneal inlays improve vision enough so that most users can easily read a newspaper without glasses. About 1 billion people around-the-world have presbyopia. (In other words, some company’s about to make a boatload of money.)

• Whales and dolphins squeal with pleasure.
• Deer mothers respond to human baby cries.
• Polar bears have increasingly switched from eating seals to eating snow geese.
– “New York Times”
• Once a turtle starts eating a plastic bag, it is physically impossible for it to spit it out.
– BBC News
• The population of wild animals has fallen by more than half since 1970, while the human population has nearly doubled.
– “Discovery Magazine”


1952 [62] Jeff Goldblum, West Homestead PA, movie actor (“Independence Day”, “Jurassic Park”)/TV actor (“Law & Order: Criminal Intent” 2009-10)

1962 [52] Bob Odenkirk, Berwyn IL, TV actor (‘Saul Goodman’ on “Breaking Bad” 2009-13)  COMING UP: Reprises his sleazy lawyer character in the spin-off series “Better Call Saul”, scheduled to premiere on AMC in February 2015.

1968 [46] Shaggy (Orville Burrell), Kingston, Jamaica, reggae singer (“Angel”, “It Wasn’t Me”)

1969 [45] Spike Jonze (Adam Spiegel), Rockville MD, movie director (“Where the Wild Things Are”, “Being John Malkovich”)/music video director (Arcade Fire-“The Suburbs”, Jay-Z & Kanye West-“Otis”)

1975 [39] Jesse Tyler Ferguson, TV actor, Missoula MT (‘Mitchell Pritchett’ on “Modern Family” since 2009)

1976 [38] Jon Foreman, San Bernardino CA, alt-rock guitarist (Switchfoot-“Meant to Live”, “Dare You to Move”)

1983 [31] Rickard Goransson, Stockholm, Sweden, pop-rock guitarist (Carolina Liar-“I’m Not Over”, Show Me What I’m Looking For”)

• “international caps lock day” or is it “INTERNATIONAL CAPS LOCK DAY”? In any event, it’s the 16th annual celebration of one of the more useful keys on the keyboard. (Unlike ‘Scroll Lock’.)

• “International Stuttering Awareness Day”, originated in 1998 to raise public awareness of the millions who suffer from the speech disorder.

• “Lung Health Day”, observed annually on the 4th Wednesday of October, encouraging us to breathe easier by observing healthy respiratory practices.

• “Medical Assistants Recognition Day”, saluting all medical assistants as ‘the heart of healthcare’.

• “Nut Day”. Ask anyone to name a nut and most will say ‘peanut’, which isn’t a nut at all but a legume. Definition of a nut: A hard, dry, indehiscent fruit formed from 2 or more carpels but containing only 1 seed. In any event, it’s one of nature’s most perfect foods.

• “Smart is Cool Day”, a day to celebrate those who are often labeled ‘egghead’ or ‘smarty-pants’. If there’s ever a time to show off your IQ test results, this is probably it.

1939 [75] 1st ‘Televised Pro Football Game’ features Brooklyn Dodgers beating Philadelphia Eagles 23-14, picked up by a total of 500 TV sets

2005 [09] ABBA’s 1974 hit “Waterloo” is voted the best song in the history of the Eurovision Song Contest, decided by voters from 81 countries during a ceremony to mark the famous European event’s 50th anniversary

2012 [02] Cyclist Lance Armstrong is stripped of his 7 Tour de France titles (1999-2005) due to doping allegations

1992 [22] Thieves in South Yorkshire, England steal a truck loaded with 43,000 cans of beer … all of them past their expiration date

[Thurs] Pharmacy Technician Day
[Thurs] TV Talk Show Host Day
[Fri] “John Wick”; “Ouija” open in movie theaters
[Fri] “Tony Bennett & Lady Gaga: Cheek to Cheek Live” (PBS)
[Sat] Rolling Stones Australia tour begins
[Sat] Pit Bull Awareness Day
[Sat] World Pasta Day
This Week Is … Chemistry Week
This Month Is … International Doll Collectors Month


✗ Trying not to laugh when a student says something hilarious but completely inappropriate.
✗ Seeing red when non-teachers tell you how you should be running your classroom.
✗ Realizing that there definitely IS such a thing as a stupid question.
✗ Receiving strange gifts from students.
✗ When a kid asks you a difficult question that you definitely don’t know the answer to.
✗ Trying not to catch the flu from your students. Getting the flu and going to work anyway.
✗ Trying to remember every child’s deadly food allergies.
✗ Meeting people who get paid more than you to do easier jobs than yours.
✗ Trying not to cry in front of your class when a struggling student finally gets their head around the thing you’ve been trying to teach them for the last 6 months.
– Adapted from

What did the following celebs do for a living before they became famous?
• David Letterman was a …
a. Nude Model.
b. Bouncer.
c. Supermarket Stock Boy. [CORRECT. At Atlas Grocery in Indianapolis IN.]

• Gwen Stefani was a …
a. Candlestick Maker.
b. Maintenance Worker. [CORRECT. She scrubbed floors at a Dairy Queen.]
c. Dog Beautician.

• Tina Fey was a …
a. Snack Bar Attendant. [CORRECT. At a swimming club.]
b. Miner.
c. Tree Planter.

☎ What was the science fair project or other experiment you were most proud of in school?

• If they’re both average, who will live longer … the person you’re married to or a jackass?
[The person you’re married to. Most jackasses don’t live beyond 30.]
– “Fascinating Facts”

• Nashville songwriter and recent Songwriters Hall of Fame inductee Paul Craft has died at age 76. Which of these tunes did he write?
a. “You’re the Ring Around My Bathtub, You’re the Hangnail of My Life”
b. “Dropkick Me, Jesus (Through The Goalposts Of Life)” [CORRECT]
c. “If My Nose Was Running Money, Honey, I’d Blow It All on You”

You know you’ve got bad eating habits if you use a grocery cart in 7-Eleven.

Question: 1-in-11 people claim they actually don’t have one of THESE.
Answer: A friend.

The wise person puts all his eggs in one basket and watches the basket.

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