Thursday, October 22, 2015        Edition: #5355

Good Morning, Sheetheads!

★ Actress Natalie Portman has been voted 2015’s ‘Hottest Female Vegetarian’ in a new poll, beating out the likes of Miley Cyrus, Naomi Watts, and Ellen Degeneres. 34-year-old Portman decided to cut meat from her diet as a child and has stuck to her principles ever since. Actor Joaquin Phoenix tops the list for ‘Hottest Male Vegetarian’. Woody Harrelson, Jared Leto, and Chris Martin also make the cut. The survey finds that 67% of women and 38% of men have given up meat at some point in their lives.
★ “Star Wars: The Force Awakens” (opening December 18th) has broken website Fandango’s advance ticket sales record this week, selling 8 times as many tickets as it did on the first day of sales for the previous record-holder, “The Hunger Games”. Movie theaters are continually adding new show times on Fandango to meet the high demand. The enthusiasm for this year’s most anticipated movie has become phenomenal, as several ticketing sites were overloaded and temporarily shut down when tickets first became available. The film has also broken pre-sales records in Europe.
– Bang Showbiz
★ And actor Kevin Bacon is set to is make his return to Broadway after 13 years, starring in a new stage version of “Rear Window”. The 1954 Alfred Hitchcock movie classic has been adapted for the stage by playwright Keith Reddin, with Bacon stepping into the role made famous by James Stewart, that of a wheelchair-bound photographer who becomes convinced he has been a witness to murder. Previews begin tonight, with the official opening scheduled for October 30th.

• “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/CTV2) – Nick Jonas (“Nick Jonas”).
• Independent Music Awards (Melbourne, Australia) – Singer/songwriter Vance Joy looks set for a big night, having scored 3 top nominations. His main competition is electronic-hip hop act Hermitude and rocker Courtney Barnett.
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – Esperanza Spalding (“Radio Music Society”).
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – Keke Palmer (“So Uncool”). Rerun.
• “Late Show With Stephen Colbert” (CBS/Global) – Ed Sheeran (“x”); R&B great Bill Withers. Rerun.
• “Marilyn Denis Show” (CTV/CTV2) – Chris Hadfield (“Space Sessions: Songs From a Tin Can”).
• Powerhouse (Brooklyn NY) – The annual mega-concert at Barclays Center put on by NYC’s Power 105.1 [WWPR] includes Kendrick Lamar, Future, Big Sean, Fetty Wap, Meek Mill, Jeremih, Jidenna, and Omarion.
• “The Talk” (CBS) – Meghan Trainor (“Title”).
• “Tavis Smiley” (PBS) – Seal (“Soul 2”).
• “Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV2) – Carrie Underwood (“Storyteller”, out Friday). Rerun.
• “Wendy Williams” (syndicated) – Ja Rule (“Genius Loves Company”).

• Beyoncé – She tells the new issue of “Beat Magazine” that the song she most often sings in the shower these days is “Holy Ghost” by Kim Burrell. And how will she dress for Halloween? Bey says, “Destiny’s Child ‘Survivor’ era with the army fatigues. Or maybe ‘Bootylicious’ with the gold tooth and pink tips in my hair.” Seems even Beyoncé aspires to be Beyoncé.
• Brad Paisley – He’s announced the 2016 Winter leg of his “Crushin’ It World Tour”, starting January 21st in Jonesboro, Arkansas. Guests on the trek will be Eric Paslay and Cam.
• Ed Sheeran – The concert film “Ed Sheeran: Jumpers for Goalposts”, a snapshot of his performances at London’s Wembley Stadium, is being screened in select North American cinemas tonight, Saturday, Sunday, and Monday. Filmed during his “x” tour over 3 SRO nights in front of 240,000 fans.
• Luke Bryan – The first leg of his “Kill the Lights 2016 Tour” begins February 18th in Evansville, Indiana. Little Big Town and Dustin Lynch will open most of the shows.
• Taylor Swift – “Blank Space” is now officially the all-time most-watched video on Vevo with more than 1.2 billion views. It was announced back in July that the video had become the fastest video to reach 1 billion views.

A BS selection of movies in the making …
• “The Bequest” – Shenae Grimes (“90210”) has the lead role in this indie psychological thriller now shooting in northern Ontario. She plays a young woman returning to her family’s secluded island lodge to help her siblings care for their dying father, 10 years after the mysterious death of their mother. Also in the cast: Gil Bellows, Don McKellar, and Rosemary Dunsmore.
• “Die Hard: Year One” – “Total Recall” filmmaker Len Wiseman is in negotiations to direct the upcoming 6th instalment in the action franchise. The new film will reportedly focus on the origins of the ‘John McLane’ character and will be set in NYC in 1979. Bruce Willis, who has starred in all 5 previous films, is expected to return as a present-day version of the detective.
• ‘Frank Zappa Documentary’ – Actor-turned-director Alex Winter, who is a huge Zappa fan, is being given access to the family’s vaults to film the life story of the avant garde musician (1940-93). Winter says there are hours-upon-hours of unseen footage available, making it a massive task to edit it down to a 2-hour film. One clip shows Zappa jamming with Eric Clapton in 1967.
• “Jack Reacher: Never Go Back” – This sequel to the 2012 film starring Tom Cruise as
a former military policeman who roams the country kicking butt and righting wrongs has just commenced principal photography in New Orleans LA. The 2nd installment in the film franchise is based on the 18th book in author Lee Child’s series. It’s set for release a year from now.
• “Life On the Road” – Coldplay’s Chris Martin has agreed to record music for the soundtrack of this bigscreen version of the hit TV series “The Office”. The movie is a project of Brit comedian Ricky Gervais, who played the hapless ‘David Brent’ in the original UK version of the award-winning sitcom. The film is said to delve much more into his private life.

Counting the moles on your arm can help predict skin cancer risk, new research from King’s College London suggests. Those with more than 11 moles on their right arm are more likely to have more than 100 on their body in total, meaning they have 5 times the normal risk of developing melanoma. Melanoma is a type of skin cancer that develops from abnormal moles, so the risk of being diagnosed with it is linked to the number of moles a patient has. Most moles are completely harmless, but excess sun exposure can make a mole turn malignant. The new findings could help GPs to identify those with an increased risk of developing skin cancer. (Be sure you don’t include freckles in your count!)
– BBC Health

Women with higher IQs are less likely to have kids, according to a new study conducted by London School of Economics. The more intelligent the woman, the less likely she is to want to become a mother, according to the new research. It’s found that maternal urges drop 25% for every 15 extra IQ points. Researchers admit that it’s as yet unclear why women would elect to do something as ‘unnatural’ as not having children. After all, all living organisms are evolutionarily designed to reproduce. However, opting to be child-free is becoming more common in many countries. (And a regret for many moms of 2-year-olds at bedtime.)
– “The Guardian”

You’ve likely heard of the Burger King ‘Halloween Whopper’ with a black bun. Now in China, McDonald’s is selling a hamburger bun that’s gray. Silver has been long viewed as the color of ‘the future’, so it’s likely that’s the inspiration behind McDonald’s new ‘Modern Chinese Burger’, which the fast-food giant unveiled earlier this week. The sandwich’s fillings are standard enough – a pork patty with bacon and Thousand Island/Sichuan-inspired dressing. However, the meat and condiments are wedged between a slightly metallic gray bun. Reviewers were initially grossed out by the burger’s appearance, but they reportedly sampled it and enjoyed its taste. ‘Modern Chinese Burgers’ are available at select locations in China until November 3rd. (“Silver buns, silver buns, it’s modern times in the city …”)
– “TIME”

Adults know how much moving stinks. It’s the worst. But even if children are rarely employed to do much of the heavy lifting, moving is even worse for them. New research from Washington University in St Louis MO suggests that moving during high school, even to a more affluent, safer neighborhood, puts a student at greater risk of not graduating. The new analysis of previous studies has found that students who had moved at least once within a 12-month period were 50% less likely to earn a high school diploma by age 25. Sociologists say the evidence suggests that mobility in adolescence can lead to problems with education. (Mainly because the ‘new kid’ in a high school is a total pariah.)

People who like their coffee black are more likely to be psychopaths.


1952 [63] Jeff Goldblum, West Homestead PA, movie actor (“The Grand Budapest Hotel”, “Jurassic Park”)  UP NEXT: “Independence Day: Resurgence” (2016).

1962 [53] Bob Odenkirk, Berwyn IL, TV actor (‘Saul Goodman’ on “Better Call Saul” 2015, “Breaking Bad” 2009-13)

1968 [47] Shaggy (Orville Burrell), Kingston, Jamaica, reggae singer (“Angel”, “It Wasn’t Me”)

1969 [46] Spike Jonze (Adam Spiegel), Rockville MD, movie director (“Where the Wild Things Are”, “Being John Malkovich”)/music video director (Arcade Fire-“The Suburbs”, Jay-Z & Kanye West-“Otis”)

1975 [40] Jesse Tyler Ferguson, TV actor, Missoula MT (‘Mitchell Pritchett’ on “Modern Family” since 2009)

1976 [39] Jon Foreman, San Bernardino CA, alt-rock guitarist (Switchfoot-“Meant to Live”, “Dare You to Move”)

• “international caps lock day” or is it “INTERNATIONAL CAPS LOCK DAY”? In any event, it’s the 17th annual celebration of one of the more useful keys on the keyboard. (Unlike ‘Scroll Lock’.)

• “International Stuttering Awareness Day”, originated in 1998 to raise public awareness of the millions who suffer from the speech disorder.

• “Nut Day”. Ask anyone to name a nut and most will say ‘peanut’, which isn’t a nut at all but a legume. Definition of a nut: A hard, dry, indehiscent fruit formed from 2 or more carpels but containing only 1 seed. In any event, it’s one of nature’s most perfect foods.

• “Smart is Cool Day”, a day to celebrate those who are often labeled ‘egghead’ or ‘smarty-pants’. If there’s ever a time to show off your IQ test results, this is probably it.

• “Used Car Dealership Day”, marking the opening of the world’s 1st used car dealership on this day in London, England in 1897. (“It was only driven gently by a Victorian spinster, honest.”)

2014 [01] Michael Zehaf-Bibeau attacks the Parliament of Canada in Ottawa, killing a soldier and injuring 3 others

2001 [14] “Grand Theft Auto III” is released, popularizing a genre of open-world, action-adventure games as well as spurring controversy around violence in videogames

2001 [14] Tennis power couple Andre Agassi & Steffi Graf are married in a private ceremony by a Las Vegas judge

2013 [02] The iPad Air and Mavericks, the latest version of the OS X, are introduced by Apple

2000 [15] Pop singer George Michael pays almost $3 million for John Lennon’s famous upright Steinway piano, on which he wrote his iconic anthem “Imagine”

2005 [10] ABBA’s 1974 hit “Waterloo” is voted the best song in the history of the Eurovision Song Contest, decided by voters from 81 countries during a ceremony to mark the European event’s 50th anniversary

2012 [03] Cyclist Lance Armstrong is stripped of his 7 Tour de France titles (1999-2005) due to doping allegations

[Fri] “Jem & The Holograms”; “The Last Witch Hunter”; “Paranormal Activity: The Ghost Dimension”; “Rock the Kasbah” open in movie theaters
[Fri] Pharmacy Technician Day
[Sat] Pit Bull Awareness Day
[Sun] International Artists Day
[Sun] Mother-in-Law Day
This Week Is … Chemistry Week
This Month Is … International Doll Collectors Month


Tongue-in-cheek warning labels that ought to be real …
• On a palm sander: “Not to Be Used to Sand Palms.”
• On a package of Fisherman’s Friend: “Not Meant as Substitute for Human Companionship.”
• On a Magic 8 Ball: “Not Advised for Use as a Home Pregnancy Test.”
• On a handgun: “Not Recommended for Use as a Nutcracker.”
• On a roll of Life Savers: “Not for Use as a Flotation Device.”
• On a disposable razor: “Do Not Use During an Earthquake.”
• On Odor Eaters: “Do Not Eat.”
• On a cup of McDonald’s coffee: “Allow Beverage to Cool Before Applying to Groin Area.”
• On a revolving door: “May Lead to a Broadcasting Career.”
– Adapted from “Washington Post”

☎ What business have you seen whose name is a terrible pun? (The Merchant of Tennis, Lord Of the Fries, Florist Gump, Floral ‘n Hardy, The Stalk Market, etc)

Here’s a list of ‘B-movie’ titles, some that actually got made. Which is real; which is a BS fake?
• “Attack Of the Killer Refrigerator” [Real. 1990]
• “Amazon Girls in Shanghai” [BS]
• “Godzilla vs The Used Car Salesman” [BS]
• “Microwave Massacre” [Real. 1983]
• “Attack Of the 10-Foot Safety Pin” [BS]
• “Son of The Blob” [Real. 2004]
• “The Spy Who Ate Me” [BS]
• “Skeeter!” [Real. 1993]
• “Head Cheerleader, Dead Cheerleader” [Real. 2000]
• “Revenge Of the Killer Burrito” [BS]

It’s always darkest before dawn. So if you’re going to steal your neighbor’s newspaper, that’s the time to do it.

Question: We’re far more likely to buy THIS kitchen item as a gift than for ourselves.
Answer: A blender.

The future is like the present … only longer.

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