Monday, October 27, 2014        Edition: #5325

Here’s Sheet in Your Eye!

★ ABC-TV has broken up with its new relationship comedy, “Manhattan Love Story”. cancelling the new sitcom after just 4 episodes. The show, which focused on the inner monologues of characters who were embarking on a new relationship, is the first of the new Fall TV shows to be axed, thanks to weak ratings and lukewarm reviews. It had been airing at 8:30 on Tuesdays after fellow new rom-com “Selfie”.
★ 24-year-old actress Jennifer Lawrence has bought up Jessica Simpsons’ former 5-bedroom Beverly Hills CA mansion for $8.2 million, but she may not be finished dabbling in the real estate market just yet. J-Law has also been spotted house-hunting in London’s trendy Belsize Park, where her 37-year-old boyfriend Chris Martin (Coldplay) & estranged wife Gwyneth Paltrow still have a home. Martin apparently has no plans to sell the property, as he wants it to remain a base for his kids when they visit from the US. Paltrow, by the way, is reportedly dating “American Horror Story” producer Brad Falchuk, but it’s still one of Hollywood’s little secrets.
★ Not to be outdone, Lady Gaga has purchased a new $23-million Malibu CA compound near Zuma Beach that includes a 5 bedroom/12 bath Mediterranean-style villa, a horse farm, and a so-called ‘Batcave’ with arcade games, a home theater, and 800-bottle wine cellar accessible via underground tunnel. Located about an hour’s drive from downtown La La Land, it has views of the ocean and the Santa Monica Mountains.
– “Los Angeles Times”
★ “Big Bang Theory” star Jim Parsons has been cast in the lead role of a new animated TV special called “Elf: Buddy’s Musical Christmas”. He’s joining a voice cast that also includes Mark Hamill, Ed Asner, and Fred Armisen. The holiday special is based on Will Ferrell’s 2003 movie “Elf”, which in turn spawned the Broadway production “Elf: The Musical”. Parsons will voice the character of ‘Buddy’, who travels to NYC to meet his father. “Elf: Buddy’s Musical Christmas” will air December 16th on NBC-TV.
★ And ‘Harry Potter’ author JK Rowling has announced she’s releasing a new story based on franchise villain ‘Dolores Umbridge’ just in time for Halloween. The 1,700-word story, being published on the Potter fan site, features a back story to the dastardly villain’s life. The character was introduced to readers in “Harry Potter & The Order Of the Phoenix”, the 5th book in the series, and was portrayed onscreen by Imelda Staunton in the film adaptations.

• “Conan” (TBS/CTV) – Bear Hands (“Distraction”).
• “Dancing With the Stars” (ABC/CTV2) – The dance couples do Halloween-themed routines; Brit singer-songwriter Ella Henderson (“Ghost”) performs; Canadian jazz-pop singer Nikki Yanofsky (“I Believe”) performs.
• “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/CTV2) – Taylor Swift (“1989”, out today).
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – Classic rocker Billy Idol (“Kings & Queens Of the Underground”).
• “Late Night With Seth Meyers” (NBC/CTV) – Brad Paisley & Carrie Underwood (“CMA Awards”, November 5th); TI (“Paperwork”).
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS/Omni1) – Rock ‘n roll pioneer Jerry Lee Lewis (“Rock & Roll Time”, out today); metal rockers Mastodon (“Once More ‘Round the Sun”).
• “Queen Latifah” (syndicated) – Jessie J (“Sweet Talker”).
• “Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV2) – Jazz great Herbie Hancock; Wilco (“Sukierae”).
• “2 Broke Girls” (CBS/CityTV): Beth Behrs & Kat Dennings return with the Season 4 debut. Kim Kardashian guest-stars.
• “The View” (ABC/CTV) – Brad Paisley & Carrie Underwood again.
• “The Voice” (NBC/CTV2) – Taylor Swift works as an advisor with the coaches and their teams as the knockout rounds begin.

• Cream – Brit musician Jack Bruce has died at his home in Suffolk, England at age 71. With the 1970s supergroup trio that also included guitarist Eric Clapton and drummer Ginger Baker, the bassist wrote and sang on hits such as “White Room” and “Sunshine of Your Love”.
• Jason Aldean – He continues his domination of the ‘Billboard Hot Country Songs’ chart this week with “Burnin’ It Down” still reigning at the top.
• The Kinks – As a new musical called “Sunny Afternoon” based on their 1960s hits heads to London’s West End, frontman Ray Davies admits that a reunion of the band looks unlikely. Why? He and his brother Dave won’t stop feuding.
• Rancid – Today the Berkeley, California-based punk band releases its 8th studio album, the 14-track “Honor Is All We Know”.
• Sam Hunt – “X2C”, his major label album debut is out today, which includes the lead single “Leave the Night On”. After college, the country singer-songwriter was briefly signed as a free agent with the NFL’s Kansas City Chiefs.
• Sam Smith – He’s sold out both his upcoming show at NYC’s Madison Square Garden as well as his concert at the LA Forum, both within a matter of minutes. Smith has also sold out 10 other gigs for his early 2015 tour of North America.
• Taylor Swift – Her much-hyped 1st official pop album, “1989”, finally arrives today. Tonight she’s featured in a new iHeartRadio special, “Taylor Swift’s 1989 Secret Session with iHeartRadio”, streaming on and Yahoo Live.
• The Who – Today’s release of their new 2-disc best-of set, “Who Hits 50!”, celebrates the Brit rockers’ 50th anniversary. It includes the new song “Be Lucky”, their first new track in 8 years. The Who begin their 50th anniversary tour in Glasgow, Scotland on November 30th.

According to a new ranking based on data provided by FactSet …
10. Microsoft (USA)
9. BP (UK)
8. Bank of China
7. Agricultural Bank of China
6. Samsung Electronics (South Korea)
5. Exxon Mobil (USA)
4. China Construction Bank
3. Gazprom Oil & Gas (Russia)
2. Apple (USA)
1. Industrial & Commercial Bank of China
(Seems Chinese banks are slowly taking over the world as more and more countries borrow money.)
– “24/7 Wall St”

The short answer … no. Or at least, it’s extremely unlikely. It would be a longshot to catch ebola on the subway or other mass transit according to NYC’s Dr Barry Rosenthal, chairman of Emergency Medicine at Winthrop-University Hospital on Long Island, because to be at risk of catching the disease you must be in direct contact with bodily fluids of a critically ill ebola patient. The probability of someone at that advanced stage of the disease being capable of even boarding buses or trains would be extremely unlikely. Ebola is not spread through the air like the flu. (So, using that as an excuse for skipping work today is not likely to work. Nor are the others that follow below.)
– Sourced from

A new survey of hiring managers, human resources professionals, and employees has found that more than a quarter of workers have skipped work in the past year when they were feeling perfectly fine. 1-in-4 employers have busted an employee after something on social media showed that they were playing hooky; and about 1-in-5 have actually fired a worker for faking sick. Some of the lamest excuses for not going to work mentioned in this year’s poll …
✗ “Just put a casserole in the oven.”
✗ “My cosmetic surgery needs some tweaking to get it just right.”
✗ “Been at a casino all weekend and still have money left to play with this morning.”
✗ “Got lucky last night and am unsure where I am.”
✗ “Got stuck in the blood pressure testing machine at the store and can’t get out.”
✗ “My work uniform caught on fire after putting it in the microwave to dry.”
✗ “Accidentally got on a plane.”
✗ “Legs fell asleep while ‘sitting’ in the bathroom. Stood up, fell, and broke an ankle.”
And you have to appreciate honesty …
✗ “Woke up in a good mood and don’t want to ruin it.”

The Reuben Sandwich is turning 100-years-old this year, and the melty sandwich is as much of a melting pot as the city it was born in … NYC. Bringing together Irish corned beef, Jewish rye, German sauerkraut, Swiss cheese, and Russian dressing, the Reuben was created in 1914 at Manhattan’s now-defunct Reuben’s Delicatessen, according to local legend. Evidence supports the story that the sandwich was invented by Arnold Reuben himself, but what actually constitutes a proper Reuben is contested. Some are advocates of a toasted bread approach, while others insist the sandwich is best griddled. And there are many delis and restaurants that don’t do either, instead just serving it up on fresh bread. (The best all-time sandwich is …?)

•  People say their favorite snack food is fresh fruit, but they actually eat more chocolate.
• Top French chefs want to make it legal to eat a small protected songbird for one week of the year.
– “New York Times”
• Your genes determine how much coffee you drink.
– “USA Today”


1939 [75] John Cleese, Weston-super-Mare UK, TV actor-comedian (“Monty Python’s Flying Circus”)/movie actor (2 ‘James Bond’ films, 2 ‘Harry Potter’ films, 3 ‘Shrek’ films)

1949 [65] Garry Tallent, Detroit MI, rock bassist (Bruce Springsteen & The E Street Band-“Born to Run”, “Born In the USA”)

1958 [56] Simon LeBon, Bushey UK, classic rock singer (Duran Duran-“Hungry Like the Wolf”, “The Reflex”)

1967 [47] Scott Weiland (Kline), Santa Cruz CA, rock singer (Stone Temple Pilots-“Between the Lines”, Velvet Revolver-“Slither”)/rehab veteran

1984 [30] Kelly Osbourne, London UK, TV personality (“Fashion Police” since 2010, “Dancing With the Stars” 2009, “The Osbournes” 2002-04)/daughter of Ozzy & Sharon Osbourne

• “Cranky Co-Workers Day”, in honor of all the complaining and just plain cranky people you work with and have to endure all year. This is the day to let them go with it and enjoy their misery.

• “Labour Day” in New Zealand, celebrated annually on the 4th Monday in October, an annual public holiday that commemorates the struggle for an 8-hour workday.

• “Potato Day”, one of several annual ‘food holidays’ honoring the humble spud. This root vegetable became one of the New World’s most important discoveries. What’s the best way to cook ’em? Fries? Mashed? Baked? Au Gratin w/Gruyere & Creme Fraiche?

• “World Day for Audiovisual Heritage”, originated in 2005 by UNESCO to raise of awareness of the importance of preserving recorded sound and audiovisual documents (films, sound & video recordings, radio & TV programs) for posterity.

2006 [08] “Saw III” opens in movie theaters, in which serial killer ‘Jigsaw’ (Tobin Bell) kidnaps a doctor to help keep him alive

2013 [01] Influential singer-songwriter-guitarist Lou Reed (Velvet Underground, Metal Machine Trio) dies from liver disease at his home in Southampton NY at age 71

2004 [10] MLB’s Boston Red Sox win their 1st World Series championship since 1918, finally vanquishing the so-called ‘Curse Of the Bambino’ (Babe Ruth) that had plagued them for 86 years

[Tues] St Jude’s Day
[Wed] Mix It Up at Lunch Day
[Wed] Cat Day
[Wed] World Psoriasis Day
[Thurs] Create a Great Funeral Day
[Thurs] Devils Night or Mischief Night

Asexuality Week / Disarmament Week / Infertility Awareness Week / International Magic Week / Kids Care Week / Prescription Errors Education & Awareness Week / World Origami Days


Highlight bits culled from 21 years of “Bull Sheet” back issues …
● People that forget to buy candy and just offer you a bite of their sandwich.
● People who want receipts.
● When your Mariachi costume is so convincing you get deported to Mexico.
● Encountering a jack-o-lantern that looks suspiciously like your mailman’s head.
● Black jelly beans that turn out to be blood-swollen ticks.
● People who sit outside on their porch at the end of a long driveway and give you the stink-eye.
● When you find something in your goodie bag called ‘Malted Meat Balls’.
● As soon as you get home your dad wrestling you to the ground for the Kit Kats.
– First published in “BS” 1998.

• Robert ‘Festering Cold Sore’ Wilson
• Bawlin’ Wimp
• Hypoglycemic Horace Brown
• Willie ‘White Shoes After Labor Day’ Lumpkin
• Charlie ‘Happy-Go-Lucky’ Pickett
• Nail-Breakin’ Jefferson
• John Lee Crack Ho
• Timmy ‘Up With People’ Perkyman
• Winston P Walthrop III, King Of the Cape Cod Blues
• Tiny Johnson
– First published in “BS” 2011.

☎ What class or teacher had the most impact on the rest of your life?

Getting married for sex is like buying a 747 for the free peanuts.

Question: About 60% of the time, when we get one of THESE we don’t finish it.
Answer: A book.

Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there’s a 90% probability you’ll get it wrong.

Tyler Russell @ Big West Country 92.9 [CIBW] Drayton Valley AB; Greg Hilzendeger @ Planet 106.7 [KPLN] Billings MT; Mark Ekeland @ Oldies 96.7 FM [KBBE] McPherson KS; Marija @ Radio KIK, Imotski, Coatia; Rebekah Eaker @ 88.7 Way-FM [WAYM] Spring Hill TN; and Tyler Bieber @ 107.5 Bolt FM [CHBO] Humboldt SK.

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