Tuesday, September 24, 2002        Edition: #2384
For The Billionth Time, Don’t Exaggerate!

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
TODAY the Fender Stratocaster that Jimi Hendrix burned on stage at the 1968 Miami Pop Festival then gave to Frank Zappa goes under the gavel in London and is expected to fetch $600,000 or more – making it the most expensive guitar ever sold (Zappa’s heir and untalented son Dweezil obviously has a cash flow problem) . . . TODAY the highly-anticipated new album of Elvis Presley hits called “Elv1s: 30 No1 Hits” hits music stores and is expected to sell at least 10 million copies, but thanks to future Elvis royalties being sold off back in 1973, his wife Priscilla & daughter Lisa Marie won’t see a penny of it (Elvis has had six #1 albums, the last one was a 1977 greatest hits compilation) . . . Latest date for Pam Anderson & Kid Rock to wed is NOVEMBER 9 in Vegas during one of his concerts (they’ll break up and reunite 12 times before then) . . . Ryan Seacrest has reportedly signed for almost $1 million to return as host of the next installment of “American Idol”, but former co-host Brian Dunkleman has no deal so far . . . FX network is developing “American Candidate”, a reality series that will let TV viewers select a potential presidential candidate in 2004 . . . Janet Jackson has recorded an as-yet unnamed song for the soundtrack of the movie version of the musical “Chicago” (starring Catherine Zeta Jones, Renee Zellweger & Richard Gere) which is expected to be her next single . . . Word has it 28-year-old angst-ridden singer Alanis Morissette has finally found love – 25-year-old Vancouver actor Ryan Reynolds, star of “National Lampoon’s Van Wilder” and the upcoming movie “Till Death Do Us Part” . . . And Stephen King tells “Entertainment Weekly” that his upcoming novel “From a Buick 8″, about Pennsylvania cops and a possessed car, will be his last – because he’s ‘killed enough trees’.

TODAY’S DVD & VHS RELEASES:
Nothing new but a raft of ‘Special Editions’ of oldies but goodies on DVD, including The Beatles’ “A Hard Day’s Night”, a widescreen version of “Grease”, the Oscar-winning films “One Flew Over The Cuckoo’s Nest” (1975) and Amadeus (1984), the Eddie Murphy comedies “Trading Places” and “Boomerang”, and the 1952 Gene Kelly classic “Singin’ in the Rain”.

MEN CAN’T HELP BEING JERKS:
Scientists from the University of Pennsylvania School of Medicine say that men may be more aggressive than women due to brain structure. A new study shows that the sections of the brain that restrain aggression and monitor behavior are larger in women than in men.

THANKS FOR THE FISH BREATH:
A promising new toothpaste that may fight infection in the mouth is being developed, made from – crab’s shell. The paste, which could be on sale within a year, contains tiny polymer particles each containing a speck of bacteria-killing agent. Because they are sticky, the shell particles lodge in areas of the teeth and gums vulnerable to infection and are not washed away by saliva.

BODY MAPPING:
Dr Craig Venter, one of the world’s most renowned genetic scientists, is setting up a service to map peoples’ entire genetic codes – for a fee of $1.14 million. Why would you want to spend that much? It could help predict how and when you will die, allowing for early treatment of any genetic illnesses you might be susceptible to. Venter, who has angered the scientific community in the past for his commercial approach, claims he’s already signed up several millionaires but won’t identify them.

SHARE AND SHARE ALIKE:
A new study from Britain’s University of Nottingham suggests that married couples share more than homes, vehicles and finances – they’re also likely to have some of the same diseases. If one spouse suffers from asthma, depression, peptic ulcers, high blood pressure or raised cholesterol levels, the chances are their partner will be afflicted with the same illness. In fact, for asthma, depression and ulcers, the risk increases by at least 70%.

DON’T SPIKE HER!
A group of Edmonton Eskimos football players caught a woman who jumped from the 4th floor of a burning building in downtown Edmonton, likely saving her life. (Good thing it wasn’t the Argos – they would’ve fumbled.)

I WANT THIS LOAN ARRANGER!
A bank in Australia has given a 92-year-old woman a mortgage to buy her first home. Not noteworthy except – it’s a 30-year mortgage!

BS AMAZING FACT:
According to a survey, TUESDAY is the best day of the week to go to the doctor because, for some unknown reason, there just happen to be fewer appointments made on this day. (Well, there were up until now.)

THE BULL SHEET 09.24.2K2

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1921 [81] Jim McKay (McManus), Philadelphia PA, Emmy Award-winning sportscaster who’s back at work doing TV commentaries again

1948 [54] Gordon Clapp, North Conway NH, TV actor (Det Greg Medavoy on “NYPD Blue” since 1993)

BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
TOMORROW is “One-Hit Wonder Day”, originally sponsored by “One Shot Magazine” to honor musicians who made it big only once before fading into obscurity. If you’re looking for a list, try these sites –
NET: http://www.dogpound.biz/onehit.html
NET: http://www.vh1.com/shows/series/100_greatest/one_hit_wonders

SEPTEMBER is “Subliminal Marketing Month”. The journal “Science” says that subliminal messages actually CAN influence how people think, but only for a brief period of time and only if the message is limited to one word. Tried any subliminal promos on your station?

TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1927 [75] Toronto ‘St Patricks’ hockey club 1st uses name ‘Maple Leafs’

1968 [34] 1st edition of “60 Minutes”, TV’s longest running news magazine, with Harry Reasoner & Mike Wallace (who was 50 at the time and is still working today!)

1979 [23] 1st ‘online service’ (CompuServe, later absorbed by AOL)

TODAY’S RECORDS . . .
1984 [18] Longest-ever recorded kiss sets a “Guinness Record” at 17 days, 10.5 hours

1988 [14] Ben Johnson runs 100m in record 9.79 secs at Seoul Olympics (touching off a national celebration that goes sour 3 days later when he tests positive for anabolic steroid use and is disqualified)

AND REMEMBER . . .
[Wed] National Comic Book Day
[Thurs] Vancouver International Film Festival begins
[Fri] Ancestor Appreciation Day
[Fri] Native American Day
[Sat] Ask A Stupid Question Day
[Sun] National Goose Day
[Sun] Prairie Music Awards (Winnipeg)
This Week is – Banned Books Week
This Month is – Be Kind to Writers & Editors Month (by renewing your BS subscription!)

BULL’S BITS . . .
CRAZIEST CLASSIC COUNTRY TITLES:

• “She’s Actin’ Single and I’m Drinkin’ Doubles”
• “How Can I Miss You If You Won’t Go Away?”
• ”I Don’t Know Whether to Kill Myself or Go Bowling”
• “I Just Bought a Car From a Guy That Stole My Girl, But the Car Don’t Run So I Figure We’re Even”
• “I Keep Forgettin’ I Forgot About You”
• “I Liked You Better Before I Knew You So Well”
• “I’ve Got Tears in My Ears From Lyin’ On My Back and Cryin’ Over You”
• “If I Had Shot You When I Wanted To, I’d Be Out By Now”
• “Mama Get A Hammer (There’s A Fly On Papa’s Head)”
• “Please Bypass This Heart”
• ”You Done Tore Out My Heart And Stomped That Sucker Flat”
• ”She’s Looking Better After Every Beer”

IF IT WERE REALLY A MAN’S WORLD –
• “Sorry, but I got wasted last night” would be an acceptable excuse for absence and/or lateness.
• Valentine’s Day would be moved to February 29th, so it would only occur in leap years.
• On Fathers Day, you’d get the day off to go drinking.
• Birth control would come in ale or lager.
• Telephones would automatically cut off after 30 seconds of conversation.
• Nodding and looking at your watch would be deemed an acceptable response to “I love you.”
• Hallmark would make “Sorry, what was your name again?” cards.
• Beer chugging would actually make you more attractive to the opposite sex.
• When your wife/girlfriend really needed to talk to you during the football game, she’d appear in the little PIP box in the corner of the screen when the quarter ended.

BS QUICK-PICK TRIVIA:
• If you hear thunder 10 seconds after you see lightning, how far away was the lightning?
a) 1 mile away.
b) 2 miles away.
c) What’s that tingling in my leg?
ANSWER: 2 miles away. Sound travels at about a mile in 5 seconds.

• How do you tell the age of a horse?
a) Examine its teeth.
b) Measure its hooves.
c) Check the expiration date on the hot dog package.
ANSWER: Check out those molars!

• What is the largest desert in Europe?
a) Gobi
b) Goober
c) There aren’t any, moron!
ANSWER: Europe has no deserts. It’s the only continent without one.

• Which one of these comic marvels was not created by Stan Lee?
a) “The Punisher”
b) “The Fantastic Four”
c) “The Incredible Hulk”
ANSWER: Cartoonist Lee has nothing to do with “The Punisher”.

BS PHONE STARTERS:
• “What book changed your life?”
• “Isn’t one ‘Crime Scene Investigation’ per week on TV enough?”

BS ‘FIND THE FAKE’:
Two of the following are actual headlines from women’s magazines, the other one a BS fake. But which one?
GAME #1 –
• “The Outrageous ‘Rock’ Technique & 21 Other Moves That Will Make His Thighs Go Up in Flames!”
• “How to Make Him Beg For a Second Helping!” [FAKE]
• “Is He Too Big? Are You? How to Maximize Your Pleasure!”

GAME #2 –
• “10 Make-Him-Throb Moves So Hot You’ll Need a Fire Hose to Cool Down the Bed”
• “Whatever Happened to Mr Exciting?”
• “Tailgating Tips for AFTER Monday Night Football!” [FAKE]

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: Almost half of Canadian students will do this at school today.                       
Answer to Give Out Tomorrow: Buy their lunch.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
How long a minute lasts depends on which side of the bathroom door you’re on.


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