Tuesday, September 21, 2010       Edition: #4347
Our Sheet Don’t Stink!

Today Mel Gibson’s baby mama Oksana Grigorieva is meeting with her new ‘dream team’ of lawyers, who are individually working on child custody, support, a civil suit , the domestic violence investigation, and the extortion probe; but the first order of business is said to be winning the public relations war vs Mel (sad, sad people with way too much money) . . . After initially denying it, 24-year-old famous felon Lindsay Lohan has now admitted she’s failed a drug test (including one for cocaine, reportedly), putting her future home address in doubt (Cell 3627, Block D …) . . . As was expected, 29-year-old Paris Hilton has pled guilty to 2 misdemeanors in her drug-possession case, in return for a year of probation but no jail time (proof she’s lawyered up big-time once again) . . . 37-year-old magician David Blaine is going to make a baby appear sometime early next year via French model Alizee Guinochet, who is pregnant with their first child (the real magic trick was landing a French model!) . . . David & Victoria Beckham’s son Romeo has reportedly signed a deal to create a line of kids’ sunglasses that are UV protected and ‘trendy’ (the kid is 8-years-old) . . . Former “Playboy” Playmate Karissa Shannon & her BF, “Smallville” actor Sam Jones, have finally agreed to allow their explicit home-shot video to be released and all it took was cold, hard cash – a deal with Vivid Entertainment said to be in the ‘6-figure range’ (what should they title it: “The Bunny in Bigville”?) . . . And 41-year-old actor Javier Bardem, who secretly married 36-year-old actress Penelope Cruz (“Pirates Of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides”) in a secret ceremony in the Bahamas in July, says he’s ‘honestly & truly happy’ about her unexpected pregnancy (thereby ensuring another Oscar nomination).

• “Being Erica” (CBC) – Erin Karpluk    returns as ‘Erica Strange’ in the Season 3 premiere.
• “The Biggest Loser” (NBC/CityTV) – In the 10th season debut Jillian Michaels and the other trainers travel to 7 US cities to motivate the communities.
• “Dancing With the Stars” (ABC/CTV) – The first elimination takes place; Santana performs; Daughtry performs.
• “Detroit 1-8-7” (ABC) – Series debut of a new drama in which fictional documentarians film homicide cops on-the-job. Gritty Detroit crime … how exotic.
• “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/A Channel) – Michael Franti & Spearhead (“The Sound of Sunshine”).
• “Glee” (FOX/Global) – After a tough loss at regionals, ‘New Directions’ returns as the underdogs of ‘McKinley High’ in the season debut.
• “Late Late Show With Craig Ferguson” (CBS) – Sara Bareilles (“Kaleidoscope Heart”).
• “Late Night With Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/A Channel) – Country legend Merle Haggard.
• “NCIS” / “NCIS: Los Angeles (CBS/Global) – 3-hour season premiere.
• “Raising Hope” (FOX) – Series debut of a new comedy about a 23-year-old single dad (Lucas Neff) who must rely on his family to help raise his infant daughter.
• “Running Wilde” (FOX) – Will Arnett (“Arrested Development”) stars in this new series about a self-centered, not-too-bright son of an oil tycoon who lives in the lap of luxury thanks to daddy’s dollars.
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/A Channel) – Sheryl Crow (“100 Miles From Memphis”).

• Coldplay & Jay-Z – They’ve reportedly agreed to a multi-million-dollar deal to play a show New Year’s Eve at the Cosmopolitan of Las Vegas resort. Invitation-only guests will be treated to separate sets before the 2 acts take the stage together.
• John Legend & The Roots – Today they release their collaborative album “WAKE UP!”.
• Kid Rock – His waffle bill: $6,000. That’s his share of compensatory damages from that Atlanta Waffle House incident a couple of years back where a fellow diner had a beating administered. The rest of his crew will have to pony up a further $34,000.
• Loretta Lynn – Today her memoir, “Loretta Lynn: Coal Miner’s Daughter”, is being reissued in paperback to coincide with the 30th anniversary of the Oscar-winning film “Coal Miner’s Daughter” and the 50th anniversary of Loretta’s first single, “I’m a Honky Tonk Girl”.
• Mariah Carey – She’s set to launch her own ‘lifestyle collection’, including clothing, footwear, and jewelry on the Home Shopping Network. The line is described as ‘affordable’.
• Maroon 5 – Their new album “Hands All Over”, produced by Mutt Lange, is out today.
• Shakira – Tonight her 2010 World Tour’s North American leg hits New York City. Shakira has only toured the US twice before, in 2002 and 2006.
• System Of A Down – Today frontman Serj Tankian releases his new solo album, “Imperfect Harmonies”. The release has been delayed in order to package the project in ‘tree-free paper’.
• Zac Brown Band –Today they release their new CD “You Get What You Give”.

• “Ondine” ( PG-13 Fantasy Drama ): Colin Farrell, Stephen Rea, Alicja Bachleda star in the story of ‘Syracuse’, a simple fisherman who catches a beautiful and mysterious woman in his trawler’s nets and he comes alive before his eyes.
• “Robin Hood” ( PG-13 Adventure ): Director Ridley Scott’s interpretation of the 12th-century story of an archer who fights Norman invaders by assembling mercenaries to raid the upper class. Russell Crowe has the lead; Cate Blanchett plays the widow ‘Marion’. Also comes in a ‘2-Disc Unrated Director’s Cut’.
• Also released today: “Being Human: Season 2” (TV); “Castle: The Complete 2nd Season” (TV); “Community: The Complete 1st Season” (TV); “Desperate Housewives: The Complete 6th Season” (TV); “How I Met Your Mother: Season 5” (TV); “Law & Order: Special Victims Unit – Year 11” (TV); “The Legend of Bruce Lee” (Biography); “The Mentalist: The Complete 2nd Season” (TV); “Modern Family: The Complete 1st Season” (TV); “Saturday Night Live: Best of ’09/’10” (TV Compilation); “30 Rock: Season 4” (TV); and “Two & a Half Men: The Complete 7th Season” (TV).

According to a new study, seasonal changes cause body fat to shift location in our bodies, thereby altering the shape of our figures. Researchers say fluctuating testosterone levels drive the shape changes in both men and women from one season to another. (Is that why during harvest season in the Autumn, you look more like a pear?)
– ANI Science & Health

• ‘The Andy Dick’ – This dude has no business near anything alcoholic. Within 2 drinks he’s falling down drunk, slobbering all over himself, and groping chicks he doesn’t know. After a few solid-ass beatings and arrests, he either disappears from campus or makes his way to skid row.
• ‘The Churchill’ – The rarest of campus tipplers, this guy can go toe-to-toe with the best of boozers, yet still makes it to class every morning and maintains a 3.0 average. Normally a leader in the Greek system or student government, this dude has a legit job before graduation.
• ‘The Dean Martin’ – This cat pretends to be drunk but rarely is. This allows him to fit in but maintain full control. He’ll rarely orders a drink in front of anyone, as they are often soda water with a splash of cranberry. Overcompensates by talking about drinking way too much.
• ‘The Jester’ – This guy loves to drink almost as much as he lives to make people laugh. He has no problem busting everyone’s balls, especially his own. Can be obnoxious, vulgar, and rude, but normally is funny enough to smile, chuckle, and elbow his way out of it.
• ‘The Viking’ – Did someone say shots? Funnels? Keg Stands? This dude is down for it all. Able to hold it like a pro, until pushing himself beyond his limits. This guy is not afraid to puke, pass out, rally, then beat the crap out of some poor sod who is ‘looking at him funny’.
– Adapted from “The Toilet Paper”

New artificial ‘skin’ fashioned out of flexible semiconductor materials can sense touch, making it possible to create robots with a grip delicate enough to hold an egg, yet strong enough to grasp the frying pan. Scientists have long struggled with a way to make robotic devices capable of adjusting the amount of force needed to hold and use different objects. University of California Berkeley researchers say these new pressure-sensitive materials are designed to overcome that challenge. (So robots can hold an egg now … but can they make an omelette?)
– Reuters.com

Listen up, ladies! According to body-language expert Jan Hargrave, author of “Let Me See Your Body Talk”, here are some ways you can tell if a guy is lying to you …
• Bites his lower lip.
• Crosses extremities.
• Rubs his eye.
• Tugs his ear.
(And how about … ‘opens his mouth’?)
– “Cosmopolitan” magazine.

• 82% of us regularly spend 30 minutes or less on lunch. 43% as little as 15 minutes or less.
• 58% of us say think lunch is of such little importance that we skip it altogether when busy.
• 40% of us eat lunch alone.
• 35% of us eat lunch while we do something else, such as driving or working.
• 33% feel tired or moody when lunch is skipped; 20% have problems concentrating or thinking.
– “Careers & Jobs”


1934 [76] Leonard Cohen, Montréal QC, Canadian icon/singer/songwriter/poet (“Hallelujah”, “Bird On a Wire”)/Rock & Roll Hall of Fame (2008)/Companion Of the Order of Canada (2003)/Canadian Music Hall of Fame (1991)

1947 [63] Stephen King, Portland ME, scary author (“Cell”, “The Shining”)/first major author to release books online

1950 [60] Bill Murray, Wilmette IL, movie actor (“Lost in Translation”, “Caddyshack”)

1967 [43] Faith Hill, Ridgeland MS, country singer (“NBC Sunday Night Football Theme”, “This Kiss”)/Mrs Tim McGraw since 1996

1967 [43] Tyler Stewart, Newmarket ON, pop drummer (Barenaked Ladies-“Easy”, “One Week”)

1972 [38] Liam Gallagher, Manchester UK, outspoken classic rock singer (ex-Oasis-“Wonderwall”, “Don’t Look Back in Anger”)

1981 [29] Nicole Richie (Escovedo), Berkeley CA, famous person (“The Simple Life”)/adopted daughter of pop singer Lionel Richie/double mom via partner Joel Madden (Good Charlotte)

• “International Day of Peace”, the 28th annual observance highlighting the work of the UN and its humanitarian agencies, as well as organizations and individuals around the world dedicated to creating a more peaceful, just, and sustainable world.
NET: http://www.internationaldayofpeace.org/

• “Last Full Day of Summer” in the Northern Hemisphere. (Sniff.)

• “Miniature Golf Day”. The first mini-golf was the ‘Tom Thumb Golf Course’ built in 1929 in Chattanooga TN by John Garnet Carter. Nowadays there’s a ‘Professional Miniature Golf Association’ that holds the ‘PMGA Championship’ each year.
NET: http://www.thepmga.com

• “Respect for the Aged Day” in Japan, a national holiday since 1966, celebrated on the 3rd Monday of September to honor the elderly. There may be more centenarians per capita in Okinawa, Japan than anywhere else in the world – about 50 per 100,000 residents.

• “World Alzheimer’s Day”, an annual observance when Alzheimer’s organizations try to raise awareness about Alzheimer’s disease and dementia.
NET: http://www.alzinfo.org/08/alzheimers/world-alzheimers-day

1937 [73] JRR Tolkien’s “The Hobbit” is first published, later translated into over 40 languages (the movie version is due in December 2012)

2001 [09] 27 TV networks air “America: A Tribute to Heroes”, a star-studded benefit for families of 9/11 victims that’s broadcast live from NYC & LA

1970 [40] 1st “Monday Night Football” game on ABC-TV as NY Jets beat Cleveland Browns 31-21 (in the booth are play-by-play announcer Keith Jackson, analyst Don Meredith, and commentator Howard Cosell)

1995 [15] Canadian Mint unveils design for new $2-coin that includes a polar bear (soon becomes known as the ‘toony’, twony, ‘toonie’, ‘tooney’ or ‘twonie’ – how do YOU spell it?)

[Wed] Business Women’s Day
[Wed] Autumn Equinox
[Wed] Dear Diary Day
[Wed] Elephant  Appreciation Day
[Wed] Centenarian’s Day
[Wed] White Chocolate Day
[Wed] “Law & Order: SVU” 2-hour season premiere (NBC)
This Week Is … Pollution Prevention Week
This Month Is … Apple Month


• “The Iron Mask” [Death Metal Album]
• “Uncivil War” [Hardy Boys]
• “Carnival of Crime” [Hardy Boys]
• “Court of Death” [Death Metal Album]
• “Inferno of Fear” [Hardy Boys]
• “Pure Evil” [Hardy Boys]
• “Prime Evil” [Death Metal Album]
• “Haunting the Chapel” [Death Metal Album]
• “First Day, Worst Day” [Hardy Boys]
• “Dangerous Meeting” [Death Metal Album]
• “Castle Fear” [Hardy Boys]
• “Dead on Arrival” [Hardy Boys]
• “Edge of Destruction” [Hardy Boys]
• “Game Plan For Disaster” [Hardy Boys]
• “Shield Of Fear” [Hardy Boys]
• “Skeleton Kiss” [Death Metal Album]
– Thanks to David Epstein

Putting a computer in front of a child and expecting it to teach him is like putting a book under his pillow, only more expensive.

In what unusual place did you ‘lose it’?

Ask a phone contestant (kid’s work great!) to try to supply these famous proverbs …
• “Make hay while … [the sun shines.”]
• “Many hands make … [light work.”]
• “Practice makes … [perfect.”]
• “There’s no time like … [the present.”]
• “Never put off till tomorrow what … [may be done today.”]
• “Rome was not built … [in a day.”]
• “One good turn deserves … [another.”]
• “What’s good for the goose is good for … [the gander.”]
• “Out of the frying pan and into … [the fire.”]
• “Necessity is the … [mother of invention.”]

Today’s Question: You are 3 times more likely to catch a cold if you don’t do THIS.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Get at least 7 hours of sleep. (Self.com)

Advice, like medicine, is easy to give, hard to take.

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