October 2, 2000 Edition: #1901
QUICK HICCUP CURES RECOMMENDED BY MEDICAL EXPERTS:
• Stick your fingers in your ears.
• Swallow some stale bread.
• Chew on a vinegar-soaked sugar cube.
• Gargle with water.
• Squeeze the bridge of your nose.
• Pull your tongue.
(Ask listeners for more home remedies.)
BS TABLOID TRASH:
• If you believe “Star”, Britney Spears got down to her bra and panties in a strip poker game during a bash at Ben Affleck’s Hollywood Hills home (she wouldn’t have to take off much). And Ben was reportedly down to his undies too — jungle print boxers! (Hmm, guess it’s true — she’s “NOT that innocent!”)
• Their romance has mostly been kept under wraps, but NEXT WEEK’s “People” magazine says Meg Ryan and Russell Crowe had no problem displaying their affection publicly during a recent Olympic visit to Crowe’s native Australia. (In fact he set a record in the breast stroke.)
• According to “National Enquirer” blondes DO have more fun! Halle Berry tells the rag she brought home that long blonde wig she wore as ‘Storm’ in “X-Men” and confesses she only wears it IN PRIVATE for fiancé Eric Benet. (Seems he likes playing superhero.)
• “Q Online” reports that Cher’s next musical effort will be an Internet-only album called “Not Commercial” to be released online in NOVEMBER. The original material, penned completely by Cher, will include a tribute to late Nirvana frontman Kurt Cobain. (This is akin to Adam Sandler paying tribute to Sir Lawrence Olivier.)
• “New York Daily News” reports Dr Laura Schlessinger’s syndicated TV show is paying actors to sit in the audience and ask the right questions at the right time. (Time to cancel.)
• John Lennon’s assassin Mark Chapman has a parole board hearing THIS WEEK. His excuse for being released? Quoted in Britain’s “Daily Express” tabloid he says, “I think the main problem was that my father never talked about life or problems.” (. . . so I shot John.)
• And the heart-stopping headline of the week is from “Weekly World News” which reports “Millions of piranha-like fish fall from sky in Ethiopia!”
MR AMERICA:
TONIGHT FOX-TV airs the 2-hour special “The Sexiest Bachelor in America”, in which 50 men will be judged by an all-female panel on ‘looks, style and personality’. A formal wear and bathing suit competition are included. (I’m getting sooo tired of being treated like a sex object.)
BS AMAZIN’ FACTS:
• Your skin weighs almost twice as much as your brain. (A lot more in Anna Nicole Smith’s case.)
• If your office is typical, 75% of the content in your files should have been placed in the wastebasket. (Too bad that includes your employee file.)
• There is a 50% chance that at least half your hair will be gray by the time you reach 50. (For men, that’d be the half that is still remaining.)
• Statistically speaking, driving on a Monday is nearly twice as safe as driving on a Saturday. (So odds are you’ll arrive alive for another day on the old treadmill.)
THE BULL SHEET 10.02.00
TODAY’S CELEBRITY BIRTHDAYS . . .
1948 [52] Donna Karan (Faske), Forest Hills NY, fashion designer (Coty Hall of Fame-1984)
1950 [50] ‘Charlie Brown’ and ‘Snoopy’, cartoon characters created by the late Charles Schultz (1st “Peanuts” comic strip [first titled “Li’l Folks”] debuts in 9 newspapers)
1951 [49] Sting (Gordon Sumner), Wallsend ENG, rock musician (“Brand New Day”, Police-“Every Breath You Take”)
1955 [45] Lorraine Bracco, Brooklyn NY, TV actress (Dr Jennifer Melfi, the shrink on “The Sopranos”)
BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
Some wacko somewhere decided TODAY is “Name Your Car Day”. A poll shows that about 15% of people have a pet name for their cars. So get listeners to call in and tell you their car names, and then you can tell them . . .
WHAT YOUR CAR COLOR SAYS ABOUT YOU:
• Red — You crave attention. You are aggressive, impulsive, intense and animated.
• Brown — You are cautious, conservative and often introverted.
• White — You are neat, compulsive and often critical and fussy.
• Blue — You are conservative, shy and introverted.
• Green — You are sophisticated, intelligent and a club joiner.
• Black — The ultimate power color. You are a serious, self-confident sophisticate.
Hmm, they don’t have my car color listed — rust.
(Source: color expert Leatrice Eiseman)
TODAY is “Custodial Workers Day”, honoring those who clean up after the rest us. Nicer names for ‘janitor’ –’‘Caretaker’, ‘Maintenance Coordinator’, ‘Sanitation Engineer’, ‘Cleanliness Resource Supervisor’.
TODAY is “World Farm Animals Day”, as declared by the ‘Farm Animal Reform Movement’, to memorialize the ‘needless suffering and death’ of billions of innocent farm animals each year. The date honors the birthday of Mahatma Gandhi, who was the world’s foremost champion of humane farming.
ON THIS DAY IN THE ’90S . . .
1995 [05] Alanis Morissette’s “Jagged Little Pill” reaches #1 on album charts
TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1991 [09] 1st team in sports history to draw 4 million fans in 1 season (Toronto Blue Jays, who also clinch AL East on this day)
AND REMEMBER . . .
[Wed] National Golf Day (for doctors, just another Wednesday)
[Wed] CMA Awards (aka the Faith Hill awards)
Teller Appreciation Week (try and find one)
Squirrel Awareness Week
National Pretzel Month
BS TRIVIA:
Q: Let’s see if you were paying attention the last 2 weeks. Which are the only 2 countries that have competed in every single Olympics since the beginning of the modern games?
A: Greece and Australia.
BS TAG LINE: The best place to look for a helping hand is on end of your own arm.
