September 14, 2000 Edition: #1889
TODAY the latest version of Microsoft Windows, aimed at home users and dubbed ‘Windows Me’, for ‘Millennium Edition’ arrives in stores. It features a new multimedia player, video-editing program, and easier links for digital cameras. And (haven’t we heard THIS before) Microsoft promises it will crash less often. Compared to the hoopla surrounding ‘Windows 95′ it’s a rather quiet launch, with the company calling the new version “evolutionary and not revolutionary”. (Translated that means, “we changed just enough stuff to make everything currently in your PC outdated”.)
BS REASONS TO GET THE NEW VERSION OF WINDOWS:
• It’s the fastest way to slow down a speeding computer.
• What else can you waste on 95% of your hard drive?
• It’s optimized for that buggy Pentium you have.
• Traces of Windows 95 and 98 can actually be seen in its stool.
• Includes a direct link to merge your company with Microsoft.
• Why should someone like you have any control over your system anyways?
• To you, Bill Gates looks like he needs the money.
• You like grey hair.
• You are a very forgiving person.
BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
Pamela Wallin is the first female host among 31 versions of “Who Wants to Be a Millionaire?” running worldwide . . . TONIGHT Luciano Pavarotti kicks off his 40th year of professional singing with a concert at NYC’s Madison Square Garden . . . TONIGHT’S Democratic fundraiser at NYC’s Radio City Music Hall includes a who’s who of Hollywood, the likes of Matt Damon, Julia Roberts, Michael Douglas, Ben Affleck and John Cusack with performances by Crosby, Still & Nash, Bette Midler, Paul Simon, Don Henley & Glenn Frey, Sheryl Crow, Macy Gray, Jon Bon Jovi, Lenny Kravitz, Jimmy Buffett and kd lang . . . NEXT WEEK “Survivor” contestants Jenna, Gervase, Colleen, Susan and Rich will each co-host a show on “Live with Regis” (ok it’s official — we’ve reached overkill) . . . And the quote of the day comes from Kevin Richardson of the Backstreet Boys who says, “We do more than just sing and dance. We’ve got a brain, too.” (presumably they share).
MOVIES IN THE MAKIN’:
The upcoming remake of Frank Sinatra’s ‘Rat Pack’ pic “Ocean’s Eleven” is going to be one star-studded affair with Matt Damon and Ralph Fiennes close to signing up to join a cast that already includes George Clooney, Brad Pitt, Julia Roberts and Alan Arkin . . . She won an Emmy SUNDAY and now Halle Berry is looking to play an undercover agent who works for spy guy John Travolta in the upcoming thriller “Swordfish” . . . No reason has been given why WWF wrestler The Rock has bailed out of an untitled sci-fi action film being developed for him (he’s chicken?).
HERE’S A NEW WRINKLE:
The California Prune Board is spending $10 million on a new marketing campaign to convince us that prunes, the punch line of a million jokes, are now ‘dried plums’, a cool and trendy snack for busy people on the go. (In fact they keep going and going and . . .)
THE BULL SHEET 09.14.00
TODAY’S CELEBRITY BIRTHDAYS . . .
1947 [53] Sam Neill, Omagh N IRE, movie actor (“Jurassic Park”, “The Horse Whisperer”)
1970 [30] Craig Montoya, Portland OR, rock musician (Everclear-“Wonderful”)
BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
With the 14-hour time difference, TOMORROW’s “Opening Ceremonies” of the Sydney Olympics actually occur 3:45-7:45 am EDT and CBC-TV will carry it live, then rebroadcast it later in the day. (There’s gonna be a lot of red eyes during these Olympics.)
ON THIS DAY IN THE ’90S . . .
1994 [06] MLB baseball season, including World Series, is canceled due to strike
1999 [01] Hit single “I Need To Know” by Marc Anthony released
TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1981 [19] 1st edition of TV’s “Entertainment Tonight” on TV
1994 [06] 1st episode of TV’ s “Touched by an Angel”, starring Della Reese
1998 [02] Retro game show “Hollywood Squares” returns to TV, with Whoopi Goldberg in center square
TODAY’S RECORD . . .
1987 [13] Largest-ever newspaper edition as Sunday “NY Times” has 1,612 pages and weighs in at 12 lbs (also sets new record for most paper carriers with hernias)
1987 [13] Skateboard high jump record set as Tony Magnuson clears 9.5 ft above U-ramp
AND REMEMBER . . .
[Fri-Oct 1] Sydney Olympics
[Sat] National Kids Day
National Mindmapping and Brainstorming Week
National Hockey Month
BULL’S BITS . . .
BS BRAIN BUSTERS:
• For ‘show & tell’, little Samantha announces to her kindergarten class that today is coincidently the birthday of BOTH her father and her grandfather, and what’s more, they’re both exactly the SAME AGE. Her teacher tells her that’s impossible, but Samantha insists it’s true. Can it be? [ANSWER: Sure! If her mother is much younger than her father, her MATERNAL grandfather and father could easily be the same age.]
• If it takes 20 minutes to hard-boil one goose egg, how long will it take to hard-boil 4 goose eggs? [ANSWER: The same 20 minutes. You can put all the goose eggs in the same pan.]
PHONE STARTER:
Women can drive men up the wall whenever they use certain phrases. Things like “How do you really feel about that?’, or “We have to talk” or “Do you think I’m too fat?” Ask listeners to call in single sentences that are guaranteed to get a guy’s goat.
Q: What Canadian city’s name is derived from the Mohawk word for ‘trees standing in the water’.
A: Toronto.
(Source: “All Canadian Trivia: Millennium Edition”)
BS TAG LINE: Make love, not war. Heck, do both, get married!
