September 6, 2000 Edition: #1883
BS THINGS YOU LEARNED THE FIRST WEEK OF SCHOOL:
• Play-Doh and microwave should never be used in the same sentence.
• You should never inhale deeply while cleaning blackboard brushes.
• Marbles in the gas tank make the school bus sound really noisy.
• Never sit next to the kid who mastered ventriloquism over the summer.
• You can eat the white school paste. You CAN’T eat the Super Glue.
• Your mom apparently spent hundreds of dollars on what appear to be
last year’s fashions.
• The phrase was actually, “Cheaters never perspire.”
• Teachers can be broken.
BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
Those oh-so-lucky Canadian “Who Wants to Be a Millionaire?” contestants
are in NYC for rehearsals with Pamela Wallin TODAY and will tape the 2
CTV shows TOMORROW for airing NEXT WEEK . . . Word is someone affiliated
with Lucasfilm has stolen a copy of the secret script for the
now-shooting “Episode II” and is offering to sell it for $100,000 (the
film’s truly revolutionary plot reportedly involves the good guys
beating up on the bad guys) . . . In an attempt to shore up
disappointing ratings, CBS-TV is offering 10 grand to the first “Big
Brother” contestant who voluntarily quits so a new attractive female
contestant can be introduced (we can only hope all 6 remaining
contestants take the money and run) . . . The publisher must be
salivating because some 1.5 million copies of the “Beatles Anthology”
have already been pre-ordered for the OCTOBER release (the book that
promises to tell the true story of John, Paul, George and Harry Potter).
HOW TO WIN HEARTS:
“Mens Health” magazine asked more than 2,000 women “Which of the
following spontaneous gestures do you find most romantic?” Here are the
answers — hidden note (41%), bouquet of flowers (28%), surprise date
(10%), greeting card (7%), jewelry (6%), surprise phone call (6%) and —
take note — chocolate or candy (just 1%). (Coming in dead last – a ride
to the STD clinic.)
WE’RE ON THE JOB:
• Stuck in rush hour traffic this morning? According to ‘The Road
Information Program’, we’re spending 47% more time sitting in traffic
than we did 10 years ago. On average, about 50 hours of your life is now
wasted in traffic jams. (Think of it as 12 more rounds of golf. Or for
[your co-host], making love an extra 3000 times.)
• ‘Management Recruiters International’ says telecommuting and other
workplace changes are making it likely that the customary ‘9 to 5′ work
day will cease to exist in about 10 years.
• A new study shows that 56% of the time, the LAST person interviewed
for a job is the person that gets hired, while the first person
interviewed only gets the gig about 17% of the time. The worst time for
a job interview is Monday or any day just before quitting time. (Or just
after Mr Personnel Director has interviewed a cute, young blonde for the
same position.)
FOOD FOR THOUGHT:
Marketing gurus will tell you that any new product should have at least
3 easily recognizable advantages over its competition. So what’s your
show got going for it?
THE BULL SHEET 09.06.00
TODAY’S CELEBRITY BIRTHDAYS . . .
1947 [53] Jane Curtin, Cambridge MA, TV actress (Dr Mary Albright-“Third
Rock From The Sun”)
1958 [42] Jeff Foxworthy, Atlanta GA, comedian (“You Might Be a
Redneck”)
1963 [37] Mark Chesnutt, Beaumont TX, country singer (“I Don’t Want to
Miss a Thing”)
1964 [36] Rosie Perez, Brooklyn NY, movie actress (“White Men Can’t
Jump”)
1971 [29] Dolores O’Riordan, Dublin IRE, rock singer
(Cranberries-“Linger”)
BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
“Toronto International Film Festival” TOMORROW-September 16 screens a
total of 329 feature and short films, both Canadian and international.
This year’s 25th anniversary fest is attracting about 30 prominent
actors and directors including Al Pacino, Willem Dafoe, Gwyneth Paltrow
and Sarah Jessica Parker.
PHONER: 416-934-3200 (Dave Constable, Philippe Jeanjean or Gabrielle
Free)
NET: http://www.e.bell.ca/filmfest/
Have you got a haircut with a hole in it? Does your dome reflect light
like a tanning shield? If you don’t have it, flaunt it THIS WEEKEND in
Morehead City NC at the 27th annual “Bald is Beautiful Convention”,
where bald is not only beautiful, it’s worshiped and praised!
PHONER: 252-726-1855 (John T Capps III [a GREAT interview])
NET: http://www-personal.umich.edu/~pfa/bald/baldpride.html
ON THIS DAY IN THE ’90S . . .
1995 [05] Baltimore scalpers get $1000 a ticket to watch Cal Ripkin Jr
break Lou Gehrig’s MLB consecutive game record by playing in his 2,131st
game (Camden Yards crowd cheers for 22 minutes, 15 seconds)
1997 [03] Millions watch worldwide on TV as Elton John sings “Candle in
the Wind” at Princess Diana’s funeral at Westminster Abbey in London
TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1910 [90] Regina (later Saskatchewan) Roughriders football club formed
1930 [70] 1st “Blondie” comic strip by Chic Young (it’s still going)
1977 [23] 1st Canadian highway signs go metric (Canadians begin driving
100 mph)
TODAY’S RECORDS . . .
1987 [13] Saskatchewan’s Dave Ridgway kicks CFL-record 60-yard field
goal
AND REMEMBER . . .
[Sun] Emmy Awards
[Mon] Canadian Country Music Awards
[Sept 13-14] Canadian “Who Wants to Be a Millionaire?” on CTV
Mental Health Workers’ Week
International Gay Square Dance Month
BULL’S BITS . . .
Q: People in this profession go through up to a dozen pairs of shoes a
week. What is it?
A: Professional ballerinas use about 12 pairs of ‘toe shoes’ weekly.
(Source: “Land O’ Useless Facts”)
BS TAG LINE:
It may be true that hard work never killed anyone, but why take the
chance?
