Friday, December 17, 2010        Edition: #4410
Our Sheet Don’t Stink!

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
Movie actor Jake Gyllenhaal says he’ll spend his 30th birthday this Sunday scuba-diving with walruses in the Arctic Circle (man, you’ll freeze your tusk!) . . . The former Mrs Mick Jagger, 54-year-old Jerry Hall, tells the new edition of “Harper’s Bazaar” she decided to become a model as a teen after taking LSD and having an epiphany while staring at herself in a mirror (another half-tab and she’d have become a lion tamer) . . . 47-year-old fading pop star George Michael has reportedly been offered a $1.5-million deal to become a judge on Simon Cowell’s upcoming US version of his talent show “The X Factor” (just don’t let him drive to work!) . . . Filmmaker James Cameron has given 11 of the principal actors from “Avatar” a new Toyota Prius (blue, of course) to thank them for their work on the blockbuster (wow, there goes a whopping .02% of the profits!) . . . Not to be outdone, actor/producer Adam Sandler has thanked the cast of his successful Summer comedy “Grown-Ups” by handing out Maseratis (by contrast, we remember once being given a sprig of holly as a Christmas ‘bonus’ – no BS) . . . “’Glee” star Heather Morris, who plays dense cheerleader ‘Brittany’, has been signed as an ‘ambassador’ for Flirt cosmetics, becoming the face of ‘All That Lash’ mascara (she’s looking forward to touring embassies around-the-world) . . . NYPD insiders have confirmed to “NY Post” that, although the investigation into actor Charlie Sheen’s meltdown at the Plaza Hotel in October is still technically open, it’s likely to be closed soon and he’s highly unlikely to face any criminal charges (the ‘luck of Chuck’ continues) . . . His ex, 39-year-old movie actress/reality TV star Denise Richards, has a new boyfriend – her 52-year-old neighbor Nikki Sixx of Motley Crue (she sure knows how to pick ‘em!)  . . . And 47-year-old Johnny Depp tells “OK!” magazine he’s uncomfortable watching himself onscreen, saying “I’d rather swallow a bag of ticks” (another reason to like the guy!).

WEEKEND SHOW BIZ SKED:
• “George Stroumboulopoulos Tonight” (CBC) – Tonight a “Polar Bear Special” from Churchill MB includes singers Chantal Kreviazuk and Raine Maida of Our Lady Peace.
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – Tonight Fitz & The Tantrums (“Pickin’ Up the Pieces”).
• “Late Night With Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/A Channel) – Tonight Robert Plant (“Band of Joy”).
• “Saturday Night Live” (NBC/Global) – Host Jeff Bridges (“TRON: Legacy”); musical guest Eminem, who’ll perform with Lil Wayne in his first TV appearance since his release from jail.
• “Survivor: Nicaragua” (CBS/Global) – Sunday the season finalé, followed by the cast reunion (aka ‘The Fat Show’), when the now well-fed survivors reunite to diss one another.
• “The Talk” (CBS) – Today country star Trace Adkins performs “The Christmas Song”.
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/A Channel) – Tonight Lyle Lovett w/Kat Edonson (“Natural Forces”).
• “WWE Tribute To the Troops” (NBC) – Saturday Trace Adkins appears on the 8th annual holiday special in a performance taped at Fort Hood, Texas. The program also features appearances by Diddy-Dirty Money and Cedric the Entertainer, among others.

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Bon Jovi – Barack Obama is appointing Jon Bon Jovi to the White House Council on Community Solutions, a group that will advise the president on how best to solve specific community needs.
• Coldplay – They’re doing a pair of ‘hidden gigs’ to raise funds for a homeless charity in the UK: Sunday in Liverpool and Monday in Newcastle.
• Diddy – Firefighters were called to his “Last Train to Paris” album launch party in NYC after a model accidentally … set her hair on fire. She apparently got too close to a candle, burst into flame and sent other partygoers into a panic. She wasn’t seriously injured.
• James Blunt – The Brit soldier-turned-pop singer (“You’re Beautiful”) is returning to a war zone over Christmas to perform for troops in Afghanistan. Quote: “We’re going to sing to the troops and scare the Taliban into surrender!”
• Jamey Johnson – His Grammy-nominated double album “The Guitar Song” has just been certified gold by the RIAA for sales of 500,000 units.
• Lady Gaga – She’s been approached to do a cameo in the new “Muppets” movie but actor-turned-screenwriter Jason Segel says there’s been no response as yet.
• Pink Floyd – They’ve won a court battle stopping EMI from selling their tracks individually online. They only want them marketed in their original configuration as complete albums.
• Susan Boyle – Her album “The Gift” is now in its 4th non-consecutive week at #1, according to new rankings from Nielsen SoundScan.

TODAY’S MOVIE OPENINGS:
• “How Do You Know” ( PG-13 Romantic Comedy ): Reese Witherspoon plays a former athlete who finds herself in the middle of a love triangle, as a corporate guy in crisis (Paul Rudd) competes with her current, baseball-player boyfriend (Owen Wilson). Jack Nicholson co-stars. Shot in Philadelphia PA and Washington DC.
NET: http://www.howdoyouknow-movie.com
• “TRON: Legacy” ( PG Sci-Fi Adventure ): In this sequel to the 1982 sci-fi classic, Jeff Bridges returns as arcade owner ‘Kevin Flynn’, who’s joined in the digital world where he’s been trapped for 20 years by his son (Garrett Hedlund). Together they embark on a life-or-death trek across the cyber universe Co-stars Olivia Wilde. Shot in Vancouver and Burnaby BC.
NET: http://disney.go.com/tron
• “Yogi Bear” ( PG Animated Family Comedy ): Anna Faris plays a documentary filmmaker shooting a project in ‘Jellystone Park’, where she crosses paths with ‘Yogi’ (voice of Dan Aykroyd), his sidekick ‘Boo-Boo’ (Justin Timberlake), and ‘Ranger Smith’ (Tom Cavanagh). Based on TV’s long-running “Yogi Bear Show” (1961-88). Shot in Auckland NZ.
NET: http://yogibear.warnerbros.com

FETAL SCAN:
Researchers in Barcelona, Spain have developed a method for imprinting microscopic bar codes on mouse embryos, a procedure they plan to test soon on humans. The goal is to help avoid mismatches during in-vitro fertilization and embryo transfer procedures. But privacy experts and children’s rights advocates have become instantly concerned with the concept of ‘direct labelling’ embryos. The researchers say the technique is perfectly safe, claiming the bar codes evaporate as the embryo develops into a fetus. (What next … expiry dates?)
– FoxNews.com

CRAP APPS:
The new book “iTwit: Fake Apps for Genuine Idiots” is a send-up of our current obsession with smartphones. It contends that most simple tasks have been outsourced to apps that tell us what to do, where to do it, and how much to spend on it. The book offers up a selection of fictional apps to further take over our lives. Among them …
• Too busy to know when you need to go to the john? Download ‘iGopoo’.
• Want to know how that ugly girl is going to look after 5 beers? Try ‘Booze Views’.
• Fresh out of clean underwear? ‘Sniff Tester’ will tell you which are okay for one more day.
The book promises the very latest in ‘analogue page-tilt technology’ – simply rotate the book and read the pages with your eyes.
NET: http://www.itwitbook.com
– PopBitch.com

THE CUTEST AGE:
Psychologist David Perrett, author of “In Your Face: The New Science of Human Attraction”, says that by 8 months of age, human babies have a large forehead and a really diminutive chin – and that’s the point at which most people find babies the most attractive. After 8 months, he says, the face grows relatively quickly, changing to a less and less cute configuration. (Interesting that a massive forehead and weak chin aren’t considered cute at all … on a 50-year-old guy.)
– LATimes.com

BS AMAZING FACTS:
• Miley Cyrus’ drug of choice, Salvia divinorum, is still legal in most of the US. It is sold both online and in head shops at up to 120 times its natural potency.
– TTP
• Patients recover quicker from surgery when looking at trees.
– BBC News
• In parts of Italy, the Christmas meal includes 7 different fish dishes to commemorate the ‘Seven Sacraments’. The fish is accompanied by pasta, salads, fruits, breads, and wine.
– RD.com

BS CHRONOMETER 12.17.10

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1946 [64] Eugene Levy, Hamilton ON, movie actor (“American Pie” films, “Best in Show”)/former TV actor (‘Stan Shmenge’ and many other characters-“SCTV”)

1958 [52] Mike Mills, Orange County CA, rock bassist (REM-“Drive”, “Losing My Religion”)  BS FACTOID: REM will release their new studio album, “Collapse Into Now”, on March 8th.

1966 [44] Tracy Byrd, Vidor TX, country singer (“Drinkin’ Bone”, “Ten Rounds with Jose Cuervo”)

1966 [44] Duane Propes, Arlington TX, country bassist (Little Texas-“Life Goes On”, “My Love”)

1973 [37] Eddie Fisher, Colorado Springs CO, rock drummer (OneRepublic-“Stop & Stare”, “Apologize”)

1974 [36] Giovanni Ribisi, LA CA, movie actor (“Avatar”, “The Flight Of the Phoenix”)

1975 [35] Milla Jovovich, Kiev, Ukraine, movie actress (“Resident Evil” films, “Zoolander”)

1978 [32] Neil Sanderson, Peterborough ON, rock drummer (Three Days Grace-“Break”, “Just Like You”)

SATURDAY –
Rock guitarist Keith Richards (Rolling Stones) is 67; Movie producer/director Steven Spielberg (“Indiana Jones” films) is 64; Movie actor Ray Liotta (“Goodfellas”) is 55; Movie star Brad Pitt (“Inglourious Basterds”) is 47; TV actress Rachel Griffiths (“Brothers & Sisters”) is 42; Movie actress Katie Holmes (Mrs Tom Cruise) is 32; Pop singer/actress Christina Aguilera (“Burlesque”) is 30.

SUNDAY –
Magician Criss Angel (“Mindfreak”) is 43; TV actress Alyssa Milano (“Romantically Challenged”) is 38; Movie actor Jake Gyllenhaal (“Love & Other Drugs”) is 30.

TODAY’S BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
• “Audubon Christmas Bird Count” through January 3rd, when more than 40,000 North American bird watchers will conduct the annual numbering of our feathered friends.
• “First Flight Anniversary Celebration” at Kill Devil Hills NC. A tradition since 1928, it honors the Wright Bros’ flight at Kitty Hawk NC December 17th, 1903.
• “International Day to End Violence Against Sex Workers”, the 7th annual when organizers are asking sex workers and their customers around-the-world to gather at 5 pm local time to honor those who’ve been killed while on-the-job.
NET: http://bit.ly/eAvqNc
• “Let’s See What We Find In the Fridge Day”, a day to be brave and eat something from the back of the refrigerator. Ask listeners for their grossest discoveries.
• “National Maple Syrup Day”, the opportunity to enjoy and appreciate this delicious North American treat. Canada makes more than 80% of the world’s supply. The state of Vermont is the biggest US producer, followed by Maine, New York, and Ohio.
• “National Maple Syrup Day”, honoring the great Canadian taste treat. There are over 12,000 maple syrup producers in Canada, accounting for more than 85% of world production. The province of Québec is the world’s top-ranked producer, accounting for more than 70% of all production.
• “Saturnalia” began, the week-long festival in ancient Rome honoring Saturn the planter god, which initiated the lasting traditions of exchanging gifts, illuminating lights, and closing businesses. Early Christian church leaders scheduled “Christmas” at this time of year partly to counteract this extremely popular pagan celebration.
• “Underdog Day”, the 34th annual on the 3rd Friday in December saluting all underdogs and unsung heroes, the ‘Number Twos’ who contribute so much to the ‘Number Ones’ that we always hear about. Sherlock Holmes’ Dr Watson, Robinson Crusoe’s Friday, Captain Kirk’s Mr Spock, etc. Ask listeners for other followers who’ve been under-appreciated.

SATURDAY –
• “International Migrants Day”, a day of solidarity for migrant workers on the anniversary of the UN’s 1990 adoption of rights for all migrant workers & their families. About 17,000 migrant farm workers come to Canada each year to pick fruits & vegetables.

SUNDAY –
• “I’ve Got My Big Fat Pants On Day”, a day to wear anything you want as long as it’s comfortable and roomy. Wouldn’t this be better celebrated AFTER the holidays?
• “Oatmeal Muffin Day”, celebrating the hot-out-of-the-oven treat that’s best slathered in butter.

THIS DAY IN SHOW BIZ . . .
2003 [07] “Lord Of the Rings: The Return Of the King” opens in movie theaters (#3 movie all-time with $1.1 billion in worldwide box office)

TODAY’S MUSIC EVENT . . .
1994 [16] Pop diva Celine Dion (then 26) marries her manager Rene Angelil (then 52) at the Notre-Dame Basilica in Montréal

TODAY’S FIRST . . .
1989 [21] Matt Groening’s satirical animated cartoon “The Simpsons” debuts on FOX-TV as a regular TV series

TODAY’S RECORD . . .
1991 [19] NBA’s ‘Most Lopsided Game’ as Cleveland beats Miami 148-80

AND REMEMBER . . .
[Mon] International Human Solidarity Day
[Tues] Full ‘Cold’ Moon
[Tues] Lunar Eclipse
[Tues] Winter Solstice
[Tues] Crossword Puzzle Day
[Tues] Humbug Day
[Tues] World Peace Day
This Week Is … Gluten-Free Baking Week
This Month Is … Write A Business Plan Month

BULL’S BITS

WORST SANTA JOKES OF ALL-TIME:
• Did you hear about the invisible Santa? You can’t see him, but you can feel his presents.
• What do you call Santa Claus when he’s almost late? Saint Nick-of-time.
• What nationality is Santa Claus? North Polish.
• What kind of motorcycle does Santa ride? A Holly Davidson.
• What do the elves call it when St Nick claps at the end of a concert? Santapplause.
• Why was Santa’s helper depressed? He had low elf esteem.
• What do you call someone who doesn’t believe in Santa? A rebel without a Claus.
• What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus? Claustrophobic.
• What do you get when you cross Santa Claus with Jessica Alba? A big thank-you from Santa.
– Adapted from emailsanta.com / MikesTopFive.com

BS PHONE STARTER:
Saturday is “Bake Cookies Day”. What’s the best kind of homemade cookie? Chocolate Chip? Oatmeal-Raisin? Peanut Butter?

BS HOLIDAY MOVIE QUIZ:
• Who played ‘Santa’ in the 2003 movie comedy “Elf”? [Edward Asner.]
• What is Rudolph’s father’s name? [Donner]
• Who played the little girl in “Miracle On 34th Street”? [Natalie Wood]
• In what movie did we first hear the song “White Christmas”? [“Holiday Inn”]
• How many sequels did Tim Allen make to the 1994 movie “The Santa Clause”? [Two: “The Santa Clause 2” 2002; “The Santa Clause 3: The Escape Clause” 2006.]
• In the 2004 film “The Polar Express” what single actor plays the roles of the conductor, a hobo, ‘Scrooge’, AND ‘Santa Claus’ [Tom Hanks.]
• Where did ‘Frosty’ melt? [In a greenhouse.]
• Who narrated the original “How the Grinch Stole Christmas”? [Boris Karloff]
• What’s the angel’s name in the holiday classic “It’s a Wonderful Life”? [‘Clarence’]
• Which is NOT a real movie: “Santa Claus vs The Christmas Vixens”; “Santa & The Beach Babe”, or “Santa Claus Conquers the Martians”. [“Santa & The Beach Babe”]

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: On average THIS is designed to be used around 180 times, but most are used well beyond that.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: A bra. (“USA Today”)

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
Poverty is sometimes a state of mind induced by a neighbor buying a new car.