April 8, 2005

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Friday, April 8, 2005                         Edition: #3008
There’s a Difference Between Sheet and Crapola!

TONIGHT the Toronto Blue Jays home opener vs the World Series champion Boston Red Sox at Rogers Centre will feature Velvet Revolver guitarist Slash performing the national anthems, and the “Trailer Park Boys” throwing out the ceremonial first pitch (whoa, only in Canada!) . . . SATURDAY “Canadian Idol” auditions hit Sydney NS . . . SATURDAY Russian tennis pinup Maria Sharapova celebrates her 18th birthday with a party sponsored by Motorola at NYC nightclub Hiro, at which Maroon 5 will perform (you know you’ve hit the big time when you can actually sell your birthday party) . . . Another day, another ‘James Bond’ rumor – now it’s little-known, 37-year-old British actor Daniel Craig (“Lara Croft: Tomb Raider”) who’s said to be the next ‘007′, but producers have yet to verify that (they want the free PR from all this speculation to keep coming!) . . . Actor Sean Penn says he’s so exhausted from filming a string of movies back-to-back, he’s going to take at least a couple of years off (giving some other guys a shot at an Oscar) . . . Actress Sharon Stone’s ex- Phil Bronstein is dating Mick Jagger’s ex- Jerry Hall . . . Newly-single Brad Pitt has bought himself a $9-million cliff-top bachelor pad overlooking the beach in Malibu CA, a property the architecture buff spotted in design magazine “Distinctive Homes” (his new neighbors will be Goldie Hawn & Mel Gibson) . . . Devout Catholic Mel Gibson will NOT attend the Pope’s funeral, passing on both it and a hoped-for visit to see the pontiff lying in state because the logistics were just too complicated (Mel doesn’t do line-ups) . . . “Million Dollar Baby” Oscar-winner Hilary Swank wants a baby of her own, telling “Life & Style Weekly” that she’s planning to put motherhood at the center of her life . . . And MTV plans to debut a Web-based video content channel called ‘MTV Overdrive’ by APRIL 25th (because their TV channel has no room for music anymore).

• Ashanti – She’ll play ‘ Dorothy‘ in the ABC-TV special “The Muppets’ Wizard of Oz” airing MAY 20th. She’s also recorded 3 new songs for the show’s soundtrack.
• Baby Bash – The “Baby I’m Back” singer says any success he’s had is due to ‘working harder than an ugly stripper’.
• Breaking Benjamin – TONIGHT they’re on “Tonight Show With Jay Leno”.
• Bruce Springsteen – He’s launching a solo tour APRIL 25th in Detroit, a day before his “Devils and Dust” solo album is released.
• 50 Cent – He’s become the first artist since The Beatles in 1964 to place 4 songs in the Top 10 of “Billboard’s” ‘Hot 100′ chart. The Beatles actually notched 5.
• Four Tops – TONIGHT they’re on “Late Show With David Letterman”.
• Green Day – Frontman Billie Joe Armstrong has written a movie treatment for their “American Idiot” album, then handed it off to a professional screenwriter who is currently developing the characters. It’s expected the project will start shooting NEXT YEAR. TOMORROW the band’s on NBC-TV’s “Saturday Night Live”.
• Jamie O’Neal – The “Somebody’s Hero” singer gives her little daughter Aliyah raw garlic to keep her healthy, which she admits makes the poor toddler ‘smell like one of “The Sopranos”.’ So why do it? ‘Cause that’s what her mom gave her.
• Michael Buble – TODAY he does ABC-TV’s daytime gabfest “The View”.
• U-2 – Bono is launching the new PSA campaign “One: The Campaign to Make Poverty History” that’s aimed at alleviating world poverty and AIDS.

• “Sahara” (PG-13 Action Thriller): Matthew McConaughey plays novelist Clive Cussler’s adventurer ‘Dirk Pitt’, who along with his slacker sidekick (Steve Zahn) embarks on a treasure hunt through West Africa in search of what locals call the ‘Ship of Death’, a lost Civil War battleship that may house a very valuable cargo. Penélope Cruz plays a doctor who warns the ship may be linked to mysterious deaths in the area. This marks the bigscreen directing debut of Breck Eisner, son of Walt Disney Co’s departing mogul Michael Eisner.
• “Fever Pitch” (PG-13 Romantic Comedy): Drew Barrymore plays a successful young woman who falls for what she thinks is the perfect guy (Jimmy Fallon). The only catch? He’s more than a little bit obsessed with the Boston Red Sox. The final scenes were shot October 27, 2004 at Game 4 of the 2004 World Series when Boston beat St Louis to finally win the championship, causing the Farrelly brothers to make quick revisions to the script. Partly filmed in Toronto.

Several private hospitals that cater to celebs are now offering a ‘birth package’ that includes – plastic surgery! First, the celebrity mother gets her silicone breast implants removed early in her pregnancy to prevent stretching. Later, after baby is born (usually whipped out by caesarean at 8 months to prevent mommy from getting too fat), new implants are installed, and liposuction plus a tummy tuck are performed to get rid of all signs of pregnancy. The new mother keeps hidden from the public for about 10 days while everything heals – something that causes little suspicion for a new mom.
– PopBitch.com

Filmmaker Tim Burton is spending a fortune to train squirrels to crack nuts for his new film “Charlie & The Chocolate Factory”. The wack director aims to recreate the ‘nut room’ from Roald Dahl’s popular novel and has been teaching 200 critters to crack and sort nuts and load them onto a conveyor belt. The stunt rodents were recruited at birth and subjected to 6 months of intensive training. The film will star Johnny Depp as ‘Willy Wonka’.
– “The Sun”

How creepy is this? TODAY parts of Earth will be briefly plunged into darkness on the day of Pope John Paul II’s funeral. It will be visible along an arc ranging from the southwestern Pacific to South America, at a time when it will already be night in Rome. Though rare, the so-called ‘hybrid eclipse’ caused by the curvature of the Earth was calculated for this date long ago. Most of the southern US will see a partial eclipse.
– “Sify News”

• CSIs in Kassel, Germany feared the worst when a woman found eyeglasses and false teeth in her flowerbed. After digging up the entire garden looking for a body, they finally cracked the case when they found a wallet containing ID. The owner subsequently admitted he lost his possessions after falling over a garden wall during a night of boozing. He just couldn’t remember which one!
• 2004 Nobel Physics laureate Frank Wilczek has become the subject of an unusual eBay auction. Enterprising students from a Swedish high school offered the chance to own DNA from a Nobel winner by rescuing some from the drinking glass he sipped while visiting the school. Proceeds go to a worthy cause – a field trip for the clever seniors!
• Texas oilman John Brown, founder of Zion Oil & Gas, is using the Bible as his guide to finding crude in the Holy Land. He claims Moses’ blessing to one of the 12 Tribes of Israel in Deuteronomy 33:24 indicates there is oil under the Kibbutz Maanit in northern Israel, where he’s now drilling. No luck so far.
• Online casino GoldenPalace.com‘s latest eBay acquisition in the interest of publicity is a Dorito in the shape of – the Pope’s hat.

• A Denver CO dad is marketing a 2-volume set of his serial-killer son’s lurid, videotaped confessions – for $39.95 each. Randolph White, father of Richard Paul White, who murdered 2 women, a male pal and several hookers, is hyping it as ‘brutal and disturbing’ and ‘an excellent example of professional police work’. (Not to mention a sick way of making a buck!).
• A Catholic priest will conduct a special graveyard prayer session to ward off evil after vandals smashed 73 graves at a cemetery in Brisbane, Australia. But it’s not just the desecration that‘s disturbing, it’s what was left behind – black candles, fish with stakes in them, gutted black cats, discarded medical gloves – and oodles of used condoms. (Creepy! Have they already begun filming “The Exorcist” remake?)
• The state of Missouri is looking to make it a felony offence for prison inmates to expose others to bodily fluids. The motivation for this may not be what you expect – it seems a few prisoners have been saving up saliva all-day-long in Styrofoam cups, then launching them at prison guards. (Sad to say but … it could be worse.)

• You can’t stop thinking about a mistake you made.
• You are intensely competitive and can’t stand doing worse than others.
• You either want to do something ‘just right’ or not at all.
• You demand perfection from others.
• You won’t ask for help if asking can be perceived as a flaw or weakness.
• You will persist at a task long after other people have quit.
• You are a fault-finder who must correct other people when they are wrong.
• You are highly aware of other people’s demands and expectations.
• You are very self-conscious about making mistakes in front of other people.
– BBC News Online

TODAY the Vatican expects 2 million pilgrims and heads of state from all over the world to be in Rome for the funeral of Pope John Paul II. Over 18,000 people per hour viewed the pontiff as he lay in state at St Peter’s Basilica THIS WEEK.
– “Passim”


1938 [67] Kofi Annan, Kumasi Ghana, UN Secretary-General since 1997

1963 [42] Julian Lennon, Liverpool UK, sometime pop singer (“Valotte”)/Cynthia & John Lennon’s son

1966 [39] Robin Wright-Penn, Dallas TX, movie actress (“Forrest Gump”)/Mrs Sean Penn since 1996

1968 [37] Patricia Arquette, Chicago IL, TV actress (‘Allison Dubois’ on “Medium”)/movie actress (“Ed Wood”)/ex-Mrs Nicolas Cage/sister of actors Roseanna Arquette & David Arquette

“Playboy” magazine founder Hugh Hefner is 79; Movie actor Dennis Quaid (“Flight of the Phoenix”) is 51; Country guitarist Dave Innis (Restless Heart) is 46; TV actress Cynthia Nixon (“Sex & the City”) is 39; Pop singer/TV actor Jesse McCartney (“Summerland”) is 18.

NFL analyst John Madden (“ABC Monday Night Football”) is 69; Washed-up movie actor Steven Seagal (“Under Siege”) is 54; Pop singer Mandy Moore (“Cry”) is 21.

TODAY is “International Feng Shui Awareness Day” (‘Fung Schway’), celebrating the oriental ‘art of placement’ in which architecture and interiors are situated to blend with their surroundings in order to create greater harmony. It may sound exotic, but virtually every skyscraper being built these days has received input from a feng shui master.

SATURDAY Britain’s 56-year-old Prince Charles weds 57-year-old longtime lady-friend Camilla Parker Bowles at the Windsor town hall not far from Windsor Castle. A few highlights …
• The media has been banned and only 30 guests, including Charles’ sons Prince William and Prince Harry, will witness the civil ceremony.
• By contrast, more than 800 million people worldwide watched the live televised wedding of Prince Charles & Princess Diana in 1981.
• Queen Elizabeth & Prince Philip will not attend the ceremony but will be present afterward at a blessing by the Archbishop of Canterbury in Windsor Castle’s St George’s Chapel. A party at the castle for 750 guests will follow.
• There is only one ‘official souvenir’ – $38 bone china mugs, in white & blue, bearing intertwined letter Cs.

• “Chicken Little Awareness Day”. Look up. Look waaay up. What d’ya see?
• “Former Prisoner of War Recognition Day”
• “Name Yourself Day”, a day for people with hated names to tag themselves with a new one.

• “Golfers Day”, honoring everyone who walks a mile chasing the little white ball, observed on the anniversary of the first PGA championship in 1916.
• “National Siblings Day”, honoring brothers and sisters who are living, those who aren’t – and perhaps those who shouldn’t be.

1994 [11] Body of Nirvana’s Kurt Cobain is found, the victim of a self-inflicted shotgun blast (it’s later determined the event occurred several days earlier, likely APRIL 5)

1969 [36] 1st ‘International MLB Game’ as Montréal Expos play 1st regular season game, beating NY Mets 11-10 at NYC’s Shea Stadium (now they’re the Washington Nationals)

1998 [07] Final episode of legendary TV sitcom “Seinfeld” is filmed on high-security set (you can still watch reruns in syndication every day of the week … about 12 times)

1766 [239] 1st ‘Fire Escape’ involves wicker basket, pulley and chain (London UK)

1873 [132] NYC’s Alfred Paraf patents 1st successful ‘Oleomargarine’ (he calls it ‘I Can’t Believe It’s Not Lard’)

1974 [31] Hank Aaron breaks Babe Ruth’s career home run record, hitting his 715th MLB homer while playing for Atlanta Braves (finishes career with 755)

[1 week today] Tax Day USA
[Sun] Salvation Army Founders Day
[Mon] Barbershop Quartet Day
[Mon] “2005 CMT Music Awards”
[Tues] Thank You School Librarian Day
[Tues] “Canadian Idol” auditions (St John’s NL)
[Wed] Scrabble Day
[Wed] “2005 Dove Awards”
This Week Is . . . Drafting Week
This Month Is . . .Holy Humor Month (because a good religion is one with a sense of humor)

The week’s most requested music files online …
1. Mario – “Let Me Love You”
2. Ciara – “Oh”
3. Akon – “Lonely”
4. Usher – “Caught Up”
5. Will Smith – “Switch”
– Big Champagne online music measurement.

The scary thing is, these people might be serious! A Website called ‘His Essence’ is selling a candle that smells like – Jesus. Yes, for only $18.95 plus delivery and applicable taxes you can experience a scented candle in a jar which ‘serves as a reminder of His Presence’. It’s inspired by Biblical scripture that refers to myrrh, aloes and cassia. But lest you find this shameless hucksterism, keep in mind that ‘His Essence’ products are selected with ‘utmost care, integrity, dignity and respect’. A portion of proceeds is promised to ‘supporting ministries’ (the ones with a franchise?).
PHONER: 877.772.5645 (His Essence LLC, Vermillion SD)
NET: http://www.hisessence.com

Today’s Question: You’re likely totally unaware but THIS is happening to you up to 12 times a day.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: You’re being caught on a surveillance camera.

A man is not complete until he is married – then he is finished.


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