Monday, April 2, 2001 Edition: #2024
TODAY is “International Children’s Book Day”, so as a public service here’s some . . .
BS LEAST RECOMMENDED CHILDREN’S BOOKS:
• “The Little Sissy Who Snitched”
• “Whining, Kicking & Crying to Get Your Way”
• “Places Where Mommy & Daddy Hide Neat Things”
• “The Mouse, the Motorcycle & the Organ Donor Card”
• “How to Write Your Name in the Snow”
• “What’s That Bag For, Grandpa?”
• “Harry Potter & the Unexplainable Wad of Tissues” (No, huh? Well, how about “Harriet Potter After the Life-Altering Surgery” or “Harry Potter & the Decline of Literacy”?)
BS TABLOID TRASH:
• “E! Online” reports David Copperfield was taken to a NYC hospital FRIDAY after collapsing during rehearsals for his “Tornado of Fire” TV special. His rep says the illusionist was suffering “extreme exhaustion” after not sleeping for 2 days and he’s expected to fully recover to perform as scheduled TOMORROW.
• “Star” says Nicole Kidman suffered a miscarriage that may have been brought on by her separation from Tom Cruise, who filed for divorce in February. (So who was the father?)
• “Mr Showbiz” reveals that Lisa Marie Presley has split with her rock musician fiancé John Oszajca, but the couple remain “very good friends”. (She just got really tired of him asking every single day, “So how much are you worth now?”)
• According to “Sun”, that ‘novel’ supposedly co-authored by Britney Spears and her mother Lynne is ready to print and “A Mother’s Gift” will be in stores by mid-April. (The story of an international pop star and her wonderful supportive mother is entirely fictional. In fact, in the book the girl’s name is ‘Brittany’.)
BULL’S INTERNATIONAL MOOS:
• Now he’s ‘Mr Ed-ible’ – in Italy, horses are being systematically stolen to supply a growing market for horse meat as fear of foot-and-mouth and Mad Cow grips Europe. Over 50 horses, including thoroughbreds trained for the army, have been stolen in the past month. (Culinary question — what kind of ‘radish’ do you use on horse meat?)
• TransAlta, Canada’s largest private power company, has entered into a pact to help reduce belching and flatulence in livestock. Why? Methane gas emanating from cows is believed to play a major part in global warming. (If a power company’s involved, you can bet they’ll find a way to charge for it.)
• Even an empty wallet is now valuable – the foot-and-mouth and Mad Cow outbreaks in Europe will cause a big bump in the price of leather. Prices have already risen over 10% in the last 2 months as European production is way down. Industry experts predict leather will soon become a luxury product again, the way it used to be. (When cavemen bragged about having TWO loincloths.)
TODAY Calgary’s city council votes on whether local panhandlers will have to wear photo ID. The plan that would require beggars to agree to a ‘code of conduct’ before they are granted ID badges allowing them to hit on people for coins and cigarettes. (Panhandler pet peeve — people coming out of Starbucks won’t lend you 20 bucks for a cup of coffee.)
THE BULL SHEET 04.02.01
TODAY’S CELEBRITY BIRTHDAYS . . .
1947  Emmylou Harris, Birmingham AL, country singer with 7 Grammys (“Blue Kentucky Girl”)
1955  Dana Carvey, Missoula MT, comedian/actor (“Little Nicky”, “Wayne’s World”, “SNL”)
1961  Christopher Meloni, Washington DC, TV actor (Detective Elliot Stabler-“Law & Order: Special Victims Unit”)
1962  Billy Dean, Quincy FL, country singer (“If There Hadn’t Been You”, “We Just Disagree”)
BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
TODAY is “Reconciliation Day”, as declared by newspaper advice columnist Ann Landers, a day to write a letter or make a phone call in order to mend broken relationships. (“Sorry about that April Fools Day whoopee cushion!”)
TODAY is “National Peanut Butter & Jelly Day”, celebrating what may be the world’s most popular sandwich. What else have you sandwiched with peanut butter? We like PB and tuna.
TODAY-April 8th the “2001 Women’s World Championship” slides into Minneapolis-St Paul MN, the 7th women’s championship sanctioned by the International Ice Hockey Federation.
ON THIS DAY . . .
1997  Joni Mitchell is reunited with Kilauren Gibb, the daughter she gave up for adoption 32 years before
TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1956  1st episode of “As the World Turns” (Susan Lucci doesn’t win an Emmy)
1978  “Velcro” 1st introduced (inspired by the little hooks on burrs that attach to clothing)
TODAY’S RECORDS . . .
1975  ‘World’s tallest free-standing structure’, Toronto’s CN Tower, completed (555 m/1,821 ft)
1980  Toshiaki Shirai & Yukiki Nagata of Tokyo set world record for ‘underwater kissing’ (2 mins, 18 secs)
AND REMEMBER . . .
[Tonight] NCAA Men’s Basketball Championship (Duke vs Arizona)
[Tues] Armenian Appreciation Day (but try and find one!)
[Tues] Don’t Go To Work Unless It’s Fun Day (well, in that case . . .)
National Reading a Road Map Week (no probs reading one, it’s folding one that’s the damn problem!)
Alcohol Awareness Month (easily done by smelling [your co-host’s] breath each morning)
BULL’S BITS . . .
• Who’s the world’s richest teenager? [16 year-old Athina Onassis, the granddaughter of Aristotle Onassis, who will inherit over $3 billion when she is 18.]
• Who invented the condom? [Giovanni Giacomo Cassanova, born in Venice on this date in 1725, is most-often credited. He was known as ‘the world’s greatest lover’.]
• This moves only 6 inches for each gallon of fuel that it burns. Is it the Space Shuttle, the cruise liner ‘Queen Elizabeth II’,or a Lamborghini sports car? [The ‘QE II’. No wonder transatlantic fare is so much!]
BS TAG LINE: Due to the current economic situation, the light at the end of the tunnel will be turned off until further notice.