April 23, 2010

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Friday, April 23, 2010        Edition: #4247
Don’t Take Any Sheet, Unless It’s Pure Bull!


48-year-old actress Heather Locklear has been busted for erratic driving – again – this time for running down a no parking sign in Westlake Village CA in the wee hours (she’s still on a 3-year probation for a 2008 reckless driving charge) . . . Famous person Lindsay Lohan has failed to show up in court – again – to give a deposition about her highly-publicized 2007 car chase (if only there was a spare paparazzo to follow her around so we’d know where she is!) . . . Reality TV star Whitney Port (“The City”) is writing an advice book (#1 rule for success: Be tall, skinny & blonde) . . . Reality TV star Stephanie Pratt (“The Hills”) is posing nude with a cute little bunny for PETA (aren’t they supposed to be for the ethical treatment of animals?) . . . With 10 of his movies surpassing $20 million in box office over the last 5 years, Seth Rogen has been named Hollywood’s most bankable star, followed by Morgan Freeman & Matt Damon (Sandra Bullock & Meryl Streep are the top 10’s only women) . . . “ET” reportedly paid $100-K for those first pics of actress Sandra Bullock without her wedding ring (nice to see checkbook journalism is alive & well!) . . . Meantime, Bullock has graciously agreed to return her “Golden Raspberry Award” after being informed she’d mistakenly taken home the original instead of a replica (class will out) . . . An inside source tells “Us Magazine” Tiger Woods’ divorce is ‘100% happening’ as his wife Elin is planning to move with their kids to a private-island estate in Sweden as soon as renovations are complete (all that rehab for nothing?) . . .  And Courtney Love’s rep denies she’s changing her name to ‘Courtney Michelle’ as she recently blabbed, suggesting Ms Love was merely speaking ‘metaphorically’ (yeah, as if she could even spell it).


• “The Climate Rally” (Washington DC) – Sunday’s event on the National Mall honors the 40th anniversary of “Earth Day” (Thursday) with a day of speeches, live music, and eco-exhibits. Among the performers: John Legend, Q-Tip, The Roots, and Sting.
NET: http://www.earthday.org/climaterally
• “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/A Channel) – Today Norah Jones (“The Fall”).
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – Tonight Lily Allen (“It’s Not Me, It’s You”).
• “Late Late Show With Craig Ferguson” (CBS) – Tonight Jason Aldean performs “Crazy Town”.
• “Late Night With Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/A Channel) – Tonight Justin Bieber (“My World 2.0”).
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS) – Tonight Sharon Jones & The Dap-Kings (“I Learned the Hard Way”).
• New Orleans Jazz & Heritage Festival – Tonight the Big Easy’s annual 2-weekend music fest kicks off. The first weekend features Darius Rucker, Levon Helm Band, Shawn Colvin, Sam Bush, the Allman Bros, My Morning Jacket, the Black Crowes and many others.
• “Saturday Night Live” (NBC/Global) – Gabourey Sidibe (“Precious”) hosts; musical guest MGMT (Congratulations”).
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/A Channel) – Tonight Creed (“Full Circle”).


• Brooks & Dunn – Tonight their 47-city “Last Rodeo” farewell tour gets underway in Sacramento, California.
• Jack Johnson – Tonight his “Kokua Festival” kicks off in Honolulu, Hawaii with Ziggy Marley and Johnson raising money for environmental education.
• Keith Urban – Tonight he plays the Hard Rock Hotel & Casino in Las Vegas, the first of several shows featuring last year’s “American Idol” Kris Allen as opening act.
• Michael Bublé – He’s not married, even though he’s lately been sporting what looks like a wedding ring. He’s engaged to Argentinian Luisana Loreley Lopilato de la Torre and the custom in that country is for both man & woman to wear an engagement ring on the ‘wedding’ finger.
• Rihanna – This week’s injury that required treatment in Zurich, Swtizerland was apparently a bruised rib. She’s doing fine and will be back in her way-too-revealing unitards in no time.
• Rush – Saturday the documentary “Rush: Beyond the Lighted Stage” has a red carpet premiere at the “Tribeca Film Festival” in NYC. All 3 members of the veteran rock outfit are expected to attend. The film will have its TV debut June 26th on VH1 and VH1 Classic.
• Sugarland – Tonight they kick of their “Incredible Machine Tour” in Primm, Nevada.
• Vince Gill – Saturday the country veteran is honored by Nashville’s Belmont University with the ‘Robert E Mulloy Award of Excellence’ for his contributions to music.

• “The Back-up Plan” ( PG-13 Romantic Comedy ): Jennifer Lopez (returning from maternity leave) & Alex O’Loughlin star in this story about a single woman who finally meets a potential husband on the same day as her artificial insemination. Despite the initial spark, they begin to wonder if they’re taking the right steps toward an enduring romance.
NET: http://www.theback-upplan.com
• “The Losers” ( PG-13 Action Adventure ): After being betrayed and left for dead on a mission in the Bolivian jungle, the members of a CIA black ops team root out those who targeted them for assassination. Stars Chris Evans, Idris Elba, Zoe Saldana, Jeffrey Dean Morgan. An adaptation of the contemporary sci-fi comic by Andy Diggle. Shot in Miami FL and Puerto Rico.
NET: http://www.the-losers.com

A new study from the University of Witwatersrand in Johannesburg has found that cultures that do not wear shoes, like the Zulu people of South Africa, have healthier feet than those that do. Here’s why your shoes may be hurting your feet …
• They’re too tight, preventing your arch from moving freely while walking.
• They’re too stiff, thanks to synthetic materials to make them more durable.
• Heels that are too high, which increase the torque on your joints.
• Shoes that are too flat (such as ballet flats) don’t provide enough cushioning for your soles.
• Shoes that are too pointy force big toes inward, a leading causes of bunions.
– Condensed from BestHealthMag.ca

What’s the best buzz snack? Here’s one recent ranking by an alternative publication …
10. Sour Cream & Onion Potato Chips
9. Beef Jerky
8. Peanut Butter
7. Chocolate Ice-Cream Bar
6. Popcorn
5. S’mores
4. Celery
3. Grape Jelly
2. Cap’n Crunch With Crunchberries
1. Two Large Pizzas With Everything
– MiamiNewTimes.com


Team-building activities are a waste of time and do nothing to help groups bond, according to a new study at Britain’s University of Chester. Researchers have found that such routines are normally carried out for their own sake with no evidence that they improve team coherence. The findings suggest that popular workplace team-building strategies, which include such activities as walking over hot coals or playing paintball, are of little or no value. (On an up-note … this afternoon’s Happy Hour is still on!)
– “Daily Telegraph”


Saturday at the Chameleon Village Reptile Park in Johannesburg, South Africa, 44-year-old David Jones of Crawley, England is scheduled to begin a record attempt of spending 121 days (nearly 4 months) in a room with 40 of the world’s most venomous snakes, including deadly puff adders, snouted cobras, boomslangs, green mambas, and black mambas. The current record is held by South African Martin Smit (aka ‘Mad Martin’), who once managed 113 days without being bitten. However, the last person to attempt the record, in 2009, was bitten by a puff adder and narrowly avoided having a leg amputated.
– Ananova News


India has 545 million operational cellphones, a number that’s expected to reach 1 billion by 2015. That exceeds the number of people who have access to toilet or sanitation facilities in the country – about 366 million.
– Indo-Asian News Service


1954 [56] Michael Moore, Flint MI, documentary filmmaker (“Capitalism: A Love Story”, “Fahrenheit 9/11”, 2003 Oscar-“Bowling For Columbine”)

1961 [49] George Lopez, Mission Hills CA, TV host (“Lopez Tonight” on TBS)/standup comedian (“America’s Mexican”)/TV actor (“George Lopez” 2002-07)/movie actor (“Swing Vote”, “Beverly Hills Chihuahua”)

1967 [43] Melina Kanakaredes, Akron OH, TV actress (‘Detective Stella Bonasera on “CSI: NY” since 2004)

1974 [36] Carlos D (Dengler), Queens NY, rock musician (Interpol-“The Heinrich Maneuver”, “Slow Hands”)

1977 [33] Willie Mitchell, Port McNeill BC, NHL defenceman (Vancouver Canucks)

1977 [33] Kal Penn (Modi), Montclair NJ, movie actor (“Harold & Kumar” films)/former TV actor (“House MD”)/White House aide (Associate Director of the Office Of Public Liaison)  BS FACTOID: This week he was robbed at gunpoint in Washington DC.

1990 [20] Dev Patel, Harrow UK, movie actor (“Slumdog Millionaire”)

Novelist Sue Grafton (“A is for Alibi”) is 70; Pop singer/movie actress/director Barbra Streisand  (“Meet the Fockers”) is 68; Movie actor/comedian Cedric the Entertainer (“Cadillac Records”) is 46; Country singer/”American Idol” alum Danny Gokey (“My Best Days Are Ahead of Me”) is 30; Pop singer/”American Idol” alum Kelly Clarkson (“My Life Would Suck Without You”) is 28; Pop singer/bassist Tyson Ritter of All-American Rejects (“Gives You Hell”) is 26; NHL defenceman Kris Letang (Pittsburgh Penguins) is 23.

Movie actor Al Pacino (“Scent Of a Woman”) is 70; Musician/producer Bjorn Ulvaeus (ABBA/”Mamma Mia!”) is 65; Voice actor Hank Azaria (“The Simpsons”) is 46; TV sportscaster Joe Buck (FOX) is 41; Movie actress Renée Zellweger (“Cold Mountain”) is 41.


• “Spring Cat Cleaning Day”, a day to give your cat a bath. Be careful!
• “World Book & Copyright Day”, declared annually by UNESCO to promote reading & books on the death anniversary of both William Shakespeare & Miguel de Cervantes in 1616.

• “Hairball Awareness Day”. Any cat owner who’s ever stepped on a fresh wet one is already well aware! The usual cat hairball isn’t round but tubular, approximately 1 cm (half-inch) in diameter and about 4 cm (1.5 in) long. Too much information?
• “Sense of Smell Day”, the 17th annual sponsored by the Sense of Smell Institute on the last Saturday of April at children’s museums and science centers to focus on the important role the ability to smell has in our daily lives. What’s the absolute best smell? And worst?
• “World Day For Laboratory Animals”, founded by the National Anti-Vivisection Society on behalf of the – quote – ‘billions of animals who are burnt, sliced, crushed, electrocuted, gassed, poisoned with toxic chemicals, psychologically tormented, and killed each year in labs around the world.’ As opposed to those we just eat.
NET: http://bit.ly/9FS2ab
• “World Tai Chi Day”, celebrated annually on the last Saturday of April to create awareness for the slow-motion martial art that’s now touted as a great way to relieve stress.

• “Anzac Day”, a day of remembrance in Australia & New Zealand, commemorating the 1915 landing at Gallipoli, Turkey of the Australian & New Zealand Army Corps during World War I.
NET: http://bit.ly/nBim1
• “International Red Hat Day”, an annual celebration of the ‘Red Hat Society’, begun in 1997 as a social organization whose mission is to provide interaction among women over 50 and to reshape the way they’re viewed. There are now millions of mature women who attend various ‘RHS’ events worldwide, all of them wearing the trademark red hats and purple dresses.
NET: http://www.redhatsociety.com
• “Malaria Awareness Day”, the 3rd annual observance with the ultimate goal of eradicating malaria on the African continent. Step 1 is providing mosquito nets for prevention.
• “Pet Parents Day”, the 3rd annual on the last Sunday in April, honoring  those who lovingly consider their pets part of their close-knit family.
• “World Penguin Day”, an annual excuse to salute one of the few natives of Antarctica by wearing penguin colors … black & white.

1896 [114] 1st ‘Motion Picture’ shown to the general public (a Vitascope system is used to project a film onto a screen in a demonstration at Koster & Bials Music Hall in NYC)


1988 [22] After spending a record total of 741 consecutive weeks (over 14 years) on the ‘Billboard 200′, Pink Floyd’s “Dark Side Of the Moon” album finally exits the chart


1964 [46] 1st MLB no-hitter pitched for a loss (Cincinnati Reds beat Astros’ pitcher Ken Johnson 1-0 on 2 costly Houston errors)


1969 [41] John Sinclair completes record walk of 215 miles in 48 hours … non-stop!

[Mon] St George’s Day Holiday (NL)
[Mon] Hug An Australian Day
[Mon] International Marconi Day
[Mon] Richter Scale Day
[Tues] Teach Your Children to Save Day
[Wed] Workers Memorial Day
[Thurs] “Governor General’s Performing Arts Awards” begin (Ottawa)
This Week Is … Canada-US Goodwill Week
This Month Is … Thai Heritage Month


Today is “Talk Like Shakespeare Day”, observed on the anniversary of the bard’s birth (and death). Forsooth, ’tis a pity methinks, if no one deigns to giveth it a shot. So here are a few ideas on how to TLS …
– Instead of you, say ‘thou’. Instead of y’all, say ‘thee’.
– Rhymed couplets are all the rage.
– Men are ‘Sirrah’, ladies are ‘Mistresses’, and your friends are all called ‘Cousin’.
– Instead of cursing, try calling your tormenters ‘jackanapes’ or ‘canker-blossoms’ or ‘poisonous bunch-backed toads’.
– Don’t waste time saying ‘it’, just use the letter ‘t’ (’tis, t’will, I’ll do’t).
– When in doubt, add the letters ‘eth’ to the end of verbs (he runneth, he trippeth, he falleth).
– To add weight to your opinions, try starting them with ‘methinks’, ‘mayhaps’, or ‘in sooth’.
– When wooing a lady, try comparing her to a Summer’s day. If that fails, say “Get thee to a nunnery!”
– When wooing a lad: Try dressing up like a man. If that fails, throw him in the Tower, banish his friends, and claim the throne.


A man’s idea of honesty in a relationship is telling you his real name.

If you need crack coverage (besides that from your news department), check this out. The ‘Backtacular Gluteal Cleft Shield’ is a French-made stick-on that you slap on your lower back so as not to embarrass (literally) yourself when bending over.
NET: http://bit.ly/cmEtMw

Today’s Question: Compared to a year ago, people are doing much less of THIS at work.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Showing up late.


Advice is cheap because supply always exceeds demand.

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