Thursday, April 29, 2010        Edition: #4251
Thanks For Being On Our Sheet List!

45-year-old Oscar-winning actress Sandra Bullock has confirmed to “People” magazine that she’s filed for divorce from philandering husband Jesse James and also that she’s a new mom, having secretly adopted a baby boy in January (‘Louis Bardo Bullock’ – not a mention of ‘James’) . . . And congrats go out to 39-year-old actor Matt Damon, who has another baby on the way via wife Luciana, their 3rd, her 4th (for those keeping score, he’s totally beating out BFF Ben Affleck in the baby-making department) . . . Deadbeat dad Michael Lohan claims someone hacked into his Twitter account and posted a lie about Lindsay Lohan being HIV-positive, claiming he’d never ever say something like that about his daughter (compared to things he HAS said, it’d be a compliment!) . . . Sources says “People” magazine has the exclusive on a celebrity who will ‘come out’ on the mag’s May 5th cover, followed by a tour of major talk shows (who could it be – guesses?) . . . Comedian Joan Rivers, who’s famously had her lips, breasts, nose, eyes, stomach & arms enhanced and regularly gets Botox, tells “Us” magazine that Heidi Montag (“The Hills”), who got 10 plastic surgery operations in a day, looks ‘fine’ (well comparatively, yes!) . . . Yesterday “Lord Of the Rings” director Peter Jackson was made a ‘Knight Companion Of the New Zealand Order of Merit’ at a ceremony in his home base of Wellington (thanks to its title, the medal weighs 82 lbs!) . . . The family of late “Peanuts” creator Charles Schulz has won the right to buy back a 20% share of the rights to his prolific work from publishing company EW Scripps for the astronomical fee of $175 million (get ready to be swamped with ‘Charlie Brown’ memorabilia!) . . . And 59-year-old actor Bill Murray has confused film fans by insisting there are no plans to make another “Ghostbusters” movie sequel, calling the many reports of a follow-up ‘hogwash’ (BS translation: He finally read the script).

• “Colbert Report” (Comedy Central/CTV) – OK Go (“Of the Blue Colour Of the Sky”).
• “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/A Channel) – Chris Colfer (“Glee”).
• “Governor General’s Performing Arts Awards” (Ottawa) – Beginning tonight the 2010 recipients are feted at various events through May 1st. Singers Bryan Adams and Buffy Sainte-Marie are among this year’s honorees, who each receive a commemorative medallion and $25,000.
• “The Hour” (CBC) – Courtyard Hounds (“Court Yard Hounds”).
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – Hole (“Nobody’s Daughter”).
• “Late Night With Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/A Channel) – Paramore (“Brand New Eyes”).
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS) – Broadway cast of Green Day’s “American Idiot”.
• “New Orleans Jazz & Heritage Festival” – Tonight the 2nd weekend of the Big Easy’s 41st annual music fest kicks off. The lineup includes Elvis Costello & The Sugarcanes (tonight); Aretha Franklin (Friday); Pearl Jam (Saturday); BB King (Sunday), among hundreds of others.
• “Tavis Smiley” (PBS) – Shelby Lynne (“Tears, Lies and Alibis”).
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/A Channel) – Laura Bell Bundy (“Achin’ & Shakin’”).

• Coldplay – It’s reported they’ve changed their mind and will now allow their music to be used on an upcoming episode of “Glee” (FOX). How are they gonna dance to “Clocks”?
• Darryl Worley – Today the “Have You Forgotten?” singer begins his “We’ve Not Forgotten” tour, performing for US troops throughout Iraq through May 3rd.
• John Mayer – He says he thinks Twitter is ‘over’ as a form of communication. If so, odds are he helped bury it with his mindless rants.
• Kelly Clarkson – Tonight she’s scheduled to perform in Jakarta, Indonesia at a concert sponsored by cigarette brand LA Lights. Clarkson has been under fire for the association, which she says she never consented to.
• Nine Inch Nails – Online rumors have been swirling that a new project called How to Destroy Angels is a collaboration between Trent Reznor and his wife, Mariqueen Maandig of West Indian Girl.
• Rush – Tonight their film documentary “Rush: Beyond the Lighted Stage” has its Canadian premiere as part of the “Hot Docs Canadian International Documentary Festival”, which runs through May 9th in Toronto.
• Simon & Garfunkel – Tonight they kick off their “Old Friends in Concert” tour in Vancouver. The reunited 1960s folk icons will hit 8 other Canadian cities through mid-May.

A BS selection of movies in the making …
• “Anchorman 2” – The sequel to the 2004 hit comedy, “Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy”, could shoot as soon as February 2011. Director Adam McKay says the original stars, including Will Ferrell, Steve Carell, Paul Rudd, and Christina Applegate, have agreed to work on the project and are even prepared to take pay cuts to do so.
• “Austin Powers 4” – Mike Myers tells MTV News he can’t wait to revive his alter ego for another movie but admits he’s struggling to assemble a cast and crew for production. Director Jay Roach has already confirmed he’ll be back to helm the project. The first 3 installments grossed $676 million in worldwide box office.
• “Last Vegas” – 73-year-old Jack Nicholson is considering the role of a womanizing playboy in this comedy described as ‘a geriatric version of “The Hangover”’. The plot follows 4 male friends who grew up in the 1950s, and who reunite in Vegas to witness the last remaining bachelor finally get married. Morgan Freeman & Gene Hackman are also said to be in line for roles.
• “LOL” – 47-year-old Demi Moore will play 17-year-old Miley Cyrus’ mother in this English-language remake of a 2008 French film. Demi’s mother character is going through a mid-life crisis, further complicated by having an affair with her ex-husband. Miley’s character, named ‘Lol’ in the French film, is a young girl suffering through her first heartbreak.
• ‘Unititled Sacha Baron Cohen Film’ – Major studios staged a bidding war for this, but it looks like Paramount Pictures has landed the pic after it sent a goat to his home wearing a Paramount T-shirt and another to his agents, William Morris. Cohen is reportedly set to earn $20 million plus 20% of profits for the project, in which he’ll take on 2 roles … one of them being a goat herder.

The combination of 4 common bad habits – smoking, drinking too much, inactivity, and poor diet can age you by 12 years, according to new University of Oslo research. The risky behaviors broken down: Smoking tobacco; more than 3 alcoholic drinks per day for men and 2 for women; less than 2 hours of physical activity per week; and less than 3 portions of fruits & vegetables a day. The study tracked some 5,000 adults for 20 years. Over that period, 29% of those who indulged in all 4 behaviors died, as opposed to 8% of those who abstained from all. (Did they live longer … or did it just SEEM that way to them?)
– AP


• The ‘Introduction to Psychology’ course at Anne Arundel Community College in Baltimore MD is so popular, the school has scheduled a class from midnight-to-3 am for those who can’t make normal day or evening hours. The instructor has aptly named it ‘Midnight Madness’. (Actually 12-to-3 in the morning is pretty much ‘prime time‘ for college students, no?)
• About 1-in-5 people in Britain think ‘haggis’ – the traditional Scottish dish made from the lung, liver and heart of a sheep – is ‘an animal that roams the Highlands’, according to a new survey. The poll also shows that 15% of respondents think it’s ‘a Scottish musical instrument’, and another 4% believe it’s ‘a character from “Harry Potter”’. (We think it’s crap!)
• A Brampton ON elementary school has apologized to a first-grader & her mom for making the girl take off her Medic Alert bracelet. The 7-year-old had been warned several times this year that it’s against the rules in gym class … to wear ‘jewelry’. (And get that silver bling off your teeth!)


The Sony Corporation, which created the 3.5-inch floppy disk, will cease production of the format next year. With the advent of CDs and later, DVDs, the use of the plastic floppy and its limited storage capacity has been quickly deserted. After the Apple G3, along with PCs, began shipping without the drives pre-installed, the disks became virtually obsolete. However, the death of the format has only now become official with Sony’s decision. The 3.5-inch floppy was first introduced in 1981, and hit the height of its sales in 2000. ([Co-host] had a 3.5-inch floppy but fortunately his urologist was able to help him out.)


• Adelaide, Australia – A Thai restaurant’s been hit with a $1,400-fine for discrimination after a blind man was turned away. It seems his girlfriend was misunderstood when she said they wanted to bring in a guide dog. Waiters thought she said ‘gay dog’. (In that case, they should be charged on TWO counts!)
• Salisbury NC – A man stopped by cops during a robbery investigation told them he had a concealed sawed-off shotgun and he was afraid it was going to go off … in his pants. Though apparently not involved in the heist he’s been jailed on weapons charges. (And he’s saving up for bullet-proof underwear.)
• Boston MA – Police say 2 women attacked a man with their fists, feet, purses, and a plate of pasta because … he neglected to hold an elevator door for them. (Proving chivalry isn’t dead … just severely beaten.)


Britain’s ‘smallest mother’ says there are difficulties caring for a baby son who is already almost her height. 25-year-old Amanda Moore of Hinckley has a rare bone disease which stunted her growth at 3-ft, 1-in and left her unable to stand. At 2-ft, 6-in, her 14-month-old toddler Aidan is actually taller than his mother when she is seated. By the way, Aidan’s father is 6-ft, 1-in. (Why would a strapper that tall tap a 3-ft woman? Dear god, he must be ugly!)


• Because of TV crime dramas, jurors today expect more categorical proof than forensic science is capable of delivering. This phenomenon has been dubbed ‘The “CSI Effect’.
• “Avatar” is on its way to adding another title to its already impressive track record. With a download rate that surpasses all previous Blu-ray titles, the film is likely to become the most pirated Blu-ray film to date.
• A study published in the “Journal of Applied Psychology” finds that people lie 50% more via email than they do in handwritten letters.


1954 [56] Jerry Seinfeld, Brooklyn NY, TV producer (“The Marriage Ref”, cancelled after 1 week)/really rich retired TV actor (“Seinfeld” 1990-98)/stand-up comedian

1957 [53] Daniel Day-Lewis, London UK, movie actor (2008 Oscar-“There Will Be Blood”, 1989 Oscar-“My Left Foot”)

1958 [52] Michelle Pfeiffer, Santa Ana CA, movie actress (“Hairspray”, “Dangerous Liaisons”)/married to producer David E Kelley since 1993

1970 [40] Uma Thurman, Boston MA, 6-ft movie actress (“Kill Bill”, “Pulp Fiction”)/spokesmodel (Virgin Media, Louis Vuitton)


• “Adult Public Skipping Day”, a day for adults to skip in public to feel like a child again. Hopscotch, anyone?

• “International Dance Day”, introduced in 1982 by UNESCO to increase awareness of the importance of dance in societies, as well as to persuade governments worldwide to provide a proper place for dance in all systems of education, from primary to higher.

• “Zipper Day” celebrating the 1913 date when Swedish-American inventor Gideon Sundback, who developed the manufacturing machine for zippers, patented the ‘Separable Fastener’ which became the 1st all-purpose zipper (his Lightning Fastener Company was based in St Catharines ON).


2005 [05] Actors Tom Cruise & Katie Holmes go out on a their 1st date (or programming session, if you prefer)


2005 [05] Coldplay, Nine Inch Nails, and Bon Jovi play the 10th anniversary bash for the Hard Rock Hotel & Casino in Las Vegas


1880 [130] ‘Bell Telephone Co of Canada’ (‘Ma Bell’) is formed

1995 [15] ‘World’s Longest Sausage’ measures 28.77 miles in Kitchener ON


[Fri] CRA Income Tax Deadline
[Fri] “A Nightmare on Elm Street”; “Furry Vengeance” open in movie theaters
[Fri] “Beale Street Music Festival” begins (Memphis TN)
[Fri] Hairstylists Appreciation Day
[Fri] Honesty Day
This Week Is … Fairy Godmother Week
This Month Is … Sports Eye Safety Month


• “Whoa, time out! The game’s on TV.”
• “Sorry. I was just picturing you naked.”
• “Is there any way we can do this via text?”
• “Don’t you have some laundry to do or something?”
• “You’re so cute when you get mad.”
• “Wait a minute, I get it. What time of the month is it?”
• “Who are you kidding? We both know that thing isn’t loaded.”

Should driving while wearing a burqa be illegal?


I’m writing an unauthorized autobiography …


Hey kids, you too can own the engagement ring that ‘Edward’ gives ‘Bella’ in the upcoming “Twilight” sequel “Eclipse” (opening June 30th) … or at least a copy. Better hurry though, the ‘Pre-Eclipse Sale’ is on now, your chance to drop 1,979 bucks on tasteless drivel is limited (until they start showing up in yard sales).

If a moose approaches your car, what is it likely to mean?
a. It’s angered by your vehicle’s invasion of its space.
b. It thinks your car is another moose. [CORRECT. Moose are very near-sighted.]
c. It’s hitchhiking.


Today’s Question: Most women say that men over 40 who still wear THIS look silly.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: A backwards baseball cap.

The best things in the world are free … and worth every penny of it.

Printer Friendly Version