Tuesday, April 15, 2008        Edition: #3754
You’ve Got Yourself in Deep Sheet!

Paris Hilton’s new MTV reality show, “Paris Hilton’s My New BFF”, is said to be in danger of being axed before it even gets started as less than 40 people have shown up to audition for the chance to be party girl’s new pal . . . Compare that to the open casting call for extras for the soon-to-shoot “Hannah Montana” movie – 6,000 kids showed up! . . . For the first time ever, the upcoming 17th season of “Survivor” will be available in HD format (so you can see the nasty maggots & bat embryos they’re eating in highly-defined detail) . . . 73-year-old 3′-8” actor Kenny Baker, who played the robot ‘R2-D2′ in all 6 “Star Wars” films, is said to be doing better after being admitted to a Manchester UK hospital with chest pain . . . A new poll by movie website Lovefilm.com ranks Sylvestor Stallone’s “Rocky” (1976) as the ‘Best-Ever Sports Film’ (others on the list include Clint Eastwood’s Oscar-winning “Million Dollar Baby”, Tom Cruise’s ”Jerry Maguire”, and Robert De Niro’s “Raging Bull”) . . . And an explicit 15-minute film showing ‘50s bombshell actress Marilyn Monroe cavorting with an unknown man has been purchased by an anonymous NYC businessman for – whoa! – $1.5 million, according to the memorabilia collector who brokered the deal (the Feds are said to have had a copy on file for years).

• AC/DC – They’re currently recording their first studio album in 8 years with producer Brendan O’Brien. No release date has been announced for the project.
• Amy Winehouse – She’s reportedly pulled out of recording sessions in the Bahamas at the last minute, thereby delaying the release of her next album. It had been planned for late 2008 but her label is now privately admitting it’s unlikely to happen until 2009.
• Britney Spears – After she & Kevin Federline recently spent time together in Maui, where they reportedly discussed the possibility of getting back together, she presented him with a belated 30th birthday present … a $140,000 watch. And we thought daddy was watching her money.
• Green Day – They’ve finally ‘fessed up they are, in fact, the ’60s-sounding band the Foxboro Hot Tubs which released tracks online in DECEMBER. Many fans had already suspected it.
• Josh Turner – The “Your Man” country chart-topper has filmed a small role in the upcoming movie “Billy: The Early Years “, a bio-pic about evangelist Billy Graham. He plays George Beverly Shea, the singer at many of Graham’s crusades.
• matchbox twenty – They’ve canceled a performance at “Cheyenne Frontier Days” this JULY, one of the biggest rodeos anywhere, saying it would be impossible for them to make money from what they believe to be the mistreatment of animals.

• Carole King – She releases “Tapestry: Legacy Edition“, a remastered update of her multiple-award winning 1971 album. A 2nd CD of live versions is included. The release coincides with her 50th anniversary in show biz (she’s 66).
• “Dancing With the Stars“ (ABC/CTV) – James Blunt performs on the weekly results show.
• Led Zeppelin: The Ride – The first public run of the signature roller coaster at Hard Rock Park in Myrtle Beach SC is scheduled as the $400-million theme park officially opens. A 45-year-old woman topped an eBay charity auction to be first aboard. She’s paid $1,829 for 4 seats.
• “Live With Regis & Kelly” (syndicated/CTV) – “Tattoo” singer Jordin Sparks is a guest.
• Marilyn Manson – He’s scheduled to be deposed in his ongoing lawsuit with former bandmate Madonna Wayne Gacy, who’s filed a breach of contract suit seeking over $20 million.
• Mariah Carey – She releases the new album “E=MC2”, featuring the hit “Touch My Body”.

• “Aliens vs Predator – Requiem” ( Sci-Fi Thriller ): In this sequel to 2004’s “Alien vs Predator”, the warring races descend on a small town in Colorado, where unsuspecting residents must band together to survive. No-name cast. Shot in Vancouver and surroundings.
• “Before the Devil Knows You’re Dead“ ( Crime Thriller ): Oscar-winner Philip Seymour Hoffman (“Capote”) & Ethan Hawke (“Training Day”) play brothers who plan to rob their parents’ jewelry store. After the heist goes horribly wrong, the family discovers its worst enemy … itself. Co-stars Marisa Tomei and Albert Finney.
• “The Final Season“ ( Drama ): Sean Astin (“Lord of the Rings”) & Rachael Leigh Cook (“She’s All That”) star in this true sports story about the last season of a championship high school baseball team in Norway, Iowa and its legendary coach, played by Powers Boothe (“24“).
• “Hannah Montana/Miley Cyrus Best of Both Worlds Concert” ( Music ): This DVD/CD set chronicles the teen phenom’s SRO 2007 North American tour which grossed more than $54 million. 14 tracks by Cyrus/Montana are featured, plus 1 by opening act the Jonas Bros.
• “Juno” ( Dramedy ):  Ellen Page stars as a whip-smart teen confronting an unplanned pregnancy. With the help of her best friend, she finds an affluent couple she thinks will make the ‘perfect’ parents for her child. Co-stars Jason Bateman, Jennifer Garner, Allison Janney, and Rainn Wilson (“The Office”). Nominated for 4 Oscars; won ‘Best Original Screenplay’.
• “Lars & the Real Girl” ( Comedy ): Ryan Gosling plays an awkwardly shy and lonely guy who finally meets the woman of his dreams … a life-size doll he bought online. Eventually his entire hometown goes along with his delusion in support of the sweet guy they’ve always loved. Shot in Toronto and Uxbridge ON.
• “In the Name Of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale” ( Fantasy Adventure ): Jason Statham plays a peaceful farmer who’s forced to rescue his kidnapped wife and prevent a tribe of animal-warriors from knocking off the king. Co-stars John Rhys-Davies, Ray Liotta, and Leelee Sobieski. Shot entirely in Vancouver and area.
• Also released TODAY: “A Passage to India: Collector’s Edition”; “A Shot at Love with Tila Tequila: The Complete Unrated First Season” (TV); “Alien Nation: Ultimate Movie Collection”; “The Woody Woodpecker & Friends Classic Cartoon Collection: Volume 2“ (Animation).

• Firstborns get 20-to-30 more minutes of quality time per day with parents than younger sibs.
– Brigham Young University
• People who aren’t overweight but lack muscle are just as unhealthy as those who are obese. Fully half of ‘healthy weight’ people studied were found to have a high proportion of fat in their bodies. The condition has been dubbed ‘normal weight obesity’.
– Mayo Clinic
• In the 1800s, the scent molecules produced by flowers could travel roughly 1 km. In today’s polluted atmosphere that distance has been cut to about 200 meters, making it difficult for bees to find the nectar they need to survive.
– University of Virginia
• Women with waists measuring 35 inches or greater have a 79% higher risk of premature death than women whose waists measure 28 inches or less. (Now you have another reason to hate on them.)
– Harvard University

These movie lines have become so famous most people know them. Trouble is, they were never actually uttered on film …
5. “Casablanca” (1942): “Play it again, Sam.” Humphrey Bogart actually says, “You played it for her, you can play it for me. If she can stand it, I can.”
4. “Blonde Crazy” (1931): “You dirty rat!” The closest James Cagney ever gets to saying that line is, “Mmm, that dirty, double-crossing rat.”
3. “Star Trek” (Movies/TV): “Beam Me Up, Scotty!” Never said by ‘Captain Kirk’ in all those movies based on the TV series. Closest he got: “Scotty, beam me up!”
2. “Apollo 13“ (1995): “Houston, we have a problem.” What was actually said was, “Houston, we’ve had a problem.”
1. “Dirty Harry” (1971): “Do you feel lucky, punk?” It wasn’t that concise. Clint Eastwood’s actual line: “Being as this is a .44 Magnum, the most powerful handgun in the world and would blow your head clean off, you’ve got to ask yourself one question: ‘Do I feel lucky?’ Well, do ya punk?”
– Condensed from HecklerSpray.com

A BS snapshot of who we are and what we do …
• 95% of men say they usually hold doors open for women.
• 81% of 18-to-25 year-olds say their generation’s top life goal is to be rich.
• 57% of both men & women admit that at one time or another they have received a hickey.
• 53% of us have called 9-1-1 at least once in our lifetime.
• 44% of us claim we’re pretty good at dancing.
• 23% of us have cried as a result of a bad haircut.

New research shows there are far more Websites with tips on how to commit suicide than on how to prevent it. A university study has found almost half of search results listed by Google, Yahoo, MSN and Ask reveal sites providing ‘how to’ advice while only 13% of the searches provide suicide prevention information. (Similar results can be found searching for ‘fully clothed women’.)
– “British Medical Journal”

Tips for guys on how to reel in that someone special you’ve just met …
• Take her where the staff knows your name and you can display some social clout.
• Keep her guessing. Don’t volunteer info about past relationships, family or your job right away.
• Don’t over-flatter. See if she can enjoy your company without an accompanying ego massage.
• Limit your spending so you can figure out whether she’s all about you … or your wallet.
• Wait 3 days before calling for a 2nd date so you don’t look desperate.
• Resist sleeping with her. It shows her that you’re a man who isn’t ruled by his desires.
• Don’t shower her with gifts early on. Wait till you get to know who she really is.
• Don’t meet her friends – yet. Her support network makes it more difficult to get to know her.
• Don’t let her meet your friends – yet. She may not be prepared for their sense of humor or the things they reveal about you that you’d rather downplay.
– AskMen.com

• Almost half of America’s 196 law schools offer courses on the legal standing of animals.
– “USA Today”
• Worms migrate above ground when it rains because they get their oxygen from the soil. When that environment becomes more water than air, they come to the surface to breathe, just like we do when we’re swimming.
– “Popular Science”


1959 [49] Emma Thompson, London UK, movie actress (“Harry Potter & the Order of the Phoenix”, 1992 Oscar-“Howard’s End”)/screenwriter (1995 Oscar-“Sense & Sensibility”)

1959 [49] Kevin Lowe, Lachute QC, NHL General Manager (Edmonton Oilers)/former NHL defeceman (5 Stanley Cups-Oilers)

1968 [40] Ed O’Brien, Oxford UK, rock guitarist (Radiohead-“Nude”, Creep”)

1974 [34] Danny Pino, Miami FL, TV actor (‘Scotty Valens’ on “Cold Case” since 2003)

1982 [26] Seth Rogen, Vancouver BC, movie actor (“Knocked Up”, “The 40-Year-Old Virgin“)/screenwriter (“Drillbit Taylor”, “Superbad“)/TV comedy writer (“Da Ali G Show“ 2003-04)

1990 [18] Emma Watson, Paris, France, movie actress (‘Hermione Granger’ in the “Harry Potter” films)

• “Fast Food Day”, observed on the anniversary of the 1955 opening of the 1st McDonald’s franchise in Des Plaines IL. At the time, hamburgers sold for a measly 15 cents, fries for 10.

• “Gripers’ Day”, a good day to have listeners call in with life’s little annoyances such as …
– TV ads for icky health problems during the dinner hour.
– Opening a can of soup and having the lid fall in.
– Having to inform 5 different sales people in the same store that you’re just browsing.
– Losing the pen you just had in your hand a second ago.
– Reaching under the table to pick something up and smashing your head on the way up.
– People dashing ahead of you in a supermarket to get to a counter just opening up.
So what’s bugging you today?

• “IRS Income Tax Payday” in the USA (like you needed a reminder).  FACTOID: President Bush & wife Laura have paid $221,635 in federal taxes on an adjusted gross income of $923,807 for the year 2007. V-P Dick Cheney & wife got tapped for $602,651 in taxes on $3.04 million in 2007 income (AP). Need an extension or last-minute tips? Go here …
NET: http://www.irs.ustreas.gov

• “Leonardo Da Vinci Day”, marking the 556th anniversary (1452) of the birth of the Italian painter (“Mona Lisa”) and scientist credited with envisioning numerous inventions like the helicopter, optical lenses and, if you believe author Dan Brown, secret codes.

• “Rubber Eraser Day”, honoring English chemist Joseph Priestley’s 1770 discovery that a small cube of latex could be used to correct screw-ups. He coined the word ‘eraser’.

• “That Sucks Day”, the 4th annual day celebrating failure, incompetence, dissatisfaction, mediocrity, apathy, chaos, tomfoolery, buffoonery, and jackassery … all things that suck. Here are some cosmic constants that suck …
– Aging. Rigorous scientific studies have shown that 10-out-of-10 people die.
– Health care or lack thereof.
– Dysfunctional families.
– Jobs, bosses, and co-workers.
– Relationships.
– Movies. Books. Service. Cars. Computers.
NET: http://www.thatsucks.net/

1983 [25] “Flashdance” starring Jennifer Beals opens in movie theaters

1920 [88] 1st Canadian ‘Small Cent’ coin  FACTOID: Royal Canadian Mint estimates the typical Canadian household has a hoard of $24-worth of pennies tucked away in drawers & jars, which forces production of 700 million new pennies each year, each costing 1.4 cents to produce.

1975 [33] Canada’s 1st government-operated lottery ($1-million ‘Olympic Lottery’)

1977 [31] 1st MLB game at Montréal’s Olympic Stadium (‘The Big Owe’)

1738 [270] 1st ‘Bottle Opener’ (before that … teeth?)

1924 [84] 1st ‘American Road Atlas’ (Rand McNally goes on to become world’s largest mapmaker)

1934 [74] Shankweiler’s Drive-In opens in Orefield PA, the oldest, continuously running drive-in movie theater (now open for it’s 75th consecutive season)
PHONER: 610.481.0800
NET: http://www.shankweilers.com/

[Wed] Stress Awareness Day
[Wed] International Noise Awareness Day
[Thurs] Canadian Equality Day
[Fri] “88 Minutes”; “The Forbidden Kingdom”; “Forgetting Sarah Marshall”; and “Pathology” open in movie theaters
[Fri] Pet Owners Independence Day
[Sat] Husband Appreciation Day
This Week Is … Building Safety Week
This Month Is … STD Awareness Month


• Install giant heat sink and fan in Australia.
• Invent a time machine to go back and kill Al Gore’s father.
• Instead of driving to work every day, stay home and play videogames.
• Turn tin foil hats to shiny side out.
• Move the equator further south.
• Speed up the orbit of the Earth to get more of a breeze.
• Develop killer robots that will wipe out humanity.
– BBSpot

Everyone talks about apathy, but no one ever does anything about it.

What’s the most creative excuse you’ve used for getting a day off work? (Among those collected by careerbuilder.com: “My ex-husband stole my car so I couldn’t drive to work.”; “I had to go audition for ‘American Idol’.”; and “I wasn’t thinking and accidentally went to my old job.”)

Today’s Question: Japanese researchers have discovered that when a woman smells THIS she is inspired to shop and spend money.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Chocolate chip cookies.

If you have to explain it, it probably isn’t funny.

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