Friday, April 20, 2007        Edition: #3514
Good Morning, Sheetheads!

TONIGHT is the world premiere of the documentary “Let’s All Hate Toronto” at the Bloor Cinema as part of Toronto’s “Hot Docs” festival, a film shot at faked-up ‘Toronto Appreciation Days’ in shopping areas of cities across Canada (interestingly, of the cities that hate Hogtown most, Toronto itself ranks 3rd behind Vancouver & Montreal) . . . SATURDAY the “Icons Of Music” auction at NYC’s Hard Rock Café to benefit the Music Rising charity on the Gulf Coast includes a treasure trove of memorabilia including: A favorite 1975 Gibson Les Paul guitar from U2’s The Edge; Nirvana’s “MTV Music Award” for “Heart Shaped Box”; a Janis Joplin love letter; John Lennon sunglasses; a Bob Dylan harmonica; one of Cher’s wigs; and Jimi Hendrix’s flared pants! (NET: . . . SUNDAY is the finalé of “The Apprentice: LA” (NBC), the 6th (and final?) season of Donald Trump’s sagging reality competition when he’ll select 1 of the 4 remaining candidates to be his next lackey, live from the Hollywood Bowl . . . SUNDAY several more names will be inducted into the “Music City Walk of Fame” in downtown Nashville TN, including singers Emmylou Harris and Wynonna, and Buddy Holly’s band The Crickets . . . SUNDAY Mel Brooks’ hit musical “The Producers” finally closes after a 6-year Broadway run that included 2,502 performances & a record 12 “Tony Awards”, including ‘Best Musical’ in 2001 (it will be replaced at the St James Theater later THIS YEAR by a musical adaptation of another Brooks movie comedy, “Young Frankenstein”) . . . Quentin Tarantino has been nominated for the top prize at the “Cannes Film Festival” (opening MAY 16th) for “Death Proof”, his half of the double feature “Grindhouse” (hey, if you can’t sell tickets why not win prizes?) . . . Simon Cowell has shot up Britain’s annual ‘Rich List’ compiled by the “Sunday Times”, upping his fortune to about $200 million by raking in some $80 million in the past year alone, but that still puts him far behind the UK’s highest-earning entertainer, Paul McCartney, whose bank account is circa $1.4 billion (at least until the divorce is final) . . . TV Guide Channel has dumped Joan & Melissa Rivers as its red carpet emcees and replaced them with former “Melrose Place” actress Lisa Rinna, who’ll make her debut at the “Emmy Awards” in SEPTEMBER (hopefully, unlike her predecessors, she won’t continually ask, “Who are you wearing?”) . . . And actress Sharon Stone has signed up some of Hollywood’s top designers for the “Class of Hope Prom 2007” initiative, a new charity project aimed at providing underprivileged teen girls with prom gowns that have been recycled from outfits previously worn by celebs (hopefully not Monica Lewinsky).

• Avril Lavigne – TODAY she hypes her new album “The Best Damn Thing” on the “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/CityTV).
• Bjork – TOMORROW she’s the musical guest on “Saturday Night Live” (NBC), hosted by actress Scarlett Johansson (“The Prestige”).
• Gavin DeGraw – TONIGHT he guests on “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC).
• Gwen Stefani – SATURDAY she helps open Las Vegas’ newest venue, the Pearl Concert Theater at the Palms Casino Resort. SUNDAY she kicks off her 38-city “Sweet Escape” tour in San Diego CA at the Coors Amphitheater. Akon is the opening act.
• Korn – LAST NIGHT they launched their joint “Family Values 2007 Tour” with Evanescence in true gothic style at the ‘Halloween in Spring Costume Ball’ in the Hollywood Forever Cemetery. Among the celebs buried there: Johnny Ramone, Jayne Mansfield, and Tyrone Power.
• Morrissey – TONIGHT the English singer/songwriter does “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC).
• Right Said Fred – Richard Fairbrass, the baldy half of the duo that had the 1992 mega-hit “I’m Too Sexy”, is considering running for Lord Mayor of London, England because he’s sick of the way his home city is being run.
• Rolling Stones – Their upcoming concert for circa 100,000 fans at Serbia’s Belgrade Hippodrome (JULY 14th) is causing controversy because there are plans to sedate up to 300 horses stabled at the adjacent racetrack to stop them from panicking during the show. Keith Richards says he may need a few extra supplies to accomplish this.
• Van Halen – In his 1st post-rehab appearance, Eddie Van Halen will serve as an honorary NASCAR official THIS WEEKEND at the “Subway Fresh Fit 500” at the Phoenix International Raceway.

• “Fracture” ( R-Rated Crime Thriller ): Ryan Gosling (London/Cornwall ON) stars as an Assistant District Attorney locked in a battle of wits with a man who tried to kill his wife (Anthony Hopkins), then was set free on a technicality. Co-stars David Strathairn (“Good Night, and Good Luck”).
• “Hot Fuzz” ( R-Rated Action Comedy ): After making his superiors look bad, London’s best cop gets transferred to a sleepy village in the English countryside. There he begins to realize that a series of local accidents may actually be something more sinister. From the creators of the campy cult film “Shaun of the Dead” (2004). Stars Simon Pegg & Nick Frost.
• “Vacancy” ( R-Rated Horror Thriller ): Luke Wilson & Kate Beckinsale play a vacationing couple forced to check into a creepy motel room after their car breaks down. They soon discover they’re intended to become the unwitting stars of a soon-to-shoot slasher film.

Austrian officials fed up with motorists stopping to take a leak by the side of the road have come up with an odd solution … fake ‘snake warnings’! The signs read ‘Beware, Mortal Danger. Snakes’ in 4 languages alongside a picture of a cobra. Of course, there are no snakes but travelers don’t know that. Locals say the warnings have worked really well whereas previous postings had failed. (Even more effective: ‘Snapping Turtles!’)
– Ananova News

Meteorological researchers in China claim to have induced the world’s first artificial snowfall. By seeding clouds with particles of silver iodide, the scientists provoked snow to fall to a depth of about 1 cm over the Tibetan Plateau. Nope, it’s not some advanced project to create ideal ski conditions; it’s hoped the technique can be used to help alleviate drought. (This doesn’t seem really exciting if you’re back is still sore from shoveling the stuff all winter.)
– Xinhua News Agency

• We all know not to feed the animals when visiting the zoo but now the Antwerp Zoo in Belgium has posted a further request – stop staring at the chimps! It’s not that it intimidates them. It seems one particular chimp named ‘Cheetah’ was raised by humans but is now being encouraged to form bonds with his own species. Staring at him, it seems, makes him long for human companionship. ([Co-host] is wishing this would work with women.)
• THIS WEEK, the first witness in a lawsuit between Dallas TX neighbors was a real ass – ‘Buddy’ the donkey to be precise. It seems one neighbor retaliated for the other building an oversize storage shed by bringing the beast from his ranch to his backyard. ‘Buddy’ was brought into court to see if a noise complaint was warranted. The neighbors ended up settling their dispute out-of-court while jurors deliberated. (But even the veteran judge said he’d never seen so much crap coming out of the witness stand.)
• An unusual bull has become a star attraction at Zhongshan Zoo in Guangzhou, China. The animal acts and looks normal except for – an extra leg growing out of its back! The 5-legged bull is said to be very gentle, and has become far more popular for photo ops than any of the zoo’s other exhibits. (Well, that’s because it’s got a leg up on the competition.)

Several security companies are working to develop surveillance cameras that not only watch the world but also interpret what they see. Soon, some cameras may be able to automatically find unattended bags at airports, or estimate the height of people in a crowd. A University of Maryland engineering team is working on a camera system that checks out the way you walk, then analyzes the gait to determine if you are a threat. (Great, now you can get busted for walking funny. “Honest, I just had to pee!”)
– AP

Japanese researchers have broken new medical ground by developing a way to make human blood vessels … from fish. The Hokkaido scientists have devised a technology to produce the artificial blood vessels using collagen obtained from salmon skin. The main challenge with fish-sourced collagen has been to raise its heat resistance, which is initially maxed out at 59 F or 15 C. (As chilly as a banker’s handshake.)
– RIA Novosti

A human being loses an average of 40-to-100 strands of hair a day.


1948 [59] Gregory Itzin, Washington DC, TV actor (‘President Charles Logan’ on “24” since 2005)

1949 [58] Jessica Lange, Cloquet MN, movie actress (Oscars-“Blue Sky”, “Tootsie”)

1972 [35] Carmen Electra (Tara Leigh Patrick), Sharonville OH, movie actress (“Scary Movie 4”)/ex-Mrs Dave Navarro (2003-07)/ex-Mrs Dennis Rodman (1998-99)/now dating Joan Jett?

Britain’s Queen Elizabeth II is 81; Rocker Iggy Pop (The Stooges) is 60; TV/movie actor Tony Danza (“Crash”) 56; Model/movie actress Andie MacDowell (L’Oreal) is 49; Rocker Robert Smith (The Cure) is 48; Musician Michael Timmins (Cowboy Junkies) is 48; Movie actor James McAvoy (“The Last King of Scotland”) is 28.

Movie star Jack Nicholson (“The Departed”) is 70; Classic rocker Peter Frampton  (“Show Me the Way”) is 57; Country singer Kellie Coffey (“When You Lie Next To Me”) is 36; Rock musician Shavo Odadjian (System Of A Down) is 33; Rock singer Daniel Johns (Silverchair) is 28.

• “420” or “National Pot Smokers Day”, a day of celebration for marijuana enthusiasts. There are many myths about the origin of ‘4-20′, one being that it’s the police code for marijuana possession; another is that there are 420 active chemicals in pot. The truth, according to “High Times” magazine, is that it comes from the time 4:20 pm, the secret ‘burn time’ originated by a group of pot-smoking students at California’s San Rafael High School back in 1971.
• “Lima Bean Respect Day”, a day of appreciation for the legume many people hate. Maybe we could start by pronouncing it correctly … LEEM-uh bean?
• Take a Break to Reset Your Mind Day”. Yep, there’s nothing like electro-shock therapy, right [co-host]?
• “Volunteer Recognition Day”, honoring the legions of volunteers who dedicate themselves to causes and helping people, animals, and nature.

• “Astronomy Day”, one of 2 days each year designated by the Astronomical League to encourage those who’ve never touched a telescope to reach for the stars.
• “Big Word Day”, a day to use humongous words on purpose just to impress yourself. Go ahead, you can facilitate this celebration of excess verbiage!
• “Kindergarten Day”, honoring the 1782 birth of German educator Friedrich Froebel, who established the 1st kindergarten in 1837.
• “NBA Playoffs” begin. See you on the couch!
• “World Cow Chip Throwing Championship”, the 38th annual in Beaver OK where some 150 competitors toss ‘a piece of locally-grown dried bovine dung’ for distance.The record has stood ever since 1979 when mighty Leland Searcy slung his stool an awesome 182-ft, 3-ins.

• “Earth Day”, begun in 1970 and now the largest environmental observance worldwide with some 500 million people in over 160 countries participating in events that address environmental issues. Sheryl Crow headlines a Washington DC event as part of the “Stop Global Warming Virtual March & College Tour”. Tim McGraw, Faith Hill and Carole King are also participating.
• “Jelly Bean Day”.  According to one survey, the favorite jelly bean flavors are cherry (20%), strawberry (12%), grape (10%), lime (7%) and blueberry (6%). But nowadays you can also enjoy a wide variety of more bizarre flavors such as ‘Toasted Marshmallow’, ‘Margarita’, ‘A&W Root Beer’, ‘Bubble Gum’, ‘Buttered Popcorn’, and ‘Pina Colada’. There are even ‘Sport Beans’, jammed with carbs, electrolytes & vitamins to supposedly enhance athletic performance.

1985 [22] Wham!, featuring George Michael, becomes the 1st recording act from the West to market music in the People’s Republic of China

1992 [15] Madonna becomes ‘Highest-Paid Female Recording Star’ with Time-Warner deal to form her own entertainment company (Maverick)

1879 [128] 1st ‘Mobile Home’ unveiled, in London UK (next day, 1st “Trailer Park Boys” episode is shot)

1973 [34] 1st ‘Commercial Satellite’ (Canada’s ANIK A-2)

1992 [15] World record ‘House of Cards’ measures 75-feet-high

[Mon] St George’s Day Holiday (NL)
[Mon-Apr 29] 13th TV-Turnoff Week
[Tues] World Lab Animal Day
[Wed] 38th GMA Dove Awards (Nashville TN)
[Wed] Anzac Day (Australia/NZ)
[Wed] Administrative Professionals Day
[Thurs] Take Our Daughters & Sons to Work Day
This Week Is … Crime Victims Week
This Month Is … Home Improvement Month


• Whyzit computers have a ‘Break’ key on the keyboard? If you hit it, what breaks?
• Whyzit all the perfect drivers always seem to be in the back seat?
• Whyzit you can never order a larger room from room service?
• Whyzit restaurant servers always come and ask if everything is okay when you have a mouthful of food?
• Whyzit called a ‘laptop’? Have you actually seen anybody use a laptop on their lap?
• Whyzit the keypad on a telephone is the direct opposite of the keypad on a calculator?
• Whyzit they put up signs that say ‘Wet Floor’, then get really mad if you do?

The week’s most requested music files online …
5. Huey – “Pop Lock & Drop”
4. Nelly Furtado – “Say It Right”
3. Omarion – “Ice Box”
2. MIMS – “This Is Why I’m Hot”
1. Akon – “Don’t Matter”
– Big Champagne online music measurement.

If you could replace reality with the world as it is on any current TV show, which would you choose? Which character would you be?

• The only person who ever got his work done by Friday was ‘Robinson Crusoe’.
• Isn’t it amazing what a safe and cautious driver you suddenly become the moment you realize you left your driver’s license at home?

Today’s Question: Less than 5% of people say their mom would do a good job at THIS.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Setting them up on a date.

Worry is interest paid in advance for a debt you may never owe.

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