Wednesday, August 25, 2004        Edition: #2852
More From the Sheethouse!

Legendary 60-year-old Led Zeppelin guitarist Jimmy Page has become the first to leave his hand-prints on London’s new ‘Walk of Fame’ . . . Julia Roberts’ next 2 movies, “Ocean’s Twelve” and “Closer” are both scheduled to open in DECEMBER, then we may not see her on the bigscreen for a while as she tells “Newsweek” she plans to take time off to prepare for motherhood to her expected twins . . . Word is fiery actor Russell Crowe has skipped the wrap party for his latest movie, “The Cinderella Man”, because he didn’t want to bump into bodyguard Mark ‘Spud’ Carroll, whom he reportedly bit during a booze-fueled bar scrap LAST WEEK . . . Actor Josh Hartnett (“Black Hawk Down”, “Pearl Harbor”) says he’s decided to quit trying to become Hollywood’s hottest star and instead concentrate on roles he truly believes in, in films that involve real storytelling (refreshing, ain’t it?).

• Beyoncé – Stars need summer vacations too … only more expensive ones! Her recent 4-day break with boyfriend Jay-Z on a yacht in the south of France cost over $400,000! They reportedly traveled with 22 suitcases.
• Kanye West – He demanded $30,000 to perform his hit “Jesus Walk” for the Ebenezer AME Church in Fort Washington MD … then showed up almost 3 hours late for the performance.
• Madonna – Her official Website is now offering ring-tones of some of her biggest hits for 2 bucks a pop. NET:
• Big & Rich – It’s a big week for them, with an appearance on ABC-TV’s “Good Morning America” THIS MORNING, a feature in “People” magazine, and an interview with Ed Bradley for an upcoming “60 Minutes” segment on the ‘Muzik Mafia’.
• Brooks & Dunn – NEXT WEEK they’ll perform at NYC’s Madison Square Garden during the Republican National Convention.
• Tim McGraw – He’s donated profits from LAST WEEKEND’S concert in Orlando to hurricane relief efforts in Florida.
• Shania Twain – Her 30-year-old half-brother Darryl Twain is facing drug-trafficking charges after Edmonton cops discovered about $7,000 worth of rock cocaine hidden in a car.

New terms leaking into the lingo –
• ‘Pinheads’ – Obsessive collectors of Olympic pins.
• ‘Post Medal Depression’ – A syndrome experienced by Olympians after achieving their goal as the begin wondering, ‘What am I going to do now?’.
• ‘Center Guys’ – Young Japanese men who go out for an evening wearing women’s makeup and clothes. Named after the Center Gai shopping strip in Tokyo. It’s not considered kinky, just a fashion statement. In fact, many Japanese girls find ‘Center Guys’ cute.
• ‘Spange’ [rhymes with range] – Meaning to beg for coins, it’s shortened from the panhandling question ‘spare change?’. It can also be used as the noun ‘spanger’, meaning someone who begs for change.

Highlights from the new “Guinness Book of World Records: 50th Anniversary Edition” …
• Highest-Paid TV Actor –  Ray Romano, “Everybody Loves Raymond”, $1.8 million per episode.
• Highest-Paid TV Actresses – Female stars of “Friends”, $1 million per episode.
• Highest-Paid Film Actor – Will Smith, who most recently got $28 million for “I, Robot”.
• Highest-Paid Actor for a Single Film – Bruce Willis, $100 million for “The Sixth Sense”.
• Most Films Grossing Over $100 Million – Julia Roberts, with 11 blockbusters.
• Highest-Per-Minute TV Ad Fee – Nicole Kidman, who got $3.71 million for a 4-minute Chanel ad … $927,500 per minute!.
– World Entertainment News

• Always remove the key from the ignition. Seems dumb, but failing to do so is one of the prime causes of vehicle theft.
• Never rely on a car alarm. People have become so accustomed to hearing them go off they ignore them.
• Never stash a ‘valet key’ in the central console or glove compartment. Thieves can gain access to them simply by throwing a brick through a window.
• Be aware that older vehicles are the most frequently stolen, partly because more sophisticated theft-deterrent features make newer models harder to swipe. There’s also a hot market for stolen car parts as their legal availability diminishes.
– “Chicago Tribune”

70-year-old Japanese researcher Kosai Jumon claims that any woman’s relationship potential can be determined easily by the configuration of her … er … ‘underhair’. His recently released book “Rising Fortunes of the Soul” supposedly helps determine whether a woman will make a good wife by categorizing pubic hairdos into several types …
• Standard Inverted Triangle – Best suitability for married life. These women have everything they need for enduring childbirth, child-raising and caring for their husband or parents.
• Elongated – Women who fall in love at first sight and soon become passionate. They won’t be happy shut up in the home, but their devilish side is what makes them so attractive to men.
• Mountain Delta – With a pattern resembling the mouth of a river, these women are said to be hyper-infidels. Beware at all costs!
– “Mainichi Daily News”

A snapshot of who we are and what we think …
• 78% of us think that if a woman doesn’t wish to be single, she should wed by age 28.
• 60% of Brits say it’s normal to have 10 or more lovers during your single years, making UK residents the world’s top serial daters.
• 48% of brides say the scariest part of getting married is worrying if the best man will make an embarrassing speech about the groom.
• 46% of allergy sufferers admit their sneezing and wheezing makes them feel less attractive.

Ohio State University researchers have found that people with asymmetrical extremities – ears, fingers or feet of different sizes or shapes – are more likely to react aggressively when annoyed or provoked. It may be that stressors during pregnancy that lead to asymmetrical body parts also affect development of impulse control and aggression. (Britain’s Prince Charles must be a real bear!)
– “American Journal of Human Biology”

Turkmenistan president Saparmurat Niyazov has issued a decree forbidding his people from chewing ‘nas’ (aka ‘naswai’) in public, a drug made from tobacco, lime and – chicken poop. It’s popular for its mild narcotic and stimulating qualities. For once the wacky despot may be on to something sensible – according to medical reports, about 80% of Central Asians diagnosed with throat cancer are nas chewers. (When they say, “Man, this is good sh*t – they mean it!”)
– Interfax


1930 [74] Sir Sean Connery, Edinburgh SCOT, movie actor (Oscar-“The Untouchables”, “Dr No” … the best ‘James Bond’?)

1931 [73] Regis (Francis Xavier) Philbin, NYC, TV host (“Live with Regis & Kelly” [Kathy-Lee] since 1989, “Who Wants to be a Millionaire?” 1999-2001) who’s had more screen-time than anyone in TV history

1949 [55] Gene Simmons (Chaim Witz), Haifa ISR, long-tongued rock dinosaur (Kiss-“Rock ‘n Roll All Night”, “Beth”)

1954 [50] Elvis Costello (Declan MacManus), London UK, rock singer (“My Aim Is True”, “Every Day I Write the Book”)/Rock & Roll Hall of Fame (2003)/married jazz singer Diana Krall in 2003

1958 [46] Tim Burton, Burbank CA, movie director/producer (“Batman”, “Ed Wood”)  UP NEXT: Directing a “Willy Wonka” remake called “Charlie & the Chocolate Factory”, starring Johnny Depp and opening in 2005.

1970 [34] Jo Dee Messina, Framingham MA, 1st female country artist to have 3 consecutive #1 hits from the same album (“Bye Bye”, “I’m Alright”, “Stand Beside Me”)

[Bunol, Spain] “La Tomatina” tomato-throwing festival
[Oulu, Finland] 9th “World Air Guitar Championship” begins

TODAY is “Kiss-and-Make-Up Day”, a day to make amends in relationships that have deteriorated. (Let’s see, there’s that ornery cab driver, that rip-off auto mechanic, the boss …)

THIS MONTH is “Home Business Month”, set aside to recognize the growing number of entrepreneurs who’ve set up shop in their own house. You may want to think twice about the idea – in a recent survey, 32% of those running home businesses say they’ve gained weight since. (Oh no, another new syndrome – ‘home office ass’!)

1970 [34] Elton John makes his North American debut in an LA nightclub, opening for singer David Ackles (who?)

1804 [200] 1st female horseracing jockey (Alice Meynell, UK)

1940 [64] 1st ‘parachute wedding’, as bride, groom, wedding party, minister & musicians all sky dive over NYC (the honeymoon proves especially challenging!)

1960 [44] 1st players’ names appear on back of football uniforms (AFL)

1922 [82] ‘Highest-scoring Major League Baseball game’ – Chicago Cubs 26, Philadelphia Phillies 23 (51 hits, 23 walks & 10 errors)

1981 [23] Jeff Schwartz sets record for ‘Solo Trampoline Bouncing’ (266 hours, 9 minutes)

[Thurs] Make Your Own Luck Day
[Thurs-Sept 6] Montréal World Film Festival
[Fri] Petroleum Day
[Sun] Athens Summer Olympic Games closing ceremony
[Sun] 21st MTV Video Music Awards
[Sun] 8th Wreck Beach Bare Buns Run [Vancouver]
[Mon-Sept 14] World Cup of Hockey
This Week Is . . . Truck Driver’s Appreciation Week
This Month Is . . . Peach Month


Are the following TV game show hosts stiff or still kickin’?
• “Let’s Make a Deal’s” Monty Hall. [Alive and 83 TODAY!]
• Bert Convy of “Win, Lose or Draw”. [Died 1991.]
• Bob Barker of “The Price Is Right”. [Alive and still working at 80.]
• Original “Jeopardy!” host Art Fleming. [What is stiff as of 1995, Art?]
• Chuck Barris, famous for “The Gong Show”. [Alive at 75.]
• “Family Feud’s” Richard Dawson. [Alive at 71.]
• Hugh Downs, host of “Concentration”. [Alive at 83.]
• Peter Marshall, host of the original “Hollywood Squares”. [Alive and 77.]
• “The Match Game’s” Gene Rayburn. [Died 1999.]
• Bob Eubanks of “The Newlywed Game”. [Alive at 66 and still cranking out “Most Outrageous Game Show Moments” specials for TV.]

Are Iranian women allowed to compete in the Olympics? Yes, they competed in the Olympics for the first time at the 1996 Atlanta Games. However, they are limited in the events in which they’re allowed to participate so they do not violate restrictive laws regarding women’s clothing. (You won’t see them competing in Beach Volleyball, for instance.)

You read the story, line by line, while a caller or studio guest attempts to provide the sound effects as best they can. Today’s story is called “The Olympian” –
    [Olympic theme music in …] Fakeministan’s star pole vaulter Ketchi Poon Tang is pumped for the big event. He can hear the roar of the crowd in the distance [SFX] … waaaay in the distance [SFX]. He breaths deeply [SFX]. His heart is pumping like a steam engine [SFX]. Beads of sweat drop from his forehead [SFX] … then more beads of sweat [SFX]. He’s dreamed for 4 years about the moment about to happen. He takes one last deep breath [SFX] and he’s off, his feet pounding the pavement like pistons [SFX] as he runs at his fastest ever pace, groaning with effort [SFX]. He rounds the first turn bouncing off a wall [SFX], his sneakers squeaking to make the cut [SFX]. Not far away now, he yells out in anticipation of achieving his goal [SFX] … quietly [SFX] … in his native language [SFX]. He hits the mark and flings open the door [SFX] … that’s right, I say he flings open the door [SFX]! As he gets a nod of approval from the official, Ketchi Poon Tang sighs in relief [SFX]. After all, it’s not easy getting to the Olympic Village Pharmacy before the condoms run out! [Olympic theme music out.]

At NYC’s Abracadabra Superstore you can keep the change. The magic, juggling & novelty shop no longer accepts or gives out change since it began ‘rounding down’ prices to the nearest dollar. The system saves the owner trips to the bank and gives customers the impression they’re getting a discount. You can bet nothing in this store is priced at 99 cents.
PHONER: 212.624.5194 (Paul Blum, NYC)

Today’s Question: There are almost 1,000 different chemical components in THIS.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Coffee.

Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don’t.

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