Thursday, August 19, 2004        Edition: #2848
If You Can’t Dazzle Them with Brilliance, Baffle Them with Bull!

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
Comedian John Heffron may have won the 2nd season of NBC-TV’s “Last Comic Standing”, but TONIGHT it’s his co-finalists, Alonzo Bodden, Gary Gulman & Jay London (“Thank-you”), who kick off a 5-month tour in Tampa FL . . . How’s an aging shock rocker make a living? Marilyn Manson will voice the role of an alien named ‘Edgar’ who’s the narrator of the new computer game “Area-51″ . . . Here comes another ‘007′ candidate – “Nip/Tuck” star Julian McMahon is said to be currently in talks to become the next ‘James Bond’ . . . Billionaire talk show host Oprah Winfrey is getting a piddling $17.20-a-day to serve on the jury of that Chicago murder trial . . . “Legally Blonde” star Reese Witherspoon showed up for the NYC premiere of her new movie “Vanity Fair” – as a brunette!

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Phil Collins – One week from TODAY, he’ll launch his first solo tour of North America in 7 years to promote his new album “Love Songs: A Compilation … Old and New”.
• Avril Lavigne – TODAY she does TV’s syndicated “Ellen DeGeneres Show”.
• Britney Spears – She & fiancé Kevin Federline are reportedly in talks to become MTV’s new “Newlyweds” replacing Jessica Simpson & Nick Lachey, supposedly because Britney wants Kevin to be just as famous as she is.
• Lonestar – TODAY they’re guests on daytime TV’s “On Air With Ryan Seacrest”.

COMING ATTRACTIONS:
Director Gus Van Sant (“Good Will Hunting”) has just finished shooting the low budget, documentary-style film “Last Days”, the story of a rock musician whose life and career are reminiscent of Kurt Cobain, with actor Michael Pitt (“The Village”) in the lead role (scheduled to open NEXT YEAR) . . . Word has it Vin Diesel is in discussions with director Spike Lee to play – boxer Joe Louis in his next movie (just how Vin becomes the ‘Brown Bomber’ is unclear) . . . Lynda Carter, who played ‘Wonder Woman’ on the ’70s TV series, will play the principal in “Sky High”, a family comedy about a high school for teens with superpowers . . . Calista Flockhart has signed for her first major film role post-‘Ally McBeal’, playing a nurse in the independent Spanish movie “Fragile” (this is ‘major’?) . . . Leonardo DiCaprio is set to play a gangster again, starring in the upcoming “Public Enemies”, a cops & robbers flick about the lives of mobsters Baby Face Nelson, Machine Gun Kelly, Ma Barker, Bonnie & Clyde, John Dillinger, and Pretty Boy Floyd . . . Sandra Bullock, Sigourney Weaver & Gwyneth Paltrow (as late singer Peggy Lee) will co-star in a bio-film of writer Truman Capote’s life called “Every Word Is True” (Capote will be played by little known Brit actor Toby Jones) . . . Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson’s next film is “Gridiron Gang”, based on the true tale of residents of a juvenile detention facility who change their lives by playing football (The Rock’s a natural, he briefly played pro football with the Calgary Stampeders) . . . And New Line Cinema is planning yet another ‘Vs’ movie, pitting ‘Freddy’ vs ‘Jason’ vs ‘Ash’ from the “Evil Dead” movies (wow, it’s a 3-way!).

LIAR LIAR, PANTS ON FIRE:
A 29-year-old Calgary man could go to jail for – setting flame to his drunken pal’s crotch. Seems the one bud fell asleep in a chair after a night of drinking, so the other gets the brilliant idea of trying to wake him up by firing up a lighter near his legs. The passed-out guy’s pants caught on fire, causing 2nd- and 3rd-degree burns to 5% of his body. Now he has permanent scarring to his inner thigh and genitals. (You should never drink and Bic.)
– “Edmonton Sun”

LIMO SERVICED:
County council members in Gwynedd, Wales are pushing to have strippers banned from performing in – limousines. Seems local limo companies have been competing to see which can offer the most enticing erotic entertainment for clients, including striptease, lap-dancing, and pole-dancing. (Wait a sec … just trying to picture that last one.)
– Reuters UK

I SCREAM, YOU SCREAM:
Eat your heart out Baskin-Robbins. The inventive new flavors available at ‘Ice Cream City’ in Tokyo, Japan include: Goat, Whale, Shark’s Fin Noodle, Abalone, Seaweed, Chicken, Garlic & Lettuce-Potato, Deep Sea Water and – nummers! – Raw Horseflesh. (What, no ‘Steak Ripple’?)
– “Far Eastern Economic Review”

NO RELIABLE LIE DETECTOR:
There is no reliable way a man can tell if a woman is faking orgasm. (Until she says, “Wow, you’re the best ever.”)
– “First” magazine.

WHAT’S IN A NAME?
A Massachusetts Institute of Technology researcher claims that men with short vowel names (‘Bill’, ‘Tim’) are perceived as sexier by women. MIT linguist Amy Perfors posted named photos on the Hot-or-Not Website, where visitors rate the appeal those pictured. For men, names with short or ‘front’ vowels, vowels you make with the front of your mouth (‘Matt’, for instance) rated sexiest. Long vowel names like ‘George’ and ‘Paul’, made in the back of the mouth, rated less appealing. For women, the exact reverse seems true – names with longer vowels made in the back of the mouth (‘Sofia’, ‘Laura’) rated sexiest.
– MSNBC
NET: http://hotornot.com

EVEN MORE BLOW-HARDS:
Wherever disaster strikes, Scientologists seem to follow. The group has set up volunteer centers to help victims of Hurricane Charley in the hard-hit communities of Port Charlotte and Punta Gorda, Florida. “If they’re just handing out supplies and food, that’s really great,” says one Scientology critic. “But if they’re also proselytizing and passing out literature to vulnerable victims of natural disaster, that’s truly despicable.”
– “The Scoop”

HAPPY THURSDAY TO YOU:
Greeting card maker Hallmark, which never met a holiday it didn’t like (or make up), is now offering cards for ‘half birthdays’, the 6-month point between birthdays.
– “Journal News”

SHOCKING NEWS – TEENS ARE HORNY!
A new poll of some of 1,600 parents of teens by the Society for Adolescent Medicine finds that 90% claim to have talked with their kids about sex. 75% say they’ve discussed sexually-transmitted diseases. And 84% of the parents do not believe their teens have ever had sex … but guess what? Recent Centers for Disease Control stats show that almost 50% of high-schoolers aged 14-18 are sexually active. (As opposed to their parents.)
– “Medical News Today”

SUGAR ‘N SPICE ‘N EVERYTHING NICE:
Females smell better than males because males have larger sweat glands and secrete more of the hormone androgen. (Yep … nothing sweeter than a women’s locker room after a game of
Olympic field hockey.)
– “Teen” magazine.

BS AMAZING FACTS:
• Every person has a unique tongue print.
• An albatross can sleep while it flies, often dozing while cruising at 40 mph.
• Antarctica is so c-c-cold (we’re talking as low as 110 degrees below zero) that scientists stationed at the South Pole have to put ice cream in the freezer to warm it up enough to eat.

THE BULL SHEET 08.19.2K4

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1946 [58] Bill Clinton, Hope AR, 42nd US President/best-selling author (“My Life”)

1966 [38] Lee Ann Womack, Jacksonville TX, 5′-1″ country singer (“I Hope You Dance”)

1969 [35] Matthew Perry, Williamstown MA [raised in Ottawa ON], former TV actor (‘Chandler Bing’ on “Friends” 1994-2004)/movie actor (“The Whole Nine Yards”)

1969 [35] Clay Walker, Beaumont TX, country singer (“Jesus Was A Country Boy”)

BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
TODAY-Saturday the 67th annual “National Truck Driving Championships” rev up in Salt Lake City, Utah as over 400 professional truckers vie for the top honor, ‘National Grand Champion’. The championship has 3 components – a written exam, driver safety inspection, and an obstacle course. (What other events should be included? Best CB Handle? Coolest Trucker Cap? Heaviest Wallet Chain?)
NET: http://www.truckline.com/cc/councils/slpmc/ntdc/

TODAY through Sunday at the “Gen Con Game Fair” in Indianapolis, Indiana, the 30th anniversary of role-playing game ‘Dungeons & Dragons’ is being celebrated. THIS FALL
a giant book detailing the history ‘Dungeons & Dragons’ will be published, with a forward written by a 25-year fan – none other than Vin Diesel.

THIS WEEKEND is the 16th annual “Winnie’s Hometown Festival” in White River ON that celebrates local-bear-made-good, ‘Winnie-the-Pooh’. This year’s theme is (huh?) ‘Winnie Goes Hawaiian!’. Ask about the true story of the famous bear and the local ‘Winnie’ statue.
PHONER: 807.822.2657 (White River Historical Society)
NET: http://www.nwconx.net/~wrlib/festival.htm
The true story of Winnie-the-Pooh …
NET: http://www.nwconx.net/~museum/winnie.htm

THIS WEEK is “National Friendship Week”, to celebrate and show appreciation for those who know you well – and are friends with you anyway.

TODAY’S MUSIC EVENT . . .
1979 [25] One-hit-wonders The Knack reach #1 with punk-inspired hit “My Sharona” (at the time they’re touted as ‘the next Beatles’)

TODAY’S FIRST . . .
1951 [53] 1st (and last) midget in Major League Baseball is used as a pinch-hitter (3-foot, 7-inch Eddie Gaedel gets a walk for the St Louis Browns)

TODAY’S RECORD . . .
1962 [42] Homer Blancos records the ‘best-ever score in competitive golf’, shooting a 55 (Premier Invitational Tournament, Longview TX)

COMING UP . . .
[Fri] National Radio Day
[Sat] Homeless Animals Day
[Sun] Tooth Fairy Day
[Sun] Single Parent Family Day
This Week Is . . . Freedom of Enterprise Week
This Month Is . . . Foot Health Month

BULL’S BITS . . .
ALL-TIME TOP ANIMAL TALES:

1. “The Jungle Book” – Rudyard Kipling
2. “Winnie-the-Pooh” – AA Milne
3. “Watership Down” – Richard Adams
4. “Black Beauty” – Anna Sewell
5. “The Wind in the Willows” – Kenneth Grahame
– “Country Living Magazine” poll.

ALL-TIME SEXIEST RECORDING ARTISTS:
1. Madonna
2. Elvis Presley
3. Jennifer Lopez
4. Mick Jagger
5. Prince
– VH1 ranking.

BS U-PICK TRIVIA:
• When does a tropical storm become a hurricane?
a. After 6 days.
b. When winds reach 74 mph. [CORRECT]
c. As soon as they’ve picked a cute little name for it.

• From what language do we get the animal name ‘moose’?
a. French
b. Algonquin [CORRECT]
c. Pidgin English

• Odds are 6 in 10 that your marriage will fail if this happened …
a. Your parents marriage failed. [CORRECT]
b. Your parents never met.
c. Your dad caught you cheating … with your mom.

WEB GOODIE:
OK, so a video is tough to use on radio, but this one’s worth linking to your station Website. German brewery Gaffel Kölsch has put up ‘32 Ways to Open a Beer’ … some of them very innovative.
NET: http://www.gaffel.de/frames/biertest-start.swf

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: Just 1 in 14 women claims that THIS part of them is totally natural.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Their hair color.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
A fool and his money are soon elected.


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