Tuesday, February 26, 2002        Edition: #2241
Deja Moo: The Feeling That You’ve Heard This Bull Before.

Did you take high school Latin? Bet you thought it was a dead language that was totally useless. Wrong! Witness these . . .
BS USEFUL LATIN PHRASES:
[And our best attempt at a pronunciation guide.]
• ‘Die dulci fruere!’ [DEE-ay DULL-see FRU-air-ray]
(Have a nice day!)
• ‘Cum homine de cane debeo congredi.’ [coom HO-mean-ay day CAHN-ay DAY-bay-o CONE-grade-ee]
(I’ve got to see a man about a dog)
• ‘Sona si Latine loqueris.’ [SEWN-ah see LAH-teen-nay LOAK-wear-russ]
(Honk if you speak Latin.)
• ‘Furnulum pani nolo.’ [FUR-null-um PAN-knee NO-low]
(I don’t want a toaster.)
• ‘Noli me vocare, ego te vocabo.’ [NO-lee may VO-care-ay, EE-go tay VO-cab-oh]
(Don’t call me, I’ll call you.)
• ‘Canis meus id comedit.’ [CAN-us MAY-us id COMB-made-it]
(My dog ate it.)
• ‘Fac ut gaudeam.’ [fack oot GAW-day-um]
(Make my day.)
• ‘Radix lecti.’ [RAD-icks LECK-tie]
(Couch potato.)
• ‘Illiud Latine dici non potest.’ [ILL-ee-ud LAH-teen-nay DEE-see known POE-test]
(You can’t say that in Latin.)
And here’s likely the most useful of all . . .
• ‘Catapultam habeo. Nisi pecuniam omnem mihi dabis, ad caput tuum saxum immane mittam.’
[CAT-ah-pull-tum HA-bay-o. KNEE-see pay-COON-ee-um AWM-num MEE-hee DAB-us, add CAP-put TOO-um SAX-um IH-men-ay MITT-um.]
(I have a catapult. Give me all the money, or I will fling an enormous rock at your head.)

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
TODAY Alanis Morissette’s “Under Rug Swept” is released, her first album of new material in more than 3 years, and she’ll travel to 5 Canadian cities over the next 3 days to promote
it (Montréal, Ottawa, Toronto, Edmonton & Vancouver) . . .TODAY Elton John, Don Henley, the Dixie Chicks and more than 100 other artists will stage 5 simultaneous concerts in Los Angeles to raise money for a legal battle against the music industry seeking more rights for artists . . . Can she escape the so-called ‘Seinfeld curse’? TONIGHT Julia Louis-Dreyfus’ new sitcom “Watching Ellie” debuts and will attempt to out-last the short-term sitcom runs of her former “Seinfeld” cast-mates Michael Richards and Jason Alexander (if those lame promos that ran all through the Olympics are any indication, this thing’s dead in the water) . . . LeAnn Rimes’ estranged father Wilbur says he has settled the legal battle with his newlywed country superstar daughter, she originally claiming he bilked her out of more than $7 million . . . 47-year-old actress Kathleen Turner says men aren’t worth talking to until they are at least 29 because they ‘lack conversation’ . . . Paul McCartney’s unfinished manuscript of the classic Beatles hit “Hey Jude” is going up for auction in London in APRIL and expected to fetch well over 150 grand . . . Friends of McCartney say he’s set to wed 26-years-younger girlfriend  Heather Mills NEXT MONTH in a small, modest ceremony . . . Word is Britney Spears’ credit card was DECLINED while she was on a NYC shopping trip with her mommy and a bodyguard had to step in to pay the bill . . . And now that her movie “Queen of the Damned” is #1 at the box office, Aaliyah’s brother says it’s possible her family may release several songs she recorded before she died LAST SUMMER (the CD collection will be called ‘Cha-Ching’).

TODAY’S DVD & VHS RELEASES:
“Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back”, a no-name comedy about a pair of stoners who set out to wreck a movie based on their lives because they’re cut out of the profits . . . Disney’s straight-to-video sequel “Cinderella II: Dreams Come True” explores ‘Cindy’s’ happily-ever-after life beginning with her awkward first days as a princess (and ending with the ‘handsome prince’ developing a beer gut and belching on the coach while watching jousting on TV) . . . Cinema-philes will be interested in renowned Chinese director Wong Kar-Wai’s romantic drama “In the Mood for Love”, set in 1962 Hong Kong . . . And there’s a DVD version of David Lynch’s “Twin Peaks: Fire Walk with Me”, a 1992 prequel to the earlier short-lived and ultra-strange TV series.

BARF BAG EXTRA:
A new computer game developed by N-Dreams will award players points for — drinking beer and picking up women! The PC game has taken 6 months to develop and is due for release in MAY. It purportedly simulates the effects of alcohol — after about 5 beers, the women you meet start looking more and more attractive!

SUDSY SEX APPEAL:
The Meantime Brewing company in London has invented — chocolate beer. Its ‘Chocolate Lager’ is made from a unique blend of malts and barley with a ‘vanilla edge’. The company is working on a variety of different flavors in an attempt to appeal to women. (Suggested other flavors?)

KOSHER STOVE:
GE Appliances is now offering a ‘Sabbath Mode’ on electric ranges, designed for Orthodox Jews who strictly observe the Sabbath and Jewish holiday prohibition of turning on electricity. How’s it work? Basically, it allows you to cheat! While most ranges automatically turn off after 12 hours, the new Sabbath-compliant feature allows the appliances to be turned well ahead of time and remain at very low heat for more than 24 hours. There’s no rule against electricity BEING on – you just can’t TURN it on. (This is akin to old order Mennonites who are only allowed to drive tractors if they don’t have rubber tires.)

BS FROM AROUND-THE-WORLD:
• Britain’s Royal Navy is investigating a report that a male pilot and a female cadet had a sex romp in the back of a helicopter aboard a warship at sea. (“Battle stations everyone! Arm the missile!”)
• McDonald’s has opened a ‘snowmobile drive-thru’ in northern Sweden so hungry riders can grab a burger without getting off their machines. (If you try to eat while driving a snowmobile you’re in for a ‘Big Smack’!)
• A woman has been arrested at Miami International Airport and charged with trying to smuggle nearly 10,000 ecstasy tablets into the US. Not noteworthy at all, except for the fact that she’s 81-years-old and confined to a wheelchair!

WOMEN DRIVERS:
According to “Cosmopolitan”, 70% of women describe their love life as ‘dissatisfying’ or ‘unrewarding’. According to the National Institutes of Health, 22% of all women have seriously considered suicide or homicide and 34% describe men as their biggest problem. According to the National Rifle Association, 5% of women carry weapons and the number is increasing. In any given group of females, 1 in 28 is having the worst day of her period. What all this means is that, EVERY SINGLE DAY you drive past at least one woman that has a lousy love life, thinks men are her biggest problem, has seriously considered suicide or homicide, is having the worst day of her period — and is ARMED. Have a nice commute!

THE BULL SHEET 02.26.2K2

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1920 [82] Tony Randall (Leonard Rosenberg), Tulsa OK, film/TV actor (“The Odd Couple”) who fathered two children in his 70s

1932 [70] Johnny Cash, Kingsland AR, ailing country legend with over 100 solo hits (1999 Grammy ‘Lifetime Achievement Award’)

1954 [48] Michael Bolton (Bolotin), New Haven CT, overwrought pop singer (2 Grammy Awards-“When a Man Loves a Woman”, “How Am I Supposed to Live Without You”)

1958 [44] Greg Germann, Houston TX, TV actor (Richard Fish-“Ally McBeal”)

1972 [30] Erykah Badu (Wright), Dallas TX, R&B singer (“Bag Lady”, “On & On”)

1973 [29] Marshall Faulk, New Orleans LA, NFL superstar RB (St Louis Rams)

BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
TODAY is “National Pistachio Day”. Bet you can’t eat just one!

TODAY is “For Pete’s Sake Day”, which asks the pressing question, ‘Just who the hell is Pete, anyway, and why would we do anything for his sake?’

TODAY is “Levi Strauss’s Birthday” (1829-1902), the creator of blue jeans, or ‘Levis’. Without him, many of us would have no wardrobe.

TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1909 [93] 1st ‘cartoon’ shown in a movie theater (nowadays instead of cartoons before the main feature, you get 27 preview trailers and ads for the snack bar)

1935 [67] 1st demonstration of ‘radar’ (the name is an acronym for ‘RAdio Detection And Ranging’)

1936 [66] 1st ‘Volkswagen’ factory opens (Germany)

TODAY’S RECORD . . .
1962 [40] Broadway show with the longest name opens — “Oh Dad, Poor Dad, Mama’s Hung You in the Closet and I’m Feeling So Sad” (turns out to be the year’s ‘Best Play’ award winner)

AND REMEMBER . . .
[Wed] Spay Day
[Wed] International Polar Bear Day
[Wed] 44th Grammy Awards
[Thurs] “Survivor: Marquesas” debuts
[Fri] 2001 RRSP deadline
National Read Me Week
National Hobby Month
National Wild Bird Feeding Month

BULL’S BITS . . .
BS PHONE STARTER:

“What’s your strange phobia? Is there something truly weird that makes you absolutely petrified?” (“National Geographic” is producing a 13-part TV documentary about phobias. Each segment will show a real sufferer from a phobia and offer suggestions on the best therapy.)
NOTE: Tell your listeners exactly what phobia they suffer from. The Web’s “Phobia List” site provides an alphabetized listing of fears and the name assigned to each (you’ll need to scroll down to find the list).
NET: http://phobialist.com/reverse.html

BS ‘WHAT’S ITS’:
What do the following terms mean –
• ‘Graupel’
a) Fist-sized rocks used in the construction of highway road beds.
b) Ice-coated snowflakes.
c) A breakfast cereal made with nuts and grains.
[It’s small pellets of ice made when supercooled water droplets coat a snowflake. The pellets are cloudy or white, not clear like sleet. They are often mistaken for hail.]
• ‘Punt’
a) The little hollow on the bottom of a wine bottle.
b) A round window often seen in Victorian architecture.
c) A one-legged pirate.
[The ‘punt’ or ‘kick’ is the indentation on the bottom of wine bottles. It gives added strength to the bottle but lessens its holding capacity.]
• ‘Phosphenes’
a) Chemicals added to dish detergent to prevent streaking.
b) Any of several species of sea animals that glow in the dark.
c) The lights you see when you close your eyes hard.
[Luminous impressions due to the excitation of the retina caused by pressure on the eyeball. In other words, when you see ‘spots’.]
• ‘Tobies’
a) Small pottery jugs used for ale.
b) Light infantry soldiers.
c) Australian slang for female breasts.
[A toby is a beer mug shaped like a stout man with a cocked hat, one corner of which is used for pouring.]

WEB GOODIE:
Listeners will love you for passing this along. CopyKat Creations has copied the actual recipes for popular dishes from oodles of upscale restaurants. Get the inside secrets to making Chicken Cordon Bleu, Shrimp Scampi, Better Than Sex Cake and a host of other goodies. Great use of the Web – easy-to-remember site offering clear and concise info that people can use. (Thanks to Randy Sherwyn @ B103 Ft Myers FL)
NET: http://www.copykat.com

BS Q & A:
Q: The Spanish call them ‘Flemish’, the Swedes call them ‘Tatars’, the French call them ‘Bohemians’. What do we call them?
A: ‘Gypsies’, which is short for ‘Egyptians’ and a term coined by the British who mistakenly thought they came from Egypt. Most likely ‘Gypsies’ originated in Northern India. By the way, ‘Gypsies’ call themselves ‘Rom’ [rome], which means simply ‘man’.

Q: Where on the human body did ancient Greeks think the ‘vein of love’ was located?
A: Greek physicians wrongly believed that a vein ran from the 3rd finger of the left hand to the heart. They called it the ‘vein of love’ and considered this the logical place to wear a ring symbolizing love – the origin of where we now wear a ‘wedding ring’.

WHO SAID IT?
“I’m not the type of guy who enjoys one-night stands. It leaves me feeling very empty and cynical. It’s not even fun sexually.”
a) Mick Jagger
b) Hugh Hefner
c) Ben Affleck
d) Rosie O’Donnell
ANSWER: Ben Affleck

BS TAG LINE:
Is the sole purpose of children’s middle names so they can tell when they’re in really big trouble?

 


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