Monday, March 31, 2003        Edition: #2508
Monthly Planning Calendar in Today’s Issue!

• UK’s “Sun” tab says a Spice Girls reunion tour IS, in fact, being discussed. Furthermore, the little sister of Mel B (Scary Spice), Danielle Brown, has reportedly been lined up to replace Geri Halliwell (Ginger Spice) who’s refusing to have anything to do with the idea. (Will the tour be sponsored by Old Spice?)
• The word in Hollywood is 36-year-old Oscar nominee Salma Hayek & 33-year-old “Fight Club” actor/screenwriter Ed Norton got married in NYC 2 months ago, and have kept it secret ever since. “PeopleNews” claims they’ve accomplished that by not wearing wedding rings and not telling friends. (In fact, even Ed doesn’t know.)
• “Everywhere” reports that ‘80s rockers Duran Duran are getting back together with a new album and world tour THIS YEAR. Seems the wrinkle rockers, who sold some 60 million records around-the-world, have secured an unbelievable deal with Arista for close to $50 million. (They wanted to get back on the road before the Stones soak up all the world’s geezer money.)
• 21-year-old Paris Hilton seems determined to make her mark in Hollywood, at least in the bedroom. “Star” reports that both Lisa Marie Presley and Shannen Doherty recently pitched a fit when they ran into Hilton in Hollywood clubs – both apparently convinced the hotel heiress had diddled with their ex-husbands, Nicolas Cage and Richard Salomon respectively. (Soon Hollywood will be doing a re-make of the classic “An American in Paris”.)
• “NY Post” says the producers of “Bringing Down the House”, including star Queen Latifah, are being sued for $15 million for copyright infringement. Yup, once again it seems the storyline was ripped off from someone else’s screenplay that was circulating around the biz. The movie has now taken in over $100 million at the box office. (Funny how no one ever sues over a stiff.)
• “Globe” magazine reveals this interesting fact – goofy kids’ cartoon ‘SpongeBob SquarePants’ has developed a fan base that includes many adults. Bruce Willis, Ellen Degeneres, Lance Bass, Jerry Lewis & Dennis Miller are all on record as saying they can’t get enough of the little sponge dude. Interestingly, ‘SpongeBob’ made more money last year than all 5 of those stars combined – a whopping $750 million!
• Here’s an unlikely pairing – Jennifer Lopez & U2’s Bono have recorded a duet, but so far it’s undecided if the collaboration will ever be released. “PeopleNews” reports that no one can quite explain how the pair were introduced and why they thought it was a good idea to record a track together. (The tune is titled “It’s a Beautiful Butt”.)
• And here’s “Weekly World News” breaking news headlines – “America’s Running Out of Supermodels!”, “Hitler Had a Secret Son!”, “You Can Own a Piece Of Iraqi Land!”, “Second Great Depression Can Make You Rich!”, “Is Eminem the Antichrist?”, and “Scientists Confirm – The Statue of Liberty Is Crying!”

Langdon Secondary School in London, England has developed a unique way to encourage good student behavior – a smart card that allows them to collect points. They earn 10 points for being on-time for a class, 20 for eating in the cafeteria, 35 for choosing a healthy meal option, etc. Collected points can then be traded in for goodies – 700 points gets you a pen, a workout with a personal trainer costs 8,000, and for 20,000 points, students get a recording session in which they make their own demo disc. (And for 15 million, you can spend a weekend with Miss Prussy from the English Department!)

According to a new Pew Research Center survey, TV viewers are showing the first signs of ‘war fatigue’. 42% of those polled now say they’re tired of watching war coverage on TV. (Could this be the first war canceled due to bad ratings?)

The Vietnamese government is shocked that close to a million couples are cohabiting unmarried, so it’s now offering wedding licenses door-to-door to make it easier for people to tie the knot. There were an estimated 929,319 unmarried couples living together in the country of 80 million LAST YEAR. So far this year, the ‘fast-track mobile licensing campaign’ has persuaded over 420,000 couples to get hitched. (Will they also offer ‘door-to-door divorce’?)

(Percentage of Canadians who’ve suffered from it in past year.)
1. Headache (76%)
2. Cough/Cold (70%)
3. Sore Throat (47%)
4. Muscle Aches/Pains (38%)
5. Sinus Congestion (37%)
6. Back Pain (37%)
7. Indigestion (20%)
8. Arthritis (16%)
9. Insomnia (14%)
10. Menstrual Cramps (13% … mostly female)
Source: Non-Prescription Drug Manufacturers Association of Canada

• The NCAA ‘Final Four’ basketball tournament is the 2nd-biggest betting event of the year after the Super Bowl.
• According to a research study conducted by the University of Florida, women have a better memory for detail than men. (Like every time you came home late in the past 10 years.)
• According to a recent survey on driving habits, the average motorist breaks traffic laws 5 times each day. (6 times if you count filling out the survey while driving.)
• The average North American opens the fridge 20 times each day. (That sound about right, Porky?)


1928 [75] Gordie Howe, Floral SK, Hall of Fame hockey legend (Detroit Red Wings)/1767 games in 26 seasons/6-time NHL MVP

1943 [60] Christopher Walken, Queens NY, movie actor (2003 Oscar nomination-“Catch Me If You Can”, “Pulp Fiction”, Oscar-“The Deer Hunter”)

1948 [55] Al Gore, Washington DC, 2000 Presidential candidate/45th US Vice President/Mr Tipper

1971 [32] Ewan McGregor, Crieff SCOT, movie actor (Obi-Wan Kenobi-“Star Wars” Episodes 1-3, “Moulin Rouge”, “Black Hawk Down”)

1971 [32] Pavel Bure (‘The Russian Rocket’), Moscow RUS, NHL forward (NY Rangers, ex-Florida Panthers, ex-Vancouver Canucks)/ex-Mr Anna Kournakova

1976 [27] Colin Farrell, Dublin IRE, wildman movie actor (“Phone Booth [opening FRIDAY], “Daredevil”, “Minority Report”)  UP NEXT: Co-stars with Samuel L Jackson in the crime thriller “SWAT” [opening AUGUST 8th], then plays ‘Alexander the Great ‘ in the epic “Alexander”, coming in 2004.

TODAY is “Opening Day” for Major League Baseball, although the World Series champ Anaheim Angels & Texas Rangers started the season LAST NIGHT, a day before everyone else. The originally scheduled opening series in Tokyo between Seattle & Oakland was called off because of the war in Iraq (this is a recording).

TODAY is “Bunsen Burner Day”, honoring the 1811 birth date of its inventor, Robert Wilhelm Eberhard von Bunsen of Germany. Thanks to him several hundred high school chemistry labs have been blown up!

TODAY is “National Clams on the Half Shell Day”. (And tonight is ‘Pass the Fear Factor Bucket Night’.)

TOMORROW is the 8th annual “International Fun At Work Day”, a day to lighten up on the job. Suggestions include declaring it ‘Clash Dressing Day’, ‘Polka Dots Day’, ‘Suspender Day’, ‘Pajama Day’ or ‘Bad Hair Day’ in the workplace.
PHONER: 800-750-5439/510-540-8768 (Playfair, Berkeley CA)

1996 [07] Phil Collins announces he’s leaving Genesis after 21 years

1889 [114] Eiffel Tower in Paris FRA officially opens

1918 [85] 1st ‘Daylight Saving Time’ (set those clocks forward this coming SUNDAY at 2am)

1923 [80] 1st ‘dance marathon’ (Alma Cummings sets endurance record of 27 hrs in NYC)

1932 [71] 1st ‘V-8’ engine (Ford Motor Co)

1992 [11] “Dateline: NBC” premieres (now airs 27 times a week … or does it just seem that way?)

1994 [09] Madonna uses the ‘F-word’ 13 times on “Late Show With David Letterman” (must be some kind of freakin’ record!)

1990 [13] 1st NHL player to score 100 points in a season with a last-place team (Quebec Nordiques’ Joe Sakic, who also becomes the youngest player to do it, at age 20)

1997 [06] Martina Hingis becomes youngest-ever #1-ranked women’s tennis player at age 16

[Apr 1] April Fool’s Day / Fun At Work Day / One Cent Day
[Apr 2] International Children’s Book Day / Reconciliation Day / Equal Pay Day / National Peanut Butter & Jelly Day
[Apr 3] Armenian Appreciation Day / Don’t Go To Work Unless It’s Fun Day
[Apr 4] Tell-A-Lie Day / Alcohol Free Weekend
[Apr 4-8] NCAA Final Four Tournament (New Orleans)
[Apr 5] National Equal Pay Day / National Road Map Day
[Apr 6] 2003 Juno Awards (Ottawa) / Daylight Saving Time begins / Check Your Batteries Day / Plan Your Epitaph Day
[Apr 7] Tartan Day / Hug Your Newsman Day / No Housework Day / World Health Day
[Apr 9] Chicken Little Awareness Day / Name Yourself Day
[Apr 10] Siblings Day / Salvation Army Founders Day / Golfers Day
[Apr 11] National Barbershop Quartet Day / Audubon Day
[Apr 12] Vote Lawyers Out of Office Day / Teens Against Zits Day / Thank You School Librarian Day / Soap Opera Digest Awards / 16th Kids Choice Awards
[Apr 13] Palm Sunday / Scrabble Day
[Apr 16] Passover begins at sundown / Stress Awareness Day
[Apr 17] Canadian Equality Day / National Blah Blah Blah Day
[Apr 18] Good Friday / Pet Owners Independence Day / Teach Children To Save Day / International Jugglers Day
[Apr 19] Garlic Day
[Apr 20] Easter / Astronomy Day
[Apr 21] Easter Monday / Boston Marathon / National Kindergarten Day/ Clergy Day / National TV-Turnoff Week (through 27th)
[Apr 22] Earth Day / National Jelly Bean Day
[Apr 23] St George’s Day (Newfoundland) / World Lab Animal Day / Administrative Professionals Day (formerly Secretaries Day)
[Apr 24] First Day of Summer (Iceland)
[Apr 25] Anzac Day (Australia/NZ) / Hug an Australian Day / Bird Day
[Apr 26] Richter Scale Day / National Pretzel Day / 14th GLAAD Media Awards
[Apr 27] Child Care Professionals Day / Hairball Awareness Day / Sense of Smell Day
[Apr 28] Kiss Your Mate Day / Great Poetry Reading Day
[Apr 29] Teacher Appreciation Week / Zipper Day / National Puppetry Day
[Apr 30] Canadian Income Tax deadline / Hairstylist Appreciation Day / National Walk Days / National Honesty Day
[May 11] Mother’s Day
[May 19] Victoria Day

National Drafting Week
Golden Rule Week
National Library Week
Laugh at Work Week
Testicular Cancer Awareness Week
Public Health Week
National Egg Salad Week
National Birth Parents Week
Reading a Road Map Week
Publicity Stunt Week
Week of the Young Child

• Aries – Your astute way of doing things will help you grab the attention of your colleagues. Nudity in the office will certainly get you noticed.
• Taurus – Put yourself in a position that is valuable and you won’t have to worry about your future. In other words, time to start sucking up to the boss.
• Gemini – Nothing ventured, nothing gained is the rule of thumb. In fact ‘nothing’ will play a very large part in your future.
• Cancer –  Take time out to read a book today. It will stop you from whining for 10 minutes.
• Leo – You will discover it may have been ill-advised to begin that memo to the boss with “My Darling Snookums …”.
• Virgo – Stick to what you do best at work – hide and look busy.
• Libra – Call on friends and relatives to help you make the changes that you feel are necessary. After all, if you’re moving they’re much cheaper than Allied Van Lines.
• Scorpio – Your morning grumpiness will vanish when you discover that the problem was simply using the wrong type of deodorant soap. Soon you’ll be stepping out of the shower grinning like an imbecile!
• Sagittarius – Put on your best clothes and prepare to face the world. You’ll be sure to discover all sorts of intriguing people at Alcoholics Anonymous.
• Capricorn – Remember: loose lips sink ships. The strange thing is, nobody’s ever been able to explain why ships would have lips in the first place.
• Aquarius – Your lucky star is Jerry Springer. We offer our deepest condolences.
• Pisces – Romantic development is in the stars – provided, that is, that your date is able to see past your ego and your bad fashion sense.

Q: A clerk in a hardware store tells a customer: “Four will cost you $3, ten will cost you $6, two-hundred will cost you $9.” What is the customer buying?
A: House numbers. Each digit costs $3.

[Local TV station] has such a small news budget, their Gulf War military analyst is Colonel Klink. At least that’s better than the Food Channel – they’ve got Colonel Sanders!

Today’s Question: In a recent survey, THIS is the #1 thing guys lie about.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: No, not that! It’s gambling.

All work and no play will make you a manager.


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