Tuesday, March 10, 2009          Edition: #3971
Bovine Defecation That’s State-of-the-Art!

“Dancing With the Stars” (ABC) has replaced gimpy drop-outs Jewel & Nancy O’Dell (“Access Hollywood”) with “Girls Next Door” star Holly Madison & Melissa Rycroft, who recently gained brief fame as the finacée dumped on “The Bachelor” (apparently she’s chosen reality TV as a career) . . . 34-year-old “Dancing With the Stars” competitor & “Jackass” star Steve-O has launched a contest on his blog asking fans to submit creative designs to cover up his extensive body art, including a likeness of his face etched across his entire back, a pot leaf on his wrist, and male genitalia carved into one arm (we’re sure a lot of forethought went into each of these) . . . The financial woe of General Motors is affecting more than just autoworkers; the company has just announced it’s forced to end its 22-year monetary support of Emmy Award-winning documentary-maker Ken Burns (“The Civil War”, “Jazz”, “Baseball”) . . . Actress Jennifer Aniston was reportedly delighted when her dog was allowed to appear in her canine comedy “Marley & Me” but disappointed after the pooch’s scenes were dropped from the final cut (apparently he couldn’t act either) . . . After weeks of rumors, it’s been confirmed that 15-year-old actress Dakota Fanning will play ‘Jane’ in the upcoming “Twilight” movie sequel, “New Moon” . . . Famous person Lauren Conrad says she quit “The Hills” because she was tired of leading a ‘double life’ (yeah, in real life she’s a brunette brainiac) . . . British newspaper “Metro” reports that 2-year couple Justin Timberlake & Jessica Biel will wed in Italy this Summer , an idea they latched onto after attending a friend’s wedding there last October . . . And “NY Daily News” reports that Baby Phat designer Kimora Lee Simmons (ex-Mrs Russell Simmons) & movie actor Djimon Hounsou enjoyed a wedding ceremony in his native African country of Benin last Summer but the nuptials aren’t legally binding as she was not yet divorced (she’s also expecting a child before they legally wed – seems they like to do things bass ackwards).

• “American Idol” (FOX/CTV): The top 13 perform in a 2-hour episode.
• “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/A Channel): Publicity-loving entrepreneur Sean ‘Diddy’ Combs is on. He’s just launched “P Twitty TV” whereby fans hooked into his Twitter.com exchanges can keep up with his life in a series of real-time videos. He’s also finishing up his 6th album, “Last Train to Paris”, a concept piece due September 22nd.
• “Good Morning America“ (ABC): Kelly Clarkson makes an appearance to promote her 4th album, “All I Ever Wanted”, which is being released today.
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV): Chris Cornell performs “Part of Me”.
• “Late Night With Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/A Channel): Pussycat Dolls perform “I Hate This Part”.
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/A Channel): Keyshia Cole (“Heaven Sent”) is onstage.
• “The View” (ABC/CTV): “Just Dance” singer Lady Gaga is interviewed. She was born Joanne Stefani Germanotta in NYC in 1986. She began to play piano at age 4, learning by ear, and was writing for the piano by age 13. Clearly, there’s more to her than just trashy stage outfits.
• “Videogame BAFTA Awards” (London): The British Academy of Film & Television Arts recognizes the year’s top titles in gaming and recognizes the lifetime achievement of Nolan Bushnell, the man who created the groundbreaking 1970s game ‘Pong’ and founded Atari Corp.

• Amy Winehouse: Her rep says she won’t be performing at the “Coachella Festival” in Indio CA next month ‘in light of current legal issues’. Amy’s been charged with assault for allegedly attacking a fan at a London party in September and is due in court next week.
• The Beatles: They’ll finally go digital on September 9th with the release of a new Fab Four edition of the popular “Rock Band” videogame.
• George Strait: His concert to open the new $1.1-billion Dallas Cowboys Stadium in Arlington TX on June 6th sold out in less than an hour. Reba McEntire, Blake Shelton & Julianne Hough are also on the bill. The venue’s seating is expandable to accommodate up to 100,000.
• Metallica: Frontman James Hetfield has been released from hospital after suffering a severe bout of food poisoning which forced the group to scrap a weekend show in Stockholm, Sweden.
• Nickelback: They’ve announced a new round of dates for their massive 2009 tour in support of their album “Dark Horse”. The Summer leg kicks off July 10th at Darien Lake NY.
• Rihanna: Her attorney says she will be required by law to appear in court during Chris Brown’s criminal assault case if prosecutors subpoena her, so she may end up testifying against him after all. Here’s another nugget that further endears us to Chris Brown: According to a police report, he waited 9 days before calling her to apologize.
• Van Halen: While it remains focused on building the highly anticipated “Guitar Hero: Metallica” game, franchise publisher Activision reportedly already has its sights set on its next artist-specific title … classic rockers Van Halen.

• “Cadillac Records” ( Musical Drama ): Adrien Brody stars as Leonard Chess, the real-life musical pioneer who founded Chicago-based Chess Records in the 1950s-60s. An ensemble cast brings to life some of the studio’s recording stars of the day: Beyoncé as Etta James; Mos Def as Chuck Berry; Jeffrey Wright as Muddy Waters; Cedric the Entertainer as Willie Dixon; and Eamonn Walker as Howlin’ Wolf.
• “Milk” ( Bio-Drama ): Sean Penn won a ‘Best Actor’ Oscar for his portrayal of Harvey Milk, an activist and politician who fought for gay rights in San Francisco in the late 1970s and became California’s first openly gay elected official. Josh Brolin plays the political opponent who shot both Milk and the city’s mayor to death in 1978. Co-stars James Franco & Emile Hirsch.
• “Rachel Getting Married” ( Drama): Anne Hathaway stars as a young woman who returns to her family home for her sister’s wedding after being in-and-out of rehab for 10 years. With her biting one-liners and flair for bombshell drama, she upsets what’s intended to be a weekend celebration for the family. Co-stars Rosemarie DeWitt, Bill Irwin & Debra Winger.
• “Synecdoche [pronounced ‘si-NEK-duh-kee’], New York” ( Dark Comedy ): Acclaimed screenwriter Charlie Kaufman directs Oscar-nominated Philip Seymour Hoffman (“Doubt”) as a theater director who struggles with his work, and the women in his life, as he attempts to create a life-size replica of New York inside a warehouse as part of his new play. Co-stars Samantha Morton & Michelle Williams.
• “Transporter 3“ ( Action Thriller ): Jason Statham is back as the guy who’ll deliver anything, anywhere. This time it’s the kidnapped daughter of a government official from Marseilles, France to Odessa, Ukraine. As usual, he has to deal with all manner of obstacles en route. If you like car chases, this is right up your alley … fast. Also comes in a ‘2-Disc Fully Loaded Edition’.
• Also released today: “Batman: The Motion Picture Anthology”; “Get Smart: Season 2“ (classic TV); “The Girls Next Door: Season 4“ (TV); “Pinocchio: 70th Anniversary Platinum Edition” (Disney classic); “South Park: The Complete 12th Season” (TV); and “Woody Woodpecker Favorites” (animation).

• In Camden County GA an escaped prisoner has been arrested after guards caught him … trying to sneak back into the jail. Authorities believe the 25-year-old climbed an outer fence to escape, then walked a few hundred yards to a local convenience store, where he allegedly stole 14 packs of cigarettes. He now faces new charges of breaking out of jail and burglary.
– Ananova.com
• In Port Douglas, Australia police called in to stop a ‘mini-riot’ ended up ordering a Brisbane man and his wife to leave an ‘anything goes’ party at the White Cockatoo nudist resort. The man was blamed for causing a confrontation that led to the melée by … refusing to take his clothes off.
– “Courier-Mail”
• In Fort Pierce FL a woman has been charged with ‘misuse of 9-1-1′ after she called the emergency number to report the local McDonalds had run out of Chicken McNuggets … 3 times. After paying for a 10-piece order, she was informed of the shortage and offered a McDouble & small fries as a substitute. That’s when she became distraught and decided the situation had escalated to an ‘emergency’. She’s since received her order … to appear in court.

Just as “Watchmen” is cleaning up at the box office, here’s a new ranking of the worst-ever film adaptations of comic book stories …
5. “Catwoman” (2004)
4. “Daredevil” (2003)
3. “The Fantastic Four” (2005)
2. “The Incredible Hulk” (2008)
1. “Elektra” (2005)
– CBC.ca

Tips for taking charge of your email inbox …
• Limit your time with email. Turn off all auto-notifications that alert you to incoming mail and don’t dip into your inbox more than 3 times an hour.
• Set aside an hour to clear out your inbox by responding to every important message. Your inbox should now be empty … think of this as its optimal state.
• Quickly respond to emails that require easy answers. If responding will take a couple of minutes or less, you’re better off doing it now than procrastinating.
– “New York Times”

Water from the English Channel is being bottled and exported as a remedy for … nasal congestion. Pharmaceutical company Shering-Plough claims its ‘Afrin PureSea Hydrating Nasal Rinse’ has been proven to clear mucus and help the congested breathe more easily. Furthermore, it’s touted as the only nasal rinse made of ‘100% purified seawater’. That’s apparently why the company is charging circa $14 for a bottle of water collected from a busy shipping lane off the coast of Saint Malo, France. (Do they recycle it afterward?)
– “Daily Mail”

Jonathan Berger, professor of music at California’s Stanford University, suggests that iPods may have changed our perception of music, and that as young people become increasingly familiar with the sound of digital tracks the more they grow to like it. Research has shown that today’s iPod generation prefers the tinnier and flatter sound of digital music, just as previous generations preferred the grainier sounds of vinyl. Berger says computers have made music so easy to obtain that the young no longer appreciate high fidelity. (And which photos look better … crisp but flat-toned digital pictures or warm, rich prints from old-fashioned film?)
– “Social Studies”


A coffee taster in the UK has had one of the biggest-ever insurance policies for an individual taken out … on his tongue. 34-year-old Gennaro Pelliccia has had his tongue insured for £10 million (CDN $17.9 million). The Costa company says their ‘Master of Coffee’, who has 18 years experience, tests every batch of beans before they leave the firm’s roastery and he’s already proven his worth by making its coffees bestsellers. The insurance company also defends the prodigious policy, claiming Pelliccia’s tastebuds are as important as vocal cords to a singer. (Somewhere there’s a flabbergasted insurance rep who just retired on this commission.)
– “The Sun”

A horse is not considered to officially be a ‘horse’ until it is 5-years-old. Before that, males are known as colts and females are known as fillies.
– PopBitch.com

“He should write about the things that he has real interest in, the things he has been influenced by. Because when an artist writes something that’s totally away from their experience, it can’t be embraced.”
– 50 Cent offering advice to actor Joaquin Phoenix on how to develop a successful rap career. (Apparently Fiddy’s taking it more seriously than Joaquin.)


1957 [52] Osama Bin Laden, Riyadh, Saudi Arabia, Al-Qa’ida founder/world’s most-wanted man

1963 [46] Jeff Ament, Havre MT, rock bassist (Pearl Jam-“Brother”, “World Wide Suicide”)

1964 [45] Prince Edward (Edward Antony Richard Louis Windsor), London UK, QEII’s #3 son/Earl of Wessex & Viscount Severn/wed to Sophie Rhys-Jones

1971 [38] Jon Hamm, St Louis MO, TV actor (‘Don Draper’ in “Mad Men” since 2007)

1971 [38] Timbaland (Timothy Mosley), Virginia Beach VA, music producer/composer/singer/rapper (f/OneRepublic-“Apologize”, f/Keri Hilson-“The Way I Are”)

1975 [34] Jerry Horton, Charleston SC, alt-rock guitarist (Papa Roach-“Lifeline”, “Forever”)

1977 [32] Robin Thicke, LA CA, R&B/soul singer (“Magic”, “Lost Without U”)/son of Canadian actor Alan Thicke  FACTOID: Tonight he guests on “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC).

1983 [26] Carrie Underwood, Muskogee OK, country singer (“I Told You So”, “Before He Cheats”)/”American Idol 4“ winner (2005)

• “Full Moon” of March, known as the ‘Worm Moon’ as earthworms reappear after Winter, heralding the return of the robins. It’s also been called the ‘Crow Moon’ and the ‘Sap Moon’.

• “Mario Day”, saluting anyone with that name because the abbreviated date (MAR-10) sort of spells ‘Mario’. Famous Marios include NHL Hall of Famer Mario Lemieux, legendary race car driver Mario Andretti, and Super Mario Bros (videogame).

• “Salvation Army Day”, the anniversary of its establishment in the USA on this day in 1880. The ‘Sally Ann’ was founded by William Booth in London in 1865, then came to NYC to provide food, shelter and clothing to needy Americans.


1984 [25] “Girls Just Wanna Have Fun” by Cyndi Lauper peaks at #2 on the pop singles chart

1842 [167] Queen’s University founded in Kingston ON (home of the ‘Golden Gaels’)

1876 [133] 1st ‘Telephone Call’ as Alexander Graham Bell says to Thomas Watson in next room: “Mr  Watson, come here. I want you.” (setting off all kinds of rumors)

1967 [42] 1st recorded ‘Octuplets’ born, in Mexico (named ‘Uno’, ‘Dos’, ‘Tres’ …)

[Wed] 27th Canadian Music Week begins (Toronto)
[Wed] Organize Your Home Office Day
[Wed] Worship of Tools Day
[Thurs] Middle Name Pride Day
[Fri] Friday the 13th
[Fri] Canadian Radio Music Awards (Toronto)
This Week Is … Brain Awareness Week
This Month Is … Listening Awareness Month


• “Take Notice: When this Sign Is Under Water, this Road Is Impassable.”
• “Are You an Adult That Cannot Read? If So, We Can Help.”
• “If You Can’t Read This, It’s Time You Wash Your Car.”
• “Caution: Road Slippery from Grape Juice.”
• “No Jumping from the Ski Lift. Survivors Will Be Prosecuted.”
• “Guys: No Shirt, No Service. Girls: No Shirt, No Charge.”

I don’t take drugs … I’m not even an athlete.

Today’s Question: Relationship experts say a couple should enjoy 2 of THESE per month.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Separate nights out with friends.

An expert is someone who knows tomorrow why today’s prediction failed.

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