Thursday, March 11, 2010        Edition: #4216
Don’t Take Any Sheet, Unless It’s Pure Bull!


43-year-old French actress Emmanuelle Seigner tells “Viva!” magazine she’s anxious to have her 76-year-old husband Roman Polanski’s 32-year-old underage sex case resolved so they can return to normal family life (back in 1977, Ms Seigner was 11 – good thing she didn’t meet him then) . . . Former CBS News producer Robert Halderman will serve 6 months in the slammer, 5 years probation & 1,000 hours of community service for trying to extort $2 million from TV host David Letterman over his ‘upstairs affairs’ (Dave should hire him as Promotion Director) . . . Toronto-born former child star Corey Haim (“The Lost Boys”) has died at age 38, found in his LA apartment the apparent victim of an accidental overdose (Brittany Murphy 2.0) . . . Louie Stravato, half of “The Amazing Race’s” Providence RI undercover cop team (Louie & Michael), has just been put on desk duty after an internal affairs investigation into an alleged cocaine-dealing ring (maybe they won and ‘invested’ the million?) . . . It’s been announced that actor Charlie Sheen will be out of rehab and ready to resume taping his CBS-TV sitcom “Two-and-a-Half Men” on March 19th (cruel & unusual punishment – for us) . . . The new season of MTV’s quirky hit “Jersey Shore” begins filming March 20th but the location is still a mystery (we’re just guessing but maybe – the Jersey shore?) . . . Famous person Lindsay Lohan is suing E-Trade for $100 million, claiming its ad featuring a ‘milkaholic’ baby named Lindsay is making fun of her (clearly that toddler is far more mature, hon’) . . . 73-year-old actor Dennis Hopper’s divorce isn’t getting any prettier; now his estranged wife Victoria is refusing to leave his compound March 15th as ordered because she’s living in ‘a different, freestanding home on the property’ (TMZ reports she’s also broke and needs money – stat!) . . . And “Glee” (FOX) star Mark Salling (‘Puck’) has responded to reports that he’s dating castmate Naya Rivera (‘Santana’) by saying they’re not in a ‘committed relationship’ (hmm, hope she knows that!).


• “American Idol” (FOX/CTV) – 2008 finalists Scott MacIntyre (“Heartstrings”) & Matt Giraud deliver a dueling piano performance; 4 contestants are eliminated; the 12 finalists are revealed.
• “Bonnie Hunt Show” (syndicated/CityTV) – Katharine McPhee (“Unbroken”).
• “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/A Channel) – Vedera (“Stages”).
• “The Hour” (CBC) – Dave Stewart (ex-Eurythmics).
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – Gin Wigmore (“Holy Smoke”).
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – David Gray (“Draw the Line”).
• “Late Late Show With Craig Ferguson” (CBS) – Ryan Bingham (“Roadhouse Sun”).
• “Late Night With Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/A Channel) – Broken Bells (“Broken Bells”).
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/A Channel) – Colbie Caillat (“Breakthrough”).
• “The View” (ABC/CTV) – Elton John (Elton John AIDS Foundation).


• AC/DC – A 39-year-old fan is undergoing surgery after being glassed in the neck during a fight outside their final Australian show in Perth on Monday. His injuries are described as serious. Meantime, that quadriplegic blinded in a freak accident at another show says he intends to sue the event’s organizers.
• Beastie Boys – Cancer-struck Adam Yauch is set to resume work on their latest album, “Hot Sauce Committee Part 1”, now that he’s recovering but the project’s release is still dependent on his health.
• Carrie Underwood – Tonight she kicks off a 45-date tour in support of her latest album, “Play On”, in Reading PA. Opening acts are Craig Morgan and Sons of Sylvia.
• DMX – He’s been arrested in Phoenix AZ for allegedly violating his probation by using drugs. He’s served about half of an 18-month probation for felony convictions including cruelty to animals, theft, and drug charges. This is his 5th bust.
• KISS – Gene Simmons & Paul Stanley have finalized a production & development deal with Canadian studio E1 Entertainment for an as-yet untitled kids’ TV comedy.
• Lady Gaga – Plans for a 3-D concert and a 3-D DVD are being kicked around for the near future. How a 3-D concert would be presented isn’t yet clear, but the deluxe edition of her “Fame Monster album” came with a pair of 3-D glasses tagged ‘for things happening soon’.
• Pink Floyd – The classic rockers have begun legal action in London against music label EMI Group over the way royalty payments are calculated in the digital era. The band claims their music must be sold in its original form as complete albums. This could be the start of something.
• Rage Against the Machine – Tom Morello is scoring “Iron Man 2”, due in theaters May 7th.
• Rascal Flatts – Guitarist/vocalist Joe Don Rooney & wife Tiffany Fallon have announced they’re expecting the birth of their 2nd child in September. Their son Jagger is almost 2.
• Velvet Revolver – Slash is forming an unlikely partnership with Nickelodeon star “Dora the Explorer” for a limited-edition backpack to raise money for the Children’s Defense Fund.


A BS selection of movies in the making …
• “The American Dream” – Real-life couple Johnny Depp & Vanessa Paradis are taking their relationship to the bigscreen, playing lovers in this upcoming film. Vanessa plays the French feminist Simone de Beauvoir and Johnny plays her macho lover Nelson Algren. The couple has been together for over a decade and are parents to 2 young children. Filming begins next year.
• “Bad Teacher” – This upcoming comedy will star Cameron Diaz & ex-boyfriend Justin Timberlake in the story of a junior high school teacher who is dumped by her rich older boyfriend, leading her to turn her attention to a colleague. Cameron & Justin dated for 4 years before splitting in 2007. Filming is now underway, with the movie set to be released in 2012.
• “Pirates Of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides” – Not only will Johnny Depp’s former co-stars Orlando Bloom & Keira Knightly be missing from the franchise’s 4th film, so will the Caribbean. Director Rob Marshall (“Nine”, “Chicago”) will shoot the film off the coast of Cornwall, England in 2011. Penelope Cruz has reportedly been approached to star as the female lead.
• “Robert Kennedy: His Life” – Matt Damon is in negotiations to play the lead role in a bigscreen adaptation of Evan Thomas’ biography of the late Senator and presidential candidate who was assassinated in 1968. The film will trace RFK’s transformation from a younger brother in the shadow of US President John F Kennedy to a strong national leader in his own right.


Daniel Angerer, head chef at upscale NYC restaurant Klee Brasserie has begun offering ‘Mommy Milk Cheese’ made from … his wife’s breast milk. After giving birth to their daughter, his wife produced so much breast milk they began to freeze the excess. Then Angerer began experimenting with it and developed a cheese that’s matured for 2 weeks. And how does it taste? Like really sweet cow’s milk apparently. Any customer at Klee can order this latest creation, obviously for a limited time only. Angerer’s also posted a recipe on his blog so any new parents can make their own. (It’s best delivered in the original containers.)


Reality TV guru Mark Burnett (“Survivor”) & Republican enchantress Sarah Palin are currently pitching a show about the bespectacled ex-governor’s home state of Alaska (“Northern Over-Exposure”?). It may sound like a dumb idea, but Burnett’s had worse …
• “The Restaurant” (2003): Chef Rocco opens a restaurant. Yep, that was the show! Lasted just 12 episodes as viewers lost their appetite.
• “The Casino” (2004): Two millionaire dot-com guys buy a casino. The rich get richer … and painfully staged. Only an unlucky 13 episodes made.
• “On the Lot” (2007): Aspiring filmmakers compete for a development deal. The commercials were more enjoyable than the show. Faded to black after 16 episodes.
• “My Dad Is Better Than Your Dad” (2008): Dads battle it out for playground bragging rights, with the losing dad crushing his kid’s dreams. Dumped after 8 episodes.
• “Amne$ia” (2008): Game show where contestants have to answer questions about … themselves. They still manage to get them wrong. Another 8-episode failure.
– Edited from


Scientists at Chungnam National University in South Korea have discovered a way to make alcohol that causes less severe hangovers and allows drinkers to sober up more quickly. The researchers have found that increasing the oxygen content in alcohol enables imbibers to process it more rapidly and therefore avoid some of its negative effects. In the body, oxygen is used to process alcohol and turn it into water and carbon dioxide. It seems that increasing dissolved oxygen in alcoholic drinks helps the body do the job. (Will there be a new beer called “Air Bud”?)


A BS breakdown of who we are and what we do …
• 90% of women admit they regularly check out other women. (Eww, look at that hairdo!)
• 51% of women & 39% of men say they’ve ‘almost’ punched a co-worker. (The other half has?)
• 45% of guys say a woman talking about her latest diet is a big turn-off on a first date. (Especially if it isn’t working so well.)
• 40% of men & 27% of women admit they’ve exercised naked. (Well, you’re looking buff!)
• 23% of spouses say the most annoying thing about their mate is their laugh. (Snort!)
• 16% of us know someone who has a toupée. (Some of us know them in the mirror.)


It’s estimated that just 62% of consumers spend the allotted amount when redeeming gift cards. The other 38% are either frugal, lose the card, or simply have zero interest in shopping at the retailer that dispensed it. A company called ‘Cardpool’ is attempting to cash in on this gap by offering cash for unused gift cards. Basically it purchases unwanted gift cards at a discounted rate, then resells them to new consumers … who likely won’t use them either. (Why do we give gift cards anyway? Good old cash is redeemable everywhere!)


French cognac house Remy Martin is set to sell a limited edition of its booze for the astronomical price of … $15,000 a bottle. Just 786 bottles of ‘Louis XIII Rare Cask‘ are being sold worldwide, each housed in a black crystal decanter created by Baccarat. The high-priced hooch is from a very rare tiercon (special oak barrel) discovered by cellar master Pierrette Trichet during a ‘periodic tasting’. (Ish a tough job b’ somebodysh gotta do id.)


We mean well but sometimes we provide what’s been dubbed ‘useless aid’. For instance, in Asian countries hit by the 2004 tsunami, there are still warehouses filled with unusable donations, including winter coats and … stiletto shoes. (Don’t remember them asking for high-heels on “Hope For Haiti Now” … did they forget?.)
– “Wall Street Journal”


1931 [79] Rupert Murdoch, Melbourne, Australia, media magnate (FOX-TV, NewsCorp)/estimated net worth close to $8 billion

1962 [48] Jeffrey Nordling, Ridgewood NJ, TV actor (‘Nick Bolen’ on “Desperate Housewives” 2009-10, “24” 2009)

1965 [45] Wallace Langham, Ft Worth TX, TV actor (‘David Hodges’ on “CSI” since 2003)

1969 [41] Terrence Howard, Chicago IL, movie actor (“Iron Man”, “Hustle & Flow”)

1971 [39] Johnny Knoxville (Phillip Clapp), Knoxville TN, movie actor (“Dukes of Hazzard”, “Jackass: The Movie”)/TV personality (“Jackass” 2000-02)

1979 [31] Benji & Joel Madden, Waldorf MD, twin brother pop/rock musicians (Good Charlotte-“Girls &  Boys”, “Lifestyles Of the Rich & Famous”)/Holly Madison’s boyfriend & Nicole Richie’s baby-daddy respectively

• “Romeo & Juliet’s Wedding Day”. According to Shakespeare, the all-time champion lovers did the deed on this date in 1302. It’s their 708th anniversary! (Is that the Uranium?)

• “World Kidney Day”, a global health awareness campaign about the importance of our kidneys. The 2010 theme is focused on Diabetes, the leading cause of Chronic Kidney Disease.

• “World’s Largest Rattlesnake Round-Up”, the 51st annual 4-day celebration in Sweetwater TX, with live rattlesnakes on display, snake-meat to eat, snake products for sale, a parade, a cook-off, and the ‘Miss Snake Charmer Pageant’ … as well as lots of snake herding, of course.

• Worship of Tools Day” (aka “Tool Appreciation Day”), celebrating men’s inexplicable fascination with high-priced gizmos. What tool have you bought, then never used?


1927 [83] The electric-powered ‘jukebox’ is introduced by Seeberg


1993 [17] Elvis Presley is officially declared dead (again) by San Francisco Municipal Court Judge George T Choppelas, 16 years after he died (and constant rumors that he’s still alive)


2002 [08] England’s Plymouth University becomes the 1st school in the world to offer a degree in ‘surfing’ (“I’ve got ‘Waxing 101′ this aft; I’ll have to catch you tomorrow in ‘Hang 10′.”)


[Fri] Middle Name Pride Day
[Sat] Open an Umbrella Indoors Day
[Sat] 21st GLAAD Media Awards (NY-LA)
[Sun] Daylight Saving Time begins
[Sun] “Celebrity Apprentice Season 3” premieres (NBC)
This Week Is … Art Week
This Month Is … Play the Recorder Month


• ‘Thumping the Flesh Sculpture’
• ‘Churning the Lap Mucus’
• ‘Basting the Pork Loin’
• ‘Leaving a 90% Tip’
• ‘Shopping for Turtlenecks’
• ‘Defragging the Hard Drive’
• ‘Docking the Hovercraft’
• ‘Hip-Wading Through the Sushi Bog’
• ‘Bobbing for Thong’
• ‘Parking the Winnebago’
– Excerpted from


You have your problems, and I have yours.


What do you think is the most soothing sound?


You suffer from ‘tokophobia’. What’s ailing you?
a. Fear of flying.
b. The extreme fear of childbirth. [CORRECT]
c. An abhorrence of frogs & toads.
d. Anxiety caused by choking on a spliff.


Today’s Question: If you stop doing THIS you can save up to $100 a year on your water bill. Answer to Give Out Next Show: Singing in the shower.


Almost anything is easier to get into than to get out of.

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