Thursday, March 29, 2007       Edition: #3498
Thanks For Being a Bull Market!

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
Tabloid reports say Brad Pitt & Angelina Jolie are planning an Easter wedding in the Dominican Republic, where Pitt recently bought a huge plot of land and helped design a fabulous house (the tabloid system of soothsaying: If you throw enough darts, you eventually hit something) . . . It may have tanked in the TV ratings but “Grease: You’re the One That I Want” (NBC) has done wonders for ticket sales of the Broadway revival of the ’70s hit, with more than $8 million-worth already snapped up and it doesn’t even open for preview performances until JULY 24th (so, mission accomplished then!) . . . The founder of online DVD renter Netflix, Reed Hastings, acknowledges that it’s only a matter of time before people stop renting DVDs and says his company will shift emphasis to online movie delivery (unfortunately for him, so has everyone else) . . . There aren’t any movie theaters in Thermopylae, the site of the ancient battle depicted in the movie “300” but ticket sales elsewhere in Greece have now surpassed 1 million, meaning about 10% of the Greek population has already seen the film (it’s not doing so well in Iran) . . . A group of concerned citizens in Martha Stewart’s adopted home of Katonah NY is attempting to prevent her from trademarking the town’s name for use in marketing products (her lawyer points out that placenames are frequently trademarked to sell products, ie: Philadelphia Cream Cheese) . . . Talent-starved rich girls Mary-Kate & Ashley Olsen have reportedly consulted a Beverly Hills plastic surgeon about performing twin nose jobs (do they get half-off for the 2nd one?)  . . . Britney Spears reportedly dropped 10 lbs during her 30-day stay at Promises Residential Treatment Center in Malibu CA, but did it the healthy way – regular workouts & spa treatments (instead of her previous method – fingering her epiglottis) . . . 20-year-old actress Lindsay Lohan is said to be dating 34-year-old actor Jude Law, apparently for a few weeks now (still looking for a father figure to replace her loser dad?) . . . And mother of 3 sons, Victoria Beckham, is said to be so set on birthing a baby daughter that she’s put soccer star husband David Beckham on a special ‘Baby Girl Diet’ (foods rich in alkaline while avoiding coffee, tea, dairy & alcohol) and word has it she’s even got a name selected – ‘Luna’ (which coincidentally sounds like loony, but isn’t that surprising after her previous choices: ‘Brooklyn’, ‘Romeo’, and ‘Cruz’).

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Bloc Party – TONIGHT the English indie rockers (“The Prayer”) perform on “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS).
• Diddy – He claims he & girlfriend Kim Porter ‘diddled’ for 30 consecutive hours during their recent visit to Paris, France. The marathon Tantric-sex session included breaks for strawberries and whipped cream. Thank goodness he’s not the type to kiss and tell.
• James Blunt – He & gorgeous fashion model Petra Nemcova have just ended their relationship after a year. We wonder if the breakup has anything to do with her recent visit to an optometrist.
• Mika – TONIGHT the Beirut-born singer (“Grace Kelly”) is on “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC).
• Rolling Stones – TODAY guitarist & aspiring artist Ronnie Wood opens a new exhibition of his paintings at London’s Scream Gallery. The show commemorates his 22-year marriage to wife Josephine, who’s the central figure in all the works. And no, he didn’t paint her black.
• Wynonna – The country singer has filed for divorce from estranged husband DR Roach citing irreconcilable differences, but it’s more likely to do with the fact he’s been arrested and charged with 3 counts of sexual assault against a minor.

COMING ATTRACTIONS:
A selection of movies in the making …
• “The Fighter” – “The Departed” co-stars Mark Wahlberg & Matt Damon will reunite for this bio-film based on the life of boxing champ Micky Ward. Nicknamed ‘Irish’, the Lowell MA native rose to prominence with a series of fights vs Canadian Arturo Gatti, described by some as among the best ever staged. Shooting could begin as early as THIS SUMMER.
• “Made of Honor” – “Grey’s Anatomy” star Patrick Dempsey (‘Dr McDreamy’) will use the summer hiatus from his hit show to star in this comedy as the best friend of a bride (Michelle Monaghan of “Mission: Impossible III”) who is asked to take on the traditionally female role of maid-of-honor. Turns out he loved the bride first and … well, you can guess what happens. The movie’s due out in time for Valentine’s Day NEXT YEAR.
• “Revolutionary Road” – “Titantic” twosome Leonardo DiCaprio & Kate Winslet will again pair up for this drama about postwar disillusionment in the mid-1950s. Adding to the awkwardness factor for any potential love scenes between the couple, Winslet’s husband, Sam Mendes, will direct the film. Based on a novel by Richard Yates.
• “Victoria” – Oscar-winning director Martin Scorsese has announced his next film will focus on Queen Victoria, concentrating on the early years of Britain’s longest-serving monarch (1837-1901) and her marriage to Prince Albert. Emily Blunt (“The Devil Wears Prada”) will star as the young queen. Sarah Ferguson, the real-life Duchess of York, will be a co-producer on the project (likely meaning she’ll serve as an advisor on royal protocol).

TAKING IT LITERALLY:
23-year-old British sculptor Cordelia Cembrowicz has created a bit of a stir by sculpting miniature ‘tooth fairies’ … made from teeth. She got the idea after saving teeth removed during a visit to the dentist (a rarity in Britain). Each sculpture takes about 20 hours of work using a specially adapted drill and a rotary cutter. The publicity over her odd creations has led to a slew of requests from parents wanting their children’s baby teeth turned into artwork as well. They send her the mini-molars, she sends them back fairies. (Her next works of art will include silver linings, lead balloons and wooden hearts.)
– “The Telegraph”

LIFE BY THE NUMBERS:
A snapshot of who we are and what we do …
• 85% of us would NOT perform mouth-to-mouth CPR even if we saw someone in desperate need.
• 64% of us who think the news media is biased believe that it leans to the left.
• 30% of Americans don’t know which year the 9/11 attacks took place. (2001)
• 15% of sexual harassment suits in the workplace are filed by men.
• 13% of men have tried a bra on.
• 8% of women spray their pillow or nightwear with their partner’s aftershave/cologne to offset loneliness when away from home on their own.

MAKES A LOT OF SENSE(S):
While we’re all aware of the 5 basic senses (sight, sound, smell, taste, touch), some researchers argue that humans may possess 30 or more. Among the other senses we may possess: The sense of temperature; hunger; thirst; blood pressure; joint position; body movement; blood-sugar levels … and the feeling associated with a full bladder. (Yet another sense that women experience more acutely than men.)
– “San Diego Union-Tribune”

LOCK ‘EM UP & GIVE ‘EM A KEY:
A new containing facts accessed under the UK’s freedom of information laws reveals that thousands of inmates in British prisons have keys to their own cells. It seems the incarcerated are issued ‘privacy locks’ to protect their belongings and provide ‘personal space’. It has also been revealed that in some British jails, inmates are referred to as ‘residents’ or ‘trainees’. Prisons minister Gerry Sutcliffe says the new system is in the best interests of ‘rehabilitation and decency’, but critics say the over-emphasis on rehab is turning prisons into hotels. (“Prison Break” would never happen over the pond.)
– “The Sun”

IS POT KOSHER?
In Israel, rabbis are trying to determine if hemp and its cousin marijuana should be on the list of legumes that some Jews must abstain from during Passover. The Green Leaf Party, which advocates legalization of marijuana, has warned its members by e-mail that pot may be considered ‘kitniyot’, or a legume, which Ashkenazi Jews abstain from during the holiday. One rabbi says the issue is whether or not marijuana is considered edible. If it is, then it should not be eaten during Passover. (Bottom line: Fewer brownies, more spliffs.)
– “Jerusalem Post”

BS LAW & DISORDER:
True crimes ripped from the headlines …
• In England, a 24-year-old convicted ‘peeping Tom’ has been ordered by an Essex judge to wear a high-visibility fluorescent jacket whenever he goes out at night … so he can be more easily spotted by potential victims. The perverted perp is awaiting sentencing pending psychiatric assessment after pleading guilty to voyeurism.
• In the Netherlands, an Arnhem court has just ruled that a professional fisherman convicted of smuggling drugs can deduct the cost of buying & shipping hashish on his income tax return. The odd ruling is due to a loophole in Dutch law that separates drug running from actual drug dealing. And this is Holland after all, where a 2005 court ruling stated that witches may write off the cost of schooling in witchcraft … if it increases their likelihood of employment.
• In Georgia, a Macon County circuit judge has ruled that a Forsyth man can NOT pay off a Super Bowl bet. 26-year-old Scott Wiese, a diehard Chicago fan, had promised to change his name to ‘Peyton Manning’ if his beloved Bears lost the NFL championship. The judge has declared the name-change would be ‘too confusing’ and could ‘infringe on the privacy’ of the victorious Indianapolis Colts quarterback.
• In Scotland, police have apprehended a serial thief of … garden gnomes. An unemployed single mother with the unlikely name of Karen Steakhouse has been nabbed after an 11-day stakeout. Investigators say she made off with some $1,400-worth of gnomes, flower pots, plaster rabbits and other garden ornaments during a 3-week crime spree across Scotland. They even uncovered a stash of  30 red-hatted gnomes with fishing rods in a friend’s home.

TOO BASHFUL TO BE BARE:
Highlights of a new survey of 3,500 women for a bathroom fixture manufacturer …
• 10% are so body-shy they always lock the bathroom door to prevent their partners from bursting in.
• 33% of women are too embarrassed to take their clothes off in front of their partners.
• 79% of women have hang-ups showering or changing in front of other women at a fitness club.
In a related poll of men, more than two-thirds say they regularly walk around the house with nothing on. (Other than their natural fur.)
– “Daily Mail”

BS AMAZING FACT:
Cannibals of all species usually dine alone. (Well, of course … they’ve eaten all their companions!)

THE BULL SHEET 03.29.07

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1943 [64] Eric Idle, South Shields UK, Broadway musical composer (“Spamalot”)/former TV comic (“Monty Python’s Flying Circus” 1969-1974)/movie actor (“102 Dalmatians”)

1959 [48] Perry Farrell, Queens NY, rock singer (ex-Jane’s Addiction, ex-Porno for Pyros)/”Lollapalooza” founder (1991)  FACTOID: The debut album by his new band, Satellite Party, is due out MAY 15th.

1963 [44] Elle Macpherson, Sydney, Australia, fashion model/movie actress (“Batman & Robin”)

1967 [40] John Popper, Cleveland OH, hefty gun-toting rock singer (Blues Traveler -“Run-Around”, “Hook”)

1969 [38] Brady Seals, Hamilton OH, country singer (Hot Apple Pie-“Hillbillies”, ex-Little Texas-“My Love”)

TODAY’S BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
• “Mom & Pop Business Owners Day”, honoring family-run small-time business operations. Ask listeners for the most unusual combination of services offered by a single business that they’ve come across, ie: “Al’s Roofing & Dry Cleaning”, “Bytown Farm Equipment & Driving Range”, “Corner Gas, Video & Tacky Souvenirs”, Slick Willy’s Used Jeeps & Massage, etc.

• “Vietnam Veterans Day”. The last American troops left Vietnam 34 years ago TODAY in 1973, but the Pentagon is still hunting down and arresting Vietnam deserters. In the past 3 years the US Marine Corps has caught dozens of long-time deserters after reopening closed cases. In 1971, at the height of the Vietnamese conflict, some 33,000 soldiers deserted, many moving to Canada. (30 years from now, will there be an “Iraq Veterans’ Day”? And will the war be over?)

TODAY’S MUSIC EVENT . . .
1998 [09] Shania Twain kicks off her 1st Canadian headlining tour in Sudbury ON

TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1848 [159] 1st time in recorded history Niagara Falls stops flowing, due to ice jam (the flow of the Falls is now controlled to prevent erosion and is shut down by 50% each night)

1867 [140] British North America Act 1st establishes ‘Dominion of Canada’

1886 [121] Atlanta’s John S Pemberton brews 1st batch of ‘Coca-Cola’ over a backyard fire, originally as a hangover cure and stomach ache/headache remedy

1984 [23] NFL’s Baltimore Colts move to Indianapolis (current Super Bowl champs)

TODAY’S RECORD . . .
1987 [20] Largest-ever indoor sports promotion as Hulk Hogan defeats Andre the Giant before 93,136 fans at “Wrestlemania III” in Pontiac Silverdome, and 2.5 million watch on pay-per-view  FACTOID: “Wrestlemania 23” in Detroit MI APRIL 1st will feature the ‘Battle of the Billionaires’ between Vince McMahon & Donald Trump (each with his own wrestler), the winning billionaire shaving the loser’s head.

AND REMEMBER . . .
[Fri] I Am In Control Day
[Fri] Hot Dog Day
[Fri] Take a Walk in the Park Day
[Fri] Doctor’s Day
[Fri] “Blades of Glory”; “The Lookout”; “Meet the Robinsons” open in movie theaters
[Sat] Tater Day
[Sat] Bunsen Burner Day
[Sat] Muhammad’s Birthday (Islamic)
[Sat] 20th Kids’ Choice Awards (LA CA)
[Sat/Mon] March Madness NCAA Basketball Tournament Final Four (Atlanta GA)
This Week Is … Sleep Awareness Week (on this show it’s ‘Lack of Sleep Awareness Week’)
This Month Is … Play The Recorder Month (but do it outside, ‘kay?)

BULL’S BITS

BS SIGNS SHE’S CHEATIN’:
Relationship experts say any combination of the following indicators may show she’s found herself another fella …
• She suddenly starts wearing a new fragrance.
• She doesn’t criticize you anymore … a sure sign she just doesn’t care.
• You catch her in a flat-out lie.
• Your love-life is nonexistent.
• She has a new wardrobe.
• She’s getting in shape by hitting the gym & eating healthier.
• She answers some phone calls and acts strangely, while she completely avoids other calls.
• She works longer hours … or at least says she does.
• She quits talking about her new male colleague that she once wouldn’t shut-up about.
• She has become defensive and paranoid, stuttering and acting awkwardly when you ask her innocent questions.
– AskMen.com

BS PHONE STARTERS:
• If times got tough, what would be the first luxury you’d give up? (In a recent poll, fully half of respondents picked ‘cable TV’.)
• Do you have the right to smell in public spaces? (A Calgary woman twice kicked off public transit because bus drivers considered her perfume too strong is demanding the city apologize and punish the drivers.)

BS RANDOM JOKE:
How many Vietnam war veterans does it take to screw in a lightbulb? You wouldn’t know, man. You weren’t there.

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: The average woman rotates between 4 of THESE; the average guy only 3.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Recipes.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
Good sense about trivialities is better than nonsense about things that matter.


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