Tuesday, March 27, 2007        Edition: #3496
You’re Up to Your Eyeballs in Sheet!

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
TONIGHT “American Idol” (FOX) will intentionally run long by 7 minutes just to mess with the elimination edition of “Dancing With the Stars” (ABC), but one place it won’t matter is Canada because CTV airs them both back-to-back (FOX is attempting to protect “House”, which enjoys inflated ratings each week thanks to the “A-I” lead-in) . . . All 5 previous “American Idol” winners have been Southerners and there are still 6 in the running THIS SEASON: Melinda Dooittle, Haley Scarnato, Chris Richardson, Chris Sligh, Phil Stacey & Lakisha Jones (whom FOX says is from Maryland although she was born in Flint MI) . . . A couple of wackos have announced on MySpace they’re continuing a hunger strike until pretty-boy Sanjaya Malakar is booted off “American Idol” (they may be getting really skinny because he has VoteForTheWorst.com on his side) . . . TONIGHT it’s a “Friends” reunion of sorts as Jennifer Aniston guest-stars on the season finalé of “Dirt” (FX) and locks lips with Courteney Cox, who stars as a tabloid magazine editor (Cox warns, “If you think it is just about a major make-out session, you will be disappointed”) . . . Pseudo-actress Carmen Electra’s PR rep is laughing off reports that she’s dating classic rocker Joan Jett, claiming they’re ‘just friends’ (but with privileges, no doubt) . . . Why would Britney Spears head to a hospital SUNDAY just for a little toothache? One of the promises she made at ‘Promises’ rehab was – absolutely no painkillers (and hopefully no more self-inflicted haircuts!) . . . Actress Angelina Jolie’s brother, James Haven, says he’s worried about his celeb sister’s extreme weight-loss since the JANUARY death of their mother, Marcheline Bertrand . . . And this won’t help: Word has it the drug-addled Vietnamese birth mother of Jolie’s latest adoptee never signed the adoption papers and is likely to hound Pax’s new Hollywood parents for cash, even though she abandoned her baby after only 2 days . . . And 67-year-old Brit actor Sir Ian McKellen (“Lord of the Rings”, “X-Men”) has shocked theatergoers by stripping completely naked midway through a new production of Shakespeare’s “King Lear” in Stratford-Upon-Avon, England (hmm, don’t remember that part being in there when we studied it in 11th Grade).

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Dierks Bentley – TONIGHT he guests on the “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/A Channel).
• Elton John – TODAY he releases “Rocket Man: Number Ones”, a digitally re-mastered  compilation album with 12 classic #1 hits plus 5 other signature songs. A limited-edition CD/DVD version includes 5 live performances from his “Red Piano” concerts plus 5 music videos.
• Incubus – They’ve been forced to postpone the rest of their current tour due to an injury to guitarist Mike Einziger’s hand which will require surgery and up to 3 months of recovery afterward.
• Macy Gray – TONIGHT she performs on “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS).
• Tim McGraw – TODAY his 1st studio album in 3 years, “Let It Go”, is out. It includes a pair of duets with wife Faith Hill: “Shotgun Rider” and “I Need You”.
• Timbaland – TODAY his new album “Shock Value” debuts, highlighted by collaborations with Nelly Furtado, Elton John, Justin Timberlake & Snoop Dogg.
• Trace Adkins – TODAY he receives the 2007 “USO Merit Award” in Arlington VA, as thanks for his morale-boosting efforts performing for US troops overseas on behalf of the United Service Organizations.

TODAY’S VIDEO RELEASES:
• “Children of Men” ( Sci-Fi Drama ): In 2027, in a chaotic world in which humans can no longer procreate, a former activist agrees to help transport a miraculously pregnant woman to a sanctuary at sea, where her child’s birth may help scientists save the future of humankind. Stars Clive Owen, Julianne Moore & Michael Caine.
• “Happy Feet” ( Animated Family Adventure ): A tap-dancing penguin is born into a society of Emperor Penguins who are very much into singing, but not so much into dancing. The all-star voice cast includes Elijah Wood, Nicole Kidman, Brittany Murphy, Hugh Jackman, Robin Williams (in 3 different roles), and late “Crocodile Hunter” Steve Irwin. Produced in Australia.
• “The Pursuit of Happyness” ( Drama ): Will Smith plays a struggling sales rep who takes custody of his son (played by real-life son Jaden Smith) just as he’s poised to begin a life-altering career change, an internship at a prestigious stock brokerage firm. Thandie Newton (“Crash”) co-stars. Inspired by a true story.
• “Turistas” ( Horror Thriller ): Josh Duhamel (“Las Vegas”), Melissa George & Olivia Wilde play a group of backpackers stranded in a Brazilian beach town who are trapped by a military group and used to implement their mysterious agenda. Shot on location in Brazil , maybe explaining why Duhamel would take on a 3rd-rate horror flick.
• “Van Wilder 2: The Rise of Taj” ( Comedy ): In this low-budget, filmed-in-Romania sequel to the 2002 film, ‘Taj Mahal Badalandabad’ (Kal Penn) leaves ‘Coolidge College’ behind for the halls of ‘Camford University’, where he looks to continue his education and teach an uptight student how to make the most out of his academic career. Co-stars Lauren Cohan and Daniel Percival. Not back from the original movie: Ryan Reynolds and Tara Reid.
• Also on DVD TODAY: “7th Heaven: The Complete 4th Season”; “After Dark Horrorfest: 8 Films to Die For”; “The Brady Bunch: The Complete Series”; and “Full House: The Complete 6th Season”.

STICK-ON APHRODISIAC:
A new hormone patch that purportedly gets women ‘in the mood’ is set to hit the market. When placed on the stomach or buttock, it releases the male hormone testosterone into the bloodstream, thereby increasing desire. The product, called ‘Intrinsa’, is designed for use by patients with dysfunctional problems and is only available with a prescription. Observers say if it works the way it’s supposed to and really does make women feel sexier, it could be worth trillions. (When you’re finished, you can just slap on a nicotine patch afterward.)
– “GQ”

WETBACK WORLD:
A new Mexican theme park gives thrill seekers the chance to play desperate migrants trying to illegally cross the border to the US. Visitors to the Parque EcoAlberto in Hidalgo, Mexico attempt to hike through undergrowth, dash down hills, wade across rivers, and slip under barbed-wire fences, all while being pursued by gun-toting border guards. More than 3,000 have already tried out the 4-hour, after-dark adventure called ‘caminata nocturna’ or the ‘nighttime long walk’ which costs about $20. There’s no danger of participants actually ‘escaping’ … Hidalgo is some 700 miles from the US border. (Yeah, this place is just for practise.)
– “Metro”

UFOs SRO:
France has become the 1st country in the world to fully open its UFO files to the public. Thanks to a research team from the National Center for Space Studies who call themselves the Office for the Study of Unidentified Aerospace Phenomena, some 10,000 documents about UFOs, including photos, videos & police reports, are scheduled to be online by the end of the year. Of the 1,600 French UFO cases registered since 1954, only about 9% have ever been fully explained. But you might have to wait a while to see them … so many have been trying to get a look at the files, it’s become impossible to access the site. (Is that a conspiracy perhaps?)
NET: http://www.cnes-geipan.fr/
– AHN

WHY DID THE BUTTERFLY CROSS THE ROAD?
Because it finally could. In order to facilitate the annual migration of the purple milkweed butterfly, Taiwan is planning to close 1 lane of a major highway, hopefully allowing more than a million of them to cross the road during their seasonal migration. Each year, thousands have died due to the turbulence generated by fast-moving cars dragging them into traffic or under the wheels of oncoming vehicles. Ecologists hope the lane closure, plus the use of protective nets and ultra-violet lights will solve the problem. A spokesman for the National Freeway Bureau says humans need to learn to co-exist with other species, even if they’re just tiny butterflies. (Around here, traffic doesn’t even slow down for humans crossing the road!)
– AFP

85% SHEEP, 15% HUMAN:
University of Nevada researchers have created the world’s first human-sheep chimera [‘ki-MEER-uh’], an organism composed of 2 or more genetically distinct tissues. The creature has the body of a sheep and half-human organs. It contains 15% human cells, bringing the possibility of transplanting animal organs into humans one step closer. Scientist Esmail Zanjani has spent 7 years and close to $10 million perfecting the technique, which involves injecting adult human cells into a sheep’s fetus. Animal rights activists fear that if the cells get mixed together, they could create a hybrid which would have the features and characteristics of both human and sheep. (On the upside, there’s hope for [co-host] someday having hair.)
– “Daily Mail”

COMPUTER-TV FUSION ONE STEP CLOSER:
Sure you can download movies on your PC but so far nobody has built a popular way to get them from the computer onto your bigscreen TV. Apple hopes to change that with the arrival of ‘Apple TV’, its sleek new $350 device that slings multimedia files from your computer onto any hi-def TV. It’s being touted as ‘a DVD player for the Internet age’ and it’s thought to be potentially worth $5-to-11 billion in new revenue for the company, in the process popularizing movie downloads for the masses in the same was the iPod jump-started music downloads. Unfortunately, anyone buying Apple TV in Canada will be limited to playing songs, videos, podcasts and audio books on the device because iTunes lacks rights to sell movies & TV shows here. And one other thing the gizmo won’t do – record or access material from cable or satellite TV. (We’re guessing Ziggy down at the corner video store still has a few years left.)
– “Globe & Mail”

BS AMAZING FACT:
British Columbia now leads the country in revenue from movie & TV productions, surpassing even Toronto. New figures show that 39 TV shows were filmed in BC LAST YEAR, generating revenue of $488 million, an increase of 24% over the previous year. Why is BC such a hot bed of production? Good climate for year-round shooting plus outstanding tax incentives.
– “eTalk Daily”
• A bee is more likely to sting you on a windy day.
• A whip makes a cracking sound because its tip moves faster than the speed of sound.
• Ever notice that sugar never gets moldy? Sugar has a low moisture content, so it dehydrates bacteria that cause mold.
• All the planets in our solar system rotate anticlockwise, except Venus. It is the only planet that rotates clockwise.

THE BULL SHEET 03.27.07

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1950 [57] Tony Banks, East Hoathly UK, classic rock keyboardist/guitarist/songwriter (Genesis-“Invisible Touch”, “Throwing It All Away”)  FACTOID: SEPTEMBER 5th Genesis kicks off their “Turn It On Again” international reunion tour at BMO Field in Toronto.

1959 [48] Andrew Farriss, Perth, Australia, classic rock keyboardist/songwriter (INXS-“Pretty Vegas”, “Need You Tonight”)

1963 [44] Quentin Tarantino, Knoxville TN, film producer/writer/director (“Kill Bill”, Oscar-“Pulp Fiction”)  UP NEXT: The crime thriller “Grindhouse“, a pairing of 2 different stories in collaboration with Mexican director Robert Rodriguez, out APRIL 6th.

1970 [37] Mariah Carey, Huntington NY, pop singer (“Don’t Forget About Us”, “We Belong Together”) who’s sold more than 120 million albums & singles and had 26 #1 hits/movie actress (“Glitter”, “Tennessee” [opening later THIS YEAR])

1970 [37] Elizabeth Mitchell, LA CA, TV actress (‘Dr Juliet Burke’ on “Lost” since 2006)

1975 [32] Fergie (Stacy Ferguson), Whittier CA, pop singer (“London Bridge”, Black Eyed Peas-“My Humps”, “Where Is The Love?”)/movie actress (“Grindhouse”, “Poseidon”)

1995 [12] Taylor Atelian, Santa Barbara CA, TV actress (‘Ruby’ on the Jim Belushi sitcom “According to Jim” since 2001)

TODAY’S BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
• “National Joe Day”, when people who hate their names are to be called ‘Joe’. Ask listeners for the most horrific given names they’ve come across. Or just ask Gwyneth Paltrow to name another kid.

• “Photography Day”, set aside to celebrate the birthday of the great photographer Edward Steichen, who was born in Luxembourg in 1879 and died in West Redding CT in 1973. With keychain cameras able to post pics online, he likely wouldn’t even recognize photography equipment today.

• “Quirky Country Music Song Titles Day”. How about these, for instance …
– “If I Can’t Be #1 In Your Life, Then #2 On You”
– “I Wouldn’t Take Her To A Dog Fight ‘Cause I’m Afraid She’d Win”
– “I’ll Marry You Tomorrow, But Let’s Honeymoon Tonight”
– “If The Phone Don’t Ring, You’ll Know It’s Me”
– “She’s Looking Better After Every Beer”
If you don’t have a hankerin’ for any of those, the ‘Do-It-Yourself Country Song Generator’ will help you create a hit in just moments …
NET: http://baetzler.de/cgi-bin/country.pl

THIS DAY IN SHOW BIZ . . .
1995 [12] David Letterman hosts the 67th Academy Awards, when he infamously introduces 2 celebs in the audience by saying, “Oprah, Uma … Uma, Oprah”

TODAY’S MUSIC EVENT . . .
1982 [25] Novelty record “Take Off” by ‘Bob & Doug McKenzie’ peaks at #16 on the pop singles chart (SCTV’s Rick Moranis & Dave Thomas, plus Geddy Lee of Rush on singing parts)

TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1790 [217] 1st ‘Shoelace’ (next day … 1st busted shoelace)

1860 [147] 1st ‘Corkscrew’ (ML Byrn’s ‘Covered Gimlet Screw with T Handle’)

1917 [90] 1st US team to win hockey’s “Stanley Cup” (Seattle Metropolitans of Pacific Coast League defeat Montréal Canadiens 23-to-11 in a 4-game, total-goal series the season before the new ‘NHL’ begins play)

1998 [09] The ‘Little Blue Pill’ for men (we can’t write the name or your spam filter will block this entire “BS” issue) is 1st approved for sale by FDA (men begin skipping to work in the morning)

AND REMEMBER . . .
[Wed] Something On a Stick Day
[Thurs] Mom & Pop Business Owners Day
[Thurs] Vietnam Veterans Day
[Fri] Hot Dog Day
[Fri] Doctor’s Day
[Fri] “Meet the Robinsons” opens in movie theaters
[Sat] 20th Kids’ Choice Awards (LA CA)
[Sat/Mon] March Madness NCAA Basketball Tournament Final Four (Atlanta GA)
This Week Is … Cleaning Week
This Month Is … Chronic Fatigue Syndrome Awareness Month

BULL’S BITS

BS ‘FIND THE FAKES’
You run down the list while your contestant tries to decide which of these are actual names of bands and which are complete fakes …
• The Boxing Ghandis
• Goat Gas [FAKE]
• Skeptic Tank
• Confederate Mojo [FAKE]
• Jehovah’s Witness Protection Program
• Not Drowning, Waving
• Cindy Brady’s Lisp
• Country Leech & the Eyelid [FAKE]
• Alcoholics Unanimous
• DJ Overtone of the Idiotic Maggot [FAKE]
• Spastic Colon

BS PHONE STARTER:
What’s the ugliest thing in your wardrobe that you refuse to throw out?

BS RANDOM JOKE:
Hear about the psychic midget who escaped from prison? The headline in the newspaper read, “Small Medium at Large!”

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: 1 in 5 people say THIS is important when looking for a house.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Proximity to parents’ house.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
The sky is no longer the limit.


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