Wednesday, March 22, 2006        Edition: #3244
Have Another Sheetload!

TONIGHT the 10th season of “South Park” debuts on Comedy Central with an episode titled “The Return of Chef!” (you can bet they’re going to skewer Isaac Hayes, who quit the show LAST WEEK) . . . Despite the fact that he’s afraid of guns & apparently can’t drive a standard transmission, ‘James Bond’ producer Barbara Broccoli is so sure that Daniel Craig will be a hit in the upcoming “Casino Royale”, she’s already signed him up for the next ‘Bond’ flick (“Actorpussy”?) . . . A new billion-dollar luxury high-rise being constructed just off the Las Vegas Strip is attracting some high-profile condo owners, reportedly including actors Tobey Maguire, Leonardo DiCaprio & Pam Anderson, who just purchased a 2-bedroom penthouse unit valued circa $2 million (thanks to reruns of all those awful TV shows she’s done) . . . “Boston Globe” has calculated that Cingular’s exclusive text-message vote contract with “American Idol” has earned the company about $4.15 million – LAST YEAR alone . . . Hotel heiress sisters Paris & Nicky Hilton have signed a producer to make an animated TV show about their lives, although no distributor has yet been found (oh please networks, just say no!) . . . David Blum, author of “Tick, Tick, Tick”, a history of CBS-TV’s “60 Minutes”, claims 87-year-old Mike Wallace didn’t retire voluntarily but was given a shove because he continued to produce far more pieces than he was contracted to do, even though he’d repeatedly promised to cut back (old journalists never die, they just get de-pressed) . . . Has-been actress Lisa Rinna became so obsessed with ballroom dancing during her stint on reality TV show “Dancing with the Stars”, she’s now looking to open her own LA dance studio with her professional partner from the show, Louis Van Amstel (soon you too can ‘Dance With the Stars’ … for money) . . .  Toronto-based Rolling Stones promoter Michael Cohl is looking to sign Il Divo to open for Barbra Streisand during an extravagant new 20-show tour in which top tickets would go for a whopping $1,500 (hmm, seems her ‘Final Live Concert’ in 2000 … wasn’t).

• Aerosmith – A flak for Steven Tyler is denying the rumor that his sudden withdrawal from a string of “Rockin’ the Joint” tour dates is due to throat cancer. The official word is that his doctor ordered him to rest his voice due to strained vocal chords and the flu.
• Craig Morgan – TONIGHT  in Washington DC, the “I Got You” singer receives the 2006 “USO Merit Award” for generously donating time to USO performances in both the US & Middle East.
• Outkast – Big Boi is now promising we’ll see their long-delayed movie “Idlewild” released in AUGUST. He claims it was their quest for the perfect soundtrack that caused the hold-up. Right.
• Shakira – Her hometown of Barranquilla, Columbia is erecting a 16-foot, 5-ton statue of her. No word if it will be outfitted with a motor.
• Teddy Geiger – TONIGHT he performs “For You I Will “ on “Late Show With David Letterman”.

The first-ever study to examine the relationship between alcohol-branded merchandise and alcohol-use by teens has come up with a predictable conclusion. Dartmouth Medical School researchers have found that young adolescents who own T-shirts, hats and other merchandise emblazoned with an alcohol brand-name are more likely to begin drinking than kids who do not. (They’ve also concluded that it gets light each morning due to the Sun rising!)
– ANI Health & Science

5. Barbara Stanwyck as ‘Phyllis Dietrichson’ in “Double Indemnity” (1944).
4. Rebecca De Mornay as ‘Peyton Flanders’ in “The Hand That Rocks the Cradle” (1992).
3. Louise Fletcher as ‘Nurse Ratched’ in “One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest” (1975).
2. Glenn Close as ‘Alex Forrest’ in “Fatal Attraction” (1987).
1. Sharon Stone as ‘Catherine Tramell’ in “Basic Instinct”/”Basic Instinct 2″ (1992/opening MARCH 31st).

Researchers in the Czech Republic and Austria – 2 countries that drink more than their fair share of suds – have just released studies that suggest beer is an anti-inflammatory and can slow the aging process. Czech doctors have found that moderate beer consumption slows aging and reduces the likelihood of heart attacks in men. The Austrians note, of course, that their findings should not be construed as an encouragement to drink booze. (Not that anyone would take it as such. No sir.)
– “Fortune Magazine”

New cutting-edge vocab …
• ‘Boss Whisperer’ – An employee who has the boss’s ear and uses it to forward a personal agenda. (“It was thought Diane Sawyer actually had the inside track to be news anchor because she’s the best boss whisperer, but now it seems Charles Gibson will get the gig instead.”)
• ‘Lifestyle Communities’ – The fancy-schmancy real estate term now used for high-end housing subdivisions. And a ‘Business & Lifestyle Community’ is what we used to call … a ‘town’. (“They cut down all the trees in order to build a prestigious new lifestyle community, then named the streets after them.”)
• ‘Ransomware’ – Malicious software that enters a PC in disguise and renders all files unusable by encrypting them … until the owner pays a fee by electronic transfer. Yet one more reason to beware of all e-mail attachments you’re unsure of. (“Dear computer owner: We are holding all your files hostage, including these videos of you and Scott Stapp … hey wait a minute!”)

The old adage that men won’t ask for directions has been proven true … at least in Britain. A new Royal Automobile Club study has found that male drivers waste nearly 6 million hours a year while lost on the road. Men who are lost wait an average of 20 minutes before giving up and asking for help, while women wait only 10 minutes on average. Men will even endure a ‘nagging period’ of about 10 minutes from their partner before stopping to ask which way to go. (After putting the gun back in the glove compartment.)
– Agence France-Presse

Playing cards in India are round.

• Former Malaysian snake farm worker Shahimi Abdul Hamid may have set a new world record after kissing a 14-ft-long (4.6-meter) King Cobra weighing 22 lbs (10 kg) 51 times in 3 minutes, 1 second. The record attempt must first be verified, because the only related record seems to be by Gordon Cates of Florida, who kissed 11 cobras without a time limit in 1999.
– “Fortean Times”
• McKees Rocks PA’s Mama Lena’s Pizza House is vying for a spot in the “Guinness Book of World Records” for the ‘World’s Largest Commercially Available Pizza’. Perhaps not surprisingly, few customers have actually ordered the potential record-setter off the menu. That could be because the 150-slice pizza measuring 3-by-4.5 feet is priced at – $99!
– Yahoo! News
PHONER: 412.771.4534

According to Airports Council International, here are the airports that handle the most passengers annually …
5. Los Angeles International (LAX) … 61 million.
4. Tokyo (Haneda) … 62 million.
3. London (Heathrow) … 67 million.
2. Chicago (O’Hare) … 75 million.
1. Atlanta (Hartsfield-Jackson) … 84 million.
(Canada’s busiest airport, Toronto’s Pearson International, can only accommodate 50 million passengers per year.)
– “Forbes Magazine”

Airlines misplaced an estimated 30 million bags in 2005. The good news is, they eventually found all but 200,000 of them.
– AP

Men who know how to dance well not only attract more women, but also more desirable women. In addition, they’re the most popular with the ladies, according to a new study from Rutgers University & the University of Washington. Why? It turns out that a man’s dips, spins, twirls and glides may be telegraphing to women their genetic superiority. This latest study is the first time the effects of dance on human courtship have been verified by science. (Not to stereotype or anything, but it would unfortunately seem that most of the guys who can dance worth a dam aren’t really looking to hook up with women.)
– “The Columbian”


1931 [75] William Shatner, Montréal QC, TV actor (‘Denny Crane’-“Boston Legal” since 2004, ‘Capt Kirk’-“Star Trek” 1966-1969)/movie actor (“Miss Congeniality”)

1948 [58] Sir Andrew Lloyd Webber, London UK, composer/producer (Tony Awards for “Phantom of the Opera”, “Cats”/Tony & Academy Awards for “Evita”)

1948 [58] Wolf Blitzer, Buffalo NY, CNN news anchor (“The Situation Room”)

1952 [54] Bob Costas, Queens NY, NBC-TV sportscaster since 1980/Olympics host/17-time “Emmy Award” winner  UP NEXT: Hosts “Football Night in America”, the pre-game show for NBC-TV’s new “Sunday Night NFL Football”, beginning this SEPTEMBER.

1972 [34] Elvis Stojko, Richmond Hill ON, 5′-7″ former Canadian Men’s Figure Skating Champ (4 world titles, 2 Olympic silvers)

1976 [30] Reese Witherspoon, Baton Rouge LA, movie actress (2006 Oscar-“Walk the Line”, “Legally Blonde”)/Mrs Ryan Phillippe since 1999  UP NEXT: Co-stars with Christina Ricci in the modern day fable “Penelope”, then stars in the romantic comedy “Sports Widow”.

• “As Young As You Feel Day”, a day to quit wallowing in worry about your chronological age and start feeling peppy!

• “International Goof-Off Day”, a day to relax, be yourself and generally just goof off. In other words … a regular day.

• “Sing-Out Day”, a time to let fly with a special tune to tell someone how you feel.

THIS WEEK is “Clutter Awareness Week”, a day to kick off your annual Spring cleaning purge of accumulated ‘stuff’. Ask listeners what is the most unusual ‘stuff’ they’ve never thrown away.

THIS WEEK is “International Chocolate Week”. According to a poll, 52% of us pick ‘chocolate’ as our favorite flavor for desserts and sweet snacks, followed by ‘strawberry’ or ‘vanilla’ at 12%, and ‘cherry’ at 3%.

1981 [25] RCA introduces the ‘Laser Disc Player’ (with discs the size of old LP records) but  “Selectra Vision” fails to catch on (too far ahead of its time?)

2003 [02] At the annual “Razzie Awards” for Hollywood’s worst, Madonna (“Swept Away”) and Britney Spears (“Crossroads”) tie for ‘Worst Actress‘

1894 [112] 1st Stanley Cup Championship Game as Montréal Amateur Athletic Association defeats Ottawa Capitals 3-1 (oldest championship in professional sports in North America)

1980 [26] People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA) is founded by animal rights activists Ingrid Newkirk & Alex Pacheco (based in Norfolk VA)

1993 [13] 1st ‘Pentium Processor’ for PCs introduced by Intel Corp

1994 [12] 1st NFL scoring change in 75 seasons as addition of ‘2-point conversion’ is announced

1997 [09] USA’s Tara Lipinski becomes youngest-ever ‘Women’s World Figure Skating Champion’ at age 14 years and 10 months

[Thurs] World Meteorological Day
[Fri] No Homework Day
[Sun] Make Up Your Own Holiday Day
[Sun] Summer Time begins (Europe)
This Week Is . . . Bubble Blowers Week
This Month Is . . . Financial Security Month


• Check out his competition … trail a gaze or flash a flirty smile at one of his friends when you know he’s watching you.
• Give him a sensory flashback … a scent, a sound, or a sight of something that recalls the first time you found each other.
• Compliment him … because when a man hears praise from his partner, it further intensifies his feelings for her.
• Make small changes for big results … eye-catching changes to your appearance draws men to you.
• Keep him out of the loop … the less you tell him, the more interested he’ll become in your day-to-day activities.
• Reach into his pocket for the keys … or any other opportune excuse to touch him ‘accidentally’.
• Utter the one word that drives him nuts … his name. Just hearing it is an aphrodisiac.
– “Cosmopolitan”

What is the spiral-shaped part of a corkscrew officially called?
a. The worm. [CORRECT]
b. The auger.
c. The screw thingy.

• If you could bring one character to life from your favorite book, who would it be?
• What vegetable do you most resemble? How so?

Today’s Question: Today THESE are 50% larger on average than they were 30 years ago.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Houses.

Age and treachery will always overcome youth and skill.


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