Tuesday, November 5, 2002        Edition: #2414
Up to Your Eyeballs in Sheet!

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
TODAY the private funeral service for murdered Run DMC star Jam Master Jay will be held in Queens NY . . . Eminem has reportedly sent a little thank-you to his producer pal Dr Dre – a new $280,000 Bentley! . . . Popster Avril Lavigne writes on her Website that someone is posing as her and sending e-mails dissing her fans and just generally being a jerk (welcome to fame, girl) . . . FOX-TV is developing a reality series called “Second Chance” which would give washed-up pop idols an opportunity to kick-start their careers (who should be on this?) . . . A new cable TV service in Taiwan allows men to pick brides after watching them on TV . . . Online sales of music dropped 25% in the first 9 months of 2002 . . . Tanning beds have become passé among Hollywood’s health-conscious so the latest craze is getting an airbrush spray-tan (Christina Aguilera & Paula Abdul are just 2 of the celebs who spray it on) . . . Madonna leads the latest list of music industry earners in 2002, raking in $101 million so far (an estimated half of it from Microsoft for using her tunes in ads) but Paul McCartney is close, grossing about $96 million thanks to his concert tour . . . Russian girl band Singing Together has a hit called “A Man Like Putin” which trashes vodka-guzzlers and lauds family men like Russian prez Putin who don’t drink . . . And Peter Bart, editor of show biz trade paper “Variety” and obviously a celluloid connoisseur, has labelled box office hit “Jackass the Movie” the ‘worst movie ever made’ (hey, what about “Freddy Got Fingered”?).

TODAYS DVD & VHS RELEASES:
Sandra Bullock stars in the chick-flick dramady “Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood”, about a daughter who unearths a scrapbook revealing the adventures her mother got into with girlhood friends (played by Ellen Burstyn, Maggie Smith, Fionulla Flannagan & Shirley Knight) . . . The HBO 10-episode mini-series “Band of Brothers” features an ensemble cast in the story of Easy Company during Operation Overlord in WWII France (Tom Hanks & Steven Spielberg are the exec producers) . . . DVD collectors may be interested in the release of the entire 6th season of “The X-Files” or the collected 5th season of “Star Trek: The Next Generation” . . . And “Spider-Man” has already sold over 11 million copies on DVD/VHS after just 4 days in release, making it one of the fastest-selling videos ever.

CEREAL NUMBERS:
According to a poll by the American Society of Pediatrics, children receive almost ALL of their nutrients from breakfast cereals. (Just how many nutrients are found in miniature chocolate chip cookies interspersed with bite-size multi-colored marshmallows?)

HEY BUDDY, WANNA BUY A WATCH?
YESTERDAY British lingerie retailer Pretty Polly unveiled what’s being hailed as a breakthrough in interactive advertising. Its new bus shelter ads feature a larger-than-life photo of a model in slinky red underwear. What’s unusual is each poster features a button close to the model’s breasts inviting passers-by to press it. When they do, the model begins to talk, explaining the benefits of her ‘Baroque’ bra and where it can be purchased. Industry observers say the campaign signals a future world (like that forecast in Steven Spielberg’s “Minority Report”) where ads will be able to ‘identify’ passers-by and address them by name.

THE FOUNTAIN OF YOUTH IS PIGHEADED?
The good news is Russians scientists have developed a formula that seems to delay aging in humans. The bad news is – it’s extracted from pig brains. In some cultures, pig brains have long been relished for their creamy texture and fabled ability to improve human memory and brain power. Now it seems they may have some value in delaying common symptoms of human aging. But don’t rush off to the butcher just yet. Other than taste (ralf!) there’s another problem – eating an entire pig brain would far exceed the recommended daily intake of less than 200 mg of cholesterol.

SAKS, LIES AND VIDEOTAPE:
After final arguments YESTERDAY, the Winona Ryder case was expected to go to the jury last night and there’ll likely be a decision TODAY. Here’s a stat the prosecution could have used – a survey of retailers shows that 68% of all shoplifted clothing is stolen by women. Interestingly, 68% of shoplifted toys are taken by men.

HEY, WANNA SWAP FILES?
Here’s the latest in ‘wearable computing’. Japan’s Nippon Telegraph & Telephone has developed a system that uses the electrical conductivity of human skin to transmit data. The new technology allows two people carrying PDA (Personal Data Assistants) to transmit info to each other’s computer just by touching hands – or, for that matter, any other body part!

WACKY WORLD OF BS:
• Workers at the Taronga Zoo in Sydney, Australia are refusing to follow orders. In an attempt  to help a male gorilla reproduce, management proposed an artificial insemination program using ‘manual stimulation’ of the sedated animal. The keepers have refused, saying it would be too dangerous – especially if ‘Kibabu’ woke up! (Can you imagine that job ad in the paper? “Seeking someone with warm hands and the ability to run the hundred in under 10 seconds.”)
• Firefighters in Brussels, Belgium were called in to rescue a man stuck knee-deep in hardened chocolate. While cleaning a huge vat used to make Belgian chocolate, the factory worker fell in and was glued to the bottom by the sticky goo. Although he was rescued after his cries for help, it could easily have been death by chocolate. (They had to call firefighters because there just aren’t any ‘chocolate fighters’ in the phone book.)
• A Sri Lankan father has attracted the attention of doctors for his ability to breastfeed his daughter. After his wife died 3 months ago, 38-year-old Mr B Wijeratne had a problem – his 18-month-old daughter was so used to mother’s milk she wouldn’t drink formula. That’s when he discovered he could breastfeed her himself, thanks to a hyperactive prolactine hormone that allows him to produce breast milk. (Wow, hope the kid gets some really good therapy!)
• Due to the worst drought Down Under in decades, Australia’s Environment Minister Sherryl Garbutt is encouraging Aussies to save precious water – by showering with a friend. She claims showering together would conserve thousands of liters over the current Southern Hemisphere summer. (“Hey baby, wanna come back to my place and save some water?”)

BS AMAZING FACT:
According to a national retail study, there’s a 1 in 20 chance a store’s checkout scanner will ring up the wrong price! But don’t fret – the mistake will be in your favor more than half the time.

THE BULL SHEET 11.05.2K2

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1943 [59] Sam Shepard (Rogers), Ft Sheridan IL, movie actor (“Black Hawk Down”, “The Pelican Brief”)/playwright (“Zabriskie Point”, “Paris Texas”)/Mr Jessica Lange

1959 [43] Bryan Adams, Kingston ON, rock/pop singer (Grammy Award-“[Everything I Do] I Do It For You”, “Cloud #9″, “Cuts Like a Knife”)

1963 [39] Tatum O’Neal, LA CA, sometime actress who was youngest to ever win an Oscar (‘Best Supporting Actress’ for 1973′s “Paper Moon”) and who’s undergone extensive treatment for substance abuse/ex-Mrs John McEnroe

1965 [37] Famke Janssen, Amsterdam NETH, movie actress (“I Spy”, “X-Men”, “GoldenEye”)  NEXT FILM: “X-Men 2″ coming MAY 2

1970 [32] Jennifer & Heather Kinley, Philadelphia PA, country singers (The Kinleys-”She Ain’t the Girl For You”, “Somebody’s Out There Watching”)

1971 [31] Jonny Greenwood, Oxford ENG, rock musician (Radiohead-“Amnesiac”)

1974 [28] Ryan Adams, Jacksonville NC, up & coming alt-country singer/guitarist (“Nuclear”, “New York New York”)

BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
TODAY is off-year “Election Day” in the USA. One of the more interesting battles is in Reno County, Kansas where Sarah Sweet-McKinnon is running against incumbent District Judge Steve Becker – her husband! He’s a Republican, she’s a Democrat. They claim there are no hard feelings over the race.

TODAY is “Guy Fawkes Day” in England, a traditional celebration since 1752. It commemorates the 1605 ‘Gunpowder Plot’ when Fawkes-led Catholics attempted to blow up the Parliament Buildings. One of the day’s traditions gives it it’s nickname – ‘Bonfire Day’.

TOMORROW over 400,000 Grade 9 students and 75,000 workplaces across Canada will participate in the 9th annual “National Take Our Kids to Work Day”, a job shadow program designed to help students gain an appreciation for the real world of work.
NET: http://www.tlp.on.ca/kidswork/index2.html

THIS MONTH is “Family Stories Month”, a good excuse to ask an older person to tell you a fascinating story about his or her youth. (If you’ve got several hours to burn.)

TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1923 [79] 1st ‘electric shaver’ patented (and 1st guy suffers severe pain when nose hair gets caught)

1933 [69] 1st ‘stereo broadcast’ on FM (Edwin Howard Armstrong)

1935 [67] Board game ‘Monopoly’ launched by Parker Bros

1995 [07] 1st NBA game at Vancouver’s GM Place (Grizzlies beat Timberwolves in OT, then get ready to pack their bags for Memphis)

TODAY’S RECORDS . . .
1937 [65] World’s ‘oldest cat’ on record dies at age 34

1971 [31] LA Lakers begin ‘longest winning streak’ in pro sports history by winning first of 33 consecutive basketball games

1984 [18] World record for ‘continuous belly dancing’ is set – 106 hours!

1994 [08] 45-year-old George Foreman becomes ‘oldest heavyweight boxing champion’ by KO-ing Michael Moorer (who will never live it down)

AND REMEMBER . . .
[Wed] Canadian Finals Rodeo begins (Edmonton)
[Wed] CMA Awards
[Wed] Ramadan begins
[Wed] Halfway Point of Autumn
[Thurs] PMS Stress Day
[Nov 15] “Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets” opens
This Week Is . . . Health Information Week / Card & Letter Writing Week
This Month Is . . . Good Nutrition Month / Runaway Prevention Month

BULL’S BITS . . .
ALL-TIME ‘MAN’S MAN’ ACTORS:

10. Ben Affleck
9. George Clooney
8. Denzel Washington
7. Harrison Ford
6. James Dean
5. Sean Connery
4. Clint Eastwood
3. Paul Newman
2. Frank Sinatra
1. Humphrey Bogart
(What? No John Wayne?)
Source: “AskMen” magazine

BS DRUM BANGERS:
THIS MONTH is “National Drum Month”, a good excuse to make fun of the least-respected of all musicians with a few of our fave drummer jokes –
• The all-time classic: What do you call someone who hangs around with musicians? [A drummer.]
• How can you tell when a drummer’s at the door? [The knocking speeds up. Then he doesn't know when to come in.]
• What did the professional drummer say when he got to his job? ["Do you want fries with that?"]
• How can you tell when the stage riser is level? [The drool comes out of both sides of the drummer's mouth.]
• What do you call a drummer that breaks up with his girlfriend? [Homeless.]
• What’s the last thing a drummer says in a band? ["Hey guys, why don't we try one of my songs?”]
• What’s the difference between a podiatrist and a drummer? [A podiatrist bucks up your feet.]

BS WORD OF THE DAY:
Pick any odd word (‘ubiquitous’, for example) and mention throughout the show that it’s your ‘Word of the Day’ and you’ll be awarding a prize for the best use of it. Mention the word often, preferably out of context (“mainly sunny with ubiquitous clouds . . .”) and get everyone else on the show using it. When callers use the word, ring the ‘Word of the Day’ bell and congratulate them on their creativity. At the end of your show, pick a winner and play back the winning sentence.

BS PHONE STARTER:
“What accent sounds the sexiest?”

WEB GOODIE:
Ever wonder what it’s like to have a double? A UK company is helping people find their so-called ‘Time Twin’, someone born at the exact same time and date. Its new Website helps you track your twin and meet your match for free, just by filling in a registration form. Why not match up the morning crew, studio guests, or maybe some listeners?
NET: http://www.time-twins.com

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: Men are 2-and-a-half times more likely to know how to do this than women.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Juggle.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
Everybody is ignorant, just on different subjects.


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