Monday, November 1, 2010 Edition: #4376
Ahhhh, Your Daily Bovine Colonic!
WEEKEND TABLOID & BLOG BS:
• Saturday’s “Rally To Restore Sanity And/Or Fear”, hosted by comedians Jon Stewart & Stephen Colbert on the National Mall in Washington DC included performances by John Legend w/The Roots, Wilco’s Jeff Tweedy, Ozzy Osbourne, and Sheryl Crow. (The only thing that fell flat: Stewart’s massive build-up to a ‘surprise superstar’ guest who turned out to be … Kid Rock.)
• 41-year-old actor Zach Galifianakis (“The Hangover”) made his stand on the legalization of marijuana crystal clear by sparking up a joint and smoking it during an appearance on “Real Time With Bill Maher” (HBO) Friday night. Fellow guest Margaret Hoover, a frequent contributor to “The O’Reilly Factor” on Fox News, verified the doobie as the real deal. (A first for TV?)
• 22-year-old adult film actress Capri Anderson is planning to sue Charlie Sheen for the events that went down during his infamous hotel meltdown in NYC. Word has it she’ll claim she was held in the Plaza Hotel room against her will and felt her life was in danger. Anderson (aka Christina Walsh) ended up locking herself in the bathroom and calling hotel security. While she may sue, authorities apparently have no plans to file charges against Sheen. (And the Plaza?)
• 40-year-old Mariah Carey has finally confirmed she & hubby Nick Cannon are expecting a baby and credits fellow singer Celine Dion with inspiring her to try acupuncture. After suffering a miscarriage in 2008, Carey started looking for fertility advice. She now thinks the regular acupuncture treatments helped her battle stress, and that helped her become pregnant. The babe’s scheduled to arrive in the Spring but no official due date has yet been announced. (If it’s a boy, will she name it Harry?)
– “Access Hollywood”
• Embattled actor 54-year-old Mel Gibson has piled $9.6 million into his private church fund, placing a huge question mark over his claims of being broke. A new federal tax filing for Gibson’s AP Reilly Foundation shows that he’s made a massive tax-free contribution to the Holy Family Church, boosting its worth to almost $60 million. The controversial Malibu CA church was built by Gibson and has a only a tiny congregation. (Mel needs to hire a good PR firm.)
• And sometime reality TV star Tila Tequila has won a restraining order against photographer Garry Sun, who accuses her and 4 armed men of kidnapping his girlfriend Shyla Jennings from her Texas home, flying her to LA and threatening to kill her if she reported the ordeal. Tequila has hit back, insisting the snapper is merely a ‘disgruntled former employee’ and has convinced an LA judge to order him to keep his distance. (Tila Tequila has ‘employees’? To do what?)
TODAY’S SHOW BIZ SKED:
• “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/A Channel) – Taylor Swift guests for the complete hour in what’s billed as the ‘official album release party’ for “Speak Now”.
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – Good Charlotte (“Cardiology”, out tomorrow).
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – School of Seven Bells (“Disconnect from Desire”).
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS/Omni) – Elvis Costello (“National Ransom”).
• “Lopez Tonight” (TBS) – One Republic (“Waking Up”).
• “The Talk” (CBS) – Barry Manilow (“The Greatest Love Songs Of All Time”).
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/A Channel) – Duffy (“Endlessly”).
BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Black Eyed Peas – They’re facing their 2nd plagiarism lawsuit this year as Texas songwriter Bryan Pringle is claiming they based the hit “I Gotta Feeling” on one of his songs called “Take a Dive”. The musician says he copyrighted his tune way back in 1998.
• Bruce Springsteen – He stunned the UK crowd at the annual BFI London Film Festival on Friday night by showing up unannounced for a Q&A session during the screening of his documentary film “The Promise: The Making Of The Darkness On The Edge Of Town”.
• Darius Rucker – He’s made it to the top of this week’s ‘Billboard Country Songs’ chart with “Come Back Song”.
• Katy Perry – She’s dedicating the video to “Firework” to the “It Gets Better” campaign, which was launched earlier this Fall to combat the bullying of gay youths.
• La Roux – Tonight the British dance-pop act (“Bulletproof”) embarks on a North American headlining tour in Ft Lauderdale FL.
• Michael Jackson – GK Films is in negotiations to acquire the rights to make a movie based on “Thriller”, which has Kenny Ortega (“This Is It”) attached to direct. The film would be based solely on the song, not the entire album. (Jackson’s making more money since he died … since he’s not around to blow it.)
• Randy Travis – A rep has confirmed his divorce from wife-manager Elizabeth Travis became final Friday. They married in 1991 and have no children. Elizabeth will remain as his personal manager. (Awkward?)
• Rascal Flatts – Nashville’s Vanderbilt Children’s Hospital has announced plans to name its pediatric surgery center after the band, which has donated over $3 million to the organization over the years. Construction on the ‘Rascal Flatts Surgical Center’ is set to begin in early 2011.
• Travie McCoy – “Billboard” reports that he and an associate have been arrested in Germany and released on circa $2,000 bail after announcing they would spray paint one of the final remaining sections of the Berlin Wall, then bragging about the act on Twitter.
BOTS IN SPACE:
Today the final flight of the Space Shuttle ‘Discovery’ is scheduled to begin. One of the duties of the crew is to test ‘Robonaut 2’, a human-sized robot that may one day work on the International Space Station. For this mission, the bot will be mounted on a fixed pedestal but future models will be mobile, allowing them to do work both inside and outside the station. General Motors is partnering with NASA on the project, so that the new technologies may be applied in the automotive industry as well. (Will they call it ‘R2’?)
Kids a little wired this morning after pigging out on wads of Halloween candy last night? Chicago nutritionist Linaya Hahn, director of Hahn Holistic Health Centers, says that’s due to a yeast called ‘candida’ which feeds on sugar and produces toxins in the body which can cause a kid to suffer everything from hyperactivity to a runny nose. And the effects could last for several days unless you find an antidote. Hahn recommends yogurt or garlic which contain ‘acidophilus’, an ingredient that displaces the evil candida. (Noisy or stinky? Which is worse?)
THE AVERAGE DRIVER:
• Average drivers will swear a total of 32,025 times behind the wheel.
• They will spend around 2 hours, 14 minutes kissing in a vehicle.
• They will nod off at the wheel 11 times and run through 181 red traffic lights.
• Average drivers will honk the horn 15,250 times in a lifetime.
• They will be locked out of their vehicles 9 times.
• Average drivers believe their driving is better than 87% of other drivers.
• In a lifetime of driving, average female drivers will throw 66% of their body weight in trash out the window, while male drivers will throw their entire body weight out.
• Average drivers will have sex in a car 6 times in their lives.
• Average drivers emit more than 912 pints of ‘wind’ inside a vehicle in a lifetime.
– “Top Gear”
MAKING FACEBOOK MORE FRIENDLY:
Online safety monitoring service SafetyWeb.com is introducing the ‘Find Help’ application on Facebook. The first online tool of its kind, it’s an easy way for Facebook users to report online violations to the social network as well connect with safety and crisis support organizations. The one-click option allows a user to connect to the National Center for Missing & Exploited Children’s CyberTipline, the National Suicide Prevention Hotline, and Facebook’s Abuse Reporting process. (Now all you have to figure out is how to make it cool for your teen to use it.)
BS PSYCH NEWS:
• Psychologists say best friends are the best medicine for getting rid of stress, and people with close friends are less likely to abuse drugs and alcohol. (Who do we go out drinking with … our enemies?)
• When taking a sanity test ordinarily given to inmates in mental institutions, more than a third of psychiatrists attending a conference in Brussels, Belgium flunked. (Who’s running the asylum?)
Dogs get more leg room on airliners than most humans. Strict international guidelines stipulate dogs must be transported in containers twice their width, enabling them to stretch, turn around and ensure circulation. By contrast, the minimum space required for humans is 26 inches (66 cm) from the back of the seat cushion to the seat in front … before the person ahead reclines the seat. (So next time crate yourself up and fly cargo … you may get better meals too!)
DID YOU KNOW?
• More than half of all Americans wear a costume for Halloween. (Many aren’t intending too … they just dress funny.)
– BBC America
• Research shows raking leaves burns off 4.5 calories per minute, the same as going for a brisk walk. (But after going for a walk, you don’t have to immediately start all over again.)
BS CHRONOMETER 11.01.10
TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1942  Larry Flynt, Salyersville KY, magazine publisher (“Hustler”)/video producer (“Barely Legal”)
1949  David Foster, Victoria BC, music producer noted for discovering Celine Dion, Josh Groban, and Michael Bublé and for producing some of the most successful recording artists
1962  Anthony Kiedis, Grand Rapids MI, rock singer (Red Hot Chili Peppers-“Snow [Hey Oh]”, “Dani California”)
1963  ‘Big’ Kenny (Alphin), Culpeper VA, country singer (Big & Rich-“Lost In This Moment”, “Save a Horse [Ride a Cowboy]”)
1963  Rick Allen (Cyril), Sheffield UK, one-armed rock drummer (Def Leppard-“Promises”, “Photograph”)
1972  Jenny McCarthy, Chicago IL, movie actress (“Scary Movie 3”, “Scream 3”)/1994 “Playboy” ‘Playmate Of the Year’/movie actor Jim Carrey’s partner 2005-10
1972  Toni Collette, Sydney, Australia, TV actress (Emmy Award-“United States of Tara” since 2009)/movie actress (“Little Miss Sunshine”, “The Hours”)
1973  Aishwarya Rai, Mangalore, India, Bollywood movie star (“The Pink Panther 2”, “Bride & Prejudice”)/Miss World 1994
1986  Penn Badgely, Baltimore MD, TV actor (‘Dan Humphrey’ on “Gossip Girl” since 2007)
TODAY’S BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
• “All Hallows” or “All Saints’ Day” (begun in 835 AD), a Roman Catholic ‘Holy Day of Obligation’ (aren’t they all?). It’s a holiday in the Philippines, when families gather to honor the dead.
• “Dia de los Muertos” (“Day Of the Dead”) in Mexico. The observance covers 2 days – today, “All Saints Day”, set aside for remembrance of deceased children (‘angelitos’); Tuesday, “All Soul’s Day”, for those who died as adults. For a memorial observance it’s pretty festive, with colorful adornments, lively reunions at family burial plots, fireworks, and special foods. Departed souls are remembered with ‘Dead Men’s Bread’, decorated with sugar skulls.
• “Go Cook For Your Pets Day”, because it’s apparently not enough to house them, train them, exercise them, and clean up after them … now they need haute cuisine!
• “National Authors Day” in America, observed since 1929. It’s the ‘write’ time to appreciate the great minds who touch lives with the color of words.
• “Vegan World Day”, an international focal point for celebrating veganism, a term invented by Donald Watson in 1944. This is the 66th anniversary of ‘The Vegan Society’, whose members do not eat meat, fish, dairy products, eggs, or any other animal product. In fact, true vegans do not use any products derived from animals, such as fur or leather. As someone once said: ‘vegetarian’ is a diet; ‘vegan’ is a way of life. (Hey, nice plastic shoes, dude!)
TODAY’S MUSIC EVENT . . .
1939  The poem (and later song) “Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer” 1st appears in a promotional pamphlet for Chicago’s Montgomery Ward department store
TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1914  1st ‘Modern Bra’ invented by Mary Jacob of NYC
1946  1st ‘Basketball Association of America’ (later changed to NBA) game as NY Knickerbockers defeat Toronto Huskies 68-66 (seats go for 75 cents … a tad less than what the Raptors now charge)
1952  1st English TV play-by-play of NHL (Foster Hewitt announces Boston @ Toronto)
1959  1st NHL goaltender to wear a ‘Goalie Mask’ (Jacques Plante, Montréal Canadiens)
1924  1st US-based NHL franchise is founded (Boston Bruins)
1966  NFL awards New Orleans Saints a franchise on “All Saints Day”
2009  The inaugural ‘Abu Dhabi Grand Prix’ is held at the Yas Marina Circuit
COMING UP . . .
[Tues] US Election Day
[Tues] Cookie Monster Day
[Tues] Plan Your Epitaph Day
[Tues] Traffic Directors Day
[Wed] Cliche Day
[Wed] Sandwich Day
[Thurs] Men Make Dinner Day
THIS WEEK IS . . .
Animal Shelter Appreciation Week / Fig Week / Give Wildlife a Break Week / Patient Accessibility Week / World Communication Week
BEST OF BS:
A highlight bit culled from 17 years of “Bull Sheet” back issues …
BS THINGS NOT TO SAY TO A NAKED GUY:
• “I’ve smoked fatter joints than that!”
• “Awww, it’s cute!”
• “You know they have surgery to fix that.”
• “Wow, and your feet are so big!”
• “Eww, there’s an inch worm on your thigh.”
• “How sweet, you brought incense!”
• “Ah, so THIS explains your car.”
BS FANTASY PARK:
Create the illusion of the ‘world’s greatest concert’ by playing tracks from ‘live’ albums that fit your format and interspersing them with pre-recorded ‘stage announcements’ underlaid with crowd SFX – “Neil Young takes the stage when we come back with more of BULL-FM’s concert from Fantasy Park …” The key is to maintain the illusion the mega-concert is actually happening live. Make it sound real enough and people will swamp your phones wanting to know where it is!
BS RANDOM JOKE:
How come the kids got the most candy last night at the dentist’s house down the block? The one displaying a jack-o-lantern with braces.
BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: THIS happens to the average office worker 4 times a year.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: A paper cut.
BS DEEP THOUGHT:
A verbal agreement isn’t worth the paper it’s written on.