Tuesday, November 13, 2007        Edition: #3407
Thanks a Sheetload for Choosing “BS”!

The estate of the late James Brown is facing a fresh court battle from Velma Warren Brown, who claims she wed the hardest working man in show biz in 1953 and they were never divorced, meaning she was still married to him when he died LAST YEAR (soon lawyers will have carved up all that’s left of his money and his many, many, many heirs will get nada) . . . “The Harry Potter Lexicon”, a planned encyclopedia based on the book series has been delayed as the publisher has been sued by author JK Rowling (she wants every last pence, thank you) . . . Since ‘Harry Potter’ actor Daniel Radcliffe turned 18 and gained access to his multi-million-dollar acting fortune, he’s also found his first real girlfriend, 22-year-old Irish actress Laura O’Toole (was she attracted to his money or his wand?) . . . Rumor has it one reason “Lions for Lambs” is tanking at the movie box office is the fact that co-star Meryl Streep can’t stand Tom Cruise and refused to do any promo work for the film . . . “Lions” is the poorest-tracking Tom Cruise flick ever made, so he could have an uphill battle when it comes to raising money for future flicks under his United Artists banner . . . ‘Michael Scott’ fans should enjoy THIS WEEK’s new episode of “The Office” because it will be the last until the writers’ strike is resolved . . . Actress Lindsay Lohan’s first post-rehab gig could be a 3-episode guest role on “Ugly Betty” (ABC) playing a ‘fallen beauty queen’ who takes a gig as assistant manager at the fast food chain where ‘Betty’s dad works (hopefully the writers’ strike can save us from all this).

• Amy Winehouse –  TODAY her live DVD “I Told You I Was Trouble” is released.
• George Strait – TODAY he releases the compilation “22 More Hits”,’ a companion piece to his multi-platinum “50 Number Ones”, featuring fan favorites and songs that didn’t quite top the country chart.
• Goo Goo Dolls – TODAY they release their first hits package, the 14-track set “Greatest Hits, Vol. 1 – The Singles”. Early NEXT YEAR, a 2nd volume will be released, featuring some new recordings, rarities, B-sides, covers and remixes.
• The Killers – TODAY their new collection of B-sides, rarities and one-off sides entitled “Sawdust” is released, which includes collaborations with classic rocker Lou Reed.
• Led Zeppelin – TODAY the best-of collection “Mothership” is released in 4 separate versions: a standard package with 24 songs on 2 discs; a Deluxe Edition that includes a 90-minute DVD of live performance footage; a Limited-Edition Collector’s Edition in fancier packaging; and a 4-LP version on audiophile-quality vinyl that comes with collectible memorabilia. Just in time for the new release, a website allows you to ‘Zeppelize’ any site on the net. You simply fill in a website you wanna ‘attack’ and unleash the music and zeppelins which appear to punch holes in your screen. Don’t worry, there’s no permanent damage … we hope.
NET: http://thezep.net/?page_id=8
• Paul McCartney – TODAY the 3-DVD set “The McCartney Years” is released, featuring 4 decades-worth of rare footage, live performances, and 40-plus music videos.
• Spice Girls – TODAY their greatest hits compilation is released, initially only available in Victoria’s Secret retail stores and on the company’s website.
• Trace Adkins – TODAY the “Ladies Love Country Boys” singer’s first-ever book, “A Personal Stand: Opinions & Observations of a Free Thinking Roughneck”, is released. It offers his personal views on everything from the environment to immigration to the war on terror.

• Alicia Keys – She’s on “Good Morning America” (ABC). She tells “Newsweek” when she was trying to pick a professional name she opened a dictionary on the word ‘wild’ but her mom rejected the name ‘Alicia Wild’ because she thought it sounded like a stripper. BTW, her real name is Alicia Augello-Cook.
• Chaka Khan – She performs on a “Late Show With David Letterman” rerun (CBS).
• George Stroumboulopoulos – The host of “The Hour” (CBC) receives an honorary degree from the University of Calgary at its fall convocation for highlighting various causes through his travels to places like the Arctic, Sudan, and Zambia.
NET: http://www.ucalgary.ca/news/october2007/convocation-advisory
• Marc Cohn – The “Walking in Memphis” singer faces the panel on “The View” (ABC).
• They Might Be Giants – The ‘80s alt-rockers are on a rerun of “Late Late Show With Craig Ferguson” (CBS).

• “Ocean’s Thirteen” ( Comedy Caper ): ‘Danny Ocean’ (George Clooney) and his ever expanding band of merry men & women plot their latest heist. Also starring, of course, Brad Pitt, Matt Damon, Bernie Mac, Don Cheadle & Carl Reiner. And joining the regular cast are Al Pacino & Ellen Barkin. Also available in the “Ocean’s Trilogy Gift Set”.
• “Shrek the Third” ( Animated Family ): Mike Myers, Cameron Diaz, Eddie Murphy & Antonio Banderas are all back to voice this 2nd sequel to the 2001 smash hit. In this instalment, ‘Shrek’ struggles with the prospect of becoming king of ‘Far, Far Away’ after the death of ‘King Harold’. Other voices provided by Julie Andrews, Justin Timberlake, John Cleese, Eric Idle & John Krasinski (“The Office”). Also available in the “The Shrek Trilogy”.
• Also released TODAY: “The Addams Family: The Complete Series”; “Close Encounters of the Third Kind (Ultimate Edition)”; “Gilmore Girls: The Complete Series Collection”; “Miami Vice: The Complete Series”; and “Northern Exposure: The Complete Series Gift Set”.

• A 77-year-old Berlin, Germany playboy is suing a 19-year-old woman, accusing her of discrimination for … refusing to sleep with him. Rolf Eden claims to have slept with over 3,000 women in his time, mostly picked up in his nightclub. When he finally got a ‘no’, he brooded for 2 weeks before pressing charges.
– “Irish Times”
• To stop from ‘killing’ any more real Christmas trees, the city of Port St Lucie, Florida has just signed a 3-year contract to lease a 30-ft fake tree. The cost … $35,320.
– “Palm Beach Post”
• Police in Zhangxu, China have finally arrested a man who’s been hiding out in a tunnel dug underneath his home … for 17 years. The fugitive went underground after he was charged with killing someone from a neighboring village over a minor disagreement. Also facing jail is his wife, who is charged with conspiracy for helping him hide.

Ranked by the percentage who say each behavior ticks them off …
• Emotional outbursts …. 41%
• People not participating … 51%
• Length of time taken … 60%
• People’s wordiness … 62%
• People not listening … 67%
• Questionable effectiveness … 74%
• Participants’ lack of preparation … 77%
• People drifting off subject … 83%
– “TimeSource”

In a recent health magazine poll, fully two-thirds of the married women surveyed say the best sex they’ve ever had is with their husbands. 13% say they experienced their best when they were single, and 9% say it was while having an affair. The survey also shows that 95% of women believe being faithful is important in a long-term relationship … but 16% admit to having affairs anyway.
– “Top Sante”

New research suggests women who are ready to conceive are the least likely to walk with a sexy wiggle. Researchers at Queen’s University in Kingston, Ontario tested the hormone levels in women’s saliva after a panel of 40 men ranked the attractiveness of the way they walked in video clips. The results showed those with the most alluring gaits were the furthest away from ovulation … the exact opposite of what was expected. It’s now thought that may be because women choose to conceal their ovulation from males other than their chosen partner.
– “New Scientist“

Serendipity 3, a restaurant on Manhattan’s Upper East Side has unveiled the ‘World’s Most Expensive Dessert’, the Frrrozen Haute Chocolate, which is sundae that includes a blend of 28 rare, exotic cocoas. It’s topped with whipped cream, sprinkled with 23-carat edible gold dust, and a La Madeline au Truffle, the world’s most expensive chocolate made by Knipschildt Chocolatier. Along with the chocolate treat, the eater gets to take home the goblet it‘s served in, the diamond encrusted 18-carat gold spoon used to eat it, and a gold ladies’ bracelet. Bottom line … $25,000.
– Ananova News

1-in-10 men thinks chlamydia is a flower.
– BBC News


1954 [53] Chris Noth, Madison WI, TV actor (‘Detective Mike Logan’ on “Law and Order: Criminal Intent” since 2005, “Sex & the City” 1998-2004, “Law & Order” 1990-95)/movie actor (“Cast Away”)  UP NEXT: The movie version of “Sex & the City”.

1955 [52] Whoopi Goldberg (Caryn Johnson), NYC, TV personality (“The View”, “Hollywood Squares” 1998-2002)/movie actress (“Sister Act”, Academy Award-“Ghost”)

1956 [51] Rex Linn, Spearman TX, TV actor (‘Detective Frank Tripp’ on “CSI: Miami” since 2003)

1967 [40] Jimmy Kimmel, Brooklyn NY, TV host (“Jimmy Kimmel Live” since 2003, “The Man Show” 1999-2003, “Win Ben Stein’s Money” 1997-2001)

1968 [39] Steve Zahn, Marshall MN, movie actor (“Employee of the Month”, “Sahara”)

1978 [29] Nikolai Fraiture, NYC, rock bassist (The Strokes-“Juicebox”, “Last Nite”)

1980 [27] Monique Coleman, Orangeburg SC, movie actress (‘Taylor McKessie’ in “High School Musical” 1 & 2)

• “Ban All Menu-Driven Phone Systems Day”, when we’re encouraged to inform bureaucracies and corporations of our displeasure with the technology. They’re clearly NOT getting the message that menu-driven systems create ‘phone rage’.

• “Mix It Up at Lunch Day”, when kids in school cafeterias are encouraged to swap seats in order to bring together various cliques (jocks, geeks, goths, addicts, juvenile delinquents, etc), a project sponsored by the advocacy group Teaching Tolerance.
NET: http://www.tolerance.org/teens/lunch.jsp

• “World Kindness Day”, the 11th annual sponsored by the non-profit Random Acts of Kindness Foundation. It involves tens of thousands of volunteers and school kids taking part in local ‘kindness’ events in more than 5,000 communities and 35 countries. We’re encouraged to bring happiness to others through a simple act of kindness. The other 364 days of the year? Not so much.
NET: http://www.actsofkindness.org/

• “Young Readers Day”, an annual event founded in 1989 as a special day to recognize the joys and benefits of reading, At many elementary schools, local celebrities will read aloud a favorite children’s story or book in classrooms.
NET: http://www.bookitprogram.com/teachers/nyrd.asp

2000 [07] The Beatles release “1”, a 27-song compilation CD of #1 hits

1875 [132] 1st football teams to wear uniforms (Harvard vs Yale)

1946 [61] 1st ‘Artificial Snow’ created for skiing by Vincent Schaeffer at Mt Greylock, Massachusetts

1952 [55] 1st ‘Press-On Nails’ are marketed (handy for nail chewers who can now just eat ‘em out of the box)

1995 [12] World’s only known ‘Green Cat’ is confirmed by a veterinary hospital in Copenhagen, Denmark, a condition vets say may be caused by a metabolism defect

[Wed] World Diabetes Day
[Wed] Educational Support Personnel Day
[Wed] “Project Runway 4” debuts (Bravo)
[Wed] Operating Room Nurse Day
[Thurs] Clean Out Your Refrigerator Day
This Week Is … Hunger & Homeless Awareness Week
This Month Is … Impotency Month


THIS WEEK is “Shallow Persons Awareness Week”, so as a public service we offer these …
• You believe beauty is only hair deep.
• Your handshake’s been described as ‘al dente’.
• You are the first person to ever wear out a mirror.
• You read “Cosmo” for any reason other than to make fun of it.
• You refuse to take money out of your plastic surgery account to buy food.
• You call out your own name during sex.

THIS WEEK is also “Children’s Book Week”, so here’s a look at …
• “Dad’s New Wife Robert”
• “The Cat Shat in the Hat”
• “Horton Hires A Ho”
• “The Boy Who Died From Eating All His Vegetables”
• “Pop! Goes The Hamster & Other Great Microwave Games”
• “You’re Different – And All the Other Kids Hate You!”

I used to think my partner was normal until I found out …

Since the dawn of time, humankind has sought ways to ward off supernatural entities. Now, for only $5, you can get a printed ‘Paranormal Restraining Order’ that purportedly bars them from approaching or contacting you, whether they be aliens, Bigfoot, the Grim Reaper, Satan, zombies, or David Letterman trying to ‘hyp-mo-tize’ you through the TV. Just flash ‘em the legal doc & they’re sure to skedaddle with their pointy tails between their legs.
NET: http://paranormalrestrainingorders.com/

Add some mirth in the morning by dropping 10-15 second clips from comedy albums in between spots or out-of-sets, followed by a station ID. No need to set ’em up, just slip them in to catch listeners off-guard. Look for topical material and be sure to use fresh clips each day.

Have you ever been so bored at work that you looked through your inbox?

Today’s Question: The average guy will do THIS 6 times on a first date.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Lie.

Happiness is waking up whenever.

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