Thursday, November 9, 2006        Edition: #3405
Good Morning, Sheetheads!

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
TODAY in NYC, Joanne Carson (one of late “Tonight Show” host Johnny Carson’s ex’s) is auctioning off her collection of Truman Capote memorabilia, including his passport, a handwritten manuscript, a diamond-and-emerald ring, a tuxedo, and some 300 other items connected to the famous author (having 2 recent movies about him should help drive up prices) . . . TONIGHT George Clooney, Paul Newman, Billy Crystal, Jack Nicholson & Bruce Willis co-host “Singers & Songs Celebrate Tony Bennett’s 80th” at Hollywood’s Kodak Theatre, a charity fundraiser in honor of legendary crooner Tony Bennett’s 80th birthday (8/23/06) that includes performances by Rascal Flatts, Kelly Clarkson, and Marc Anthony among others (tickets sold for up to $5,000) . . . K-Fed may not make out so well in the what may be the biggest divorce of the year – it’s almost certain he can’t challenge the airtight pre-nup he signed before marrying Britney Spears so his only chance of cashing in big is by mounting an ugly custody battle over their 2 kids, trying to force a more lucrative settlement (and likely getting paid by tabloids for his side of the story) . . . Daytime drama “Passions” (NBC) has become the first soap to become available free online the same day it’s broadcast as each new episode is posted by 6 pm ET and can be viewed for up to a week . . . And “American Idol” judge/music impresario Simon Cowell says he wants to sign model Kate Moss to a recording contract – whether she can sing or not – because, he says, she has ‘star quality’ (if movie stars don’t need to know how to act … well, maybe he’s got a point).

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Diddy – TODAY Sean Combs does the “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/CityTV).
• Norah Jones – She has a role in the upcoming film “My Blueberry Nights” with Jude Law and Natalie Portman.
• Paul McCartney – He’s deleted all traces of estranged wife Heather Mills from his new DVD, “Paul McCartney: The Space Within Us”, which details his 2005 tour. But an array of famous folks do appear in backstage cameos on the DVD, including Lenny Kravitz, Bono, Bill Clinton, and Jack Nicholson.
• Queen – A bio-film on the life of late frontman Freddie Mercury is in the works. Mercury died of AIDS-related illness in 1991. The surviving members of the band (Brian May, Roger Taylor & John Deacon) will all be involved in the project, but there’s no word yet on who’ll play the role of Freddie.
• Wolfmother – TONIGHT they’re on “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC).

COMING ATTRACTIONS:
A selection of movies in the making …
• “Casino Royale” – Daniel Craig’s 26-year-old co-star Eva Green may become the 1st ‘Bond’ girl since the early 1960s to appear in more than one ‘007′ film, as plans for the next film (now known only as “Bond 22”) may include an ongoing plot-line involving her ‘Vesper Lynd’ character. The only previous ‘Bond’ girl to appear in more than one film was Eunice Gayson as ‘Sylvia Trench’, who met the spy in 1962′s “Dr No”, then returned for a picnic with him in the following year’s “From Russia with Love”. “Casino Royale” opens NOVEMBER 17th.
• “Lunatic at Large” – This thriller about an axe murderer who escapes from an asylum is one of 3 story ideas by legendary director/screenwriter Stanley Kubrick (“A Clockwork Orange”, “2001: A Space Odyssey”) that are being resurrected to make new movies 7 years after his death. The lead role has already been offered to Irish actor Colin Farrell. The film is scheduled to hit theaters in 2008.
• “The Topkapi Affair” – Former ‘James Bond’ Pierce Brosnan confirms that he’s working on a sequel to the 1999 flick “The Thomas Crown Affair” that’s based on the book “Topkapi”, which became a 1964 film starring Peter Ustinov. This version will be a romantic crime thriller made with a far bigger budget, allowing for several exotic shooting locations. It’s due on screens NEXT YEAR.
• “The Vega Brothers” – Quentin Tarantino’s spin-off movie is back on the drawing board, with John Travolta (‘Vincent Vega’ in “Pulp Fiction”) & Michael Madsen (‘Vic Vega’ in “Reservoir Dogs”) lined up to play the twin brothers of their previous characters, who come to LA from Amsterdam to avenge the deaths of the original brothers. This convoluted plot twist is necessary because ‘Vince’ and ‘Vic’ both died at the end of their respective movies and both actors are too old to pull off any kind of prequel.

FROM THE BS POLL VAULT:
A statistical breakdown of life by the numbers …
• 80% of us say it’s only right for the guy to initiate the first kiss.
• 74% of men say that breast size is a deciding factor in a woman’s attractiveness.
• 66% of us would leave contact details on the windshield of a parked car if we accidentally scraped the side of it.
• 57% of hiring managers say they’ve caught a lie on a résumé (93% of those liars didn’t get hired).
• 44% of Americans surveyed say they are certain that Jesus will return in the next 50 years.
• 39% of women have at one time or another worn their man’s underwear.
• 3% of guys wander around the house while shaving … presumably with an electric razor.

TOO STUPID FOR US TO MAKE UP:
• Is this a retirement home for cows? New York Governor George Pataki has issued a grant for $15,000 to an upstate farm to buy … mattresses for older cows. The mattresses will be given to aging bovines at just 1 of 17 farms benefitting from a $200,000 grant program to improve the state’s farms.
• He’ll never wear dog tags! A woman in Rostock, Germany has received a notice ordering a member of her household to report for a military medical examination with his ID card and a pair of swimming trunks. The problem is ‘Tommy Jakob’ is … her pet Pekingese dog … who was almost completely blind … before he died … 4 years ago. Oops!
• Now he asks friends to go to the john with him. A Lincolnshire, England man claims he hated cooking, shopping and gardening … until he received a kidney transplant from his wife. Ever since, Ian Gammons says he’s happiest when baking scones or wandering around looking for bargains. It sounds absolutely ridiculous, he admits, but he’s convinced he inherited some of his wife’s personality traits when he got her kidney.

TWO SCENTS WORTH:
A recent study has found that things can smell differently depending on which nostril you use. It’s apparently because air flow varies on each side of the nose. (Either way, cabbage rolls still stink.)
– “Nature”

THE WAR IN MIAMI:
More fighting goes on in parts of suburban US than Iraq, according to Australian filmmaker George Gittoes, who has just finished a documentary set in a Miami FL ‘war zone’. His new feature, “Rampage”, contrasts life for a family living in the blue-collar community of Brown Sub, Miami, with ongoing fighting in Iraq. (It’s kinda the same as Iraq though – Bush has no exit strategy.)
– news.com.au

BS THINGS THAT RENDER WOMEN POWERLESS:
Wanna score points with your date? Or maybe just wanna score? The ‘experts’ reveal the secrets to having any woman find you riveting …
• Conversation – Any guy who thinks the art of conversation is dead needs only to ask his partner about her new hairdo. The fact of the matter is most women love to talk, so to keep her totally engaged, just ask an appropriate question. (“So how was your day, anyway?”)
• Chick Flicks” – Watching any melodramatic movie that contains excessive dialogue and soundtracks featuring sappy love songs. (“Dirty Dancing”, “The Notebook”, “Breakfast at Tiffany’s”, “Beaches”, etc) is guaranteed to make marks.
• Chick Tunes – Load up on Mpegs of female-friendly oldies to play in the background: Cyndi Lauper’s “Girls Just Want to Have Fun”, Madonna’s “Like a Virgin”, Marc Cohn’s “Walking in Memphis”, and any version of “These Boots Are Made For Walking”.
• Tanning – The fake-tanning industry now rakes in over 4 billion dollars per year. There are over 15,000 fake-and-bake locations in North America, most of which serve a predominantly female clientele. Grab some tanning goggles and you’re in like Flint … if you don’t die of cancer first.
• Celebrity Gossip – Just memorize any copy of “Us Weekly”, “People”, “In Touch” or the like and let fly! She’ll find you fascinating.
• Trash-Talking Other Women – From their catty boss to the best friend they secretly hate, the female gender loves to complain about the people who complicate their lives. To really set her off, simply introduce the name of any hot-looking celebrity female or a female friend you admire.
• Photo Albums – Nowhere will you find a woman’s obsessive love for detail more thoughtfully arranged than in her collection of photo albums. You flip the pages while she tells the stories and she’ll be in heaven.
• Bath Baskets – More than anything else, women love to be pampered. That’s precisely why they adore manicures, pedicures and dainty little bath baskets full of scented stuff. You don’t have to worry exactly which kind to buy her … as long as it’s ‘pretty’.
– Edited & appended from AskMen.com

FOAMING THE FOWL:
The US federal government has just approved firefighting foam to … kill chickens. Only if there is an outbreak of deadly avian flu in poultry, that is. The Agriculture Department says water-based foam is a good alternative to carbon dioxide, which has traditionally been used to quickly kill large quantities of birds. Gassing involves more workers and exposes them to potentially infected birds. (So firefighting foam then? But how the heck do you get them lit first?)
– AP

BS AMAZING FACT:
The word ‘queue’ is the only word in the English language that is still pronounced the same way when the last 4 letters are removed.

AND WE QUOTE:
“How much fun can sex be before it’s a sin?”
– Excerpt from new United Church of Canada ad showing a can of whipped cream in a fridge. It’s just part of a new $10.5 million campaign designed to spark debate on hot-button issues.

THE BULL SHEET 11.09.06

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1948 [58] Robert David Hall, East Orange NJ, TV actor (Medical Examiner ‘Dr Al Robbins’ on “CSI” since 2000)  FACTOID: He uses prosthetics due to amputation of both legs following an auto accident in 1978.

1969 [37] Pepa (Sandra Denton), Queens NY, hip-hop artist (Salt-N-Pepa-“Push It”, “Shoop”)

1970 [36] Chris Jericho (Irvine), Manhasset NY [raised Winnipeg MB], WWE wrestler (7-time WWE Intercontinental Champion)/TV personality (“Celebrity Duets” 2006)/one-time “Manitoba’s Sexiest Man”

1973 [33] Nick Lachey, Harlan KY, TV personality (“Newlyweds: Nick & Jessica” 2003-05)/pop singer (“What’s Left of Me”, 98 Degrees-“I Do Cherish You”)/ex-Mr Jessica Simpson (2002-06)

1978 [28] Sisqo (Mark Andrews), Baltimore MD, hip-hop artist (“Thong Song”, Dru Hill-“These Are The Times”)

BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
• “Canadian Finals Rodeo” comes out of the chute TODAY through Sunday in Edmonton.
NET: http://www.canadianfinalsrodeo.ca

• “Chaos Never Dies Day” … the reason there are 24-hour news channels.

THIS DAY IN SHOW BIZ . . .
1967 [39] “Rolling Stone” magazine debuts with John Lennon pictured on the cover and a free ‘roach clip’ attached

1990 [16] Kevin Costner’s Oscar-winning “Dances With Wolves” opens in theaters (wasn’t that his last hit?)

2004 [02] Much-hyped release of the Xbox game “Halo 2”

TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1907 [99] 1st game for ‘Edmonton Rugby Foot-ball Club’ (forerunner of Eskimos) as team loses to ‘Calgary City Rugby Foot-ball Club’ (forerunner of Stampeders) 26-5 (at the end of the 2006 season, Edmonton leads the all-time series between the clubs with a 118-71-4 record)

1911 [95] Frenchman Georges Claude patents the ‘Neon Sign’ after experimenting with passing an electrical charge through gas (Las Vegas is glad he did!)

1993 [13] Crayola announces the new food-inspired crayon colors ‘Granny Smith Apple’, ‘Asparagus’ and ‘Macaroni & Cheese’ (and kids begin eating their art)

COMING UP . . .
[Fri] “A Good Year”; “Harsh Times”; “Stranger Than Fiction”; and “The Return” open in movie theaters
[Fri ] Forget-Me-Not Day
[Fri] USMC Day
[Sat] Veteran’s Day
[Sat] Remembrance Day
[Tues] Operating Room Nurse Day
[Wed] Clean Out Your Refrigerator Day
[Wed] 1st BET Hip-Hop Awards
This Week Is … Animal Shelter Appreciation Week
This Month Is … Cozy Cuddles for Kids Month

BULL’S BITS

YOU KNOW YOU’RE DRINKING TOO MUCH COFFEE IF . . .
• Your doctor adds cream and sugar to your urine sample.
• You can type 70 words per minute – with your feet.
• Tim Horton’s owns the mortgage on your house.
• You have a picture of your coffee mug – on your coffee mug.
• Your boss asks to meet with you at 2, and you eagerly ask, “AM or PM?”
• You call a radio talk show and they ask you to “turn yourself down”.
• You finish your 60-minute presentation before everyone is seated.
• You’re passing everybody on the freeway when suddenly you realize – you’re not in a car.
• The acidity level of your sweat dissolves the letters on your keyboard.
• Your birthday is a national holiday in Brazil.

BS HI-LO GAME:
Are the following estimates too high or too low?
• There are 10 bones in the human skull. High or low? [Low. There are actually 22.]
• Snails can zoom along at 2 mph. High or low? [High. An average snail has a speed of .005 mph.]
• Leonardo da Vinci spent 12 weeks painting the ‘Mona Lisa’. High or low? [Low. It was actually about 12 years.]
• Campbell’s ‘Alphabet Soup’ contains 3 times more ‘E’s than ‘Q’s. High or low? [High. Campbell's says it contains an equal number of all letters of the alphabet – but then who’s gonna check?]
• When you sneeze, air travels from your nose at about 250 mph. High or low? [High. Sneezes travel at about 100 mph.]

BS PHONE STATER:
Can poppies be white? (The Red Poppy has been worn since 1918 as a symbol of “Remembrance Day”. The White Poppy has been  gaining notoriety in recent years as an alternative to symbolize, not only the war dead, but also, a hope for peace. It was originally introduced in 1933 by the Women’s Co-operative Guild in Britain. THIS YEAR, Edmonton anti-war group Women in Black is selling white poppies, a move it says is meant to suggest there are better ways to resolve conflicts than bloodshed.)

ACTUAL TABLOID HEADLINES:
• “Woman Delivers Own Baby While Skydiving!”
• “Doctors Successfully Remove Banjo from Alabama Man’s Knee!”
• “Beer Beats Prostate Cancer!”
• “Multiple Personality Man Charged Triple Room Rate!”
• “Dust Bunnies Breed Like Rabbits!”

BS BLATANT JOKE:
There’s a book that tells you where you should go on your winter vacation. It’s called your cheque book.

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: Studies show that having THIS at work will help improve your memory.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Flowers.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
You can’t expect people to see eye-to-eye with you if you are looking down on them.


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