November 1, 2006

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Wednesday, November 1, 2006        Edition: #3399
Ahhhh, Your Daily Bovine Colonic!

TODAY 54-year-old TV soap opera “The Guiding Light” (CBS) co-ops with Marvel Comics to unveil a new superhero, created when a female character is zapped by an electrical current (her super powers include ability to withstand multiple diseases, auto accidents and divorces?) . . . Word has it a lawsuit may be filed on behalf of Angelina Jolie against the head of ‘Cambodian Vision in Development’, the aid group that she alleges has misappropriated hundreds of thousands of dollars of her donations . . . So far it’s just another high-profile Hollywood separation, but actress Reese Witherspoon has reportedly retained the services of divorce attorney Robert Kaufman (who’s represented Jennifer Aniston, Lisa Marie Presley & Roseanne) since her split with 7-year husband Ryan Phillippe (better line up some movies quick, dude) . . . Chic, Dave Clark Five, Grandmaster Flash, Joe Tex, Patti Smith, REM, The Ronettes, The Stooges and Van Halen are the nominees for 2007 induction into the “Rock & Roll Hall of Fame” (5 of the 9 will be selected in JANUARY and honored MARCH 12th) . . . Actress Cameron Diaz is reportedly close to a settlement in her $30 million lawsuit against “ National Enquirer”, which accused her of cheating on boyfriend Justin Timberlake LAST YEAR (in Hollywood, lawsuits are just another revenue stream) . . . Rumors are flying that NBC is about to cancel “Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip”, one of the most hyped shows of the Fall season (it’s lost almost half its audience since its debut as ratings have slipped each week) . . . And the Consumer Electronics Association predicts sales of HDTV systems will exceed sales of regular TV sets for the first NEXT YEAR (now if someone could just generate some decent Hi-Def programming on a regular basis).


• Barry Manilow – TODAY he’s the guest on daytime TV’s “The View” (ABC/CTV).
• Black Eyed Peas – Will.I.Am has collaborated with Michael Jackson in an Irish recording studio on some new tracks for the King of Pop’s ‘upcoming album’. Jackson has previously promised several recordings but hasn’t released any new material since 2001.
• Carrie Underwood – TODAY the “Before He Cheats” singer guests on the “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/CityTV)
• Chingy – TONIGHT he appears on “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC).
• Madonna – TODAY her ‘Adoption Defense Tour’ continues, with scheduled appearances on “Today” (NBC); “Live With Regis & Kelly” (syndicated/CTV); and “Dateline NBC”.
• Meat Loaf – TODAY he hypes the release of his new album on the “Megen Mullally Show” (syndicated).
• Rolling Stones – TONIGHT they’re scheduled to make a rare club appearance (delayed from LAST NIGHT by Jagger’s sore throat) at NYC’s Beacon Theater. Meantime, a $51-million lawsuit has been filed over their postponed Atlantic City NJ concert FRIDAY. A fan (who’s lawyer-husband just happens to be the litigator) claims postponing the show on just 4 hours notice resulted in thousands of fans losing money on travel expenses and non-refundable hotel bookings. The concert has been rescheduled for NOVEMBER 17th.
• The Wreckers – TONIGHT the “My, Oh My” duo do “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC).

New terms leaking into our lingo …
• ‘Clickprint’ – A pattern of web surfing behavior that uniquely identifies the person doing the surfing.
• ‘Crimeware’ – Software that facilitates identity theft, phishing, or similar criminal activity.
• ‘Intellidating’ – Dating that emphasizes intelligence, particularly by attending lectures, readings, or other cultural events.

TODAY Massachusetts-based manufacturer Union Products is closing down after a series of financial setbacks, meaning its most famous product – the pink plastic flamingo – may become a thing of the past. The once-common lawn ornament first appeared in 1957 to coincide with a booming new interest in Florida. By the 1970s, it had become a kitschy symbol of bad taste, and continued to be both mocked and appreciated as ‘retro cool’ through the ‘80s and ‘90s. (The good news is – that cheapo lawn bird you bought for 5 bucks will soon be worth 50!)
— “South Florida Sun-Sentinel”

• In Spain, a woman has been arrested after cheating her ex-husband out of ransom money by faking the kidnapping of their 15-year-old son … 3 times! When the greedy mom made a 4th attempt, the lame-brain dad finally got suspicious and hired a private detective to unravel the scam. The woman and 5 accomplices are now facing charges … including the son.
• In Germany, a ‘love witch’ in Munich has been ordered to refund the $1,300 fee she collected for casting a spell that failed. The witch’s female client, who was trying to get a lover back who left her 3 years ago, finally complained to authorities after performing the prescribed ritual each month for 6 months … under a Full Moon.
• In Afghanistan, warlord-turned-construction mogul Gul Agha Sherazi has announced he’s turning the infamous Tora Bora caves where Osama Bin Laden once hid into a … $10 million resort. The development will include hotels and restaurants in the same mountainous region where 2 journalists have been killed in the past month.

Close to 40,000 Russians have spent a total of $600 million at the first-ever “Millionaire Fair” in Moscow’s Expo Center. The event included beautiful models showing off the world’s most expensive phones; thoroughbred racehorses worth $1 million apiece;  a Bugatti Veyron sports car priced at $1.5 million; and private helicopters costing between $500,000 and $2 million. The organizer says Russians are now among the biggest spenders in the world, along with Arabs, and the Russian market is now in the top 3 for every luxury brand.
– “GQ”

The modern trend to constructing mammoth homes in suburbia may lead to an unforseen outcome. Futurists says the plethora of so-called ‘McMansions’ that Baby Boomers have built over the past 15 years will soon become 21st-century ‘rooming houses’. Why? The cash-strapped owners and empty-nesters, looking for extra income to help offset rising costs, higher taxes, increasing debt load and lower home equity will take in boarders, just like people did in the old days. (Someday transients will be looking for room and board … in a gated community.)
– “Trends Journal”

• ‘The Laundry Rug’ – Hey students, now you can just toss your dirty ginch on this ultra-convenient floor mat. When you’ve accumulated a decent pile of laundry, just pick the rug up by the side handles and a drawstring around the edge converts it into a laundry bag … so you can tote it over to mom’s house.
• ‘Self-Stirring Stainless Steel Mug’ – British inventors have created this handy dandy cup with a tiny, battery-powered propeller in the base that stirs your tea or coffee at the touch of a button. The mugs can even clean themselves … just put in a little hot water and dish detergent and push the button. A real wrist-saver for only $23.75!
• ‘The Remote Controlled Fart Machine’ – This natural successor to the whoopee cushion is an electronic noise generator with a remote controller that works from up to 100 feet away. It even works through walls! Perfect for lightening up the mood at stuffy funerals.

10% fewer people born in the month of NOVEMBER go on to develop Multiple Sclerosis than the general population. No one knows why.
– BBC News


1942 [64] Larry Flynt, Salyersville KY, sleazy magazine publisher (“Hustler”)/video producer (“Barely Legal”)

1962 [44] Anthony Kiedis, Grand Rapids MI, rock singer (Red Hot Chili Peppers-“Dani California”)

1963 [43] ‘Big’ Kenny (Alphin), Culpeper VA, country singer (Big & Rich-“Comin’ To Your City “)

1963 [43] Rick Allen (Cyril), Sheffield UK, one-armed rock drummer (Def Leppard-“Photograph”)

1969 [37] Tie (Tahir) Domi, Windsor ON, retired 16-year NHL veteran (Toronto Maple Leafs) going through messy divorce

1972 [34] Jenny McCarthy, Chicago IL, movie actress (“Scary Movie 3”, “Scream 3”)/1994 “Playboy” ‘Playmate of the Year’/movie actor Jim Carrey’s girlfriend

1972 [34] Toni Collette, Sydney, Australia, movie actress (“Little Miss Sunshine”, “The Hours”)

• “All Hallows” or “All Saints’ Day” (begun in 835 AD), a Roman Catholic ‘Holy Day of Obligation’ (aren’t they all?). It’s a national holiday in the Philippines when families gather to honor the dead, but it sometimes gets out of control. Filipino police have been cracking down on drunkenness, gambling and kidnapping … in graveyards.

• “Dia de los Muertos” (“Day of the Dead”) in Mexico. Actually the observance covers 2 days – TODAY, “All Saints Day”, is set aside for remembrance of deceased infants and children (‘angelitos’). TOMORROW, “All Soul’s Day”, is for those who died as adults. For a memorial observance it’s pretty festive, with colorful adornments, lively reunions at family burial plots, fireworks, and special foods. Departed souls are remembered with ‘Dead Men’s Bread’ which is decorated with sugar skulls. (“Please Mom, can I have the eye socket?”)

• “National Authors Day” in America, observed since 1929. It’s the ‘write’ time to appreciate the great minds who touch lives with the color of words.

• “National Family Literacy Day”, the 13th annual showcasing family literacy programs across the country.

•  “Take Our Kids to Work Day”, as some 400,000 Grade 9 students across Canada participate in the 13th annual event in 75,000-plus workplaces. The idea is for kids to see what it’s really like on-the-job with a parent or volunteer host. (What would be the worst job for a kid to shadow? Undertaker? Proctologist? Teacher?)

• “Vegan World Day”, an international focal point for celebrating veganism, a term invented by Donald Watson in 1944. This is the 62nd anniversary of ‘The Vegan Society’, whose members do not eat meat, fish, dairy products, eggs, or any other animal product; they are sometimes called ‘strict vegetarians’. In fact, true vegans do not use ANY products derived from animals, such as fur or leather. (Hey, nice plastic shoes, dude!)

2002 [04] Tim Allen’s “Santa Clause 2”opens in movie theaters (the 3rd movie in the series,  “The Santa Clause 3: The Escape Clause”, opens FRIDAY)

1939 [67] The poem (and later song) “Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer” 1st appears in a promotional pamphlet for Chicago’s Montgomery Ward department store

1913 [93] 1st ‘Forward Pass’ in football (Knute Rochne’s Notre Dame Fighting Irish use it to beat Army 35-13)

1914 [92] 1st ‘Modern Bra’ invented by Mary Jacob of NYC

1924 [82] 1st US-based NHL franchise is founded (Boston Bruins)

1966 [40] NFL awards New Orleans Saints a franchise on “All Saints Day”

1946 [60] 1st ‘Basketball Association of America’ (later changed to NBA) game as NY Knickerbockers defeat Toronto Huskies 68-66 (seats go for 75 cents – a tad less than what the Raptors now charge)

1952 [54] 1st English TV play-by-play of NHL (Foster Hewitt announces Boston at Toronto)

1959 [47] 1st NHL goaltender to wear a ‘Goalie Mask’ (Jacques Plante-Montréal Canadiens)

[Thurs] Devilled Egg Day
[Thurs] 7th Latin Grammy Awards (NYC)
[Thurs] “The OC” season 4 premiere
[Thurs] Men Make Dinner Day
[Fri] Rolling Stones play Vancouver
[Fri] Sandwich Day
[Fri] Housewives’ Day
[Sat] Governor General’s Performing Arts Awards Gala (Ottawa)
[Sat] 21st Gemini Awards Gala (Richmond BC)
[Sun] New York City Marathon
This Week Is … World Communication Week
This Month Is … Celebrate Empty Nester Month


A totally unscientific survey suggests that your choice of cocktail reveals details of your personality. For instance …
• Beer – You may be blue collar but you’re a simple, straight-forward reliable old pal.
• Bloody Mary – You need an excuse to start drinking before lunch.
• Champagne – You’re reserved and classy … or maybe a stripper.
• Chardonnay – You know what you like. Boring. Predictable. The missionary position of white wine.
• Cosmopolitan – Prissy and passé. Favored by Jimmy Choo fans who spend all their money on shoes but live in rathole apartments. Rapidly becoming an old lady drink.
• Galliano – You’re a waterbed, lava lamp, reel-to-reel, gold chain-wearing, wall-to-wall shag carpet loving, swinging ‘70s disco fool.
• Margarita – You’re fun, good in the sack, and naughty with a sense of style. If you don’t have it with salt, you’re a wimp.
• Mojito – You’re not afraid to try new things, have low frustration tolerance and are prone to wild rages.
• Pinot Grigio – You’re pretentious or don’t know what you like. You follow the herd.
• Rob Roy – You’re an alcoholic.
• Rum (or Rye) & Coke – You’ve been arrested for assault once or twice.
• Sidecar – The last time you got lucky was in 1932.
• Sour Apple Martini – You have a sense of fun but overindulgence might cause dancing on tables and/or bad karaoke singing.
• Tequila – You’re not afraid of spending a little time in jail.
• Vodka Martini – Sophisticated. You’re classy, old school or a ‘James Bond’ wannabe.
• Vodka On the Rocks – You want to get drunk as fast as possible.
• Vodka Red Bull – Party person, young, possible cokehead.
• Whisky Sour – You’ve read the ‘Have a Cocktail’ placemat at the diner once too often.
– “Waiter Rant”

• The national sport of Japan is …
a. Karate.
b. Sumo wrestling. [CORRECT]
c. Origami.

• Aerosmith’s “Dude Looks Like a Lady” was apparently written about …
a. Vince Neil of Motley Crue. [CORRECT]
b. Michael Jackson.
c. Steven Tyler of Aerosmith.

• The first of these opened up 44 years ago in Rogers, Arkansas.
a. Discount funeral home.
b. Discount Wal-Mart department store. [CORRECT]
c. Discount house of ill repute.

In the upcoming local elections, I’m voting for this guy Royal LePage. He seems to have the most lawn signs.

Today’s Question: A majority of women still wear THIS, the same one they wore on their wedding day.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Brand of perfume.


Wise men change their minds, fools never.

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