Thursday, October 20, 2005        Edition: #3141
You’re Up to Your Eyeballs in Sheet!

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
Actor Michael J Fox will guest star in 3 upcoming episodes of “Boston Legal”, playing a rich businessman with lung cancer (he’s actually been fighting Parkinson’s Syndrome for several years) . . . Actress Portia de Rossi is reportedly pushing her partner Ellen DeGeneres to be more ambitious and jump into the late-night talk show arena . . . Director Steven Spielberg has been commissioned to develop 3 new computer games for leading game publisher Electronic Arts . . . 49-year-old actor Mel Gibson now owns 3 homes in Malibu CA, the latest being a $24-million, 6-bedroom, 10-bathroom hovel complete with gym, library, office & elevator (hey, with 7 kids, he needs the space!) . . . Word has it 19-year-old “OC” actress Mischa Barton is now demanding a 6-figure salary – per episode – because she feels she’s the star of the show & her pay should reflect it (not to mention she recently swapped her billion-heir boyfriend for a musician) . . . “SpongeBob SquarePants” will soon debut in 120-million Chinese households (whoa, seems the ‘cultural revolution’ is long over) . . . British writer Andrew Morton, the notorious unauthorized biographer of several royal family members, is said to be researching an exposé on Tom Cruise and his Scientology comrades . . . And “Details” magazine has published its annual list of the ‘50 Most Powerful Men Under 39′, which ranks little Maddox Jolie (adopted son of Angelina) ahead of Matt Damon & Leo DiCaprio – even though he’s only 4-years-old!

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• The Killers – They continued playing at a recent gig at Las Vegas’ Hard Rock Hotel, unaware that a nearby palm tree had caught fire after a hotel guest flicked a cigarette from a balcony. Among the audience members who ran for cover: Paris Hilton, Kimberly Stewart & Bijou Phillips.
• Melissa Etheridge – TONIGHT she appears on “Late Show With David Letterman”.
• Rod Stewart – TODAY he does the “Ellen DeGeneres Show”. He’ll no doubt be gabbing about the ‘water birth’ he & pregnant fiancée Penny Lancaster are planning for the baby they’re expecting in DECEMBER.
• Spice Girls – 33-year-old former ‘Ginger Spice’, Geri Halliwell, is expecting a baby with screenwriter Sacha Gervasi (“The Terminal”), said to be her ‘secret boyfriend’ since JUNE.
• Weezer – TONIGHT they perform on the “Tonight Show With Jay Leno”.

COMING ATTRACTIONS:
Paramount Pictures will release the first of a trilogy of new animated films about “The Smurfs” in 2008, to coincide with the 50th anniversary of the debut of the little blue guys . . . Actress Jennifer Connelly is in talks to co-star with Leonardo DiCaprio in “Blood Diamond”, about an American diamond smuggler and the syndicate that controls the African diamond mining industry . . . In the upcoming drama “The Family Stone”, Diane Keaton will play a breast cancer survivor and has agreed to appear with a fake mastectomy in a love scene . . . 23-year-old actress Kirsten Dunst has just signed to star in a biopic about Marla Ruzicka, the US relief worker killed by a suicide bomber in Iraq . . . And Dunst says “Spiderman 3″ will be her last portrayal of ‘Mary Jane Watson’ – unless she’s offered an ‘exorbitant amount of money’.

TOWARD FLATTER ABS … AND SHIRTS:
Ironing burns 70 calories every half-hour, says Ingrid Johnson, a textiles professor at the Fashion Institute of Technology in New York. Her studies show that people iron all sorts of garments, from underwear to gym clothes. Some of her ironing tips …
• Use tap water rather than distilled water.
• When using starch, spray it all over the garment, roll the piece into a ball and allow it to be absorbed into the cloth for 30 seconds or so before ironing.
• When finished ironing, hang up the garment and allow the press to set for about 5 minutes.
– “Denver Post”

‘RED STATES’ HAVE THE BLUES:
A new study published in the “Journal of Religion & Society” has concluded that countries with a widespread religious belief are actually worse off than those which are more secular. The study finds more religiously-inclined nations have higher rates of murder, abortion, suicide, STDs & teen pregnancy. The study notes that secular nations such as the Scandinavian countries experience far fewer social problems … without having to spout rules on morality.
– “The Times”

TOO STUPID FOR US TO MAKE UP:
• TODAY a Loveland OH woman is due for a court hearing because she hasn’t paid an income tax bill of – $1.16. She’s facing up to 18 months in jail and $4,000 in fines. So why doesn’t she just pay? She says she can’t afford the $200 in late fees!
• A pair of 6-year-old boys in Pawtucket RI got into a fist fight after one dropped his pacifier and the other wouldn’t give it back. The mother of one boy called cops; she wanted the fight documented because her son had 3 minor scratches on his face and she didn’t want to be accused of abuse. What we want to know is – what the heck’s a 6-year-old doing with a pacifier?
• A 41-year-old Belgian woman was part of the wedding party when her ex-husband married her hairdresser in a gay wedding. Tania Van Rysselberghe says she would have felt more ashamed had he fallen for another woman. After she saw how happy her hubby & his new partner were, she decided she wanted to be at his wedding as his – ‘Best Woman’.
• The state of Washington is refusing to give a pair of bow hunters a $5,000 reward for reporting the location of a field where they found more than 1,000 marijuana plants growing. Why? The reward was created to solicit tips from pot smokers … and the hunters are clean & sober law-abiding citizens.

SIGNS SHE’S INTERESTED IN YOU:
Women who move their bodies frequently while talking with you are trying to get your attention.
Laughter is a sign she thinks you’re cute and funny, but guffaws signal she’d rather be with someone else. If she’s touching herself, like flipping her hair, fixing her clothes, playing with her jewelry … she’s hot for ya.
– “Men’s Health Magazine”

CIRCLE OF SAGS:
According to the medical journal “Plastic & Reconstructive Surgery”, human faces show their age in a clockwise direction. The first part of the face to sag is the right eye, then the right side of the jaw, and so on in a circular motion.
– ANI

FROM THE BS POLL VAULT:
A snapshot of who we are and what we do …
• 80% of Internet users under 18 get ‘inappropriate’ spam e-mail on a daily basis.
• 63% of men think ‘straight teeth’ are more important to a woman’s good looks than her bra size.
• 58% of men say they’d date a much younger woman but only 17% of women would date a much younger man.
• 41% of those faking illness to get a day off work think their boss knows they’re faking it.
• 22% of us have a fear of being buried alive.
• 21% of men and 12% of women have been unfaithful to their spouses in the past 5 years.

HOW TO IMPROVE YOUR MOVE:
A new guide from the Association of Movers says the stress of moving, thought to be the 3rd-most stressful event after marriage and divorce, can be eased if you do it on the right day. You should avoid Fridays at all costs, according to the guide, and Mondays aren’t good either. The best day? Tuesday, apparently the quietest day for movers that also offers the least problems. If you’re behind on your rent, pick any day – but make it 4 am.
– “Focus”

EGG READINGS:
According to psychologist Dr Beryl West, how you like your eggs reveals a lot about you …
Sunny-side up … You are optimistic & easygoing.
Hard-boiled … You’re a no-nonsense type, quick to form opinions.
Soft-boiled … .You’re gentle, sensitive & neat, but not always easy to please.
Scrambled … You’re agreeable & steady, you go with the flow.
Over easy … You are very precise & know exactly what you want out of life.
Poached … You are very orderly & don’t like to see anything out of its place.
Omelets … You enjoy taking risks.

THE BULL SHEET 10.20.2K5

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1950 [55] Tom Petty, Gainesville FL, classic rock singer (“Free Falling”)  FACTOID: He’ll be presented the ‘Century Award’ at the “Billboard Music Awards” in Las Vegas DECEMBER 6th.

1958 [47] Viggo Mortensen, NYC, movie actor (“A History of Violence”, “Lord of the Rings” trilogy)

1971 [34] Snoop Dogg (Cordozar Calvin Broadus), Long Beach CA, rap artist (“Signs”, “Drop It Like It’s Hot”)/movie actor (“Old School”)

BS REASON TO PARTY . . .
TODAY is “National Brandied Fruit Day”. Yeehaw, let’s hear it for booze with a pit!

TODAY through Sunday is the 13th annual “Biketoberfest” in Daytona Beach FL. Family-friendly festivities include races, charity rides and live entertainment.
NET: http://www.biketoberfest.org

TODAY’S MUSIC EVENT . . .
1962 [43] Halloween classic “The Monster Mash” by Bobby ‘Boris’ Picket & the Crypt Kickers hits #1

TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1818 [187] 49th parallel established as western Canada-US border

    1865 [140] Ottawa becomes capital of Canada

1928 [77] Republican party 1st makes election promise of “a chicken in every pot, a car in every garage” (and WMD in every Middle Eastern country)

TODAY’S RECORD . . .
1968 [37] Likely the ‘Largest Ever Pre-Nuptial Agreement’ as Jackie Kennedy weds Greek shipping magnate Aristotle Onassis after signing 173-PAGE deal that includes a guarantee of separate bedrooms

1993 [12] Toronto and Philadelphia set MLB records for longest (4:14) and highest-scoring (29) World Series game (Blue Jays finally win 15-14)

COMING UP . . .
[Fri] Babbling Day
[Fri] Reptile Day
[Sun] 3rd Western Canadian Music Awards (Vancouver)
[Sun] Canned Food Day
[Sun] TV Talk Show Host Day
[Sun] Mother-In-Laws Day
[Mon] United Nations Day
This Week Is . . . Kraut Sandwich Week
This Month Is . . . Family History Month

BULL’S BITS

BS SIGNS YOU’VE RENTED A BAD MOVIE:
• Hayden Christiansen has a speaking part.
• Your spouse is really enjoying the film.
• None of the original stars are in the sequel.
• You’re confused by the plot and the opening credits haven’t even rolled.
• You notice the strings holding up the UFOs.
• The DVD is kinda sticky.
• The actors are speaking Japanese … the subtitles are in Greek.

BS HORRIBLESCOPES:
Use ‘em all at once or one-at-a-time as the zodiac reading of the day …
• Aries – You will contemplate nothingness today … but somethingness will keep intruding upon your thoughts.
• Taurus – Today someone will tell you that you run funny. Just ignore them … and be glad they didn’t see you throw a baseball.
• Gemini – Today you will discover a lot of money under your pillow! Unfortunately, it won’t begin to cover the cost of the dentures that you will also discover a sudden need for.
• Cancer – Excellent day to make odd hand gestures at people you don’t know. Perhaps you should wear a helmet?
• Leo – Oh, go ahead! You know you want to. Besides, nobody is watching.
• Virgo – Those “Seinfeld” references you’ve been using are getting a little stale. Time to move on to a more recent sit-com.
• Libra – You’ll realize it might be time to cut back on the coffee when your co-workers start referring to you as ‘Washroom Wendy’.
• Scorpio –  In a rather bizarre and unfortunate turn of events today, your lips will go ballistic. Shortly thereafter, your Ziggy Marley accent will kick in.
• Sagittarius – Try to work the word ‘ineffable’ into your conversation today. It turns out that most people believe any sentence that has the word ‘ineffable’ in it. Such as that one.
• Capricorn – You’ll realize you’re spending too much time at the computer when you start thinking the router and the cable modem are winking at each other a bit too much.
• Aquarius – Not a good day to discuss sauerkraut. At least, not if you value your friendships and your sanity.
• Pisces – Uh oh! The cows have come home and the fat lady is about to sing. Better come up with some new excuses … quick!

BS Q & A:
Q: Why is the period of warm weather in Autumn called “Indian Summer”?
A: The short answer is, no one really knows for sure. The first usage is attributed to Frenchman St John de Crevecoeur, who wrote in a 1778 letter about the “calm and warmth which is called Indian Summer”. There are several possible explanations for the name, one being that this was a good time for American Indians to hunt because the mild weather encouraged animals to come out and the haziness of the air gave hunters an advantage.

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: 50 billion of THESE are consumed each year worldwide.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Aspirin.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
Justice: A decision in your favor.


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