Monday, October 18, 2004        Edition: #2889
Sheeters Always Prosper!

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
• Some celebs, especially if they are embarking on an acting career, might try to button up their collars a bit after a sex scandal or 3. Not Paris Hilton. FRIDAY night she hosted what is threatening to become an annual event, “The Red Party”, a nightclub bash inspired by the ‘ambience of the red light district of Amsterdam’. Party on, Paris!
– LA Comfidential
• DreamWorks and director Sam Mendes have announced they will produce “Shrek: The Musical” for Broadway. Jason Moore will direct the production, which is slated for a 2006 debut.
– E! Online
• Elizabeth Taylor is being sued by the descendants of Margarete Mauthner,  a German woman whose possessions were grabbed by the Nazis in the 1930s, for the return of the van Gogh painting “View Of The Asylum of Saint-Remy”, which Taylor’s father bought at auction 40 years ago.
– “PeopleNews”
• There’s a secret reason why Lisa Marie Presley has been packing on pounds and is rushing to the altar with guitarist Michael Lockwood. Elvis’ 36-year-old daughter was shattered when her close friend, punk rocker Johnny Ramone, died at age 55, and she’s now determined to start living her own life to the fullest. Or there could be another reason: friends speculate she may be pregnant!
– “National Enquirer”
• The just-published annual ‘Power Issue’ places these music acts among the celebs with the most show biz clout – Jay-Z, Lil Jon, OutKast, Prince, Usher, Kanye West, and country artists Gretchen Wilson and Big & Rich .
– “Entertainment Weekly”
• Actress Kirsten Dunst seems to regret her split from Hollywood hunk Jake Gyllenhaal. She broke up the relationship just LAST MONTH, saying she needed ‘space’. She’s since hung out with actor Josh Hartnett and the dubious Rick Salomon, who made millions by exploiting his sex tape with Paris Hilton. But the other night at a party at LA’s Concorde club, she reportedly fell right back into Gyllenhaal’s arms and, according to a witness, “They were making out like crazy.”
– “NY Post”

WACKED TABLOID HEADLINES:
• “Mr Rogers’ Ghost Terrorizing Children!”
• “Adam & Eve Found Perfectly Preserved in the Iraqi Desert!”
• “Alien Hits on Condi Rice!”
• “Elvis Faked His Own Death!”
• “Reverse Klepto Brings Things Back to Stores!”

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Bono – TODAY he’ll receive a ‘National Civil Rights Museum Freedom Award’ in Memphis TN for his ongoing efforts in championing social causes.
• Melissa Etheridge – The 43-year-old rocker has undergone a successful procedure to remove a lump from her breast and is expected to make a complete recovery.
• Jennifer Lopez – She’s sold her West Coast home that she had built in a Hollywood Hills gated community in 2002. The mansion where she wed Marc Anthony in JUNE fetched $14.5 million.
•  Eric Clapton – The 59-year-old classic rocker has been banned from driving in France and had his British license confiscated after being clocked at 216 km/hr (134 mph) in his Porsche on a French highway … 53 mph over the speed limit!
• Courtney Love – Maybe she’s actually straightening her life out. Word is she not only showed up for her new FRIDAY night guest-hosting radio shift at LA’s INDIE 103 … she came in a day early to scope out the gig.

MY THREE PARENTS:
UK scientists at Newcastle University are seeking permission to carry out experiments that would result in children being born with – 3 biological parents. The technology would involve implanting the nucleus of an embryo from an affected mother into an egg taken from a donor that has been stripped of its nucleus. The idea is to prevent mothers from passing on genetic diseases to their kids. Opponents say that allowing so-called ‘designer babies’ could also lead to an  increase in elderly women having children. (And also cause future children to complain, “I hate you moms and dad.”)
– “The Observer”

MONEY BEATS SCISSORS:
SATURDAY the 3rd annual “World Rock Paper Scissors Championships” were held in Toronto. Amateurs were allowed to compete against ‘professional’ RPS players for the prestigious title of ‘World Champion’ and a whopping $10,000 prize. Winners should be posted sometime this morning here …
NET: http://www.rpschamps.com

WORST JOBS IN SCIENCE:
1. Anal Wart Researcher (aka butt scrutineer)
2. Worm Parasitologist (studies parasitic worms)
3. Lab-Animal Veterinarian (forced to struggle daily with the morality of animal testing)
4. Tampon Squeezer (recovers specimens from used tampons for STD testing)
5. Landfill Monitor (tests old garbage dumps to see if hazardous chemicals are escaping)
– “Popular Science”

MEET ME UNDER THE TABLE:
For the first time ever, a scientific study has compared the drinking ability of men vs women. Surprise! Men are far less capable of retaining self-control when they have been drinking. In fact, men’s loss of inhibition is more than 3 times as great as that of women with the same concentration of alcohol in the blood. Lead psychologist Dr Mark Fillmore says the study disproves the commonly held theory that women don’t hold their liquor very well. The bottom line – men get high more quickly and become more uninhibited. (To confirm the study answer this, guys: When was the last time an old girlfriend came banging on your door at 3 am, then peed on your porch when you wouldn’t answer?)
– OCTOBER issue of the journal “Addiction”.

CAN’T GET YOU OUT OF MY HEAD:
University of Cincinnati professor James Kellaris studies ‘Stuck Tune Syndrome’, his phrase for those annoyingly repetitive pieces of music you can’t quit thinking about. His theory is that certain types of music create a ‘cognitive itch’ in the brain which can only be ‘scratched’ by replaying the tune in your mind. The more the brain scratches, the worse the itch gets. Kellaris claims the easiest way to remove a song from your head is to pass it on to someone else, either by humming the melody or by simply telling them about the song. Then, magically, the tune will stop bothering you. But if that doesn’t do it, a Website called ‘Maim That Tune’ promises to find an even catchier tune to counteract the one stuck in your skull. And to really drive you insane, the songs all seem to have been recreated with a cheap Casio keyboard.
NET: http://prettypictures.com/maim
– “LA Times”

ADIOS SIESTAS:
As Spaniards are pressured to bring their working hours into line with the rest of Europe, the traditional siesta is being put to rest. Only 1 in 10 Spaniards now takes an afternoon nap, even fewer in big cities. One reason is suburban dwellers commute too far to go home in the middle of the day to eat and sleep. And even if they could, lunch breaks are getting shorter. Medical experts say the changing workday is having a big impact on Spaniards, especially those who refuse to give up the tradition of eating dinner after 10 pm and staying up until the early hours. (Another side effect – Spain’s population may decrease. Siesta time was also ‘cootchy-cootchy time’.)
– “Sunday Times of London”

BS AMAZING FACTS:
• SATURDAY Nova Scotia voted to remain the only province in Canada with a year-round ban on Sunday shopping.
• OCTOBER is the most likely month for managers to be fired, according to employment stats. (Well, we can keep our fingers crossed!)

AND WE QUOTE:
“Desperate Housewives” is “Sex & the City” if those 4 women got married, had kids and moved to the suburbs.
– Syracuse University pop culturalist Bob Thompson on this season’s breakout TV hit.

THE BULL SHEET 10.18.2K4

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1926 [78] Chuck Berry, St Louis MO, rock ‘n roll pioneer (“Maybelline”, “Sweet Little 16″, “Johnny B Goode”, “Roll Over Beethoven”, but his biggest hit was the 1972 novelty song “My Ding-A-Ling”)

1935 [69] Peter Boyle, Philadelphia PA, TV actor (Frank Barone on “Everybody Loves Raymond” since 1996)/movie actor (“Monsters Ball”, “Taxi Driver”)

1960 [44] Jean-Claude Van Damme (Van Varenberg) aka ‘The Muscles from Brussels’, Sint-Agatha Berchem, Belgium, movie actor (“Double Team”, “Timecop”) whose career has pretty much tanked

BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
TODAY is “Hurricane Thanksgiving Day” in the Virgin Islands, celebrating the end of hurricane season. We’re sure they’ll be saying thank-you for Charley, thank-you for Frances, thanks a pant-load for Ivan, and thank-you ever-so-much for Jeanne. You can’t accuse them of not being grateful.

TODAY is “Persons Day”, commemorating the anniversary of the 1929 ruling that declared women to be ‘persons’ in Canada (shouldn’t that be ‘people’?). Previously, under English common law, women were persons in matters of pains and penalties, but were not persons in matters of rights and privileges.

TODAY is “Alaska Day”, commemorating the formal transfer of Alaska from Russian to US control on this date in 1867 – one of the sneakiest real estate deals ever! The US paid $7.2 million, or less than 2 cents an acre. Nowadays, millions of dollars worth of oil is piped out of Alaska EVERY DAY.

TODAY is “No Beard Day”, an observance likely started by somebody’s wife somewhere.

5 YEARS AGO . . .
1999 NY Yankees beat Boston Red Sox 6-1 to win their record 36th AL pennant and their 3rd trip to the World Series in 4 years (where they win their record 25th championship)

TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1776 [228] 1st ‘cocktail’ served when the back of a NYC bar is decorated with bird tail feathers and a customer jokingly asks for ‘a glass of those cock tails’ (hmm, guess you had to be there)

1898 [106] Puerto Rico 1st becomes a US colony (hey, thanks for Ricky Martin)

1954 [50] Comic strip “Hi & Lois” 1st appears in newspapers, created by “Beetle Bailey” cartoonist Mort Walker (now a collaboration of Brian & Greg Walker and artist Chance Browne, it appears in more than 1,100 newspapers in 37 countries in 10 languages)

TODAY’S RECORD . . .
1989 [15] World’s ‘largest cake’ weighs in at 128,238 lbs (Fort Payne AL, celebrating its 100th birthday)

COMING UP . . .
[Tues] Evaluate Your Life Day
[Tues] “Ultimate Oliver Stone Collection” 14-disc DVD set released
[Thurs] Babbling Day
[Thurs] Reptile Day
[Thurs] Canadian Urban Music Awards (Toronto)
[Fri] Frankenstein Friday
[Sat] TV Talk Show Host Day
[Sun] Mother-In-Laws Day

THIS WEEK IS . . .
Credit Union Week
Getting the World to Beat a Path to Your Door Week
International Pinball Week
Forest Products Week
Kraut Sandwich Week
Pickled Pepper Week
YMCA Teen Week
Peace With Justice Week

BULL’S BITS . . .
WHY DID THE CHICKEN CROSS THE ROAD?

• Paul Martin – I was unaware the chicken crossed the road. I vaguely remember there being a chicken but that’s all. If someone has let the chickens out they will be held responsible.
• John Kerry – Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road I am now against it.
• George W Bush – We don’t really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road or not. Our side of the road is the right side of the road and the chicken is either against us or for us. There is no middle ground for any chicken.
• Ralph Nader – The chicken’s habitat on the other side of the road had been polluted by unchecked industrial greed. The chicken did not reach the unspoiled habitat on the other side of the road because the wheels of a gas-guzzling SUV crushed it.
• Dr Seuss – Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I’ve not been told.
• Ernest Hemingway – To die in the rain. Alone.
• Grandpa – In my day, we didn’t ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road and that was good enough.
• Colonel Sanders – Did I miss one?

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: 12% of us have dozed off during THIS.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: A conversation.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
Never ask a barber if you need a haircut.

NEW ON OUR SHEET LIST:
BS salutes renewing subscribers Keith Ellert @ CKRW (THE RUSH) Whitehorse YT; and Walo Davila @ WZNT San Juan PR. And a Bull-size welcome to our samplers this week that include Rick Campbell @ WEZJ Williamsburg KY; Monty Eich @ WRN Omaha NE; Nelda Quintero @ WMXJ (MAGIC 102.7) Miami FL; Partyboy Bueller @ KLLY (KELLY 95.3) Bakersfield CA; Kyle Long @ WFSR Harlan KY; Coral Schoug @ CRNC (THE HEAT 90.1) Niagara ON; Barry Wall @ WBHC Hampton SC. Welcome to the pasture all!


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