Tuesday, October 12, 2004        Edition: #2885
Ahhh, Some BS to Look Forward to in the Morning!


TONIGHT the last episode of “Last Comic Standing 3″ was scheduled to air (announcing the $250,000 winner) but NBC-TV cancelled it due to poor ratings, then suggested the winner would be announced between back-to-back episodes of “Father of the Pride” (another loser), then announced it will air ‘at a yet-to-be determined time’ (some people have been following the series religiously – how stupid is this?) . . . TONIGHT Carmen Electra begins an 8-episode search for hunky guys on Bravo TV’s “Manhunt: The Search for America’s Most Gorgeous Male Model” as 15 studs compete for a 1-year contract with the IMG modeling agency . . . Not to be outdone, TONIGHT TBS debuts the reality competition “He’s a Lady”, featuring 11 macho men who think they’re competing in tough physical challenges only to later learn they’re being taught how to live and act like women . . . Also debuting TONIGHT, Spike-TV’s 10-episode reality show “The Club”, which takes us beyond the velvet rope and past the burly bouncers for behind-the-scenes action at Vegas nightclub ‘Ice’ . . . Just in time for the upcoming holiday season – new “CSI” merchandise, including a ‘Facial  Construction Kit’ and a ‘Mini-Forensics Lab’ (“Alright Billy, you’re right the fingerprints show you didn’t steal money from my purse, now put down the scalpel …”) . . . “Two & a Half Men” star Charlie Sheen is attempting to distance himself from his bad-boy past by going through the slow and painful process of having several of his 13 tattoos removed (ow) . . . And here’s a sure sign of the Apocalypse – among the hot Halloween costumes at BuyCostumes.com are the ‘Paris Hilton’ (complete with a stuffed little ‘Tinkerbell’) and the ‘Donald Trump’ mask.

• Yellowcard – TONIGHT they’re on “The Tonight Show With Jay Leno”.
• Eminem – Michael Jackson is said to be ready to sue him over the “Just Lose It” video which depicts Michael playing with young children, pokes fun at his plastic surgery and satirizes the incident when his hair caught fire while filming a Pepsi ad 20 years ago.
• Five For Fighting – TONIGHT they do NBC-TV’s “Last Call With Carson Daly”.
• Keane – The “Somewhere Only We Know” band from the UK is nominated as ‘Best New Act’ for the upcoming “MTV Europe Awards”.
• Low Millions – Singer/songwriter Adam Cohen is French-Canadian by birth and was raised all the world, including a long stint in Paris. As well as with the loose collection of musicians known as Low Millions, he has a separate solo career as a French language artist.
• Shelly Fairchild – “You Don’t Lie Here Anymore” is the debut country single for the Clinton, Mississippi native.
• Miranda Lambert – The “Me & Charlie Talking” singer/songwriter from Lindale TX has been singing most of her life, but first began pursuing music as a career in 2000 when she entered the ‘Tru-Value Talent Search’.
• U2 – The band’s manager has confirmed the band will tour NEXT YEAR, visiting the US, Canada, Europe, Japan and Australia. Fans are warned that bogus tickets are already being sold online. Real tickets are not yet available.

• “The Day After Tomorrow” (Sc-Fi – DVD): Dennis Quaid plays a climatologist who tries to figure out a way to save the world from abrupt global warming. After a series of increasingly severe weather events he tries to get to his 17-year-old son (Jake Gyllenhaal) who’s visiting NYC, which is being taken over by a new ice age. The movie made over $500 million in worldwide box office.
• “Raising Helen” (Comedy – DVD/VHS): Kate Hudson plays a twenty-something career woman who suddenly becomes the guardian of 3 children after her sister and brother-in-law die in a car accident. She must ultimately choose between the life she’s always loved and the new loves of her life.
• “Breakin’ All the Rules” (Comedy – DVD): Jamie Foxx plays a loser who gets fired from his job and dumped by his girlfriend. His cousin (Morris Chestnut), the publisher of a men’s magazine, persuades him to write an instructional book on relationships. Needless to say, the book becomes a best-seller.
• “Stateside” (Drama – DVD): Jonathan Tucker & Rachael Leigh Cook play an outlaw rich kid who lands in the Marine Corps to avoid jail and a crazy actress/pop singer whose career is crashing, a pair of outcasts who cling to their relationship despite everything standing in their way. Director Reverge Anselmo, a former Marine, made the cast pass boot camp in order to participate in the production. Based on a true story.

British historian Dr Tracy Borman has researched some of the common characteristics of female beauty throughout history. Among them …
• Royalty – From the time of Cleopatra, being royal has endowed women with an almost mythical status.
• Wealth – This has been depicted in a variety of ways, from the plumpness of the women in Rubens’s paintings to the elaborateness of the costumes worn by royals and aristocracy.
• Charisma – This goes a long way toward explaining the appeal of such ‘plain-Jane’ women as Mary, Queen of Scots, whose attraction is hard to understand from her portraits.
– BBC “History” magazine.

‘Fluff’ phrases abound in résumés, according to a recent survey by ResumeDoctor.com. The company examined the skills cited by job-seekers on more than 160,000 CVs and found that fully half of them used one or more vague phrases to describe their work skills and experience. The top 5 ‘fluff phrases’ are: ‘communication skills’, ‘team player’, ‘organizational skills’, ‘interpersonal skills’, and ‘driven’. Experts say a more effective résumé shows, rather than tells, what you’ve accomplished. For example: Swap ‘communication skills’ with ‘facilitated 12 leadership development workshops’ or ‘presented monthly financial reports for the board of directors’. (Or ‘Achieved regular advancement by marrying the boss’ daughter’.)
– “Des Moines Register”

No BS – Saddam Hussein has expressed his desire to run for president in the coming Iraqi elections. Speaking for his client, lawyer Giovanni di Stefano tells a Dutch newspaper the former Iraqi dictator has decided to try to regain his presidency and palaces through the democratic process. Since there is not enough time to bring Hussein to trial before the election, technically he is not convicted of any crimes, so there is no international law to prevent him from putting his name on the ballot. Furthermore, Saddam’s lawyer claims the chaotic situation in Iraq favors his client, citing recent polls which indicate up to 42% of Iraqis would like their former leader back. (Ironically, not much different from Dubya.)
– “Zaman Daily News”

Officials in Nigeria are trying to stem the tide of what they call ‘too gay’ hairstyles among their soccer players. In response to a recent trend of top stars braiding their hair and wearing earrings, Nigerian sports administrator Ahmed Lawan is calling for lengthy suspensions for anyone expressing behavior which is ‘culturally unacceptable’ or ‘promotes homosexuality’. A government official has backed up the call for suspensions and urged soccer players to revert to a more natural look, reminding them that ‘in the developing world the braiding of hair and earrings have a sense of homosexuality’. (Nice to see bigotry isn’t limited to the developed world.)
– “This Is London”

Thanks to automatic bill payments, no one noticed that a Winnipeg, Manitoba man died – nearly 2 years ago. It appears that all of his financial obligations were kept up-to-date by bank PACs. An exact cause of death has not been determined but the mummified corpse of the man, said to be in his 50s, bore no sign of foul play or trauma. (Hey, we finally found a guy with fewer friends than [co-host]!)
– FOX News

6-1 New England Patriots
7-1 Philadelphia Eagles
11-1 Indianapolis Colts
14-1 Seattle Seahawks
15-1 Minnesota Vikings, Baltimore Ravens
18-1 Green Bay Packers
19-1 Kansas City Chiefs
20-1 St Louis Rams, Denver Broncos
– Aces Sportsbook

67% of us say it may take up to a week to finish off Thanksgiving leftovers.

• “I’d like to be governor one day, so I will not go down with a felony.”
– Courtney Love telling “Rolling Stone” why she plans to win her legal battles.
• “I’m trying to get my butt perky, and I’m trying to actually get a butt. I have a white-girl bootie, so I’m doing all my squats to lift it a little bit and get some junk in my trunk.”
– Jessica Simpson telling “MTV News” about shaping up for the role of ‘Daisy Duke’ in the bigscreen version of “The Dukes of Hazzard”.


1935 [69] Luciano Pavarotti, Modena ITA, opera singer (“The Three Tenors”) who has announced he’ll retire 1 year from TODAY on his 70th birthday

1968 [36] Hugh Jackman, Sydney AUS, movie actor (“Van Helsing”, “X-Men 1 & 2″)  COMING UP: “X-3″ in 2006.

1969 [35] Martie Seidel Maguire (Martha Elenor Erwin), York PA, country singer/fiddle player (Dixie Chicks-“Landslide”, “Wide Open Spaces”)/sister of Dixie Chick Emily Robison

TODAY is “Farmers Day”, to honor farmers and celebrate all they do.

TODAY is “World Egg Day”, to celebrate the many uses of chicken embyos.

TODAY is “International Moment of Frustration Scream Day” when we’re all encouraged to go outside at 12 noon and bellow for 30 seconds to vent our frustrations. (That way when they’ve locked you up, you’ll feel completely cleansed.)

TODAY in Mexico and throughout Latin America is “Dia de la Raza” (Day of the Race), celebrating all Hispanics everywhere.

THIS WEEK is “Pet Peeve Week”, a great opportunity to allow listeners to give voice to the little things that annoy them.

5 YEARS AGO . . .
1999 According to UN estimates, the world’s population reaches 6 billion

1872 [132] 1st game for ‘Montréal Foot Ball Club’ (an exciting 0-0 tie vs Québec City)

1901 [103] US “Executive Mansion” renamed “The White House”

1934 [70] 1st ‘cheeseburger’ (Kaelin’s Tavern-Louisville KY)

1972 [32] Pamela Ness of Kansas City MO belly dances for record 27 hours

1991 [13] BC Lions QB Doug Flutie breaks Warren Moon’s CFL record for yards passing in a season after 582-yard performance vs Edmonton

[Wed] Bring Your Teddy Bear to Work Day
[Thurs] Be Bald & Be Free Day
[Thurs] National Dessert Day
[Fri] National Grouch Day
[Fri] Ramadan begins (Islam)
This Week Is . . . American Beer Week (aka ‘Pony Piss Week’) / Newspaper Week
This Month Is . . . Seafood Month / Crime Prevention Month


• Pay Toilet – A great idea unless you really have to go and have no change in your pocket.
• Single Tap for Hot & Cold Water – One knob for hot, one for cold was more user-friendly.
• Giant Shetland Pony – Not all genetic engineering serves a purpose.
• Auto-Mind-Reader – Invented by Japanese software engineers, it supposedly ‘lets you hear your own thoughts’.
• Doggie Sweater – What for? Dogs already have fur.
(Ask listeners to contribute more!)
– “Weekly World News”

• If you put cat-fighting young actresses Lindsay Lohan & Hillary Duff into a ring, who would win?
• Should Canada get reparations from Britain for being sold faulty submarines or is it our own damn fault for buying duds on sale?

• What did the word ‘Nile’ mean to ancient Egyptians?
a. Eternal.
b. Life source.
c. Water. [CORRECT]

• According to FBI stats, when are bank robberies LEAST likely to occur?
a. Tuesday afternoon. [CORRECT]
b. Monday morning.
c. Friday afternoon.

• What causes about a quarter of the cable breaks that create electrical blackouts?
a. Tree and branch falls.
b. Erosion.
c. Rats. [CORRECT]

• Of “TV Guide’s” ‘50 Greatest Police Show Characters’, which cop ranks highest?
a. “NYPD Blue’s” ‘Andy Sipowicz’.
b. “Columbo’s” ‘Lieutenant Columbo’. [CORRECT]
c. “Kojak’s” ‘Theo Kojak’.

Today’s Question: When women do THIS, it releases a hormone that actually calms them.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Talk to girlfriends.

A city is a large community where people are lonesome together.

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