Wednesday, October 6, 2004        Edition: #2881
The Most Home Runs in Show Prep!

Young girls swoon – Orlando Bloom has signed to become one of the famous faces in the ‘CK Exclusive Celebrity Model Campaign’ for Calvin Klein NEXT YEAR (and the word is he may appear topless – be still my heart!) . . . Not satisfied with just reality TV, Donald Trump is now negotiating with NBC-TV for a scripted drama series to be set in his NYC skyscraper, Trump Tower (why not just buy the whole network and be done with it?) . . . Oscar-winning actress Charlize Theron (“Monster”) will have a ‘no stunts’ clause written into future movie contracts following her injury on the set of “Aeon Flux” (unfortunately the clause is about 1 neckbrace too late) . . . Oscar-winning actress Renée Zellweger (“Cold Mountain”) says she is taking a year off from movies because she’s sick of the paparazzi and she’d like to spend more time ‘drinking coffee with friends’ (first you gotta find some, hon’) . . . Oscar-winning actor Richard Dreyfuss (“The Goodbye Girl”) says he’s quitting movies – period – after a 40-year career (translation from Hollywoodese – nobody’s hiring him anymore) . . . Aging Oscar-winning screen star Elizabeth Taylor (“Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf?”) is recovering after breaking her back – for the 5th time (soon she’ll catch up to her marriages!).

• Cher – The taking-forever-to-retire singer says she’ll mark her 60th birthday NEXT YEAR by being photographed on a beach in Hawaii … naked. (Doesn’t plastic melt?)
• White Stripes – Singer/guitarist Jack White & movie actress Renee Zellweger have split up after nearly 2 years together.
• Avril Lavigne – She’s been asked to pay $720 to cover damages to a trailer used for a dressing room during a photo-shoot for “Maxim” magazine. Word has it a cabinet, picture frame and wardrobe were all trashed and broken bottles were strewn across the floor.
• Reba McEntire – She’s partnering with the Dillard’s store chain to launch a new line of women’s wear called ‘Reba’, which will emphasize mix-and-match career and casual wear.
• Shania Twain – NOVEMBER 2nd she’ll come home from Switzerland to be honored by her hometown of Timmins ON on ‘Shania Twain Day’, when the ribbon-cutting ceremony for the new Shania Twain Centre will be held.

“Taxi” (PG-13 Crime Comedy) opens TODAY in ‘select theaters’, then everywhere on FRIDAY. In his leading-role debut, former “SNL” trouper Jimmy Fallon plays an inept undercover cop who teams with NYC’s fastest cab driver (Queen Latifah) to catch a gang of female bank robbers. It’s a remake of a 1998 French film that was so popular, it spawned 2 sequels. Fashion model Gisele Bundchen plays one of the robbers, and critics in her native Brazil say she’s been away from home for so long that her Portuguese in the film is not understandable, in fact some of it is  absolutely incomprehensible to anyone who speaks the language.

New terms leaking into the lingo –
• ‘Nanny Envy’ – Feelings of envy directed at your nanny because of the amount of time she gets to spend with your children. (Simple solution … stay home, dumbo!)
• ‘Baked Potato’ – A version of ‘couch potato’, this is someone who watches TV or videos while high on drugs. (“He’s such a baked potato, he watched the entire PBS pledge drive.”)
• ‘Warm Prop’ – A person who appears in the background of a TV show or movie. (“OK, time for the chariot race scene. Send in all those warm props!”)

1. Meg Whitman, President & CEO, eBay
2. Carly Fiorina, Chair & CEO, Hewlett-Packard
3. Andrea Jung, Chair & CEO, Avon Products
4. Anne Mulcahy, Chair & CEO, Xerox Corp
5. Marjorie Magner, Chair & CEO, Citigroup Global Consumer Group
(Oprah Winfrey is 6th.)
– New “Fortune” magazine ranking.

Women in Japan no longer have to suffer the indignity of having their private moments echo throughout the ladies’ room. With a flick of the hand over a sensor they can trigger the sound  of running water from a speaker to camouflage their efforts and save embarrassment. Once a novelty item, the so-called ‘Sound Princess’ is now a standard feature in women’s washrooms throughout Japan. Toto Corporation says more than a half-million of the gizmos have now been sold. (Noises in a men’s room on the other hand are a point of pride.)
– “The Guardian”

Fish are much smarter and brainier than dogs when it comes to learning things, according to a new Oxford University study. Scientists who designed an aquatic obstacle course found that blind Mexican Cave Fish memorized the challenges in just a few hours and even remembered them several months later. (Yeah, but it’s really hard to get your fish to fetch the paper.)

• Some schools in Japan have begun testing student locating microchips with tiny antennae that can be traced by radio. Kids apparently think it’s cool, many attaching the tags to their backpacks. The chips send signals to receivers at school gates. A computer then tracks when a student enters or leaves. Concerns about student safety prompted the idea. (Cutting class just got a lot harder!)
• Mexico’s northern state of Chihuahua is attempting to recruit hundreds of cats. State officials hope to collect as many as 700 felines and send them to an isolated farm village in the mountains, a region where officials estimate there are about a half-million rats in total and about 200 rats per home. (What’s that Pied Piper dude doing these days?)
• A senior executive at Finland’s 3rd largest bank has been was handed a fine near $18,000 … for speeding. He was caught LAST YEAR doing 111 km/hr (69 mph) in an 80-km/hr (50 mph) zone. Why such a big fine? In Finland, fines are levied according to your income. (Wow, I’d get off free!)
• Munich, Germany’s “Oktoberfest”, the world’s biggest festival, ended on the weekend and afterward there were some 4,000 objects left in the lost & found office. Among them – hundreds of mobile phones, wedding rings, underwear, a glass eye, prosthetic limbs, a set of false teeth with one gold tooth, a wheelchair, a store mannequin, and even … secret government papers!
• A wiseguy hacker or perhaps a disgruntled employee has caused problems for British cable TV company NTL. The company’s recorded phone message was somehow changed to … “You are through to NTL customer services. We don’t give a [expletive] about you. We are never here. We just [expletive] you about, basically, and we are not going to handle any of your complaints. Just [expletive] off and leave us alone.” (Thank gawd the local cable company’s not that rude … they have an actual warm body there to tell you in person!)

• According to a study by NYC’s Natural Health & Longevity Resource Center, women who wear bras all day and night seem to have the highest rate of breast cancer. The lowest rates are found among women who never wear them. Bottom line – researchers suggest bras should be worn for less than 12 hours per day. (Hey, we’re just passing that along as a public service.)
• Even hypochondria’s gone digital, another advancement thanks to the Internet. An increasing number of people are browsing medical Websites, then diagnosing themselves incorrectly and seeking treatment they do not need. This has led to the spread of a new condition dubbed ‘cyberchondria’. University of Derby researchers browsing Internet health sites that offer advice on the common symptoms and treatment of a huge range of illnesses, found that misleading or vague advice could easily lead people to incorrectly diagnose their symptoms. (Forget the cancer worries, you’re gonna get carpal tunnel from all that time on the Web!)
• Your heart may soon a have a new best friend – your pants. UK scientists have developed unique vibrating pants that can help relieve heart patients of angina pain. Designed by scientists at the Yorkshire Clinic, the trousers enhance blood flow to the heart, thus providing it with sufficient oxygen. (This is nothing new! [Co-host] invented vibrating pants years ago.)

YESTERDAY 38 base jumpers from 16 countries jumped off China’s tallest building, the 421-meter (1381-ft)  Jinmao Tower at Shanghai’s 2nd annual “International Base Jumping Show”. They jumped alone, in pairs, and in formations of up to 16 people.


1955 [49] Tony Dungy, Jackson MI, NFL head coach (Indianapolis Colts)

1963 [41] Elisabeth Shue, Wilmington DE, movie actress (Oscar-“Leaving Las Vegas”)

1966 [38] Tim Rushlow, Midwest City OK, country singer (Little Texas-“Kick a Little”)

1973 [31] Ioan Gruffudd [YO-an GRIFF-ith], Cardiff, Wales, movie actor (“King Arthur”)

[Texas] “Come and Take It Day”
[USA] German-American Day

TODAY is “Frugal Fun Day”, celebrating ways of having a good time without spending a whole lot of money. For instance, have your kids hold a hand-mirror flat in front of them and try to walk around the house. It’ll give them the illusion they’re walking on the ceiling. Or how about visiting the public library to borrow videos and CDs to take home – at no charge whatsoever. And you can clean up on freebies by visiting a local trade show – exhibitors typically hand out free shirts, hats, books, magazines, CDs, software, fridge magnets … you name it! Or maybe test drive all the vehicles you couldn’t possibly afford to buy? (Ask listeners for more tips on cheap kicks.)

TODAY is “Physician Assistant Day”, honoring all those nice people who order you to take off all your clothes and put the gown on. And make sure the opening’s at the back! If you are going to be in a waiting room this morning, call us with the oldest magazine you can find.

THIS WEEK is “Get Organized Week”. The National Association of Professional Organizers finds that managers spend an average of 6 weeks each year searching their desks for misplaced information.

THIS MONTH is “Auto Battery Safety Month”. All drivers should know how to jump-start a dead vehicle battery. Incorrectly jumped batteries can explode, causing blinding injuries.

1996 [08] Country stars Tim McGraw & Faith Hill get married but postpone the honeymoon in order to resume their joint tour 4 days later

1893 [111] Breakfast staple “Cream Of Wheat” is introduced by Nabisco Foods

1967 [37] Canada’s ‘greatest precipitation in 24 hours’ as 489.2 mm falls at Ucluelet/Brynnor Mines BC

[Thurs] 15th International Bluegrass Music Awards (Louisville KY)
[Fri] 2nd US Presidential debate (St Louis)
[Fri] National Denim Day
[Sat] World Monopoly Championship (Tokyo)
[Mon] Emergency Nurses Day
[Mon] Columbus Day (USA)
[Mon] Thanksgiving Day (No “BS” service)
[Tues] World Egg Day
This Week Is . . . Port Week
This Month Is . . . Month of the Hedgehog


So much to do, so little time before checking in Friday …
• Knit little lambs-wool sweaters to keep cell rats warm and cosy.
• Come up with 30 new shades of grey for ‘Martha Stewart Paints’.
• Fashion a cookie cutter that makes little gingerbread electric chairs.
• Start marketing new “Martha Stewart Soap-on-a-Rope.”
• Send warden a nice quilt handmade from $100 bills.
• Fashion stylish prison shiv by sharpening toothbrush and encrusting with glitter.
• Crochet toilet-seat doily, because metal can be uncomfortably cold in the morning.
• Bake 5-layer white-chocolate cake with framboise ganache. Place file between layers. Freeze.
• Pack a hot-glue gun to make festive wreaths out of prison hair-salon clippings.
• Start work on new book “Minimum Security With Maximum Flair”.
• Ask Cynthia Nixon how to say “Sorry, I’m not interested” in Lesbianese.
• Berate domestic staff while there’s still time.
• Roll around in a huge freakin’ pile of money one last time.

A babysitter is a teenager who comes in to act like an adult while the adults go out and act like teenagers.

Today’s Question: THIS is the #1 thing boys under age 14 hate about having younger brothers and sisters.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: The attention they get from women.

The farther away the future is, the better it looks.

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