Wednesday, October 29, 2003           Edition: #2654
We’ve Gone Bullistic!

P Diddy’s clothing line ‘Sean John’ is being investigated by a workers’ rights group for allegedly using laborers from a Honduran sweatshop (so much for all that marathon charity goodwill he’s built up) . . . Dinosaur rocker David Bowie & model wife Iman have inked a deal to appear in their first ad campaign together, for designer Tommy Hilfiger’s new ‘H Hilfiger’ line debuting NEXT SPRING . . . Contrary to buzz, MGM Studios has announced there will NOT be a spin-off movie based on Halle Berry’s character ‘Jinx’ from the ‘James Bond’ flick “Die Another Day” (a rumor no doubt started by Halle) . . . Check out this couple – “Miss Congeniality” actress Sandra Bullock is reportedly crazy about her new boyfriend, 5-time “Tour De France” winner Lance Armstrong, who just recently separated from his wife (Sandra, check him out before breeding – he’s missing one!) . . . Latest word is Gwyneth Paltrow & Coldplay singer Chris Martin are now planning a romantic wedding at Britains’ luxurious Bovey Castle on Dartmoor NEXT SUMMER, where the owner has agreed to seal off the entire 274-acre estate from the prying press (these 2 are about to eclipse the mark for tedious wedding plans set by ‘Bennifer’)  . . . Great news! Justin Timberlake & Cameron Diaz are planning to both take a year off work so they can spend more time together, beginning the end of JANUARY after he completes his European tour (hey guys, take a decade!) . . . Britney Spears’ 5-day promotional tour of Britain has racked up $160,000 in hotel bills alone . . . Enrique Iglesias is in talks to appear in “Sex & the City”, brilliantly cast as a sexy Spaniard . . . Mariah Carey’s has picked up J-Lo’s fired manager Benny Medina, the man many say is responsible for making her a mega-star . . . Icelandic singer and weird fashion queen Bjork arrived at the “AS Fashion Show” in California wearing – a green tongue (don’t do it kids!) . . . And 58-year-old wrinkle rocker Rod Stewart tells “Radio Times” that Elton John (whom he refers to as ‘Sharon’) is fat and wears a fake-looking wig, and he also calls Sting “Mr Serious who helps the Indians” (meow!).

New terms leaking into the lingo –
• ‘The New Old’ – The Baby Boom generation as it moves into retirement. The banking, brokerage & insurance industries are already adjusting to service retirees who will live longer and therefore have to finance almost a third of their lives after retirement.
• ‘Keyboard Dyslexia’ – Typing all the correct letters, but in the wrong sequence. Occurs most often when dashing off an e-mail response.
• ‘Meeting Prep’ – The pre-meeting ritual of going to the washroom and getting a cup of coffee.

According to a recent survey of close to 3,500 married people, a woman is most likely to cheat during the first 5 years of marriage, then the likelihood tapers off gradually with time. Men, on the other hand, are most likely to cheat during 2 periods of their lives – during the first 5 years of marriage and again, after the 20th year. (Advice: Let him buy a sports car and get over it.)

A new Duke University study has found that prayer appears to have NO effect on patients undergoing heart surgery. Researchers followed the progress of 750 patients, half of whom were prayed for by a team of Christians, Jews, Buddhists & Muslims. Those who were prayed for fared no better than those who were not. (In an attempt to debunk the research, a group of religious leaders was found wandering around in front of the hospital asking, “Can you hear me now? … can you hear me now? … can you …)

Highlights of a new Barna Research Group poll on the afterlife …
• 76% of respondents believe in heaven and 71% in hell, about the same as a decade ago.
• Of those who believe in heaven & hell, 64% think they’re bound for heaven but only one-half of 1% think they’re on the highway to hell.
• About 30% think it is possible to communicate with the dead.
• 13% believe hell is just a symbol of an ‘unknown bad outcome after death’.
• 10% of so-called ‘born-agains’ also believe in reincarnation, which violates Christian doctrine.
• Just 5% say there is no afterlife, and a further 5% say they aren’t sure.

A TV show called “The Block” will become the first Australian reality series to go international as FOX-TV in the US and ITV in Britain have already bought the rights to produce local versions and there are on-going negotiations in a dozen other countries. The show’s premise has a group of cutesy couples taking over an entire rundown apartment block and renovating the identical apartments. Whoever gets the highest auction price for their reno-ed apartment wins the cash prize. The final installment of the series LAST SUMMER was Australia’s highest rated TV show in 15 years.

According to Leatrice Eiseman, the executive director of the Pantone Color Institute, green is now the ‘new neutral’, and yellow is the ‘new orange’. (And tomorrow they’ll be announcing the new executive director.)

The “Guinness World Record” for ‘largest piece of chocolate’ has been shattered in Perugia, Italy during the town’s 10th annual “Eurochocolate Fair”. A gigantic chocolate has been unveiled that towers over 2-meters-high (6-and-a-half feet), weighs 6 metric tonnes (6.6 tons), and took over 1,000 hours to create. (Next week the town expects to set a new record for the world’s largest acne breakout.)

TODAY Napster 2.0 goes online, the reincarnation of the formerly free download site that was forced out of business. The new Napster is offering a unique twist – pre-paid cards which will be available in about 14,000 retail outlets by mid-NOVEMBER. The ‘Napster Card’ will offer 15 downloads for $14.85, allowing music fans to bypass the need for a credit card to permanently download music and – for the first time – to easily give the gift of digital music through a gift card. (Now there’s a nifty on-air giveaway!)

• An Egypt Air pilot delayed his plane’s take-off for 3 hours because he claimed one of the passengers was – too fat. He wasn’t worried about getting aloft, just that the woman might have emergency medical problems during the flight to Dubai. (“Will that be first class or cargo?”)
• Kil-Kare Speedway in Xenia OH has added an odd attraction to its program – ‘School Bus Racing’. Yup, actual big ol’ yellow buses racing on a  3/4-mile, figure-8 track. If that’s not wild enough, the 15-lap race is followed by a ‘School Bus Demolition Derby’, an event that broke out by accident at an early bus race. (Do the students get home in time for supper?)
PHONER: 937.426.2764
• Cops needed tear gas to disperse a riot at the Kinyui Boys School in Kenya. A mob of hundreds of teens set fire to the school, ransacked the kitchens and looted computers during a 3-hour rampage. Why? The teachers have banned disco nights. (At an all-boys’ school?)
• A police station near Strasbourg, France is stuck with a room full of homeless – garden gnomes. Some 75 of them were recovered 2 years ago after a group called the ‘Garden Gnome Liberation Front’ set them free on the steps of a local cathedral. THIS WEEK’S special ‘Gnome Return Day’ attracted only a trickle of owners, so the cops are forced to continue babysitting the little folk. They may be sold in a future police auction. (It’s untrue that World Vision is considering starting up an ‘Adopt-A-Gnome’ program.)

“Chicago Tribune” reports the hot local costume for Halloween may be ‘Steve Bartman’. He’s the Chicago fan who interfered with a foul ball in Game 6 of the NLCS, which many say doomed the long-suffering Cubs. To dress like Bartman, you need to wear headphones, a Cubs cap and a sweatshirt from the Renegades youth baseball team.


1947 [56] Richard Dreyfuss, Brooklyn NY, movie actor (“Mr Holland’s Opus”, Oscar-“The Goodbye Girl”)

1965 [38] Peter Timmins, Toronto ON, pop/rock musician (Cowboy Junkies-“Misguided Angel”)

1971 [32] Winona Ryder (Horowitz), Winona MN, movie actress (“Mr Deeds”, “Girl Interrupted”) sentenced in 2002 to 480 hours of community service, 3 years probation, plus restitution & fine on shoplifting charges

• TODAY is “Hermit Day”.
• TODAY is “Basketball Coaches Day”.
• TODAY is “Laugh A Lot Suddenly For No Reason Day”.

TODAY is “International Internet Day”, observed on the 34th anniversary of the 1st connection on what would become the ‘Internet’. On October 29, 1969 bits of data flowed between computers at UCLA and the Stanford Research Institute. Within a year, 10 sites were connected and there were soon applications such as e-mail. What regular use do you now get from the Internet that you would never have imagined a decade ago? Banking? Renewing library books? Comparing utility rates? Porn?

1983 [20] Pink Floyd’s “Dark Side of the Moon” becomes ‘longest-charting album of all time’ as it logs its 491st week on “Billboard” ‘Top 200′ album chart (lasts 740 weeks altogether until July 13, 1988)

1889 [114] Vancouver’s popular Stanley Park is dedicated

1945 [58] 1st ‘ballpoint pen’ goes on sale, 57 years after it was patented (for $12.95)

1947 [56] 1st ‘artificial rain’ created by seeding clouds with dry ice (Concord NH)

1966 [37] ‘National Organization of Women’ (NOW) founded

1998 [05] 77-year-old return astronaut, US Senator John Glenn, becomes ‘oldest person to travel in space’ aboard Discovery (1st space shuttle with ‘I’m Spending My Grandchildren’s Inheritance’ bumper sticker)

[Thurs] Mischief Night
[Fri] Halloween
[Fri] National Magic Day
[Fri] Increase Your Psychic Powers Day
[Fri] UNICEF Day
[Fri] Cher’s final farewell concert (Toronto)
This Week Is . . . Consumers Week
This Month Is . . . SIDS Awareness Month


• Whyzit when you see someone with their mouth open singing or yelling, you don’t yawn … only if they’re yawning?
• Whyzit people with loud car stereos never listen to good music?
• Whyzit if you read a lot of books you are considered ‘well read’, but if you watch a lot of TV you’re not considered ‘well viewed’?
• Whyzit if you ruin into a man that smiles all the time he’s probably selling something … something that doesn’t work?

1. Ronald Reagan
2. Pope John Paul II
3. Boris Yeltsin
4. Kirk Douglas
5. Billy Graham
A year ago today, we published a list that featured Bob Hope and Katherine Hepburn. Bingo!
Source: “Kaufman’s Dead Pool”

• “Incontinence Hotline, can you hold please?”
• If love is a matter of chemistry, I must be toxic waste.
• My sister’s expecting a baby, and I don’t know if I’m going to be an uncle or an aunt.
• Yesterday this guy pushed right past me in the supermarket express line. But it was okay, he only had 2 items … a gun and a note.

• You see an elderly woman shoplift some cat food at the supermarket. Do you tell?
• You feel you’re underpaid. Do you still give your job 100%?
• A co-worker needs to leave early and asks you to punch her time card when you leave. Do you do it?
• As a famous athlete, you are offered $100,000 to endorse a product you think is dumb and would never use. Do you endorse it anyway?
• A friend asks you to write a letter of reference. He’s poorly qualified for the job. Do you refuse?

Today’s Question: Only 1 in 50 men are vain enough to do THIS. What?
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Pluck their eyebrows.

You don’t stop laughing because you grow old, you grow old because you stopped laughing.

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