Monday, October 20, 2008        Edition: #3882
You’re Up to Your Eyeballs in Sheet!

WEEKEND BLOG BS:
• “Max Payne” movie actor Mark Wahlberg’s 5-bedroom, 10.5 bath, 15,000-sq-ft California home is on the market for $15.9 million. It comes with a full basketball court, pool with grotto, state-of-the-art home theater, and a massive home gym with its own boxing ring. (Maybe because his last hit film was “The Departed” in 2006?)
– “LA Times”
• Movie-goers not wishing to waste another 2 hours of their lives may have just dodged a bullet. Actor/comedian Robin Williams is suing “Frank & Beans LLC” after the production company failed to film a comedy entitled … “A Couple Of Dicks”. Williams says his deal was ‘play or pay’, guaranteeing $6 million whether the movie was shot or not. (Hopefully the experience will convince Williams to quit acting like a Dick.)
– TMZ.com
• ‘James Bond’ star Daniel Craig has had the shoulder he injured on the set of “Quantum Of Solace” reconstructed using 6 embedded screws which will eventually dissolve. Making his 2nd ‘Bond’ film was a painful experience – he also lost the pad off a finger in a fight scene and needed 8 stitches on his face after he got kicked by a ‘stray shoe’. (The guy might not live to finish another ‘Bond’.)
– ContactMusic.com
• Seems the Hollywood duo of actress Rose McGowan & director Robert Rodriguez is back on, she announcing they’re engaged and planning the ‘perfect wedding’ in 2009. They met on the set of  Rodriguez’ “Grindhouse” contribution, the movie “Planet Terror”, and are now reportedly teaming up to film remakes of “Red Sonja” and “Barbarella”. (Ah, it’s a financial ‘union’.)
– “In Touch”
• Movie actor Russell Crowe is growing his hair extra long, cultivating shoulder-length locks for his upcoming dual roles in the new movie version of “Robin Hood” as both the title character and the Sheriff of Nottingham. Afterward, he reportedly plans to donate the mop to Locks of Love, a charity which makes wigs for sick children. (That’s provided they find a kid wanting greasy tresses from a middle-aged fat guy.)
– StarPulse News Blog
• “Knocked Up” star Katherine Heigl & her hubby Josh Kelley are planning to adopt a child from South Korea within a year. The couple has reportedly chosen South Korea because Heigl’s older sister Meg was adopted from that country. Earlier this year 29-year-old Heigl announced she’d abandoned plans to have a biological child by saying, “I don’t think it’s necessary to go through all of that.” (BS translation: I don’t have time for pregnancy … I’m a flippin’ star!)
– “National Enquirer”
• 70-year-old actress Jane Fonda admits she’s afraid her movie career may be over. She says she can’t find work because she refuses to play ‘dour’ roles or less interesting versions of the shrewish mother-in-law she portrayed in the Jennifer Lopez comedy “Monster-In-Law”. (Well they sure aren’t gonna ask you to play a hooker again in “Klute 2”.)
– “More Magazine”
• And it was a case of life imitating art SATURDAY as Republican VP candidate Sarah Palin appeared on “Saturday Night Live” to watch Tina Fey’s bang-on impression of her, which has become a weekly feature of late. Palin also uttered the show’s famous opening line: “Live from New York, it’s Saturday Night!” (Maybe they’ll have a full-time gig for her in NOVEMBER?)
– AP

TODAY’S SHOW BIZ SKED:
• AC/DC – In a rare MONDAY album release, the new album “Black Ice” hits the market. In NYC and LA, new “AC/DC Rock Band Store” outlets opened at 12:01 am in NYC’s Times Square and LA’s Hollywood & Highland Center to retail the band’s products exclusively. (Overkill?)
• “Chuck” (NBC) – Nicole Richie guest-stars as a kick-butt bully, the high school nemesis of ‘Sarah’. Word has it she gets involved in a no-holds-barred cat fight scene. (All 52 lbs of her.)
• “Dancing With the Stars” (ABC/CTV) – Chef Rocco DiSpirito has been sent back to the kitchen. Now 4 all-new dances are introduced to the competition.
• “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/A Channel) – “Dancing With the Stars” competitors Toni Braxton & Alec Mazo perform.
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS) – Jessica Simpson performs music from her album “Do You Know”.

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Coldplay – They’ve launched an online competition to create a video for the new single “Lost“ on YouTube. The winner, selected DECEMBER 5th, gets an all-expenses trip to join the band backstage at a concert in London. (One way to cut the production budget.)
• Four Tops – Lead singer Levi Stubbs has died at his home in Detroit at age 72 after a battle with cancer and a stroke. The Motown group had a string of hits in the 1960s and early ‘70s.
• Justin Timberlake – He’s promised that his FRIDAY performance of his hit “Sexyback” at a Shriners’ Hospitals for Children charity show in Las Vegas was the last time he’ll ever perform the song. (OMG thank-you!)
• Nelly Furtado – The 29-year-old pop singer has revealed that she secretly wed sound engineer Demacio Castellon JULY 19th. The twosome worked together on her 2006 album “Loose” and became engaged LAST YEAR. She has a 4-year-old daughter from a previous relationship.
• Travis Barker – The former Blink-182 drummer has been released from the Grossman Burn Center in Los Angeles where he’s been receiving treatment after surviving that fiery plane crash SEPTEMBER 29th. Barker says doctors have confirmed he’s healing quickly.

WAR OF THE WAGES:
Some of the hottest rivalries in show biz have surprising winners when it comes to the bottom line – money measurement. A new listing of who’s on top based on bankroll …
• Ashley Tisdale vs Vanessa Hudgens – The “High School Musical” stars are both young, talented and beautiful. But Tisdale banked $5.5 million over the past year, beating her co-star by a whopping $2.3 million.
• Angelina Jolie vs Jennifer Aniston – Maybe Jolie got the guy (Brad Pitt), but surprisingly Aniston had the fatter wallet over the past year. She made $27 million, compared to Jolie’s $14 million, thanks to more film roles, “Friends” syndication, and a lucrative Smartwater endorsement deal.
• Jay Leno vs David Letterman – While Leno’s “Tonight Show” regularly scores higher ratings, “Late Show” host Letterman made more money: $45 million vs $32 million. One reason for that is, unlike Leno, Letterman owns a stake in his show.
– “Forbes Magazine”

IT’S THE CIRCLE, THE CIRCLE OF SAGS:
According to the medical journal “Plastic & Reconstructive Surgery”, human faces show their age in a clockwise direction. The first part of the face to sag is the right eye, then the right side of the jaw, and so on in a circular motion. (When your left lobe is lagging, start worrying!)
– ANI Health & Science

FROM THE BS POLL VAULT:
A snapshot of who we are and what we do …
• 68% of psychologists are women.
• 58% of men say they’d date a much younger woman; only 17% of women would date a much younger man.
• 52% of us say most stress at work is caused by … co-workers.
• 51% of us blame lack of time for lack of household cleanliness.
• 45% of people who participate in office pools says they do it for the ‘camaraderie’.
• 22% of us have a dire fear of being buried alive.

SIGNS SHE’S INTERESTED IN YOU:
Women who move their bodies frequently while talking with you are trying to get your attention.
Laughter is a sign she thinks you’re cute and funny, but guffaws signal she’d rather be with someone else. If she’s touching herself, like flipping her hair, fixing her clothes, playing with her jewelry … she’s hot for ya. (One exception to the body movement rule: Eye rolling.)
– “Men’s Health Magazine”

CATCHIEST-EVER TUNES:
A new ranking of the all-time ‘earworm’ tunes that you just can’t get out of your head after hearing …
3. Village People – “YMCA”
2. ABBA – “Dancing Queen”
1. Rihanna – “Umbrella”
– OnePoll.com

DID YOU KNOW?
• Cats can become stressed if their owners split up. One symptom is ‘wool sucking’, which, as the term suggests, involves sucking or chewing on woollen items such as blankets.
– “Toronto Star”
• People in ancient Egypt shaved off their eyebrows to mourn the death of a household cat.
– WorldAnimalDay.org.uk
• Republican Vice Presidential candidate Sarah Palin is a 10th cousin to the late Princess Diana.
– “Daily Mail”
• The “Scholastic Presidential Election Poll”, open to kids from grades 1-to-12, has mirrored the outcome of the US presidential election all but twice since 1940. THIS YEAR, it’s picked Barack Obama to win, with 57% of the vote.
– Scholastic.com

BS CHRONOMETER 10.20.08
TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1950 [58] Tom Petty, Gainesville FL, classic rock singer (“Learning to Fly”, “Free Falling”)

1958 [50] Viggo Mortensen, NYC, movie actor (“Eastern Promises”, “Lord Of the Rings”)

1963 [45] Julie Payette, Montréal QC, Canadian Space Agency astronaut (Space Shuttle Discovery 1999)/1st Canadian to board the International Space Station/CSA Chief Astronaut 2000-07

1971 [37] Snoop Dogg (Cordozar Calvin Broadus), Long Beach CA, rap artist (w/Akon-“I Wanna Love You”, f/Pharrell-“Drop It Like It’s Hot”)/movie actor (“Soul Plane”, “Old School”)

1978 [30] Paul Wilson, Kinlochleven, Scotland, alt-rock bass player (Snow Patrol-“Take Back the City”, “Chasing Cars”)

TODAY’S BS REASON TO PARTY . . .
• “Brandied Fruit Day”. Yeehaw, let’s hear it for booze with a pit!

• “Hurricane Thanksgiving Day”, celebrated annually in the Virgin Islands on the 3rd MONDAY of OCTOBER since 1726 to give thanks when the Summer storm season passes them by.

TODAY’S MUSIC EVENT . . .
1962 [46] Halloween classic “The Monster Mash” by Bobby ‘Boris’ Picket & the Crypt Kickers hits #1

TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1818 [190] 49th parallel established as western Canada-US border

1865 [143] Ottawa becomes capital of Canada

1928 [80] Republican party 1st makes election promise of “a chicken in every pot, a car in every garage”

1992 [16] 1st World Series game played outside the USA as Toronto Blue Jays beat Atlanta Braves 3-2 at Skydome in Game 3 of the World Series

TODAY’S RECORDS . . .
1968 [40] Likely the ‘Largest Ever Pre-Nuptial Agreement’ as Jackie Kennedy weds Greek shipping magnate Aristotle Onassis after signing 173-PAGE deal that includes a guarantee of separate bedrooms

1993 [15] Toronto and Philadelphia set MLB records for longest (4:14 hrs) and highest-scoring (29 runs) World Series game (Blue Jays finally win 15-14)

COMING UP . . .
[Tues] Babbling Day
[Tues] Reptile Day
[Wed] INTERNATIONAL CAPS LOCK DAY
[Thurs] Canned Food Day
[Thurs] TV Talk Show Host Day
[Thurs] Make a Difference Day

THIS WEEK IS . . .
Celebrate Micro Businesses Week / Character Counts Week / Chemistry Week / Credit Union Week / Food & Drug Interaction Awareness Week / Food Bank Week / Forest Products Week / Health Education Week / Infection Prevention Week / Infertility Awareness Week / International Pinball Week / Kids Care Week / Massage Therapy Week / Pastoral Care Week / Respiratory Care Week / School Bus Safety Week

BULL’S BITS
BEST OF BS:
A highlight bit culled from 15 years of “Bull Sheet” back issues …

EGG READINGS:

According to psychologist Dr Beryl West, how you like your eggs reveals a lot about you …
• Hard-boiled … You’re a no-nonsense type, quick to form opinions.
• Omelets … You enjoy taking risks.
• Over Easy … You are very precise and know exactly what you want out of life.
• Poached … You are very orderly and don’t like to see anything out of its place.
• Scrambled … You’re agreeable and steady; you go with the flow.
• Soft-Boiled … You’re gentle, sensitive and neat, but not always easy to please.
• Sunny-Side Up … You are optimistic and easygoing.

BS HORRIBLESCOPES:
Use ‘em all at once or one-at-a-time as the zodiac reading of the day …
• Aries – The last time your outlook was this bad CNN had to create a new graphic.
• Taurus – Great news! The similarities found in human and mice genes will make you feel less self-conscious about your tail.
• Gemini – A man with a single eyebrow is following you. You haven’t borrowed any money lately, have you?
• Cancer – How you dress sends a message to those around you. In your case it’s “Help!”.
• Leo – This is a good day to bring a nice thermos of Cream-of-Meatloaf Soup for lunch.
• Virgo – Remember to praise in public and criticize in private. But never, ever criticize privates.
• Libra – Either the stress of quitting your job is causing hallucinations or everyone has turned into a blue monkey.
• Scorpio – Today you will find some cool shoes in the back of your closet that you’d forgotten all about. Strangely, they are at least 3 sizes too large. This may worry you.
• Sagittarius – Yes, your PowerPoint presentation at work was exciting but it might be a bit presumptuous submitting it for Academy Award consideration.
• Capricorn – Today you will realize that your biggest problem is indecisiveness … or possibly procrastination.
• Aquarius – Cripes, it’s almost December. Don’t you think it’s time to throw out last year’s Christmas tree?
• Pisces – You’ll find your threats to quit this week fall on deaf ears. Maybe if you weren’t self-employed they would be more effective?

BS RANDOM JOKE:
I’m not myself today … maybe I’m you.

BS U-PICK TRIVIA:
• What famous North American landmark is constantly moving backward?
a. Rocky Mountains.
b. Niagara Falls. [CORRECT. The rim is worn down about 2-and-a-half feet each year.]
c. Empire State Building.

• Most cultivated vegetables must be replanted each year. What are the only 2 perennial vegetables?
a. Tomatoes and carrots.
b. Asparagus and rhubarb. [CORRECT. They can produce on their own for several growing seasons.]
c. Potatoes and pork.
– Misscellania.com

BS PHONE STARTER:
Who do you think is currently the top leading lady in movies?

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: Sales of THIS consumer item are up 50% in just the last month.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Safes. (Withdrawals from banks are up, especially among seniors who lived through the Great Depression.)

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
Money will buy a pretty good dog … but it won’t buy the wag of its tail.


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