Thursday, October 30, 2008        Edition: #3890
Our Sheet Don’t Stink!

Lindsay Lohan’s former bodyguard has settled his lawsuit against her over an alleged $55,000 in back wages owed (that’s one down, infinity to go) . . . Trista & Ryan from “The Bachelorette” might be getting their own show, a reality program following them around as they raise 15-month-old son Max and their expected new baby (as proof they’re not just money-grubbing egotists, Trista says: “We’re open to whatever!”) . . . Broadway director Tex Allen is suing actor Terrence Howard (“Crash”) for $5 million for allegedly ‘punching him repeatedly in the face and head’ during a rehearsal for “Cat On a Hot Tin Roof” in JANUARY (what, did he just come to?) . . . NBC-TV is denying that Britney Spears has been signed for a 3rd appearance as host of “Saturday Night Live” on NOVEMBER 22nd, something she hasn’t done since 2002 (BS translation: She wants way too much moolah) . . . 26-year-old actress Jessica Biel says she’ll never get plastic surgery because she’d ‘rather have wrinkles than some slice-up going on’ (just wait till you hit 30 and the roles dry up, hon’) . . . Actress Jennifer Aniston’s rep has gone from categorically denying there have been dates with actor Gerard Butler (“RocknRolla”, “300”) to saying it’s ‘no one’s business’ (like that’s ever stopped anybody) . . . Actress Kate Hudson’s pre-Halloween party got busted after her Brentwood CA neighbors called on cops to move the bash indoors and keep the noise down after 1 am (Hudson was dressed as a 1960s flight attendant; Courteney Cox was a witch; and Cindy Crawford was dolled up as Amy Winehouse; but the LAPD officers who banged on the door in full uniform could have won ‘Best Costume’).

• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – TI (“Whatever You Like”) is the musical guest.
• “Late Night With Conan O’Brien” (NBC/A Channel) – Pink promotes her new album “Funhouse”.
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS) – John Legend performs.
• “30 Rock” (NBC/CityTV) – On the 3rd season premiere, ‘Liz Lemon’ (Tina Fey) has decided to adopt but has to prevent coworkers from making her look insane in front of the adoption agency. (Now that Fey’s Sarah Palin impression is all over the media, NBC-TV must be kicking itself for scheduling this season opener so late.)
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/A Channel) – Fall Out Boy is on, just ahead of their attempt at a new world record for most radio interviews in a day starting at 3 am TOMORROW.
• Westfield London – The stunning new upscale mega-mall opens in the Shepherd’s Bush area of central London, England. Detractors worry it’s going to suck up much of the city’s retail biz. What makes this different than your average shopping center … a glitzy ‘luxury wing’ stuffed with high-end designer stores, from Louis Vuitton to Versace.

• Barenaked Ladies – 38-year-old frontman Steven Page will avoid jail time in exchange for seeking treatment for drug abuse after that cocaine bust last JULY near Syracuse NY. (He’s writing another verse for “If I Had a Million Dollars” … what rhymes with powder?)
• Britney Spears – A Los Angeles court has now named her dad Jamie ‘permanent conservator’ of her affairs, along with attorney Andrew Wallet. (She has a lawyer named ‘Wallet’?)
• Led Zeppelin – The band’s former promoter, Harvey Goldsmith, tells the BBC a tour without frontman Robert Plant would be ‘pointless’. (Yeah? What about the 900 gazillion dollars?)
• Madonna – Guy Richie has reportedly rejected the £20-million settlement proposed by his soon-to-be ex-. (Who could possibly eke out a living on such a paltry sum?).

A BS selection of movies in the making …
• “The Birds” – George Clooney is said to be considering co-starring opposite Naomi Watts in a remake of Alfred Hitchcock’s classic 1963 horror film about a bizarre occurrence in which birds of all kinds suddenly begin to attack people with increasing viciousness. The original film starred Rod Taylor and Tippi Hedren (mother of actress Melanie Griffith).
• “Cleo” – Catherine Zeta Jones (“Chicago”) is reportedly set to star in filmmaker Steven Soderbergh’s first ever musical, about Cleopatra and her relationship with Marc Anthony and Julius Caesar. But the story will be set in 1920s America rather than ancient Egypt. Hugh Jackman is said to be in talks for a role. Joseph Mankiewicz directed the most famous “Cleopatra” film, a 1963 epic that starred Elizabeth Taylor & Richard Burton and ended up a hugely expensive flop.
• “Walter The Farting Dog“ – The film-making Farrelly Bros are bringing the best-selling kids’ book series created by Glenn Murray (Fredericton NB) to the bigscreen. Teen heartthrobs the Jonas Brothers will star in the flick, whose screenplay is currently being written by Alec Sokolow (“Toy Story”) and Joel Coen (“Burn After Reading”).

Nuclear-powered aircraft could be the answer to the problem of environmental damage caused by aviation, according to Ian Poll, Aerospace Engineering prof at Britain’s Cranfield University. Poll contends that if aviation continues to be fed by fossil fuels, it will very quickly run into serious trouble. He suggests that aircraft powered by nuclear reactors would not only have zero carbon emissions but would also never need refueling stops. He predicts nuclear-powered planes will be the standard beyond 2050. (The downside … the first plane crash will wipe us all out!)
– “GQ”

Strange new dream research at Scotland’s Dundee University suggests that you only dream in color if you’ve been exposed to color TV as a child. The study finds that people who only had black & white television between the ages of 3-and-10 tend to dream in B&W images. Research from 1915 through the 1950s shows the vast majority of dreams were in black and white but the tide turned in the 1960s, and later results show that 83% of dreams contain at least some color. (This why I Dream of Jeannie … loving Lucy.)
– “The Telegraph”

• Things went from bad to worse for a 26-year-old man who dropped his cellphone in a toilet aboard a French train bound for Paris. When he reached in to retrieve it, his arm became stuck. The high-speed TGV train had to stop for 2 hours while firemen cut through the train’s pipework to rescue him. The poor guy was carried away by emergency services … the toilet still attached to his arm. (And you thought you had a crappy day!)
– BBC World News
• An 18-year-old student at Britain’s Bristol University has been arrested for driving his circa-$20,000 Mini (which his parents had given him the previous day) down a flight of steps in a drunken attempt to recreate … a movie scene from “The Italian Job”. After the car crashed, causing the radiator to blow, the front tires to burst, and both airbags to inflate, 6 security staff, 2 cop cruisers and a helicopter showed up to arrest the dummy for DUI at about 1 am. (The part that he really botched … in the film they don’t get caught.)
– “Daily Telegraph”

Halloween is full of legends, superstitions, and scary stories. A few odd bits of folklore …
• If a candle’s flame turns blue on Halloween night, a ghost is near. (Or a silent-but-deadly.)
• On Halloween night, nobody is supposed to speak during dinner. If someone does, it is believed to encourage spirits to come to the table. (Ah! It’s dinner as usual then.)
• If a girl puts a sprig of rosemary and a silver coin under her pillow on Halloween night, she will see her future husband in a dream. (And likely the family cat pawing at her pillow.)
• According to Irish legend, there was a miserly old drunkard named ‘Jack’ who, accepted in neither heaven nor hell, was forced to wander the earth with a coal from hell stuck in a turnip to light his way. Thus, the name ‘Jack-O’-Lantern’. (Thank goodness it wasn’t ‘Paddy’.)
– “Farmers’ Almanac”

• Squirrels are overrunning the countryside of Devon, England so local chef Ed Chester has decided to do something about the pesky critters … he’s making squirrel kebab! Chester says the spread of grey squirrels is damaging the countryside so eating them is a good way to control their numbers. His rodent dishes have become an instant hit with adventurous diners at his Otterton Mill restaurant. Besides skewered squirrel, he’s also developed patés and fricassees. (We say nuts to you, pal.)
– “The Sun”
• A restaurant in Gijon, Spain has started offering a lunchtime ‘Anti-Crisis Menu’ for just 1 euro (about a buck-and-a-half) to help customers survive the current economic slowdown. The cheap chow is attracting big lineups … the 49-seat eatery serving close to 200 lunches daily. What do you get for a euro? Seafood soup, ribs with rice, chicken or anchovies with salad, along with bread, a drink and dessert. Dario’s manager Emilia Jimenez says they don’t make money but they aren’t losing any either, because the promotion has created enough buzz to expand weekend business. (We need this here!)
– Reuters

For a new study on the spread of cold germs, University of Virginia researchers sought out adults showing early symptoms of the common cold and asked them to name 10 places in their homes they’d touched in the preceding 18 hours. The scientists then used DNA testing to hunt for the cold-causing rhinovirus. Among the most infected areas: refrigerator door handles, salt & pepper shakers, doorknobs, light switches, remote controls, bathroom faucets, phones, and dishwasher handles. No wonder doctors have long advised frequent handwashing to avoid the spread of germs. (We advise you to wear a hazmat suit all winter.)
– AP

People who gobble down their food and/or eat until they feel full are much more likely to get fat compared with those who eat slowly and quit eating before they’re stuffed, according to a new study at Japan’s Osaka University. Using Body Mass Index as a benchmark, researchers found that test subjects who eat until they are full are twice as likely to be overweight; and those who both eat quickly and eat until they are full are 3 times more likely to be fat. So it seems the combination of the 2 eating behaviors has a supra-additive effect on BMI. (Then if you factor in using a shovel …)
– “British Medical Journal”

30,000 people in Mariano Roque Alonso, Paraguay have set a new “Guinness World Record“ for ‘Biggest Barbecue’ by cooking and consuming 28,000 kg (61,729 lbs) of beef in 6 hours. It’s the largest quantity of meat that has been eaten at a single event held on a single day.
– Independent Television News

1939 [69] Grace Slick (Wing), Chicago IL, classic rock singer (Starship-“We Built This City”, Jefferson Starship-“Miracles”, Jefferson Airplane-“Somebody to Love”)

1947 [61] Timothy B Schmit, Oakland CA, classic rock bassist (The Eagles-“How Long”, “Hotel California”)

1967 [41] Gavin Rossdale, London UK, rock singer/guitarist (“Love Remains the Same“, Bush-“Swallowed”)/Mr Gwen Stefani since 2002

1969 [39] Snow (Darren O’Brien), Toronto ON, reggae/hip-hop artist (“I’ll Do Anything For You”, “The Informer”)

1975 [33] Ian D’Sa, UK [raised Mississauga ON], rock guitarist/vocalist (Billy Talent-“Surrender”, “Fallen Leaves”)

1976 [32] Kassidy Osborn, Magna UT, country singer (SheDAISY-“I Will … But”, “Little Goodbyes”)

• “Bodybuilders’ Day”, celebrating the 1893 birth of Charles Atlas (Angelo Siciliano) in Acri, Italy. Yes, a bully actually did kick sand in the former 97-lb weakling’s face and steal his girlfriend, leading him to develop a wildly popular mail-order body building course.

• “Buy a Doughnut Day” … some kind of conspiracy by Tim Hortons?

• “Candy Corn Day”, celebrating the traditional Halloween candy that resembles corn kernels and can’t be resisted until you’ve finished off the entire 2-lb bag.  FACTOID: Nearly 9 billion pieces of Candy Corn will be manufactured THIS YEAR.

• “Devil’s Night” or “Mischief Night,” traditionally a night of pranks before Halloween. (In Detroit, this traditionally involves burning down the inner city each year.)

1938 [70] 1st radio broadcast of Orson Welles’ “War of the Worlds” convinces millions that Martians have invaded Grovers Mill NJ  FACTOID: Welles ended up with $750,000 in lawsuits filed against him.

1984 [24] ‘Freddy Krueger’ slashes his way across the movie screen in the 1st “Nightmare
on Elm Street”

1990 [18] 1st episode of Emmy-winning crime drama “Law & Order” on NBC-TV (still going, spawning 2 spin-off shows)

1986 [22] The Beastie Boys release “License To Ill”, the 1st rap album to go to #1

1894 [114] 1st employee ‘Time Clock’ patented, leading to the expression ‘punching the clock’

1989 [19] Smith Dairy of Orrville OH concocts ‘Largest Milkshake’ (1,575 gallons)

1995 [13] The Québec Referendum on separation is held, in which the ‘No’ side wins narrowly by 50.58% (compared to 59.56% in 1980 referendum)

[Fri] Bring Your Jack-O’-Lantern to Work Day
[Fri] Halloween
[Fri] National Magic Day
[Fri] UNICEF Day
[Fri] Increase Your Psychic Powers Day
[Sat] Vegan World Day
[Sun] NYC Marathon
[Sun] Daylight Saving Time ends (2 am)
This Week Is … World Hearing Aid Awareness Week
This Month Is … Eat Better, Eat Together Month


It’s a dirty job … but someone’s gotta pawn it off on somebody else.

Today’s Question: Doing THIS will cause you to gain 1/10th of a calorie.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Licking a stamp.

He who hesitates is last.

Monthly Planning Calendar in Tomorrow’s Edition of BS!

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