Wednesday, April 7, 2004 Edition: #2762
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BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
TONIGHT is the 2-hour season premiere of the 5th instalment of “The Bachelor” on ABC-TV, featuring 25-year-old NY Giants backup QB Jesse Palmer, a native of Nepean ON . . . Organizers of the Democratic National Convention are hoping Barbra Streisand will serenade John Kerry in JULY when he’s officially named the party’s candidate (she’s performed for every Democratic president since Lyndon Johnson) . . . “Kill Bill” fans will be thrilled to know director Quentin Tarantino is considering 2 more chapters in the series, one in the form of an animated prequel (“Kill Bill: Volume Two” opens APRIL 16th) . . . Oscar-winning English playwright Ronald Harwood (“The Pianist”) has backed out of an agreement to direct a play at Winnipeg’s Manitoba Theatre Centre because of the city’s ban on smoking in public places . . . Wacko “Alamo” actor Billy Bob Thornton claims he never gets sick because he drinks cayenne pepper-laced water 3 times per day (eww, nice breath, dude!) . . . Rocker Tommy Lee has confirmed he’s dating model Naomi Campbell after the twosome were hooked up by P Diddy . . . Rumors are flying that “American Idol” host Ryan Seacrest is secretly engaged to girlfriend Shanna Walls (for a guy who’s on TV 87 times a week, he’s somehow managed to keep his personal life extremely private) . . . Wags say Brit soccer superstar David Beckham, already at the center of media frenzy over a reported extramarital affair with his 26-year-old assistant, is about to face having ANOTHER affair leaked to the press (you know him – the soon-to-be-ex-husband of ‘See-ya Spice’) . . . Legendary rock star Bob Dylan appears in a series of new Victoria’s Secret ads shot in Venice and with his 1997 tune “Love Sick” as background (yeah, when you think sexy lingerie … don’t you immediately picture Bob Dylan?).
BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Janet Jackson – She’s revealed she has a tattoo in ‘an intimate place’ that depicts ‘Mickey & Minnie Mouse’ having sex.
• Lil’ Kim – The “Awful Plastic Surgery” Website says her complexion seems to keep growing lighter and lighter, a la Michael Jackson. NET: http://awfulplasticsurgery.com
• Jennifer Lopez – Her 58-year-old mother, Guadalupe Lopez, has won $2,421,291.76 playing the $1 Wheel of Fortune slots at the Borgata Hotel Casino in Atlantic City.
• Sugar Ray – A reality show called “On the Road”, debuting THIS SUMMER on Spike TV, will feature contestants who tour with the band while competing for a job with a music label.
• Nelly Furtado – She’s written & recorded the official song for the European soccer championship being held in Portugal THIS SUMMER. She’ll also perform “Forca” (Portuguese for ‘Strength’) before the tournament final.
OPENING IN THEATERS TODAY:
“Johnson Family Vacation” (Comedy) – Cedric the Entertainer stars as the father of a dysfunctional family traveling across the country to attend a family reunion. A series of mishaps occurs along the way. Bow Wow plays the rapper-wannabe son and the teenage daughter is played by Beyoncé’s li’l sister Solange Knowles. (Didn’t Chevy Chase & company already milk this premise to death?)
ALL-TIME TOP MOVIES:
Some prognosticators are saying “The Passion of the Christ” has a shot at replacing “Titanic” as the most popular movie all-time. Here are the top 10, ranked by domestic box office …
1. “Titanic” ($600.8 million)
2. “Star Wars” ($461 million)
3. “ET the Extra-Terrestrial” ($435 million)
4. “Star Wars: Episode 1 – The Phantom Menace” ($431.1 million)
5. “Spider-Man” ($403.7 million)
6. “The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King” ($374.6 million)
7. “Jurassic Park” ($357.1 million)
8. “The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers” ($340.7 million)
9. “Finding Nemo” ($339.7 million)
10. “The Passion of the Christ” ($330.1 million)
– “Daily News”
NEW ENGLISH PRIMER:
• ‘Gerry’ – New nickname for a ‘geriatric’ or older person. (You know … a ‘cotton-head’.)
• ‘Silver Ceiling’ – Similar to the ‘Glass Ceiling’, this is a result of prejudice that keeps older employees from being promoted. (“Ben’s pretty much reached the silver ceiling with this corporation … he must be pushing 30!”)
• ‘Yestersol’ – A ‘sol’ is a Martian day, so this is one Mars day ago. (“NASA reports that the Mars rover discovered yet another exciting rock yestersol …”)
• ‘Nerdistan’ – An upscale neighbourhood that’s home to a lot of hi-tech workers. (“You’re moving to Kanata? Better stock up on pocket protectors, that’s like the capital of Nerdistan.”)
MMM, YOU SMELL SKINNY:
A 10-year study by the Smell & Taste Treatment and Research Foundation has found that a floral-spice perfume can make men think women are as much as 10 lbs lighter. The scent was discovered after testing more than 100 different combinations. Interestingly, it only seems to work on men. No scent could be found that influenced a woman’s ability to estimate weight. Dr Alan Hirsch suggests that may either be because women are more talented at guessing weight or … men are just easily influenced by how a woman smells. (Or will say anything to score.)
– “Free Republic”
LEAVE YOUR CONDOLENCES AT THE SOUND OF THE TONE:
The man who invented the telephone answering machine has died at age 92. In 1948, Joseph James Zimmerman Jr of Milwaukee WI invented a gadget that lifted the telephone receiver from its cradle when it rang. A 78 rpm record player then played a recorded greeting and a wire recorder received any ensuing messages. It was just one of dozens of gizmos that he patented. (Instead of being cremated, he was erased.)
LESBIANS LIKELY TO LIGHT UP:
A new study at Boston Children’s Hospital has found that teenage lesbian or bisexual girls are far many more likely to smoke regularly than straight girls. About 40% of lesbian or bisexual girls are smokers compared to just 6% of hetero- girls. That’s the highest rate of tobacco use among all groups of young people. The same does not seem to be true of gay or bi- teenage boys.
– “New Scientist”
GOOFY NEW GIZMOS:
Some 675 gadgets from 42 countries are on display at the “Inventors’ Trade Fair” in Geneva, Switzerland. The top attraction is a Taiwanese condom with a built-in vibrator (why didn’t I think of that?). Other strange inventions include ‘The Anti-Hemorrhoid Chair’ which uses candle-warmed medicinal herbs to prevent constipation; the ‘Crazy Assistant’ which helps the disabled put on underwear and socks; and the ‘Solar-Powered Airplane’, designed by renowned hot air balloonist Bertrand Piccard. (“Attention passengers: Prepare for a rough landing – it’s just clouded over.”)
JUST CALL ME ‘WALLY’:
A worldwide study of mammals confirms that better-endowed males seem to be more successful at mating – but more so in extreme northern climes. Researchers at Winnipeg’s Freshwater Institute & the Delta Waterfowl Foundation in Portage La Prairie found that animals living at polar latitudes seem to have a longer baculum (penis bone). Walruses, for instance, can have a baculum that measures up to 60-cm-long or about 2 feet. (How can that be when they’re constantly jumping into icy water?)
BS AMAZING FACT:
Blue Jays can imitate the calls of hawks, magpies can imitate other birds and, very rarely, a
human voice, but the champion bird mimic is the male Australian Lyre Bird. It can not only imitate other birds but the sound of camera motors, rifle shots, and lawn mowers … all of which it incorporates into its mating songs.
THE BULL SHEET 04.07.2K4
TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1920  Ravi Shankar, Varanasi IND, sitar player (India’s most recognized musician)/now better known as the birth-father of Nora Jones (“Sunrise”)
1939  Francis Ford Coppola, Detroit MI, movie director (Oscars-“The Godfather I & II”, “Apocalypse Now”)/now better known as Sofia Coppola’s father (“Lost in Translation”)
1949  John Oates, NYC, oldies singer (Hall & Oates-“I Can’t Go for That”, “Kiss On My List”)
1954  Jackie (Yuan Lung) Chan, Hong Kong, movie actor/producer/director/stunt man (“Shanghai Nights”, “Rush Hour 1 & 2″) UPCOMING: Plays ‘Passepartout’ in the remake of “Around the World in 80 Days”, opening JUNE 16th. FACTOID: His handprints will be among the first displayed on Hong Kong’s new “Avenue of Stars”, set to open NEXT MONTH.
1964  Russell Crowe, Wellington NZ, movie actor (“Master & Commander: The Far Side of the World”, “A Beautiful Mind”, Oscar-“Gladiator”) UP NEXT: Now shooting Ron Howard’s “The Cinderella Man” in Toronto, co-starring Renée Zellweger.
1971  Victor Kraatz, Berlin GER, retired figure skater (10-time Canadian ice dance champ with partner Shae-Lynn Bourne, 2003 World Champions)
BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
TODAY is “Hug Your Newsman Day”. (Tomorrow is ‘Face Assault Charges Day’.)
TODAY is “No Housework Day”. No dishes, no cleaning, no taking out trash – and no guilt! (Apparently [co-host] has been celebrating this for 2 years now.)
TODAY is “World Health Day”, the World Health Organization’s annual day to highlight public health issues of worldwide concern.
TODAY’S MUSIC EVENTS . . .
1998  George Michael is arrested for committing ‘a lewd act’ in a restroom at LA’s Will Rogers Park (like Rogers, he never met a man he didn’t like)
1999  Ricky Martin releases “Livin’ La Vida Loca”, the tune that makes him a star
TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1795  ‘Metric System’ 1st adopted, in France where it was developed (only 3 countries in the world are NOT using it now – Liberia, Burma, and the USA)
1977  Toronto Blue Jays’ 1st Major League Baseball regular season game (beat Chicago White Sox 9-5)
TODAY’S RECORD . . .
1993  Ottawa Senators set NHL futility record of 38 straight road losses
1827  1st ‘friction match’, invented by English chemist John Walker
1959  1st ‘atomic-generated electricity’ (Los Alamos NM)
AND REMEMBER . . .
[Thurs] Masters Golf begins (Augusta GA)
[Fri] Good Friday (no BS service)
[Fri] Name Yourself Day
[Sat] Golfers Day
[Sun] Easter Sunday
This Week Is . . . Pet First Aid Awareness Week (practise giving ‘Killer’ CPR)
This Month Is . . . International Guitar Month / Food Month
BULL’S BITS . . .
BS ‘BUST MY BLUFF’:
You and your co-host each give an answer to an imponderable question. Your contestant must decide which of you is telling the truth.
• Why are pranks called ‘high jinks’?
a. It was the name of a popular 18th-Century parlor game in which participants performed tricks for the amusement of others. [CORRECT]
b. It comes from the Greek word ‘hijinkstora’ meaning ‘joke’ or ‘trick’.
• Why are college basketball games played in halves while NBA games are played in quarters?
a. The NBA wanted more intermissions for fans to hit concession stands. [CORRECT]
b. Older players need more breaks to catch their breath.
• Why do you see so many worms on the ground after it rains?
a. They come out of their wormholes to get a drink.
b. They come out of their wormholes so they won’t drown. [CORRECT]
• Why is the popular casino dice game called ‘Craps’?
a. A legendary early player not only lost a fortune but was so dismayed he also lost control of himself.
b. It’s named after Johnny Crapaud (CRAP-o) who first popularized the game. [CORRECT]
• What’s happening when your stomach growls?
a. You’re passing gas through your intestines. [CORRECT]
b. Your stomach muscles are contracting.
BS PHONE STARTER:
What’s the oddest computer software you’ve come across? (There are now programs on teaching a parrot to talk, learning Morse code, hypnotizing your boss, even one that supposedly repels mosquitoes.)
BS BLATANT JOKE:
I had my car towed to work today. There’s nothing wrong with it … it’s just cheaper than buying a tank of gas.
BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: 30% of us use THESE for 3 years or more even though most wear out in 2 years.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Pillows.
BS DEEP THOUGHT:
Happiness is a very small desk and a very big wastebasket.