April 6, 2004

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Tuesday, April 6, 2004        Edition: #2761
You’re Up to Your Eyeballs in Sheet!

TODAY “American Idol” reject William Hung releases his debut (and likely last) CD, “Inspiration”, featuring his ridiculously enthusiastic version of Ricky Martin’s “She Bangs” (track list and sample clips here – http://williamhung.net/clips.cfm), then TONIGHT he performs at the Golden State Warriors/Houston Rockets NBA game in Oakland, and later “Idol Worship: The William Hung Story” airs on music channel Fuse (MuchMusic USA) . . . Ozzy Osbourne has filed a complaint with the California medical board accusing a Beverly Hills doctor of over-prescribing addictive drugs, including Dexedrine, Zyprexa & Valium . . . Word has leaked that Britain’s Prince William has had a steady girl for almost a year – 21-year-old Kate Middleton, with whom he shares a house at St Andrews University in Scotland . . . Actor Alec Baldwin, whose split from Kim Basinger made tabloid headlines, is considering writing a book about divorce . . . Meantime, his ex- has decided to auction some of the jewelry he gave her during the 9-year marriage, including a 3.7-carat Tiffany engagement ring, circa $40,000, and a necklace featuring a chain of diamond butterflies accented with other gems, worth around $10,000 (she’ll give proceeds to the Performing Animal Welfare Society – is that some kind of slam on Alec?) . . . FOX-TV has canceled the made-in-Niagara Falls ON series “Wonderfalls” after just 4 episodes, thanks to crapola ratings (even my last show got more than 4 days!) . . . Oh, in case you missed it – at the 17th annual “Kids’ Choice Awards”, the honors for ‘Favorite Fart in a Movie’ went to “Kangaroo Jack”.

• Nelly Furtado – She’ll kick off a US tour APRIL 30th in Chicago in support of her album “Folklore”.
• Prince – He tells “Newsweek” that today’s pop culture is way too ‘X-rated’ for his liking.
• Christina Aguilera – It’s been revealed she always sleeps with a nightlight.
• Backstreet Boys – They’ve announced their first album since 2001’s “Black & Blue” is being targeted for a summer release and they’ll be touring in support this fall.

• “Matrix Revolutions” (Sc-Fi Thriller – DVD): Keanu Reeves, Carrie-Anne Moss & Laurence Fishburne return in this final chapter of “The Matrix” trilogy in which ‘Neo’ is adrift in a no-man’s land between the ‘Matrix’ and the ‘Machine World’, fighting to regain his powers. During the stunning conclusion, the rebel’s long quest for freedom culminates in an explosive battle. Critics say this chapter is the weakest of the trilogy.
• “Cheaper by the Dozen” (Comedy – DVD/VHS): A loose remake of the 1950 Clifton Webb-Myrna Loy classic comedy in which Steve Martin & Bonnie Hunt play modern-day parents of a brood of 12 who must choose between pursuing their dream careers or loving what they already have.
• “Hope Springs” (Romantic Comedy – DVD): Colin Firth plays an artist who seeks refuge in a Vermont hotel after his girlfriend (Minnie Driver) breaks off their engagement. The hotel owner fixes him up with a stunning beauty (Heather Graham), but then sparks fly when his ex- comes back into the picture.

Maybe Jessica Simpson isn’t as ditzy as she comes off on “Newlyweds”. Her secrets to a successful marriage with Nick Lachey …
• She makes his hobbies her own.
• She helps lighten him up.
• She keeps the passion burning.
• She gives him her undivided attention.
• She’s more of a homemaker than you might think.
• She lets him know she’s committed.
– “Us” magazine.

A new survey sponsored by Nissan asks corporations for the strangest items discovered in company vehicles when they were returned to the employer. Among the weirdest – used diapers, false teeth, feminine hygiene products, underwear, a G-string, condoms, a microwave, an unopened bag of fish & chips under the passenger seat, a chainsaw, a store mannequin and … a dead goat. (Excuses to use the car-pool lane?)
– “Fleet News”

Researchers at the St Vincent’s Institute in Melbourne, Australia are working on a revolutionary ‘fat pill’ that’s designed to fight obesity, diabetes and heart disease. The wonder-drug concentrates on an enzyme in the body called ‘AMPK’ (Activated Protein Kinase). It’s hoped that it will mimic the effects of exercise, stimulate weight loss, block cholesterol production and lead to new treatments for diabetes. (“I’m going for a workout. [GULP]. I’m back!”)

Hellu High School in Helsinki, Finland has received a threat from the Hells Angels Motorcycle Club – no head-bashing or chain beatings involved – it’s a threatened lawsuit over trademark infringement. The club’s Finland chapter is PO-ed about a school shirt emblazoned with the slogan ‘Hellus Angels’ and the club’s winged ‘Deathshead’ logo. It seems the logo is registered by the Hells Angels Motorcycle Corp. They’re demanding that all shirts be collected and forfeited to the club. Funny, the school’s administration promptly agreed.
– “Daily News”

Food columnist Amy Rosen says you can eat better and reduce your grocery bill by sticking to the outside aisles of your supermarket. Why? That’s normally where the produce, meat and dairy sections are located; the food is not only fresher but usually cheaper. The further you travel into a supermarket’s center, the more packaged, preserved and costly your shopping becomes.
– “new 2″ magazine.

According to the nonprofit Families & Work Institute, 25% of us feel so much pressure to work that we don’t take all the vacation time we are owed. Related new research shows that skipping vacations can increase the risk of heart attack. Men who take frequent vacations (at least 2 a year) have a 30% lower risk of developing heart disease than those who seldom vacation (once every 6 years). Women who are frequent vacationers reduce their risk of heart disease even more – by up to 50%. The study was done by timeshare property exchange firm RCI. (Who have nothing whatsoever to gain from this outcome of course.)
– “Harvard Health Letter”, RCI.

• Due to Defence Department constraints, Canada’s Snowbirds aerobatic team may have to continue using their 40-year-old Tutor jets – until 2020!
• A new 75-nation study shows that, when it comes to spotting a liar, Turks and Armenians are tops. Both nationalities are able to detect a lie about 70% of the time.
• According to several nutrition experts, the recent rise in obesity is in direct proportion to the increase in consumption of high-fructose corn syrup – the sweetener found in almost all sugar-based soft drinks and sweetened fruit juices.

• “The idea of taking the law into your own hands is something that’s always appealed to me. But I was arrested 7 times before I was 18, so there were people who probably wanted to take the law into their own hands with me.” – Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson tells “Maxim” magazine about what attracted him to his role in “Walking Tall”.
• “[Donald] Trump is the ‘Reality Tycoon’. What ‘The Bachelor’ is to dating and ‘American Idol’ is to singing in the shower, Trump is to business.” – “Fortune” magazine.


1937 [67] Merle Haggard, Bakersfield CA, country legend with 38 #1 hits (“Okie from Muskogee”, “If We Make It Through December”)

1942 [62] Barry Levinson, Baltimore MD, movie producer/director (Academy Award-“Rain Man”, “Diner”)  UP NEXT: “Envy”, starring Ben Stiller & Jack Black, opening APRIL 30th.

1975 [29] Zach Braff, South Orange NJ, TV actor (‘Dr John Dorian’ [‘JD’] on “Scrubs” since 2001)

TODAY is the Scottish independence holiday known as “Tartan Day”, a day for celebration of Scottish roots and traditionally the beginning of Scotland’s tourist season.
NET: http://www.tartanday.com/about.htm

1886 [118] City of Vancouver is incorporated

1896 [108] 1st modern ‘Olympic Games’ begin in Athens (James Connolly of Boston wins 1st event – the hop, skip & jump)

1938 [66] ‘Teflon’ coating accidentally invented by Du Pont researcher Roy Plunkett (how do they get it to stick to the pans?)

1973 [31] 1st ‘designated hitter’ in Major League Baseball, NY Yankee Ron Blomberg

1980 [24] 1st ‘Post-It Notes’ (3M)

[Wed] “The Bachelor” premieres on ABC-TV
[Wed] Hug Your Newsman Day
[Wed] No Housework Day
[Wed] World Health Day
[Thurs] Condoleezza Rice testifies before the 9/11 commission
[Thurs] Masters Golf begins (Augusta GA)
[Fri] “The Alamo” & “The Whole Ten Yards” open in movie theaters
[Fri] Good Friday
This Week Is . . . Golden Rule Week / Laugh at Work Week
This Month Is . . . Knuckles Down Month (celebrating the grand old game of marbles)


• Does the Pillsbury Doughboy have any ‘roll models’?
• Do dogs chase their tales in the opposite direction in the Southern Hemisphere?
• What is a bush in the hand worth?
• How do itches move when you scratch ’em?
• Do deaf ventriloquists move their fingers when the dummy talks?
• Are part-time band leaders semi-conductors?
• Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?

• What do your co-workers do that drives you completely nuts? Some of the top turn-offs …
Taking the last coffee without making more.
Clogging up e-mail servers with stupid jokes.
Spending more time gabbing than working.
Not cleaning up the microwave after using it.
Letting the copier run out of paper.
Co-workers who don’t return messages.
• What’s the worst invention currently on-the-market? How about …
Colored Orthodontics (As if the braces don’t make your mouth stand out enough.)
Scented Crayons (Let’s give kids another reason to eat them!)
Fake Eyelashes (You shouldn’t be able to braid your eyelids.)
Thong (Nothing leads to insanity faster than a perpetual wedgie.)
Colored Contact Lenses (Yeah, purple is such a natural eye color.)
Padded Toilet Seat (You’re not supposed to spend the entire day there!)

You run down the list rapid-fire, while your contestant or studio guest decides whether each is a real breakfast cereal now or previously on-the-market, or a fictional fake …
• ‘Choco Pops’ [FAKE, from comic strip “Foxtrot”.]
• ‘Dinky Donuts’ [REAL, Ralston Cereals]
• ‘Moonies’ [FAKE, from the vintage TV show, “The Jetsons”.]
• ‘Sir Grapefellow’ [REAL, General Mills.]
• ‘Waffle Crisp’ [REAL, Post]
• ‘Frosted Corn Shards’ [FAKE, an invention of “Bill Nye The Science Guy”.]
• ‘Maple Corn Flakes’ [REAL, LeClerc Foods Canada]
• ‘Kellogg’s C-3P0s’ [REAL]
• ‘Colon Blow’ [FAKE, from “Saturday Night Live”.]
• ‘PB & J Cereal’ [REAL, Quaker Oats.]
• ‘N’yuk-N’yuks’ [FAKE, it was ‘The Breakfast of Stooges’ in a “Three Stooges” feature.]
• ‘Super Sugar Slaps’ [FAKE, from the comic strip “Jump Start”.]
• ‘Post Sugar Corn Fetti’ [REAL]
• ‘Kellogg’s Corn Flakes with Instant Bananas’ [REAL]
• ‘Post Croonchy Stars’ [REAL]
• ‘Floops’ [FAKE, from the movie “Spy Kids”.]
•’Tutti Fruiti Twinkles’ [REAL, General Mills.]
• ‘Dwarfies Wheat Food’ [REAL, Dwarfies Corp]

• Thank goodness for Canada Revenue. If it weren’t for them, I’d be having food for dinner tonight.
• Wow, yesterday [co-host] had a near-life experience!

Today’s Question: If an octopus is hungry enough, it will eat THIS.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Its own arms.

Never marry for money. You can borrow it cheaper.


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