Thursday, April 1, 2004        Edition: #2758
Either Sheet or Get Off the Air!

HAPPY BULLDAY:
TODAY “The Bull Sheet” celebrates it’s 11th birthday. “BS” began April 1st, 1993 with the idea that quality, well-researched radio show prep would sell. Instead of just a bunch of corny jokes, we decided to offer up-to-the-minute lifestyle & entertainment info and usable discussion topics. We must be doing something right, because “BS” is now used by radio stations worldwide. Thanks for your support!

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
TONIGHT “Survivor: All-Stars” returns to its regular time on CBS/Global-TV and rumor has it the tribes may ‘merge’ . . . 16-year-old singer/pianist Brooke Hogan, daughter of wrestling legend Hulk Hogan, is being groomed as the next teen sensation, with a debut album and her first tour set to roll out THIS FALL (fortunately for her, she’s waaaay better looking than the old man) . . . “24″ star Keifer Sutherland has been involved in another bar fight, this time while partying with actor friend Ethan Hawke at LA’s Whiskey Bar, but Keif claims it was just ‘a wrestling match with a group of pals’ (are we out of control?) . . . Apparently in the April Fool’s spirit this week, Brit actors Jude Law & Ewan McGregor obliged fans by signing autographs after lunching in West Hollywood – but they signed each others’ names . . . Jennifer Lopez is attempting to revamp her image by portraying a more down-to-earth personality – no more absurd requests or diva demands, according to her PR flunkies (whom she unleashed at the snap of her fingers) . . . Actor Dennis Quaid apparently rediscovered his Texas roots while shooting “The Alamo” – he’s now shopping for a new home in Austin . . . Latest Nielsen ratings show that CNN has lost a whopping 52% of its audience from a year ago when the Iraq War was on (you can bet they’re pushing for another) . . . As part of a round of cost-slashing, music giant EMI is dropping one-fifth of its recording artists (hmm, think free downloading is having any impact?).

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Janet Jackson – Her people have confirmed she’s engaged to Jermaine Dupri after she was spotted wearing a 20-carat yellow diamond engagement ring. They’re expected to wed secretly THIS SUMMER … her 3rd attempt.
• Beyoncé – In the video for her new single “Naughty Girl”, she writhes around in a shimmery silver dress then strips off to show a silhouette of her famous curves … naked.
• Britney Spears – While shopping recently, she was not amused when a passer-by told her she was the spitting image of a famous star … Jessica Simpson.
• Usher – His new CD “Confessions” has sold 1.1 million copies in its first week, the best-selling album debut since 2001.
• Liz Phair – TONIGHT she’s on “Late Show With David Letterman”.
• Diana Krall – She’s among those to be enshrined on Canada’s Walk of Fame JUNE 23rd.

FROM THE BS POLL VAULT:
• 75% of Canadians say workers should not lose their jobs if their employer is making a profit.
• 70% of female executives say that golf is a great tool for business.
• 68% of young adults are sick of reality TV.
• 64% of Internet users aged 50-plus would sooner live without TV than their computers.
• 56% of us have felt pressured to do something unethical or illegal at work.
• 40% of people meet their partners in the workplace.
• 5% of children talk on the phone before they go to bed.

YOUR MUTT & YOUR MUG:
A new study at the University of California at San Diego testing the notion that dogs and their owners look alike finds – it’s true … at least for purebreds. Scientists had impartial judges try to match pictures of 45 dogs and their owners. If more than half of the judges paired the dog with the right owner, it was considered a match. In the end, they found that 16 of 25 purebreds resembled their owners, but only 7 of 20 mixed-breed dogs matched. (Well no wonder [co-host] looks like Shih-Tzu this morning.)
– “Journal of the American Psychological Society”

BUMPS ARE BETTER:
Next time you’re muttering under your breath about having to slow down for annoying speed bumps, consider this – a new study finds that children who live on streets near a speed bump are up to 60% less likely to be hit and injured by a vehicle. Vehicle-related incidents are the leading cause of death for children ages 1 through 15.
– “American Journal of Public Health”
     
TODDLER’S TOP TREATS:
80% of parents polled admit that their children have worse diets than they had at the same age. Here are today’s tikes’ favorite 5 foods …
1. Chocolate
2. White bread
3. Cookies
4. Potato chips
5. Fish fingers
– “Mother & Baby” magazine.

ANOTHER ROUND, I’M ONLINE!
A St Louis company is developing the ‘biofuel cell’, technology that uses biological substance to generate power. Akermin Inc hopes to be able to power cell phones and laptop computers using ethanol-based substance such as vodka or beer. Cooking oil, sugar and many other organic substances will also work, but ethanol seems to be the most efficient.
– “St Louis Post-Dispatch”

WORK SURVIVOR:
A recent poll reveals that a whopping 87% of employees don’t like what the do for a living. Jane Boucher, author of the book “How to Love the Job You Hate”, has a few tips on how to make a bad job seem better …
• Do things you don’t like first so they don’t weigh on your mind all day.
• Get out of your rut by changing up the routine – vary lunch and break times, ask if you can come to work earlier or later.
• Swap chores you don’t like with someone who enjoys them. You’ll get to try something new and the company will benefit by having cross-trained workers.
• Quit complaining and avoid negative co-workers. You’ll actually feel better immediately.
• Organize get-togethers that will build friendships with co-workers.
• Create your own special project to improve the company.
• Learn something new. It will make you feel you’re accomplishing more, and will make you more valuable to your employer.
– “National Enquirer”

BS AMAZING FACT:
The odds of dying in an auto accident are 1 in 8000, while the odds of checking out in an  airplane mishap are 1 in 325,000.
– “The Book of Risks”

THE BULL SHEET 04.01.2K4

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1932 [72] Debbie (Mary Frances) Reynolds, El Paso TX, former movie actress (“Singin’ in the Rain”, “Tammy & the Bachelor”)/former pop singer (“Tammy”)/Carrie Fisher’s mom (subject of Fisher’s book/movie “Postcards From the Edge”)  FACTOID: She’ll star with son Patrick Cassidy in the current revival of “42nd Street” beginning in MAY, the first time a mother and son have co-starred in a Broadway musical.

1953 [51] Barry Sonnenfeld, NYC, movie producer (“The Ladykillers”)/film director (“Men in Black 2”)/TV producer (“Karen Sisco”, which is being revived on USA Network)

1964 [40] Scott Stevens, Kitchener ON, prototypical NHL defenceman (New Jersey Devils) currently on IR indefinitely

1980 [24] Bartholomew J ‘Bart’ Simpson, Springfield, fictitious brat (“The Simpsons”)

BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
TODAY is “April Fool’s Day”. The custom of playing practical jokes on friends was part of the celebrations in ancient Rome on MARCH 25th, known as “Hilaria”. The timing seems related to the vernal equinox and the coming of Spring, when nature fools us with sudden changes. A few foolish facts …
• Many say the observance originated with the reform of the calendar when “New Year’s Day” was moved from APRIL 1 to JANUARY 1. Those who clung to the old “New Year’s Day” were scoffed at as ‘fools’ and sent fake party invitations and prank gifts. That tradition began in France around 1564, where an ‘April Fool’ is called a ‘poisson d’avril’ (April fish). The French fool friends by taping a paper fish to their backs. When you see one you yell, ‘Poisson d’avril!’.
• Widespread observance began in the 18th century in England, where tricks can be played only in the morning. If a trick is played on you, you are a ‘noodle’.
• In Scotland, April Fools Day is 48 hours long and you are called an ‘April Gowk’, another name for a cuckoo bird. The second day is called ‘Taily Day’ because it’s dedicated to pranks involving the buttocks. It’s lasting gift to posterior posterity is the ‘Kick Me’ sign.
• In India, the final day of the “Feast of Huli” begins MARCH 31, and is traditionally celebrated by acts of mischief.
• Since 1980, the day has been celebrated in San Francisco CA as “St Stupid’s Day”, when a wacky parade is held.
• In New York City, the 19th annual (fictitious) “April Fool’s Day Parade” will feature celebrity look-alike fools representing Britney Spears, Pete Rose, Glen Campbell & Kobe Bryant. This year’s grand marshal, would-be assassin John Hinckley, will be released from psychiatric hospital for the event. Featured floats include the ‘Michael Jackson Giant Bed’ and the ‘Rush Limbaugh Free Prescription Pain Killer’ float. Parade committee chair and media hoaxer Joey Skaggs says what’s amazing is many parade-lovers and camera crews actually show up every year for this – April Fool’s Day joke!
• This is also the beginning of “National Laugh Week” and “Humor Month”, focusing on the therapeutic value and vital need for laughter and humor in health care.
– “Book of Days”, “World Holiday Book”

TODAY is the 9th annual “International Fun At Work Day”, a day to lighten up at the office.
BS PRANKS FOR WORK:
• Put a fake engagement announcement on the office bulletin board … about someone else.
• Crank-call co-workers and tell them they’re being fined $500 for not showing up for jury duty.
• Switch the ‘M’ and ‘N’ keys on everyone’s keyboards.
• Super-glue drawers shut.
• Swap out the felt tips from highlighters with the felt tips from black magic markers.
• Tape down the switch that pops up when you pick up the telephone, so it just kept ringing and ringing when someone tries to answer a call.
• Draw a fake outline of a dead body on the floor.
(Ask listeners for more ideas on how to be the complete office jerk.)
NET: http://www.playfair.com/fun.htm

TODAY is the 4th “International Edible Book Festival”, a yearly event held on or near APRIL 1st at numerous locations throughout the world. The tradition is to exhibit books made from all manner of foodstuffs – beets, lettuce, bologna, toast, liver, etc – from 2-4 pm. At 4 pm, tea and coffee is served and the books are consumed. THIS YEAR events will take place in 18 US states, Canada, Britain, Australia, New Zealand, Ireland, Germany, Italy, Japan, Brazil, France, Luxembourg & the Netherlands.
PHONER: 709.739.1882 (Eastern Edge Gallery, St John’s NL)
PHONER: 858.534.2533 (Gerry McAllister, UCSD San Diego)
NET: http://www.geocities.com/books2eat

TODAY is “Repot Your Plant Day” … or is it “Replant Your Pot Day”? We can never get it straight.

TODAY is “One Cent Day”, celebrating the world’s most useless currency. Pennies actually cost more to make than they are worth, and most of them are squirrelled away out of circulation in piggy banks, jars and drawers. A great source for charitable donations!

TODAY is “National Sleep Day”, to encourage the sleep-deprived to get ‘8ZZZZZs, please!” British research shows that up to 25% of us complain of tiredness on any given day.

FAMOUS APRIL FOOL’S DAY JOKES . . .
1957 [47] BBC-TV reports a ‘record spaghetti harvest’ in the Italian Alps, showing farmers snipping away at ‘spaghetti trees’ with extra-large scissors

1970 [34] John Lennon & Yoko Ono release a statement saying they’re about to undergo side-by-side sex-change operations

1992 [12] Airline passengers arriving in LA are greeted by a sign saying, ‘Welcome to Chicago’

TODAY’S MUSIC EVENT . . .
1984 [20] Motown legend Marvin Gaye is shot & killed by his father Marvin Gay Sr during a domestic dispute

TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1929 [75] 1st ‘yo-yo’ developed as a toy by Louie Marx (originally a weapon in the Phillippines)

1992 [12] 1st players’ strike in NHL’s 75-year history (a week before Stanley Cup playoffs, dammit!)

1997 [07] ‘Blended Sales Tax’ combining GST & PST goes into effect in Maritimes

1999 [05] Canada’s new territory ‘Nunavut’ officially splits from Northwest Territories

1949 [55] Earl Tupper 1st patents ‘Tupperware’ (original Tupperware is now being collected as an antique)

1963 [42] Daytime TV soap “General Hospital” debuts

1972 [33] 1st ‘bar codes’ in supermarkets (and 1st incorrect price is discovered on a cash register tape)

TODAY’S RECORD . . .
1930 [74] Chicago Cub Leo Hartnett breaks ‘altitude record for a catch’ by catching a baseball dropped from Goodyear blimp hovering 800 ft over Los Angeles – unfortunately the force of the catch shatters his jawbone!

AND REMEMBER . . .
[Fri] International Children’s Book Day
[Fri] Peanut Butter & Jelly Day
[Fri -Sun] Alcohol Free Weekend
[Sat] Armenian Appreciation Day
[Sat-Mon] NCAA Final Four Basketball Tournament (San Antonio TX)
[Sun] 2004 Juno Awards (Edmonton)
[Sun] Daylight Saving Time begins (‘Spring forward’ @ 2 am)
This Week Is . . . Anonymous Giving Week
This Month Is . . . Home Improvement Month / Month of the Young Child

BULL’S BITS . . .
BS DILEMMAS:
• Your elderly mother-in-law doesn’t like nursing homes but can’t live alone. Do you invite her to live with you?
• Your spouse would be upset if she knew you forgot the asthma kit when you took baby to the park. Do you lie to avoid a fight?
• You’re about to buy a newspaper when you notice the vending box is open. Do you pay for the paper?
• You phone a friend at 2 am but accidentally dial another friend. When the indignant voice answers, do you hang up?
• Your adolescent children ask if you ever smoked marijuana when you were young. You did. Do you admit it?

BS ON-AIR APRIL FOOL’S STUNTS:
• Use SFX of marching bands and live cut-ins to do a play-by-play of the local “April Fools Day Parade”, which of course exists only in your imagination.
• Swap names with your co-host for the morning, but don’t say anything about it.
• Promote a fabulous new contest – ‘Send us $100 and we’ll send you 25 words or less!’

BS PHONE STARTER:
Auditor General Sheila Fraser is having more impact on Canada than anyone else these days. Why not put her in charge?

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: The world’s largest one of THESE measures 24-ft-tall and is made of sheet metal.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: The world’s largest coffee pot, in Davidson, Saskatchewan.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
An expert is one who knows more and more about less and less until he knows absolutely everything about nothing.