Tuesday, April 2, 2002        Edition: #2266
There’s no BS like show BS . . .

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
At $117 million and counting “Ice Age” has become the first film of 2002 to pass the blockbuster benchmark of $100 million . . . Chick-flick actor Hugh Grant says fame has robbed him of the ‘thrill of chasing and seducing women’ (like back in the old days when he could dicker over how much to pay) . . . Britain’s Tea Council has signed up waif model Kate Moss for an ad campaign designed to convince 25 to 34-year-old women that tea is cool, not just a granny beverage . . . Can you picture Paul McCartney as ‘Frodo’, Ringo Starr as his sidekick ‘Sam’, John Lennon as ‘Gollum’, and George Harrison as the wizard ‘Gandalf’? “Lord of the Rings” director Peter Jackson says a Beatles movie version of the story was in the works in the 1960s — until its then-alive author JRR Tolkien pulled the plug on it . . . Michael Jackson has just shelled out $35,000 for a 1-year-old pet tiger which he’s having flown from Long Island NY to his Neverland ranch in California . . . Director Barry Sonnenfeld confirms that Michael Jackson has a cameo role in THIS SUMMER’S sequel “Men In Black 2″, but NOT as an ‘alien’ as previously speculated . . . Speaking of cameos – the female voice on the telephone in Jodie Foster’s new hit thriller “Panic Room” is none other than Nicole Kidman, who was originally scheduled to star in the film until she suffered injuries while filming “Moulin Rouge”.

TODAY’S VHS & DVD RELEASES:
Bruce Willis, Billy Bob Thornton & Cate Blanchett star in the crime comedy “Bandits”, about a pair of bank robbers who both fall in love with the girl they’ve kidnapped . . . F Murray Abraham & Shannon Elizabeth star in the horror thriller “13 Ghosts” about a family that inherits a house where a gang of angry ghosts has been locked away . . . And there are new DVD ‘Special Editions’ of “The Usual Suspects” (the 1995 whodunit that made Kevin Spacey a star) and the 1988 romantic baseball comedy “Bull Durham” (the last good movie Kevin Costner made?).

BS LAW REVIEW:
Here’s a process that would be worthwhile in most Canadian communities — the Regional Municipality of Halifax NS has put together a working group to review archaic municipal bylaws and recommend those that should be trashed. Among the weird and wacky bylaws under review –
• It’s illegal to walk a goat or graze horses and cattle on the Halifax Commons.
• It’s an infraction to walk a tightrope, perform gymnastics, or play any sport including ball hockey on the streets of Halifax.
• It’s against the law to spy on anybody while in a public park.
• It’s illegal for anyone under 16 to be downtown after 9:30pm without a note from the police chief.
• You cannot store or prepare food in any room containing a urinal.
• And there’s a municipal bylaw against ringing a doorbell in Halifax County anytime after 10pm.

50 LICKS:
The US Postal Service has 50 new postage stamps — one for each state. It’s the first time in history that a commemorative stamp has been scheduled for issue on the same day in every state. It took Franklin NC designer Lonnie Busch 5 years to complete the series which is intended to capture the ‘personality’ of each state. (To do that, what should be on your state’s stamp?)

MISSING NUMBERS:
A US Treasury Department audit has found that the Internal Revenue Service can not account for some 2,300 computers that should be in use by IRS employees. (Try mentioning your 2,300 short when you file your taxes and see what happens.)

VIOLENCE AND TV:
According to a new study by researchers at Columbia University and the NY State Psychiatric Institute, teenagers who watch more than 1 hour of TV a day are much more likely to become violent than those who don’t. In some circumstances, TV viewing increases a person’s risk of committing a violent act by 5 times. (I can verify that. After seeing that car ad for the new Vibe the ten-thousandth time, I threw a brick through the TV screen.)

WE’RE WEB WEARY:
Apparently the glamour has worn off. A new report in the “NY Times” suggests that many of the Internet’s early addicts who once couldn’t get enough of the online world have lost their excitement. The report suggests this shows a change in the way we view the Internet. Instead of endless surfing or creating oddball sites, we’re more and more using the ‘Net simply as another appliance — for downloading music, instant messaging, e-mail, researching, etc.

YOU ARE WHAT YOU EAT:
Dr Judith Wurtman says we can change our moods by changing our diets. Here’s her ‘mood food’ antidotes to some common problems —
• Feeling nervous, anxious or jittery? Eat low-fat carbohydrates (jelly beans, dry cereal, plain cookies, a plain bagel or muffin) to increase the brain chemical serotonin and soothe your shattered nerves.
• Feeling drowsy, no energy? You need more protein, but if you want the maximum energy boost, don’t eat it with carbohydrates. Eat low-fat meats, chicken without the skin, fish and shellfish. Low-fat dairy products like skimmed milk, yogurt and cottage cheese are also good.
• Feeling depressed? Once again, serotonin is the key, so go with the carbohydrates already mentioned. Pasta is also good as long as you stay away from high-fat sauces.
• Can’t sleep? Believe it or not, warm milk is not the ultimate answer. Try something a little sweet instead.
• Angry? Frustrated? These stress reactions will also respond well to calming carbohydrates, although the food won’t get rid of the cause of your feelings. Set aside a peaceful moment to eat, then have some low-fat foods such as beans, pasta, potatoes, gumdrops or cereal.
• Having trouble concentrating? Choose low-fat, low-calorie foods and avoid alcohol. Stay away from sweet rolls and donuts. You need a menu that provides both carbohydrates and proteins. The carbs help you focus and the proteins keep you alert.

WEIRD WORLD OF BS:
• European Union guidelines now require that pig farmers spend ‘quality time’ with their swine. Under the new regulations, farmers must interact for 20 seconds with each pig daily as well as supply good lighting and — porker playthings (mud?).
• UK company Acclaim Entertainment is looking to expand its media coverage by offering to pay survivors a fee for placing small billboards — on tombstones. (“Here lies Sam Johnson. Have a Coke and a smile!”)
• Fed up with late night party noise from next door, a Wellington, New Zealand man has come up with a payback — he’s recorded and is now selling a CD containing nothing but 64 minutes of noise from a lawnmower. The CD is actually covered in astro-turf and offers listeners general lawnmower SFX along with ‘feature moments’ such as stones hitting the blade. Now if your neighbours have a party and keep you up all night, you can get ‘em back by playing the mowing CD bright and early the next morning. Geoff Marsland pressed 5,000 of the CDs and almost all have now been sold!

THE BULL SHEET 04.02.2K2

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1947 [55] Emmylou Harris, Birmingham AL, country singer with 7 Grammy Awards (“Blue Kentucky Girl”)

1961 [41] Christopher Meloni, Washington DC, TV actor (Detective Elliot Stabler-“Law & Order: Special Victims Unit”)

1962 [40] Billy Dean, Quincy FL, country singer (“It’s What I Do”, “We Just Disagree”)

1967 [35] Greg Camp, West Covina CA, pop guitarist (Smash Mouth-“I’m A Believer”, “All Star”, “Walkin’ on the Sun”)/band is touring with ‘N Sync through April 13

1969 [33] Tony Fredianelli, Las Vegas NV, rock guitarist (Third Eye Blind-“How’s It Going To Be”, “Jumper”)

BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
TODAY is “International Children’s Book Day”, celebrated on the birthday of one of the most famous children’s authors, Hans Christian Andersen, born in Denmark on this day in 1805. He penned 168 fairy tales in all, including “The Emperor’s New Clothes”, “The Princess and the Pea”, “The Ugly Duckling”, “Thumbelina”, and “The Little Mermaid”.
BS LEAST RECOMMENDED CHILDREN’S BOOKS:
• “Two Musketeers & A Guy With A Hacking Cough”
• “The Gingerbread Man Who Chewed Off His Own Leg To Get Out of a Bear Trap”
• “Curious George & the High-Voltage Fence”
• “The Little Boy Who Died from Eating All His Vegetables”
• “The Ugly Duckling Who Had Liposuction & Cheek Implants”
• “The Little Engine That Occasionally Couldn’t”
• “Legends of Pegleg Pete’s Prison Shower Room”
• “Things Rich Kids Have That You Never Will”
• “Let’s Draw Britney and Shakira with Their Clothes Off!”
• “The Berenstain Bears Maul Some Campers and Are Shot Dead”
• “Juvenile Delinquency for Dummies”

TODAY is “Reconciliation Day”, as declared by newspaper advice columnist Ann Landers, a day to write a letter or make a phone call in order to mend broken relationships. (“Sorry about that April Fools Day whoopee cushion!”)

TODAY is “National Peanut Butter & Jelly Day”, celebrating what may be the world’s most popular sandwich. But what else have you sandwiched with peanut butter? We like PB and tuna.

ONE YEAR AGO . . .
2001 Duke University Blue Devils win NCAA men’s basketball crown, beating University of Arizona Wildcats 82-72 at the Minneapolis Metrodome

TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1902 [100] 1st ‘motion picture theater’ opens (LA’s Electric Theater charges 10-cent admission for an hour, including films “The Capture of the Biddle Brothers” and “New York in a Blizzard”)

1956 [46] 1st episode of daytime TV drama “As the World Turns” (Susan Lucci doesn’t win an Emmy)

1978 [24] ‘Velcro’ 1st introduced (inspired by the little hooks on burrs that attach to clothing)

TODAY’S RECORDS . . .
1975 [27] ‘World’s tallest free-standing structure’, Toronto’s CN Tower, completed (555 m/1,821 ft)

1980 [22] Toshiaki Shirai & Yukiki Nagata of Tokyo set world record for ‘underwater kissing’ (2 minutes, 18 seconds)

AND REMEMBER . . .
[Wed] Armenian Appreciation Day (you can find one easily – almost all Armenian names end in ‘i-a-n’.)
[Fri] Fun At Work Day
[Sat] Plan Your Epitaph Day
[Sun] No Housework Day
[Sun] World Health Day
[Sun] Check Your Batteries Day
National Reading a Road Map Week (no probs reading one, folding one is the problem!)
Alcohol Awareness Month

BULL’S BITS . . .
BS PHONE STARTERS:
• “Who’s the most overrated celebrity on TV that shouldn’t be on TV?”
• “What rule did your mother drill into your head that you still follow?”
• “Should Canada do something special to celebrate the Queen’s ‘Golden Jubilee’ this JUNE?” (In a newly-released Leger Marketing poll, 50% say ‘yes’, 46% say ‘no’. The idea is most popular in BC [60%], and least in Québec [25%].)

BS INTERVIEWS:
• 23-year-old Nathan Robitaille of Chatham ON has apparently set a new world record for the most number of piercings administered in a single day. LAST WEEK he had 420 needles stuck under the skin on his arms, eclipsing the previous Guinness record of 301. So has the record been verified? And what makes a guy wanna become a holey man anyhow?
PHONER: 519-360-1068 (Robitaille)/519-673-3706 (Piercing Unlimited where the work was done, London ON)
• Here’s a cool interactive interview for your listeners. ‘Mighty John’ Marshall is an expert on vintage recordings and can give instant appraisals to listeners who collect old 45s and LPs. He’s also a long-time radio veteran, so you can expect him to be up, bright and positive!
PHONER: 866-383-9225 x3015 (American Media Partners)

BS ANIMALIA:
Q: Why can’t you go fishing for sardines?
A: Because there isn’t actually a fish known as the ‘sardine’. It’s a generic term for any kind of small, saltwater fish that comes packaged in a flat can. There are over 20 different fish commonly used, including small herring, pilchards, and anchovies.

Q: Horses really are ‘air-heads’. What’s the air-filled sac inside their heads for?
A: Scientists at the University of Saskatchewan have determined that the ‘guttural pouch’ inside horses’ heads acts as a radiator, cooling their blood when they are running to prevent heat stroke and seizures.

Q: Which has a bigger vocabulary – cats or dogs?
A: Cats don’t just purr, they have about 100 vocal sounds, while a dog boasts only about 10. Cats purr at 26 cycles per second, the same frequency as an idling diesel engine.

Q: You decide it’s time to clip your pet giraffe’s toenails. How many toes does it have on each foot?
A: Giraffe’s have two-toed split hooves, but no toenails — so forget the pedicure.

BS TAG LINE:
If people listened to themselves more often, they would talk a lot less.