Tuesday, April 10, 2001 Edition: #2030
TODAY is “Golfers Day” honoring everyone who walks a mile chasing the little white ball, on the anniversary of the first PGA championship in 1916.
BS RULES OF GOLF:
• The shorter the hole, the greater its desire to humiliate golfers.
• The more expensive the golf ball, the greater its attraction to water.
• No matter how bad your last shot was, the worst is yet to come.
• Golf carts will always run out of juice at the farthest point from the clubhouse.
• The last 3 holes of any round will automatically adjust your score to what it really should be.
• Nothing increases your golf score like witnesses.
• Your best round of golf will be followed almost immediately by your worst round ever.
BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
TONIGHT LeAnn Rimes, Ricky Martin, and Stevie Nicks with Sheryl Crow are scheduled to perform at the “Blockbuster Entertainment Awards” at LA’s Shrine Auditorium (another TV awards show — how inventive) . . . Dido, who shot to fame when Eminem sampled her song “Thank You” in his hit “Stan”, is writing at least 2 songs and helping produce several tracks for Britney Spears’ next album . . . Portly “Practice” co-star Camryn Manheim will produce and star in a movie called “The Extra”, based on her own experiences (actually the full title is ‘The Extra — Helping’) . . . Out-of-work Burt Reynolds is trying another comeback, this time in the CBS-TV pilot “Late Boomers”, about a group of middle-aged buddies . . . Brit pop star Robbie Williams has joined forces with Queen to record a new version of their ‘77 hit “We Are The Champions” for the soundtrack of the upcoming film “A Knight’s Tale”, opening NEXT MONTH.
TODAY’S VIDEO & DVD RELEASES:
Robert De Niro & Cuba Gooding Jr in “Men of Honor”, the true story of Carl Brashear, the first amputee and first Black to become a US Navy Diver . . . And a couple of truly weird romance stories – in “Return to Me”, David Duchovny falls in love with Minnie Driver, the woman who received his dead wife’s heart . . . In “Bounce”, Ben Affleck swaps plane tickets with another passenger who’s killed in that plane in a crash, then falls in love with the dead dude’s wife, Gwyneth Paltrow (adding insult to fatal injury).
HE’S ONLY IN IT FOR THE GROUPIES:
54-year-old John Evans of Heanor, England has apparently set a new world record by balancing 96 plastic milk crates weighing over 300 lbs on his head without using his hands for 10 seconds. The record won’t be officially confirmed for 2 months, but “Guinness World Records” people say it looks good. This is a lesson for all of us who are afraid to dream. (Sometimes I feel proud just to be human.)
PORKER PORN:
A new Internet site from Austria called “Pig Brother” shows — pigs mating. The Webcam is moved around the sty every 10 days to give a different view of Fred, Oscar, Joseph, Junior, Lulu and Xanophela in action. Viewers vote for their favorite and the winner is promised a long and happy life by the Austrian Young Farmer’s Association. The site is proving so successful, they’re planning a sequel called ‘Girls Camp’ — featuring cows.
THE BULL SHEET 04.10.01
TODAY’S CELEBRITY BIRTHDAYS . . .
1936 [65] John Madden, Austin MN, NFL analyst (FOX-TV)/ex-NFL coach (Oakland Raiders ‘69-‘79)
1951 [50] Steven Seagal, Lansing MI, movie actor (“Exit Wounds”, “The Patriot”)/black belt in judo, kendo and aikido/aspiring singer (his debut album due later THIS YEAR will include songs recorded with some of the leading names in reggae music)
1954 [47] Peter MacNicol, Dallas TX, TV actor (John ‘The Biscuit’ Cage-“Ally McBeal”)
1958 [43] Kenneth ‘Babyface’ Edmonds, Indianapolis IN, pop singer (w/Madonna-“Take a Bow”)/songwriter (“Waiting to Exhale”)/recording producer (Toni Braxton, Whitney Houston, TLC)/movie producer (“Josie and the Pussycats”, opening TOMORROW)
1984 [17] Mandy Moore, Nashua NH, pop singer (“Candy”)
1988 [13] Haley Joel Osment, LA CA, movie actor (“Pay It Forward”, “The Sixth Sense”) NEXT FILM: Steven Spielbeg’s sci-fi thriller “AI: Artificial Intelligence” opening JUNE 29
BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
This is “Canadian National Wildlife Week”, first declared in 1947 by an act of Parliament to honor the birth date of Jack Miner, one of the founders of Canada’s conservation movement. The Jack Miner Bird Sanctuary can be found at Kingsville ON, near Canada’s southernmost point.
TODAY is “National Siblings Day”, honoring brothers and sisters who are living, those who aren’t – and perhaps those who shouldn’t be.
TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1937 [64] Founding of Trans-Canada Airlines (now Air Canada)
1984 [17] 1st ‘frozen-embryo child’ is born (‘Zoe’-Melbourne, Australia)
TODAY’S RECORDS . . .
1993 [08] Pittsburgh Penguins win NHL-record 17th consecutive game
1996 [05] Detroit Red Wings become 2nd NHL team to ever win 60 regular-season games (joining 1976-77 Montréal Canadiens)
AND REMEMBER . . .
[Wed] 8-Track Tape Day (sort through your Iron Butterfly collection)
[Wed] Barbershop Quartet Day (the convention will be “Down by the Old Mill Stream”)
[Wed] NHL playoffs begin (so today’s the day to blow all your cash signing up for a pool)
[Fri] Good Friday/Friday the 13th/Blame Somebody Else Day
National Medical Laboratory Week (to celebrate, fill a little paper cup)
National STD Awareness Month (the gift that keeps on giving)
BULL’S BITS . . .
TRUTH OR BS?
• Fumes from Formula 1 champ Michael Schumacher’s Ferrari are selling in Germany for $400 a bottle. (True, according to the new issue of “Autoweek” magazine.)
• ‘Easter eggs’ originated in 19th-century Poland. (BS. They go back to at least 3000 BC. Ancient Persians, Egyptians, Greeks and Romans all celebrated spring with colored eggs.)
• Canada’s top chef wears a toque in the kitchen. (True — all chef’s do. The tall chef’s hat is officially called a ‘toque’, and was originally designed to show who’s ‘tops’ among the kitchen staff.)
• Easter was originally called ‘Wester’. (BS. The name is derived from ‘Eostre’, the Anglo-Saxon goddess of spring.)
BS TAG LINE: Some mornings, it’s just not worth chewing through the leather straps.
