Friday, April 6, 2001 Edition: #2028
BS SIGNS YOU’RE A TRUE CANADIAN:
• You know who Ernie Coombs is.
• You can still whistle the theme to “The Forest Rangers”.
• Whenever you hear the word ‘car’, you subconsciously reach behind you for a hockey net.
• You wonder why there isn’t a 5-dollar coin yet.
• Unlike every international terrorist in the world, you don’t possess a Canadian passport.
• You know the French for ‘free’, ‘prize’ and ‘no sugar added’, thanks to your extensive education in bilingual cereal packaging.
BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
Prince will release his new single “The Work-Pt 1″ TODAY exclusively on Napster (which is preparing for an onslaught of up to a half-dozen downloads) . . . Booted “Survivor” contestant Jerri Manthey is reportedly considering an offer to pose for “Playboy” (she’s just not sure about having that bulls-eye superimposed on her forehead) . . . In a bid to bring back viewers, “Who Wants to Be a Millionaire?” has leaked word somebody will win the $2-million-plus jackpot in one of next week’s episodes (no wonder ratings are sagging — the last grand prize was won 9 months ago) . . . And Steven Segal’s “Exit Wounds” co-star, ex-con rapper DMX, has started a new line of clothing — for dogs (no doubt in prison orange).
TODAY’S MOVIE OPENINGS:
Morgan Freeman reprises his “Kiss the Girls” role as ‘Alex Cross’ in “Along Came a Spider”, a crime thriller about the kidnapping of a Congressman’s daughter from a private school . . . Johnny Depp & Penelope Cruz in “Blow”, a cocaine smuggling drama set in the ‘70s . . . And, because there’s still a few bucks left in your kid’s piggybank – “Pokemon 3″, answering all the dangling questions from the first 2 pics.
I’M MELTING, I’M MELTING:
YESTERDAY Quebec City’s $750,000 ‘Ice Hotel’, built of 4,500 tonnes of snow and 250 tonnes of ice, was torn down by a bulldozer. In its first season, it attracted 40,000 visitors and 1,500 guests, about 3 times more than expected. Next year’s version will be 4 times bigger, about the size of 2 football fields! (Vaguely resembling springtime in St John’s.)
21ST CENTURY TERMINOLOGY:
• “Wallpaper” . . . Stock market lingo for the stocks of failed companies. (“We’ve just redecorated the living room in dot-coms.”)
• “Leisure Sickness” . . . A new syndrome Dutch psychologists claim some people suffer from Friday afternoon through Monday morning because they’re addicted to work. Because of their desperate need for achievement, the prospect of a weekend off causes headaches, fatigue and muscle aches. (As if.)
• ‘Hacktivists’ – The new breed of militant activists who hack into computers to collect personal data on business and political leaders.
What drives you nuts about your co-workers? Here’s some of the top turn-offs unearthed in an MJN Consulting poll of office workers . . .
• Taking the last coffee without making more.
• Clogging up e-mail servers with stupid jokes.
• Spending more time gabbing than working.
• Not cleaning up the microwave after using it.
• Letting the copier run out of paper.
• Co-workers who don’t return messages.
THE BULL SHEET 04.06.01
TODAY’S CELEBRITY BIRTHDAYS . . .
1937  Merle Haggard, Bakersfield CA, country legend with 38 #1 hits (“Okie from Muskogee”)
1942  Barry Levinson, Baltimore MD, movie producer/director (“Wag the Dog”, “Rain Man”)
SATURDAY’S BIRTHDAYS . . .
1954  Jackie Chan, Hong Kong CHI, movie actor/producer/director/stunt man (“The Legend of Drunken Master”, “Rush Hour”) NEXT FILM: “Rush Hour 2” opening this AUGUST
1964  Russell Crowe, Wellington NZ, movie actor (Oscar-“Gladiator”, “The Insider”) NEXT FILM: Plays a paranoid-schizophrenic Nobel prize-winner in “A Beautiful Mind” opening DECEMBER
1971  Victor Kraatz, Berlin GER, 8-time Canadian ice dance champ with Shae-Lynn Bourne
BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
TODAY is the Scottish independence holiday known as “Tartan Day”, traditionally the beginning of Scotland’s tourist season. Celeb spokesman Sean Connery wants you to know it’s OK to visit Scotland despite the outbreak of foot-and-mouth in Britain. (Well alright, but first he needs to send me a refund for “Entrapment”.)
This makes “The Masters” look like a cakewalk! THIS WEEKEND 36 hardy duffers from around-the-world will compete in the “World Ice Golf Championship” in Uummannaq, Greenland – 370 miles inside the Arctic Circle! The greens will be white, the balls pink and the hazards include icebergs, but there is a $1-million prize for a hole-in-one (if you live).
PHONER: 011-299-95-15-18 NET: http://www.greenland-guide.dk/icegolf/default.htm
TOMORROW is “No Housework Day”. No dishes, no cleaning, no taking out trash — and no guilt!
ON THIS DAY . . .
1996  “Beatles Anthology II” debuts at #1 on album charts (same material repackaged in 2000 as “1″ and makes a fortune again)
1997  Mario Lemieux announces retirement from NHL’s Pittsburgh Penguins (he’s baaack!)
TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1886  City of Vancouver is incorporated
1980  1st ‘Post-It Notes’
AND REMEMBER . . .
[Sat] Passover begins at sundown
[Sun] Palm Sunday
[Sun] NHL regular season ends
International Building Safety Week
Zoo & Aquarium Month
BULL’S BITS . . .
• If an octopus is hungry enough, it will eat this. (Its own arms.)
• What do bumblebees do before they take-off? (Warm-up exercises.)
• Where were the first Swiss army knives made? (Germany)
• What’s the ‘monkey wrench’ named after? (Its inventor, Charles Moncke.)
BS TAG LINE:
Just because it fits you doesn’t necessarily mean you’ll look good in it.