Thursday, April 5, 2001 Edition: #2027
TODAY is “National Fun At Work Day”, begun in ‘96 to increase awareness of the importance of bringing a playful attitude to work.
BS FUN AT WORK IDEAS:
• Hold a Web surfing contest to see who can hit the largest number of sites in one day without being caught. Have someone in the IT department check server logs to determine the winner.
• Have a ‘Hug Your Boss’ day, but don’t bother telling your boss.
• Start a false take-over rumor that your company is being bought out by a smaller competitor.
• Talk in a soft whisper all day just to make people stop and listen to what you’re saying.
• Give everybody a lift – replace the cheap toilet paper with the good stuff!
• Hand out diapers before a long meeting.
• Put an air filter in your work area. Turn it up to high any time a sales rep comes too close.
BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
TODAY-Saturday art and furnishings from late fashion designer Gianni Versace’s Miami mansion, where he was murdered in ‘97, will be auctioned by Sotheby’s (get a great deal on a scabbed-over sofa!) . . . Once again, 2nd-time-pregnant Jodie Foster isn’t revealing who the father is (but David Crosby has been looking rather smug lately) . . . And because you really need to know — Madonna tells the first issue of Rosie O’Donnell’s new “Rosie” magazine, “tweezers are a must for the hairy Italian in me!”
On TONIGHT’S 10th episode, the tribe is starving and forced to negotiate a major deal in exchange for more rations. Other highlights –
• Without scheming Jerri around to tell her what to do, Amber forgets to breath and dies.
• Not satisfied with poaching precious coral from the protected Great Barrier Reef, Colby presents each of his tribe-mates with a stuffed koala.
• Rodger and Tina are caught naked on the beach making whoopee. Keith is airlifted to hospital when he becomes violently sick to his stomach.
• Elisabeth is reduced to a quivering heap of jelly as Colby flashes her his “I’m just an innocent little boy” smile.
• Because it was so satisfying at the last tribal council, survivors vote to boot Jerri’s wicked butt off AGAIN.
BS FROM AROUND-THE-WORLD:
• Wildlife experts are warning that south-west France is being overrun by a plague of giant bullfrogs. (You’d think an abundance of frog legs in France during a meat shortage would be a blessing!)
• A travel company has started marketing Scotland as ‘cold, damp and wet’ to attract tourists from the arid Middle East. (“Scotland: come for the haggis, stay for the mildew!”)
• In a bid to solve California’s electricity crisis, a state legislator is calling for a $25-million research grant to study burning cow dung as a ‘green’ alternative to traditional power sources like coal. (You couldn’t burn the amount of cow flop that comes out of Hollywood fast enough!)
• A gardener living near a nuclear power plant in Sellafield UK has grown the world’s largest Brussel sprout, weighing 1½ lbs and measuring 8 ins across. (Of course, it’s easier to cultivate something that large if you have 4 arms to do all the work.)
THE BULL SHEET 04.05.01
TODAY’S CELEBRITY BIRTHDAYS . . .
1916  Gregory Peck, La Jolla CA, movie actor (Oscar-“To Kill a Mockingbird”)
1937  General Colin Powell, NYC, US Secretary of State/ex-National Security Adviser/ex-Chairman Joint Chiefs of Staff [1989-1993, including Gulf War]
1934  Tina Maria Stone, runner of the greatest distance in one year — 15,472 miles!
1950  Agnetha Faltskog, Stockholm SWE, oldies singer (ABBA-“Dancing Queen”)
1966  Mike McCready, Seattle WA, rock guitarist (Pearl Jam-“Last Kiss”)
1968  Paula Cole, Rockport MA, pop singer (“I Don’t Want to Wait”, “Where Have All the Cowboys Gone?”)
1967  Troy Gentry, Lexington KY, country singer (Montgomery Gentry-“She Couldn’t Change Me”, “All Night Long”)/CMA’s ‘Duo of the Year’ for 2000
BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
TODAY is “Go For Broke Day”, a day to throw caution to the wind and go all out (give it all you’ve got, don’t hold back, all or nothing, start giving 110%, let her rip, balls to the wall!)
TODAY is “National Pay Equity Day”, promoting equal pay for equal work. (In which case, [your co-host] is WAY overpaid.)
ON THIS DAY . . .
1998  New toll free telephone exchange ‘8-7-7′ goes into operation (it took 20 years to use up all the ‘1-800′ numbers, but only 2 years to exhaust the ‘1-888′ numbers)
TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1970  1st ‘Nerf Ball’ (next day, 1st game of touch football in the living room)
1971  1st woman to reach North Pole (Fran Phipps, wife of Canadian pilot Weldy Phipps)
AND REMEMBER . . .
[Today] Masters Golf tournament begins (Augusta GA)
[Sat] No Housework Day
[Wed] NHL playoffs begin
Week of the Young Child
Informed Woman Month
BULL’S BITS . . .
Citing ongoing scientific advances, Steve Austad, a University of Idaho researcher on aging, is predicting that someone who’s alive today will still be alive, active and alert IN THE YEAR 2150. In fact, he’s so convinced of it that he’s made a bet with a doubting colleague.
PHONER: 208-885-6598 (Moscow ID)
• In 1998, “Titanic” had a record run atop the movie box office, spending 15 weeks at #1. But 3 years ago TODAY, another movie finally knocked it off. Was it — “Saving Private Ryan”, “Lost in Space”, or “Shakespeare in Love”? [Believe it or not, it was “Lost in Space”, the hokey sci-fi adventure based on the vintage TV show. “Danger Will Robinson!”]
• Where on your body would you find the ‘opisthenar’ — the back of your hand, under your arm, or between your toes? [It’s the scientific name for the back of the human hand.]
BS TAG LINE: The way to keep a cat is to try to chase it away.