Friday, April 28, 2000 Edition: #1796
This is “Canada-United States Goodwill Week”, sponsored by Kiwanis International to bring about a better understanding of the Canadian and American ways of life. So here’s some . . .
BS DIFFERENCES BETWEEN CANADIANS AND AMERICANS:
• Americans believe people should look out for themselves. Canadians believe that’s the government’s job.
• Canadians have universal health care. Americans have Dr Kevorkian.
• Canadians believe the beaver is a proud and noble animal. American’s think Pam Anderson is just OK.
• Canada gave America ‘Canadian Club’. America gave Canada ‘Hell’s Angels Motorcycle Club’.
• An American’s goal is to start a business, build it up, then get rich selling it. A Canadian’s goal is to find a cushy job working for the government.
• America has Ricky Martin, Canada has Stompin’ Tom.
• Canadians keep the peace, Americans carry a piece.
• Americans cross their southern border for cheap shopping, gas and liquor in a backwards country. Oh . . . that’s the same.
BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
Tonight Christina Aguilera performs at the Greenbrier High School prom in Augusta, Georgia thanks to a freshman who won a nationwide “Prom of Your Life” contest (for female students it’s bad news — being upstaged at her prom by some pop music hussy is not “What A Girl Wants”) . . . British rockers Oasis are Webcasting their sold-out show at Toronto’s Maple Leaf Gardens worldwide Saturday night in a so-called “Net All Nighter” . . . Saturday Melissa Etheridge, Garth Brooks, George Michael and kd lang appear at Washington DC’s RFK Stadium in “Equality Rock”, a concert promoting equal rights for gays and lesbians . . . Looks like Darva Conger, the whining winner of “Who Wants to Marry a Multimillionaire?”, will appear nude in “Playboy” magazine this fall for ‘just over 6 figures’ (finally Rick Rockwell will get to see his ex-‘wife’ naked!).
TODAY’S MOVIE OPENINGS:
“The Flintstones In Viva Rock Vegas”, the live-action prequel to the ‘94 comedy hit, stars Mark Addy (“The Full Monty”) as ‘Fred Flintstone’, Stephen Baldwin (“The Usual Suspects”) as ‘Barney Rubble’, Kristen Johnston (“3rd Rock From The Sun”) as ‘Wilma Slaghoople’, and Jane Krakowski (“Ally McBeal”) as ‘Betty O’Shale’ (does the plot really matter?) . . . In “Committed”, Heather Graham plays an intense woman who goes on a cross-country search to find her missing husband, played by Casey Affleck (Ben’s brother) . . . Jim Caviezel discovers that his ham radio set can reach 30 years into the past to communicate with his dead father Dennis Quaid in the thriller “Frequency” . . . Natalie Portman plays a pregnant 17-year-old who rebuilds her life after being abandoned by her boyfriend in the drama “Where the Heart Is”.
KID VS KITTY:
“Scientific American” estimates the lifetime cost of owning a cat is $7,000 (US). In comparison, the cost of raising a child to age 17 is now $156,000 , or $240,000 if inflation is factored in. (But there’s fewer hairballs.)
THE BULL SHEET 04.28.00
TODAY’S CELEBRITY BIRTHDAYS . . .
1937  Saddam Hussein (al-Tikriti), Takrit IRAQ, President of Iraq since 1979
1941  Ann-Margret (Olsson), Stockholm SWE, film actress (Grumpy [Grumpier] Old Men)
1950  Jay Leno, New Rochelle NY, late night TV host (Tonight Show, since 1992)
1966  “Long” John Daly, Carmichael CA, long-driving pro golfer/admitted alcoholic
1970  Nicklas Lidstrom, Vasteras SWE, NHL defenceman (Detroit Red Wings)
SATURDAY’S BIRTHDAYS . . .
1954  Jerry Seinfeld, Brooklyn NY, retired TV actor (Seinfeld)/stand-up comedian/expectant dad
1957  Daniel Day-Lewis, London ENG, film actor (Oscar-My Left Foot, In the Name of the Father)
1957  Michelle Pfeiffer, Santa Ana CA, film actress (The Story of Us, Up Close & Personal)
1970  Andre Agassi, Las Vegas NV, pro tennis player/ex-Mr Brooke Shields
1970  Uma Thurman, Boston MA, film actress (Pulp Fiction)/Mrs Ethan Hawke
1970  Master P (Percy Miller), New Orleans LA, hip-hop entrepreneur/wannabe basketball player
1973  Mike Hogan, Dublin IRE, new rock musician (Cranberries-Promises, Linger)
BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
• Today, the last Friday in April, is “National Disc Jockey Day”. Quick – everyone talk deep!
• Today is “National Hairball Awareness Day”. Any cat owner who’s ever stepped on a fresh wet one is already aware!
• Today is “Great Poetry Reading Day”, a day to ‘read some great poetry, the world better to see’. Take the lyrics to ANY repetitive hit song and read them in a Brit accent over classical background music.
• Today is “Kiss Your Mate Day”, a day to share the pleasure of a kiss — when he or she least expects it. Did you know your kissing partner’s saliva can remain in your mouth for up to 3 days? Ewww!
• Sunday is “National Honesty Day”. Keep that in mind when you’re scrambling to get your income tax in for the Monday midnight deadline.
• Sunday is “Hairstylist Appreciation Day”, honoring the ‘great contribution snippers and coiffeurs make to our self-esteem’. So how come every time your wife comes home from the salon she’s crying?
ON THIS DAY IN THE ’90S . . .
1996 Winnipeg Jets lose final game 4-1 to Detroit Red Wings, then go to Phoenix to become Coyotes
1999 Two of the year’s smash hits released – Jennifer Lopez’s single “If You Had My Love” and Ricky Martin’s self-titled album
TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1914  1st ‘air conditioner’ patented (WH Carrier)
1987  1st CD released before its vinyl counterpart (The Art of Excellence by Tony Bennett)
AND REMEMBER . . .
[May 14] Mothers Day
TV-Turnoff Week (a good chance to meet other people who live in your home)
National STD Awareness Month
BULL’S BITS . . .
Q: Which are there more of – Canada geese or Canadians?
A: While it might seem they outnumber us in public parks, the worldwide Canada goose population is 4.8 million, according to the latest figures from the Federation of Ontario Naturalists.
THE LAST WORD: The best time to buy anything is last year.