Thursday, April 27, 2000 Edition: #1795
BS SIGNS YOUR ACCOUNTANT HAS BAD NEWS ABOUT YOUR TAX RETURN:
• Keeps asking you if you’re SURE you don’t have more children.
• Can’t hear what she’s saying over the whir of the paper shredder.
• Keeps referring to you as “the defendant”.
• You notice cameraman from “W5″ lurking in the lobby.
• Starts conversation with, “Just how attached are you to living indoors?”
• Includes “Get Out of Jail Free” card with his invoice.
BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
Beginning tonight Bruce Willis makes a series of 3 appearances as the father of ‘Ross’s’ new girlfriend on “Friends” as a favor to Matthew Perry who he became pals with while working on “The Whole Nine Yards” (he’s donating his earnings from the show to charity) . . . Secret diaries kept by former Beatles manager Brian Epstein who committed suicide at age 32 are going up for bid today at London auction house Christies . . . Norman Mailer is writing the script for a planned CBS-TV mini-series about the OJ Simpson saga (geez, we already saw the MAXI-series on TV) . . . Whitney Houston, who is now reputedly in the care of 2 full-time minders hired by her record company, has backed out of a concert again, this one scheduled to be filmed in her Miami home.
MOVIES IN THE WORKS:
Word is the bigscreen version of “Charlie’s Angels” is in a shambles, with the script in its 30th re-write and a heated shouting match on the set between co-stars Lucy Liu and Bill Murray that shut down production for a day . . . Diminutive ex-Toronto Argo (and ex-Buffalo Bill?) QB Doug Flutie begins shooting the TV cable movie ”Second String” in Toronto next week (get the footstool ready) . . . Kevin Spacey is in talks to play the old Peter Sellers role of ‘Inspector Clouseau’ in a remake of “The Pink Panther” (can he pronounce ‘minkey’?).
THE DEVIL’S HOME PAGE:
A Web speculator who bought up a series of domain names is about to strike it rich. The name ‘hell.com’ is expected to sell at auction for a record-breaking price over $8 million. (If you’re nosey and want more info — go to HELL.com.)
BS FROM AROUND-THE-WORLD:
• 114-year-old Italian Mia Torelli says the secret of her longevity is touching her toes — to her forehead! She claims she still does it 20 times a day. (A feat made much easier since her legs were amputated.)
• A 26-year-old German tourist survived a 450-ft fall from a Swiss hotel window with nothing more than a broken ankle. The bad news — on the way to hospital he fell out of the ambulance, was struck by a bus — and died instantly!
• A pair of chess players are facing a possible ban from competition after they got into a brawl Monday during a game at Australia’s Grand Prix tournament. (The fight broke out when one player tried to mate with his queen.)
• Raul Hortena of Barcelona, Spain thought he was pretty smart when he signed his marriage license in disappearing ink. But when he went to court to get the marriage annulled, the judge not only ruled the blank document was still binding but also levied a $200 fine. (Saying the bridegroom’s intentions were ‘transparent’.)
THE BULL SHEET 04.27.00
TODAY’S CELEBRITY BIRTHDAYS . . .
1922 [78] Jack Klugman, Philadelphia PA, TV actor (Oscar Madison-Odd Couple, Quincy ME)
1932 [68] Casey Kasem, Detroit MI, radio personality (CT40 host, created American Top 40)
1948 [52] Katie Pierson, Athens GA, classic rock singer (B-52’s-Love Shack)
1952 [48] Paul “Ace” Frehley, Bronx NY, classic rock singer/guitarist (KISS-Rock ‘n Roll All Night)
1964 [36] Paul Osbaldiston, Oldham ENG, CFL kicker (Grey Cup champ Hamilton Tiger Cats)
1969 [31] Tyrone Rodgers, CFL DE (Winnipeg Blue Bombers)
1972 [28] David Lascher, Scarsdale NY, TV actor (Josh-Sabrina the Teenage Witch)
1975 [25] Chris Carpenter, Exeter NH, MLB starting pitcher (Toronto Blue Jays)
BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
[USA] Take Our Daughters To Work Day
Today is “Tell A Story Day”, which either refers to reading to your children or lying to your wife about why you got home late.
ON THIS DAY IN THE ’90S . . .
1992 On road to World Series, Toronto Blue Jays trade Jeff Kent to NY Mets for pitcher David Cone
1997 Prime Minister Jean Chrétien announces June election (in which he easily wins re-election)
1998 NHL approves sale of Edmonton Oilers to Edmonton Investors Group
TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1789 [211] 1st ‘road map’ published (next day it’s found hopelessly crumpled in a tangled ball)
1953 [47] Wrestler Freddie Blassie 1st coins the useful phrase ‘pencil neck geek’
1965 [35] 1st “Pampers” disposable diapers (talk about ‘dump fillers’)
TODAY’S RECORDS . . .
1972 [28] Mayor of Scarborough ENG gulps 500 oysters in record 48min, 7sec (Mariah Carey is 2nd)
1983 [17] Nolan Ryan becomes all-time MLB strikeout king with 3,509 Ks, passing Walter Johnson (retires after ‘93 season with total of 5,712 Ks)
AND REMEMBER . . .
[Fri] Kiss-Your-Mate Day
[Sun] National Honesty Day
[Mon] Revenue Canada filing deadline (extended a day because Apr 30 is a Sunday)
[May 14] Mothers Day
TV-Turnoff Week
National Humor Month
BULL’S BITS . . .
BS TRIVIA:
Q: 43 years ago today (1957) Mario Gianini died. What did he invent?
a) Maraschino cherry.
b) Nipple piercing.
c) Weed Whacker.
A: He’s credited as the creator of the maraschino cherry.
THE LAST WORD:
The trouble with jogging is that, by the time you realize you’re not in shape for it, it’s too far to walk back.
