Tuesday, April 25, 2000                                               Edition:  #1793

This is “National Lingerie Week”, so here’s a BS look at . . .
WORST THINGS FOR A MAN TO SAY IN A LINGERIE STORE:
• “Will you model this for me?”
• “Does this come in children’s sizes?”
• “No thanks, just sniffing.”
• “I’ll be in the dressing room going blind.”
• “Mom’s gonna love this.”
• “Oh the size won’t matter, she’s inflatable.”
• “ No need to wrap it up. I’ll just wear it now.”
• “45 bucks? You’re just gonna end up naked anyway!”
• “Oh, honey, you’ll never squeeze your fat ass into that!”

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
Paul McCartney’s classical tribute to his late wife, “A Garland For Linda”, hits music stores today . . . “National Enquirer” has come right out and declared Whitney Houston a cocaine addict . . . A Brit newspaper says ‘Posh Spice’ Victoria Beckham is demanding first class tickets for herself and family FOR LIFE from British Airways because her luggage was stolen at Heathrow . . . Rumor has it Christina Aguilera is less-than-thrilled with Eminen’s new release which suggests she’s had sex with everyone from MTV’s Carson Daly to Limp Bizkit . . . Word is both Michael Jackson and Lisa Marie Presley have had their up-coming albums postponed (we can only hope forever).

TODAY’S VIDEO RELEASES:
Brad Pitt and Edward Norton star in the drama “Fight Club”, about yuppie men who relieve their frustrations by beating each other to a pulp . . . “Music of the Heart” stars Meryl Streep in her Oscar-nominated role as a schoolteacher struggling to teach violin to inner-city kids (directed by horrormeister Wes Craven).

TOP VIDEO RENTALS:
1. “The Sixth Sense”
2. “Three Kings”
3. “The Phantom Menace”
(Source: “Box Office Mojo”)

OFF WITH THEIR HEADS:
Thousands of little plastic doll heads spilled from a container ship in the Pacific are washing ashore on the coasts of Oregon, Washington and British Columbia. The heads were intended to be used for a “Rugrats” doll called ‘Tommy Pickles’. (In related news, unconfirmed reports say Tommy Lee has just flown to Vancouver because he’s always liked a little head on the beach.)

THE NOSE KNOWS:
You know dogs can smell their owners, but now researchers at the Canine Behaviour Centre at Queen’s University in Northern Ireland have found that dog owners recognize the scent of their pet! 88.5% of owners tested could select which of 2 dog blankets was rife with the odor of their own pooch. (The other 11.5% were vomiting convulsively and could not be polled.)

THE MOST WANTED GIFTS FOR ADMINISTRATIVE PROFESSIONAL’S DAY: (The former “Secretaries Day” is tomorrow.)
1. Gift certificate to day spa.
2. Day off with a temp to take over.
3. Restaurant gift certificate for two.
4. (tie) Certificate for book or CD/Flowers.
(Source: OfficeClick.com poll)

THE BULL SHEET 04.25.00

TODAY’S CELEBRITY BIRTHDAYS . . .
1940    [60] Al Pacino, NYC, film actor (Any Given Sunday, The Insider, Oscar-Scent of a Woman)
1945    [55] Bjorn Ulvaeus, Gothenburg SWE, classic pop musician (ABBA-Dancing Queen)
1947    [53] Jeffrey DeMunn, Buffalo NY, film actor (Green Mile)/TV actor (Dr Ben Bronshweig-X-Files)
1964    [36] Hank Azaria, Queens NY, cartoon voicist (Simpsons)/movie actor (Godzilla, Mystery Men)/Mr Helen Hunt
1969    [31] Renée Zellweger, Katy TX, film actress (Jerry Maguire, Reality Bites)/Jim Carrey’s squeeze
1970    [30] Jason Wiles, Lenexa KS, TV actor (Maurice ‘Bosco’ Boscorelli-Third Watch)
1971    [29] Andrew Grigg, Sault Ste Marie ON, CFL receiver (Grey Cup champ Hamilton Tiger Cats)

BS REASONS TO PARTY  . . .
Today is “Martin Waldseemuller Remembrance Day”, commemorating the man who gave the Americas their name 493 years ago today (1507). The little-known German mapmaker named the New World after Amerigo Vespucci, whom he mistakenly thought had discovered it. (Good thing we didn’t end up in ‘North Vespucci’.)

Today is “Good Telephone Day”, promoting telephone etiquette, including answering by the 3rd ring, keeping holds to a minimum, thanking callers and not slamming down the receiver. Ask listeners for nominations for businesses that give ‘good phone’.

TODAY’S RECORDS . . .
1955     [45] Philip Yazdzik eats record 72 hamburgers at one sitting in Chicago
1972     [28] A cat named ‘Paula’ falls 26 stories and survives in Toronto
1980    [20] After Guinness-record 194 days, 12-yr-old Tricia Reay of England stops sneezing
1989    [11] Penguin’s Mario Lemieux ties Tim Kerr’s NHL playoff record by scoring 4 goals in 1st period of Pittsburgh’s 10-7 win over Philadelphia Flyers
1997    [03] Ken Griffey Jr hits 3 HRs in Toronto for a total of 250 career homers and a record 13 in the month of April

AND REMEMBER . . .
[Wed] National Pretzel Day
[Fri] National Hairball Awareness Day
[Sun] Revenue Canada filing deadline
Egg Salad Week (what else you gonna do with all those painted eggs?)
World Habitat Awareness Month

BULL’S BITS . . .
ACTUAL LABEL INSTRUCTIONS ON PRODUCTS:
• On a bag of Fritos — “You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details INSIDE.”
• On a bar of Dial soap — “Directions: Use like regular soap.”
• On a hotel-provided shower cap in a box — “Fits one head.”
• On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding — “Product will be hot after heating.”
• On Boot’s CHILDREN’S Cough Medicine — “Do not drive car or operate machinery.”
• On Nytol sleep aid — “Warning: may cause drowsiness.”
• On a string of Chinese-made Christmas lights — “For indoor or outdoor use only.”
• On a Swedish chainsaw — “Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands.”
(Ask listeners for more dumb labels they’ve come across.)

THE LAST WORD:
I used to be indecisive, now I’m not so sure.